Tri Bute: Our Lord, Our Great King: A Biographical Future Comic
ISSUE #12
The Trials of Tri Bute Part 5

“Will Tri Bute do it here? Will Tri Bute be the first human to correctly answer the Ancient Riddle of Zorc and gain the Key of Destiny, in order to, unlock the Box of Truth,” shouts Gol D.

“Yes, but first he has to put the letters in order to form the riddle!” says Bua Ckson.

“Wait I think Tri Bute has formed a riddle with the letters! Could it be The Ancient Riddle of Zorc? Will he answer it correctly? Will he be able to save the human race from Zorc’s evil Zondian Truth Bots and end this war?” asks Gol D!

Tri Bute makes the final adjustments then stands up with a future microphone in hand.

“What always runs but never walks, often murmurs, never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, and has a future mouth but never eats?”

But before he could answer the question the lurking Zon Dian had awakened from the robot sleeping powder spell Tri Bute cast on him and sent the giant claw into the back of his head causing him to fall face first through the future mahogany table. Tri Bute tries to let out the answer, but Zon Dian extends another one of his robotic arms and wraps it around his mouth to keep him from answering the riddle.

“Zon Dian’s unbreakable gronjagorium arms are, just that, unbreakable!”

“But wait, didn’t Zon Dian explode and rebuild itself earlier?”

“Well yes, but the arms stayed completely intact.”

Tri Bute slowly begins to fade out as the countdown for the next mini-game ticks down.

“Butey only has thirty future seconds to give us the correct answer to the riddle BEFORE FUTURE TIME RUNS OUT!” shouts Bua Ckson.

“What happens when future time runs out?” asks Gol D.

“Try to image all future life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every future molecule in your future body exploding at the speed of light.”

“Total protonic reversal?”

“Exactly!”

15! BEEP!

14! BEEP!

13! BEEP!

“If Tri Bute doesn’t escape from Zon Dian’s grasp and Zon Dian answers the riddle what will it mean for the entire human race? What if Zon Dian becomes King of The Universe?”

10! BEEP!

9! BEEP!

“Future Ryan, Future Oklahoma will never be the same!”

7! BEEP!

6! BEEP!

5! BEEP!

“What about us? Will we be enslaved?”

3! BEEP!

2! BEEP!

1! BEEP!

However, Tri Bute’s foot kicks out suddenly hitting a plus five future seconds power-up!

“Oh, man, Tri Bute really saved our aces there! Didn’t he Gol D?”

“Well he’s still got to escape right?”

5! BEEP!

4! BEEP!

“He’ll do it! He always pulls through!”

2! BEEP!

At the last second Tri Bute’s continuously moistening mouth becomes to slippery for the gronjagorium armed robot’s grasp! The arm slips away giving Tri Bute the chance to say the correct answer.

“A FUTURE RIVER!” shouts Tri Bute!

The timer stops and Zon Dian deactivates as Tri Bute wipes some of the drool off of his mouth. The crowd however pays no attention to this, as there is a much greater spectacle in the ring.

“I don’t believe it Gol D! It’s beautiful!” shouts Bua Ckson.

A bright light overtakes the ring as gold sparkles form together into a key shape.

“It’s huge!” says Tri Bute’s great grandmother from the front row.

“It’s future CGI you hag,” returns Tri Bute’s great grandfather.

The sparkling key becomes solid metal and falls to the ring with a crash; Tri Bute rolls into the ring and hoists it over his head as the crowd cheers for their savior. With one hand Tri Bute picks up a future microphone.

“Not just any future river! The future river that flows for freedom! The future river that flows for us; the people of Future Ryan, Future Oklahoma! The flowing will give us strength. Strength that will help us destroy the rest of the Zondians!” shouts Tri Bute.

Tri Bute drops the microphone, then with both hands lobs the key at Zon Dian and pierces its robot chest. Tri Bute steps onto the apron and reaches out and pulls the key out of its robot body. Tri Bute takes the key to his mouth and licks off the robot blood using his tongue. Tri Bute then projects his voice without using a future microphone.

“Tonight, we feast on the blood of our robot enemies! With this key, we unlock the Box of Truth and regain our soil. The mechanical demons will fall forever, and tonight we will start a new age. Not one of torture and fear, but one of justice, one of integrity, one of zankustility, and one of Zeusrion,” shouts Tri Bute.

BOOM! CRASH! BOOM! SLAM! CRASH! RACRUSH!

The future stage and future titan tron crumble down as a giant square shaped thing pushes through the entranceway. Fans flee the ramp side seats before the sacred box can crush them. Tri Bute puts the key over his shoulder and leaps off the apron stomping Zon Dian’s head and walks toward the roving death machine. Tri Bute holds out the Key of Destiny as the Box of Truth continues to push towards him. Tri Bute pushes the key forward into the box stopping it in its track. Then Tri Bute turns the key.

BOOM! CRASH! BOOM! SLAM! CRASH! RACRUSH! SHAKAWAKA! FUTURE EXPLOSION! CRASH KER-PLUNK! ERRRK! CREEK! OPEN SESAME!

Future dust and future smoke cover the entire arena. Future seconds of darkness pass slowly, smokeily, but when the future dust finally settles Tri Bute emerges unharmed, mainly because future explosions don’t hurt people. Tri Bute looks around and notes that The Key of Destiny and The Box of Truth have completely disappeared leaving no remnants but the wreckage. Half of The Super Special Awesome Dome stood still as Tri Bute looks over the destroyed other half. Tri Bute moves a few feet forward, kneels down, and moves a dozen pieces of future concrete over.

Tri Bute reaches into the sand and pulls out the gronjagorium-plated belt of material pleasure. The crowd cheers and the bell rings.

“Your winner and inaugural SSAW King of The Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin’ Champion, ‘Justice Integrity Zankustility Zeusrion’ Tri Bute,” shouts the ring announcer Mas Onryan.

Tri Bute fastens the championship title around his waist as the watery tears fill his future eyes. Tri Bute’s great-grandparents join him in celebration.

“There you have it folks. The war is over, and the human race has triumphed over the robot invaders.”

“Tri Bute, with his great wit, managed to solve The Ancient Riddle of Zorc, and use The Key of Destiny to unlock the Box of Truth and retrieve the greatest prize in wrestling history.”

“Thanks for the summary Gol D.”

“With Tri Bute’s courage and will leading us to a new tomorrow there is no limit to mankind’s endeavors.”

“The future sky is the minimum,” says Bua Ckson.

"Pink is my signature color!" - Elle Woods