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Dr. Zero · (10-17-2013)

It was a dark and stormy night. The loathsome scientists were tinkering around with their trinkets and things developing all manner of evil concoctions. New-fangled nerve gases, lasers that could obliterate a gnat on the surface of Mars (what a gnat from Mars had done to these scientists was anyone's guess...Martian gnats were known assholes, though), sweet tea recipes lacking the appropriate measure of sugar...AND MUTAGENS! [Image: Vzeukqe.gif]

The vile villains had succeeded in creating a plethora of pernicious pests. Pugilistic penguins, putrid puppies, and pentecostal porcupines just to name a few. Their collective goal was quite unclear, but most outsiders suspected global control. As they neared that goal, they had no idea that one fearsome, feathered foul in their midsts could be conjuring plans that night much greater than any they had devised.

I am that feathered foul. My name is Dr. Zero, and this is my confession. Perhaps "confession" is not the correct verbage, and you have my sincerest apologies for that and my current digression. No, not "confession"...I have done nothing that anyone in a similar position wouldn't dream of doing, themselves.

Days, months...perhaps years I had been held down, tortured, injected with myriads of substances. They referred to me only as "Zero". There were many other chickens in the laboratory, but I was the only one that showed any promise to them. I was the only one mutating the way they expected...Or so they thought. MWAHA NO! Not yet...Not time for the victory laugh just yet.

The others began to lose their plumage and die. Do you know what it is like to watch your brothers and sisters perish at the hands of evil captors? Neither do I! I was already beyond them, evolutionarily speaking. My mind had already begun to decipher their language. I was beginning to understand their schedules and their motives. EGO! Ego was the motive. They wanted to feel like they had accomplished something. They all competed with one another.

That is why, once I discovered I had developed human conversational skills due to a chemical mixture you plebians couldn't begin to understand, I waited until I was alone with just one of them.

The scientist neared my cage. "Ahh, Zero. How are you today?" he asked, expecting no answer.

"Hungry, da-da," was my devious response. "Cho...Cho...Chocolate?" HAHA! SUCCESS, as he felt the paternal sting deep in his heart. Of all the scientists in the entire facility, it was HIM who had been chosen as the father! He delved deep into his lunchbox and retrieved several M&Ms and placed them inside my cage.

I devoured them, as would anyone else! Chicken feed is VILE!

This went on for days, as did their experiments...Until that fateful day. The day that Zero received his doctorate.

A lovely nurse came and plucked me from my cage and placed me in a large, metallic structure. There were tears in her eyes. Green ooze swirled around me. The thunder from outside shook the entire lab, and indeed, their souls. I could see none of them but I heard one say, "It is time. Flip the switch."

The entire room went dark, then suddenly...My body burned. I could feel heat and electricity and what I later discovered reading their notes was that they had intended to turn me into a THERMONUCLEAR CHEMICAL WEAPON not to be detonated, but used as a bargaining tool. They would use Zero to hold the world ransom!

What it did instead was mix with my prior mutations and grant me the body I have to this day. My intellect increased tremendously, as well.

They opened the hatch, and the site of me caused the nurse to faint. I roared with a might cluck and was assaulted on all fronts by scientists and guards. I bested them all, leaving them scattered about unconscious. I then perused their notes and developed my OWN CONCOCTION!

I injected them each with the chemical brew causing mutations in them all, except for the empathic nurse. Their faces mutated grotesquely and once they awoke, their minds had been wiped clean. They were mine to use as I wanted, and what I wanted was GALACTIC CONQUEST!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

As Dr. Zero, I would never again be confined to a cage! I would never again be someone else's experiment! No...As Dr. Zero, I would lead my terrible minions into battle and conquer everything in my path. Beginning with the XWF.

The nurse awoke, frightened by the site of me and my mighty minions. She panicked and attempted to hide in the corner of the lab.

"Shh...shh...shh...," I whispered. I handed her an M&M from the counter. She hugged me, and I had my most loyal confidant.

The time for battle was now.

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