04-15-2025, 01:56 PM
The shot hones in on an unusual sight. It’s Madison Dyson alright, but she’s wearing a….World’s Greatest Grandma sweatshirt? She settles into a comfortable looking chair and flags someone just off screen to come over.
Alright kids, sit down, sit down! Grandma Maddy’s got a story to tell.
With that, a handful of blond haired and blue eyed children gather at Madison’s feet as she drops into the chair.
What kind of story Grandma Maddy?
“Grandma Maddy?”
You take one more close look at Madison, and nothing about her seems older. The only hint of her newfound status is the sweatshirt she’s wearing.
What year is this?
The camera helpfully swings over to reveal a calendar on the wall. A calendar that bears today’s date.
Huh?
Grandma Maddy leans in towards the child who spoke. Well, it’s a tale from Grandma’s work that happened a long, long time ago. October 17, 2024 to be exact.
“A long, long time ago?”
The kids all marvel when Maddy discloses the date of her story.
Wow! That’s so long ago! Did you guys even have cell phones back then?
Madison grouses. Of course we did you dumb git! How old do you think Grandma Maddy is?! Anyway, back in the long, long ago of 2024 Grandma was facing a man, and I use that term very loosely, named Mr. Oz.
Like from The Wizard of Oz?
Oh no! Madison laughs. Much lamer! In fact, this match was a cakewalk for Grandma. Why, I can picture it just like yesterday….
The image cuts to action shots from Madison’s match with Mr. Oz back in October of 2024. But the images look old-timey, with the clips bathed in a grainy sepia hue. The clips naturally conclude with Madison dominating and pinning Mr. Oz before returning back to the present….present/future…? What the fuck ever.
Gee Grandma Maddy, why was Mr. Oz such a bitch?
Well, that’s one of those things we’ll never quite know. Like why grass is green or the sky is blue.
Actually Grandma there are perfectly logical scientific reasons for those things.
Shut up. Madison curtly turns her attention to the other children. Okay, first one to get Grandma Maddy a vodka tonic gets a crisp, shiny dollar!
The children all get up and scatter. Maddy chuckles and turns her attention to the camera.
So Ozzy, you might be wondering why I’m telling these kids that our last match was so long ago. You might also be wondering if shaving your pubes will give you that precious extra inch of schlong you’re so desperately seeking.
Well because I’m not one of those pretentious hack jobs that likes to obfuscate the meaning of my promos so that I might better huff my own product, I’m going to tell you why I’m doing it.
Ozzy, I’m doing it because, quite frankly, that last match of ours WAS forever ago. For me, anyway. I am not even remotely the same woman you faced the last time we met. The last 6 or 7 months for me have been like a lifetime! Because in that time, I….
Formed a dominant tag team alliance with Dolly Waters and won the tag team championships.
Rocketed up to number 3 on the ELO list.
Have had multiple matches at the top of the card.
Started training with my Frenemy Lux who is one of the, if not THE most, lethal assassins in ANY timeline.
Had more eliminations at War Games than ANY other competitor.
Successfully defended aforementioned tag team championship against two other teams at once.
And…oh yeah….beat the TOP GUY IN THE COMPANY (not you Shark) fair and square!
Now, I dare muthafuckin’ say, that is more than just 6 months of advancement. Hell, it’s more than a years advancement! So much improvement in so little time.
Which begs the question Ozzy….wha ‘chu been doin’?
Oh wait. Don’t answer. Don’t answer! We already know.
Fuck. All.
Fuck all, Ozzy! And isn’t that just so quintessentially YOU! Oh I’m sure you’re getting the warm and fuzzes from training all those up and comers, unless you already shitcanned that idea. But all the while your career has continued to rot and fester from the inside out. And we allllll smell it Ozzy. Like an excess of skidmarks after a bout of mudbutt, the stench of SHIT just follows you wherever you go.
If you couldn’t beat me back in October, you sure as hell aren’t going to get the job done now. And Bashmaster has to know that’s the truth. This match is such a foregone conclusion it’s a veritable piss break! So why the hell did Bashmaster do it? Why did he stick me with….
Madison stops suddenly. And a slow, conniving smile is soon smothered on her lips.
Oh…that’s right….
The Prize.
He was reminding me about the prize.
Well Bashy hunny, I didn’t NEED the reminder. I never forgot. Never forgot the precious bauble I have hidden in a safety deposit box at the Bank of Anarchy.
No dear. I was just picking my spot. Waiting for my time to shine.
But in the meantime, it’ll be my pleasure to remind you and the rest of the world what I did to earn that precious bauble in the first place.
It’s a hell of a cliche. But they say that history repeats itself. But me? I prefer Mark Twain’s take on the concept. He said, “It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible.
Madison leans towards the camera and whispers into it.
He’s talking about you Ozzy. Because your “character”, everything that makes you YOU….
…does not even come close to stopping the unceasing ouroboros of pain and suffering that is ME.
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