LAST WEEK SNOW HOLDS BARRED

MINUTES LATER

Rose cradles his head…

”...M-m-mister… R-R-Rose?”

”Shhhhh.” Rose closes his eyes tightly.

…

Rose’s eyes open wide!

…Nope.

Jake’s still here.

”Shame. Can’t wake from *this* nightmare.”

---

”I’m with NEW #1 contender to Matthias Syn’s Revolution Title, Jake Borden.”

Rose raises the microphone.

”Hardfought victory tonight?”

”...Y-yip.”

”I-I-I fought h-h-hard!”

…

”Er, not like I-I-I was h-h-hard while f-f-fightin’…”

Rose exhales loudly…

Suddenly, something jabs Rose’s back…

Rose turns around…

To a hand holding a… smartphone?

Rose squints perplexedly… before pressing his earpiece in.

”...Oh!” Rose lights up, spinning the phone toward Jake. ”Er… Breaking News! I’ve received word! Each XWFer is… receiving a smart device, tracking their schedules *and* opportunities…”

”Apparently, the previous title-shot record mechanism was… the honor system?”

”But, I… Pete Rose, XWF News!” Rose grins, forcing the device into Jake’s hands! ”Am ON THE SCENE! As Jake Borden logs in to the XWF’S FUTURE!”

…

Jake, 1970s time-traveler, squints at the device. Baffled.

“…Open it.”

…Jake’s thumbs try to peel it open, like a clam-shell.

“Jake, it’s a PHONE.”

…

Jake lifts it to his ear.

”H-h-hello?”

“For GOD’S SAKE.”

Rose snatched the phone outta the bumpkin’s hands.

Rose raises the device to Jake’s face.

IDENTITY CONFIRMED. WELCOME ‘Jake Borden’

“…G-g-gee whiz…” Borden scratches his head.

ONE NEW MESSAGE

”There! Now, Borden will accept the first VIRTUAL XWF championship opportunity!”

…Borden gulps, nervously.

…His finger hovers over the link…

”…CLICK IT ALREADY.”

CLI-

…

BLACKNESS.

---

“…-ake?”

“You okay?”

”...Oooooh, my head… Did I knock it on somethin’? Feels…” Borden rubs his noggin. ”Like, something’s sitting on it…”

Borden’s eyes open…

Before him, Pete Rose smiles warmly.

”Don’t even have the gold, but the crown of the Revolution Title’s already *heavy* on your mind, Jake?”

…Borden scratches his head.

”Whaddya mean, Mist-…”

…

”Hey! My stutter’s gone!”

”Wow! Maybe conking your head cured your… speech impediment?”

”...I dunno ‘bout that, Mister Rose… I knock my head on lotsa stuff… never helped my stutter one bit!”

”…Maybe… it’s your confidence, Jake!”

”…Confidence?”

”Think, Jake! Recently, you’ve beaten… Atara! Scoops!”

”Well…” Jake blushes. ”I just got lucky…”

”Now? You’re on the precipice of championship gold! Maybe, your stutter was an outward manifestation of a latent inferiority complex.”

“…Infur…Infernal?”

“What-I-mean, Jake, is… you’re no longer some plucky jobber! You’re a new man!”

“In many ways, the XWF Universe’s meeting you for the first time! Introduce yourself!”

Rose thrusts his microphone into Jake’s hand…

…Suddenly, Jake’s in the ring!

”What-the…? How’d I get here?”

”By being the best, Jake! Here’s your chance! To win the Revolution Title! To depose that loud-mouthed clown, Matthias Syn!”

”...Syn?”

”That pinko blowhard, huh? His ‘Revolution’ talk! Anti-american! Makes you FURIOUS, right?”

”Well… Syn has a right to his opinion.” Borden grimaces. ”I just wish he weren’t such a… bully.”

”Exactly, Jake. THAT’S why YOU’RE better than Syn! YOU’LL shut that bully up right?”

Jake dry-swallows. ”M-m-me?” Jake stammers nervously. ”I-I-I don’t kn-know if I could d-”

”Of course you could, Jake! You WILL! You’re everything Syn is NOT! An All-American”

Rose snaps his fingers! “That’ll intimidate Syn, Jake! Tell us where you came from!”

Borden blushes bashfully. ”Ohhhhh… uh… no one wants that.”

The crowd hoops, hollering for Jake’s life-story!

”...Where’d this crowd come from?”

”All over! To see you! The people’s champion! Straight from America’s Heartland! What street’d you grow up on?”

”Uh… Log Cabin Road?”

”Wow! Log Cabin? The kind Abe Lincoln was born in?”

”Well…” Jake smiles sheepishly. ”It’s nice to share one thing with Mister Lincoln… Though I’d prefer we shared speaking ability!”

The crowd roars delightedly!

”So humble! They love Mrs. Borden’s baby boy! S’your mother proud of you, Jake?”

“Always. Someday, I’m hope I’m worthy of that pride.”

The crowd goes AWWWWWW!

“What’s her name? Shout her out!”

Suddenly, a camera swoops in, close to Jake’s face…

”Oh… uh… “ Jake smiles into the camera! ”Miss Sarah Borden… Mama! I love y-“

”Maiden name?”

”…What?”

”You don’t want the other ‘Sarah Borden’s in Buckhead, Georgia claiming Mama’s shoutout, right, Jake?”

The crowd starts a… ‘MAIDEN NAME’ chant?

”Uh… my mama was ‘Sarah Clarke’. And she raised me t-“

”C-L-A-R-K?”

”...Uh, Silent ‘e’ at the end… Anyway, Matthias Sy-”

”Everyone!” Suddenly, Anarchy GM Bashmaster, appears atop the ramp! ”I have a bash of an announcement!”

”Matthias Syn was watching Jake’s promo… and decided to surrender his belt!”

”...What? Syn jus-”

”Presenting the new Revolution champion!” Rose’s already behind Jake, latching the Revolution title around his waist! ”Jake Borden!”

Suddenly, the ring’s full!

Nikola Smacksya!

“Larkin’” Dave Arkin!

Scoops McGee!

Dominik Strife!

Everyone who played any part of Jake’s journey!

…

Also, Latoya Hixx.

They lift Jake onto their shoulders!

”W-wow!” Jake smiles, tears in his eyes, overwhelmed!

”Jake!” Rose lifts his microphone up as the arena chants his name! ”The XWF’s organizing a celebration! What’s your favorite movie?”

Borden calls over the chanting ”Uh… Cool Hand Luke!”

”Pardon?” Rose cups his ear. “Cool Runnings?”

”Cool Hand Lu-!”

END_PROCESS_SIMULATION

…

Suddenly, everything freezes.

The arena’s silent.

…

Jake pokes his ears… ”Did I go dea-”

Whip! Jake’s fanclub disappears! Jake drops to the mat!

”Ooof!” Jake lands on his ass!

…Jake’s eyes open.

The ring’s empty.

…

”…Where’d everybody go?”

---

”C-O-O-L… H-A-N-D… L-U-K-E…”

In a dark, dimly-lit room…

The only lightsource? A computer monitor…

”Aaaaaand, I’m in.”

Sitting in the dark…

Borden.

Drool dribbling down his chin.

Donning a… VR visor.

…

”Jake’s X-Bux…”

”And title shot…”

…

Enter key pressed…

And Jake’s account balance.

Drops to zero.

”Like candy from a baby.”