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Sebastian Duke · (08-06-2013)

I lay here in this hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling. The startling revelation that I'm going to be a father, leaves me in complete shock and silence. Caitlyn had been on her way out the door as she gave me this information, but I'd been completely speechless. All of these terrible dreams I've been having of this man, or entity known only as Croaton, has left me a shell of a man.

I slowly crawl out of this bed. My body is stiff and riddled with aches and pains as I limp ever so slowly toward the bathroom. I enter the bathroom and rest my hands against the porcelain sink and stare into the mirror. What I see in the mirror is a man that looks twenty years older than he should.

I could swear that in the reflection of that mirror, beside the man that looks twenty years older, I see flashes of all of the people I've either hurt permanently or put in the ground. I see John Davis, the man I beat the hell out of that day in high school. The day I met the man that would become my brother, Jacob.

I saw Stephen. The young man that came into my Brotherhood willing to learn and work his ass off. I saw him in that mirror as I laid down upon him, his judgment for being a traitor. I watched myself order my men to string him up to the cross on the hallowed ground that my Compound sits on. I watched myself set fire to that innocent man.

I watched myself as I verbally tortured and heckled an aging, dying Pope into submission and forced his resignation. Something I did for weeks in order to secure that mans resignation as Supreme Pontiff.

I watched as a third rate actor portraying that of Jesus Christ appeared on Madness all those months ago. I watched as your Angel of Darkness torched that man on national television with the sole purpose to instigate a religious war.

I watched as I battled back and forth with Jonathan for all those many months. I watched as Silas helped me secure the safe return of my father. In the reflection of this mirror, I watch. Helplessly. Hopelessly. I watch as a past version of myself nods his head at Jacob, giving him the authority to make Jonathan swing from the gallows.

I watched as the night leading up to Gauntlet City when John Madison and NAZI were in town. I watched as I nearly blew Madison head off. I watched as I, instead, scattered the brain matter of my ex-fiancee all over the wall.

I watch and I watch and I watch and I can not turn away.

What I force myself to watch next, shakes me to my very core. With every fiber of my being I know for a god damned fact that if I could turn back the hands of time I would not have ended Linn Kwanns life! She was pregnant with my little girl and I didn't know it!

In the reflection of this mirror stands Linn Kwann. She's near a swing set on the backyard of the Compound. She pushes a beautiful little girl on the swing. The little girl just giggles with joy. That's my little girl! That's my beautiful little girl swinging on that swing and I ended her life months before it even began.

That was all I could take! I could watch no more and I ended any chance of seeing the reflections any further. I clenched my right fist and with one powerful strike, the glass shatters into a thousand little pieces all over the floor.

How do I make this right? That's what Croaton wants. He warned that I'd be a father again. He was about to tell me just as I was coming out of the purgatory I'd been in. The moment Caitlyn told me that I'd be a father.

I don't expect anyone to ever understand the decisions I've made. No matter how much rationalizing I try to do, will it ever make my actions of the past the right actions?

I've looked at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I don't like what I've become. It's time to change the way I operate. Time to change the way I go about my business.

Finding out I'm going to be a father should be the happiest moment of my entire life. Instead, I'm filled with dread. Filled with fear. Why did Croaton warn of a son? Was it actually a warning? Or was it nothing more then Croaton warning me that my own son would follow in my own footsteps and become an evil person?

I can't stand being in this room anymore. I need to get out.

To Be Continued...

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