The PEOPLE have been calling for it
The PEOPLE have been craving it
The PEOPLE have been reaching for it, and now, after all this time, THE PEOPLE'S COCK HAS COME HOME!
What's that...................what's that......................
SMELL?????????????????????????????????
Smells kind of like shit but I don't want to spoil the fun and tell you why just yet! Let's take a quick look at how my day has been going so far and then I'll ask you about your day. Ok, no......FUCK NO I ain't asking about your day because I couldn't give a rat's ass about your day. Do YOU have the largest cock in all the land? Do YOU have balls that drag on the ground, killing bugs and animals unfortunate enough to be in their path? I DON'T THINK SO! That's me. That's ALLLLLL me.
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I ain't one of those mother fuckers who is going to waste time telling you my scene opens, fuck it, you're gonna know that shit as soon as you see my thick bubble butt bouncing up and down on top of Rose Smith. That's right I'm fucking this black bitch once again and I'm going to get paid when I'm finished, because what? HUH? THAT'S RIGHT BECAUSE THAT BOY WITH THE BIG OL' DICK GETS THAT DOLLAH DOLLAH BILL UP IN THIS BIZZITCH!
I clap my hands and the black bimbo with her weave falling out of her head gets up and walks out, dropping a cold hard 50 dollah bill on my dresser before she gets the fuck out.
Mr. XWF: That's right yah hoe bag! You tell Peter to give you more money for your allowance so you can start paying me for doggy style! At a hundred bucks a pop you ain't gonna find a better deal, you fucking ugly ass snaggletooth bizzitch!
I'm guessing she heard me but either way I don't give two shits because I'm already flipping the channel on the television and what do I find? WHAT DOES DR. X-TREMITY FIND ON HIS HOT DANG TELLY? It looks like there's going to be some kind of special Shove It episode where random assholes are welcome to just show up and fuck shit up! That queer looking boy, Lightning, is going to be running it? Well that right there tells me it's open season as a fat ass grin covers my face even though you can't see it under my big, sparkly helmet. You aren't privileged enough to see my pearly whites just yet but you can bet your bottom dollar that Rose Smith has seen them.
Mr. XWF: The Shove It Thunder Bowl sounds like just the thing for Mr. Thunder Thong himself to inject his damn dirty dick right into! Baby I'm about to get down n' dirty like Sincere Lee Wild in the men's bathroom, except instead of sucking down gallons and gallons of jizz I'm going to be blowing load after load of success all over these poor bastards in the Thunder Bowl. I'M JUST OOZING VICTORY AND I'M GOING TO COVER THESE BOYS LIKE JOHN AUSTIN AND SWIFT ION IN MY JUICES JUST LIKE I WAS A PAD OF BUTTER AND THEY WERE HOT BROCCOLI!
I start getting excited, maybe too excited, and I look down to see a massive bulge in my tight spandex body suit. It seems that discussing the possibilities of my involvement in the Thunder Bowl has aroused me just a tad. I think it's because of how soft and easily fuckable Swift Ion's asshole is......or maybe it's John Austin who gave me this perky feeling down in my love-muscle? They're the two who I was picturing myself melting all over when I popped this erection so I'm going to go on record right now AND ADMIRAL APPENDAGE MEANS RIGHT NOW.....
Mr. XWF: John Austin and Swift Ion? I mention your names and the next thing I know I've got a fucking boner? You guys disgust me! I'm telling the world right now......I'm saying it loud and proud...WHEN IT COMES TO SWIFT ION AND JOHN AUSTIN, I GUARAN-DAMN-TEE THAT I AM GOING TO BURY MY COCK DEEP INTO ONE OF THOSE BOYS AND THERE'S NOT A DAMN THING EITHER OF THEM CAN DO ABOUT IT BUT LIKE IT AND POLITELY ASK ME FOR MORE!
I hear some stomping from the apartment above because I must have gotten too loud again. I take a broom and start smashing the end of its handle up into my ceiling to let the fuck heads upstairs know that I don't plan on quieting down anytime soon. This results in even harder stomping from above that causes clouds of dirt to start floating down from my ceiling. I've been renting this shit hole of an apartment for 1 week and I already am going to have to commit a sex crime against the assholes above me? DAMMIT!
Mr. XWF: Hey you mother fuckers up there! You listen and you listen good! IF YOU KEEP POUNDING I AM GOING TO TAKE THAT AS AN INVITATION TO SLAP YOU SENSELESS AND THEN SHOVE YOU UP PETER GILMOUR'S ASS!
There's a moment of silence before I hear some yelling from above.
Neighbor: Who the fuck's Peter Gilmour?
I start laughing. I just fall back onto the bed and slap my hand onto my glittery helmet and laugh my ass off like a little school girl who just heard their first Peter Gilmour fat joke. Did these fucks really just ask me who Peter Gilmour is? Should I even tell them? Have they angered me enough that I want to punish them with the irreversible knowledge that is Peter Gilmour's existence? Once you've seen that greasy, slippery walrus it's pretty much impossible to remove those images from your mind. I'm about to give my upstairs neighbors permanent brain damage up in this bizzitch if they don't quiet the fuck dizzown!
Neighbor: Just keep it down, 
!
I stop laughing and sit up, staring at the camera with my jaw hanging, but you obviously can't see that under my big ol' helmet. Did these gravy lickers just call ME A
? What.......the.......fuck? They don't even know who I am, who I've fucked, or how damn big my cock is AND THEY'RE GOING TO JUMP TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I'M A
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO SHOUT?!?!?!?!
Mr. XWF: You think I'm a ? YOU THINK I'M GAY? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO PETER GILMOUR IS? BIZZIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!!!!!
I'll tell you right now when I screamed that last "bizzitch" I did it with all my heart and soul, brother. I think I shook the whole apartment building while I was shouting that word at the top of my lungs and I know it pissed off the twinks upstairs because they started with their damn stomping again. That's alright......that's fine! Stomp away mother fuckers because here I come charging out of my front door, down the god damn hallway, up the fucking stairs and around to your very door! Here I am knocking - BANG, BANG, BANG - at your front door with both of my fists!
Mr. XWF: Open up mother fuckers! I've got something for you!
I start kicking their door and it pretty much just breaks up into pieces and falls off the hinges. That took care of that! I kick the remaining pieces of door and they go flying into the apartment as I step inside and see a guy who looks like he's about 25 years old. He seems like a pretty normal dude. Nothing too special about him unless you count the fact that he looks like he just saw a ghost.
Mr. XWF: I ain't no ghost mother fucker! I'M THE PEOPLE'S COCK! BOO!
I run up and kick him in the balls as hard as I possibly can, and trust me, I've kicked a lot of balls in my day. I'm willing to bet this boy is never, AND I MEAN NEVER EVER going to be able to use his cock again after the way I just kicked him. Oh, and there's also the fact that I keep stomping on his cock again and again and again and again stomp stomp mother fucker! STOMP STOMP ALL OVER THOSE TINY BALLS!
Mr. XWF: How ya like that shizzit? THIS BOY WITH THE BIG OL' DICK ASKED HOW YOU LIKE IT!
I kick him right in the teeth so he can't even answer the question and then I stomp him in his tiny balls again. I'll tell you right now if you were to pull this boy's pants down you'd see something resembling a flap of bologna and some broken eggs. I'll be surprised if his shit's even still attached after the way I've been stomping this fool's jewels.
Mr. XWF: Alright! Now that we've got the proper introductions out of the way, it's time for me to answer your question! Who the fuck is Peter Gilmour? HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I reach into my spandex body suit and pull out a DVD of Peter Gilmour's best moments. I carry it around with me at all times because sometimes when I'm fucking Rose Smith, she needs me to turn on that DVD so she doesn't feel as bad about cheating on her greasy, smelly fiance. It makes NO SENSE TO ME BRO but for some reason if Gilmour's voice is in the background saying shit like "I dong worship the devil" then Rose is able to orgasm a lot faster and she doesn't claw at my balls as much. I asked her once why she doesn't just fuck her man if his voice makes her feel so good but she told me that sleeping with him is like laying under a beached whale.......it kinda just humps a little bit, barely even moving or anything but crushing you because of how god damn heavy it is. Oh, and the slime......the slime. Uuuuggh! I get shivers down my spine just thinking about what Rose must have to go through when she's alone with Peter. I also feel bad for Peter because, as most people do not know, he and I were once stable mates. There was a time Peter and I got along!
I turn on the Gilmour DVD and proceed to remove my upstairs neighbor's pants by cutting them down the middle with a box cutter and ripping them off. I bend him over his own table and I force him to watch Peter Gilmour and Mr. XWF together in the Homicide TNA stable. It was probably one of the worst stables in XWF history, obviously because Peter was in it, but here we see secret footage of what looks like Mr. XWF and Peter Gilmour sharing a drink and laughing, enjoying good times together with some of the other Homicide TNA members. Losers like Jose Chavez, Krush Kraven and some other names nobody cares about today.
Mr. XWF: Yeah bizzitch! Take my cock in your ass while you learn alllll about AND I MEAN ALLLLLLLL ABOUT PETER GILMOUR!
The DVD goes on to show clips of Peter Gilmour eating. It's a split screen shot with Gilmour on the left side and different shots of various wildlife eating their prey on the right side. For instance, when Peter bites into a fresh corn on the cob we see right next to him a massive shark biting into the leg of an innocent swimmer. Shit like that. Ya dig?
Mr. XWF: Yeah fuck face! Watch that shit! Watch him FEEEEEED!
I keep pounding my hard dick into this faggotty ass neighbor of mine's asshole. I want to take a moment and remind all you mother fuckers that this is John Austin and Swift Ion's fault! Remember how I was down stairs minding my own business, thinking about both of them and getting an erection? Well now this cock needs some relief and I'm just gonna keep on fucking him in the ass while we watch more classic clips of Peter Gilmour together.
I start banging his ass freestyle, just raising my hands up in the air and really getting into it. I'll tell you right now I'm in a good ass mood after finding out about the Thunder Bowl! I'm coming to Shove It and I'm going to shove my cock into every single hole along the way!
Mr. XWF: Thunder Bowl baby! There's gonna be some thunder going on but it's not going to be what you might be thinking! IF YAH SUH-MEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LAAAAOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW........... THAT CARAMEL COATING ALL OVER MY COCK!
It really sucks to find out your neighbor doesn't wipe his ass properly. Oh well! Can't stop now! CAAAAN'T STOP THE COCK!
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Straight Outta My Bed AND INTO YOUR FIZZACE! -->
