… Previously on: Ooohhh who gives a fuck..

I felt the wind blowing against my face. The night air provided a chill that started to sting and might have been what woke me up. Where was I? Was this a highway to hell?

“Heeeey! You should stop letting people drug you..” Elm was behind the wheel. His hand reaches over and pats me to the inside shoulder a few times. “Can't be healthy!”

“What happened?” I struggled with the words but needed to ask the obvious. “Is he dead?”

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…

My breathing was short. I felt ill but couldn't tell exactly how. Things hurt, I was drained of any and all chance at energy. I could barely lift my head. As I sat slumped and buckled in the passenger seat, I glanced over in a daze to see Elm look back over his shoulder and then at me with a nod of the head.

“No.. His eyes are still blinking.”

The desire to be mad filled my thoughts but there was no chance I could act on it. Throwing myself up, I was struggling. Using the seat belt, I dragged myself into a sitting upright. I must have looked like a pale mess.

“You should rest.. I got this!”

He spoke like he knew what he was doing. Like he knew the next step in the plan but there wasn't one. Either this ‘Fan’ was going to die or I was. That was it! Why is he alive and more importantly, why the fuuuuck is he tied up in the backseat? I wanted to ask, I wanted to cuss and bash two heads in but I was unable. Just sitting up took the life out of me so no sooner than I fell back into the seat, I fell back into a slumber.


Idaho
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…

“It’s a rental. Piss yourself for all I care!”

Elm’s voice trying to sound stern woke me up. I felt a little better but felt sore and stiff. Moving forced a groan out of me which caused Elm to snap a glance in my direction.

“Hey! How are you feeling, El Capitan?”

“I’m alive. I suppose I can't complain.” My entire being was hit with the urge to stretch and yawn and it was one of those stretches that cracks a few spots. Sometimes it feels good, other times, that shit hurts! “I had a fucked up dream though..”

“Oh yeah?” He was awfully excited. “Anything good?” He adds.

Turning my neck in a slow circle, I felt like I had come out of a coma. I hated that feeling. Yet the feeling I had was met with a slap in the face (metaphorically) as I caught a glimpse of the backseat.

“Whaaaat the fuuck, yo!?” I blurted out. Elm swerved the rental as he jumped, flinched and I guess expected me to hit him? I wasn't sure. I wouldn't do that while he was driving, that's just not safe.

“I can explain!”

I lied. I slapped him upside the back of his head. The vehicle swerved yet again but he kept it together. “Why the fuck is this dude in the car?”

“I couldn't just LEAVE him there!” Scoffing at the thought of it. ”Obviously the stabbing didn't kill him. Imagine his plot for revenge if I didn't take him with us?” His logic was forming some sense.

Giving my ‘Fan’ a long stare, our eyes locked onto one another. “Where’d you get the duct tape?” I asked, seeing my ‘Fan’ damn near mummified in duct tape.

“His basement. I spent some time down there last time, remember? After you came barreling through the front door, he let me go. I went to the basement.. Grabbed a few things.”

”What happened?” I had to ask because what I remember is being drugged and passing out.

“Well, when I came up and saw you hit the ground. He was moving ever so slowly trying to pluck that knife out. I’d assume to use it on you!”

My eyes glance back to Danny again. My ‘Fan’. He wasn't going anywhere but the smile on his face was moving, growing. I wanted to peel it off.

“I hit him with a lamp..”

Elm says with a sigh. Giving pause to the moment in case I want to react to it. “Okay..”

“Ok?!” He chuckled. “I saved your butt! Maybe a thank you?” The claim was said with a sense of pride.

“I don't know about that..” I shook my head denying the thought. Even my ‘Fan’ nodded his head, agreeing with Elm. “Nobody asked you.”

“Look, it's no big deal.” Shrugging, he was trying to be nonchalant about it. “We’re crew, buds, bros, strays!”

Could I drive? I wondered only because part of me wanted to reach over, open the driver side door and shove Elm from the vehicle. A good enough imagination and you can also see that play out visually. It's nice. Shaking away the joy of thought, I still didn't understand something.

“Okay but why is he in the backseat?”

“Because there are only two seats up front.. Duh!” Elm laughs and looks at me like I’m dumb.

“Okay, genius. What happens if someone passing by sees him? Or worse, a cop pulls us over?”

I could tell that Elm hadn't thought about any of that. Yet he still looks back at the windows.

“The windows are rolled up, we should be good!”

The windows weren't tinted. Clear as can be. “Pull over..” I say with such disappointment.

“Why, what's up? You have to potty?”

I freeze as I stare over at him. Meeting his questioning gaze and he doesn't at all expect me to hit him. That's exactly what I wanted to do but he was trying. He was at least sticking with me through this crap.

“He needs to be covered up, hidden. Tied down. Unseen.. I don't care but this ain't it..”

“That makes more sense, yeah..” Elm flicked up the turn signal and pulled off the highway. I wasn't even sure where he was driving. I just knew we didn't need to act this risky. “We should all have a bathroom break. He’s gotta go as well.”

“Fuck him, he’s dying in those clothes anyway..”


Vegas
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..
…


The idea of coming back here was brutal on my mind. This town is becoming the new Hawaii, the new Dallas or Australia. A place I just no longer cared to be. Ended one relationship, started another only for that to be a waste of time. Not to mention my run-ins with the Midget Mafia.. Those evil little ankle biters!

Luckily for us, we arrived at our destination close to 2 AM. Anyone that was awake was most likely out on the town. You could see the Vegas lights from the front porch. “So who lives here again?” Elm asks as we struggle to keep my ‘Fan’ upright.

I’m getting too far ahead of myself.. Other shit happened, let me rewind a bit.


Entering Nevada
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…

THUD..

THUD..

THUD..

“He’s not going to stop is he?”

Elm questions after what seemed like a long hour of this banging that came from the back. I knew what it was, Elm knew what it was. It wasn't a what but a who, my ‘Fan’ also known as Danny.

The knocking didn't so much bother me as it became a white noise. The traveling on the road, the rumble of tires over the pavement, it all became just part of the sound wave in my head. Rested back, I had my eyes closed. Part of me was trying to configure all the pieces of the problem puzzle I had in front of me.

“Jason..” Scoffing, he was hesitant to complain but now that he mentioned the banging, it did start to wear out its welcome. I knew that feeling all too well.

“Yeah, yeah.. Pull over..”

Now I was exhaling in a sigh. I wanted to sleep, to clear my head or find that field of sunflowers in my dreams that might bring me some peace for even a short while. Ease my mind, calm the wild bucking thoughts that felt like a horse needing to be tamed. I also ran out of weed so.. Yeah…

We stopped at a self-service car wash. Nobody else was around and from the looks of it, not many had used it in a while. The cameras I do spot are damaged, hanging in places and out of order. “Pull into one of the stalls.” I say as I slap the dashboard. “Shut the car off and pop the trunk.” I add before I open my door before he even finishes putting it in park. 

To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was going to do once I got the back open. We switched vehicles back in Idaho so we had an actual trunk with plenty of space. My ‘Fan’ didn't like the idea.. I think he's a touch claustrophobic. Hearing the trunk pop open, I get to the back and lift the lid. Meeting his eyes with my own, he was no longer smiling and was covered, drenched in his own sweat.

“... Hello, Danny!”

Yes, I mocked him a bit. I had the upper hand and found myself enjoying it for the moment.

“... Get me out of this trunk, Jason..”

Still, he doesn't have any deeper expression in his voice. No emotion. A dreaded vocal. I thought that funnier now than before because soon, he would truly fit the sound of his own voice. Dead.

“No can do, buddy!” I presented him with a pouty face. “What I can do is make your experience a toooouch more comfortable and I have options for you!” My excitement was one part an act, one part little kid on a rollercoaster for the first time.

He didn't ask about the options. His left eye twitches as sweat rolls into it. Unfortunately his arms were tied behind his back. Quickly he tries to kick at me but it doesn't have any effect. He was clearly weakened from heat exhaustion. It did look hot in there and with no water? Sucked to be him.

“We took the duct tape off. What more do you want, Danny?”

I wasn't expecting an actual answer.

“... To be untied and handed a knife so we can finish what we started at my house..”

Taking a step back, I found myself both surprised and impressed with his request. What chance did he have when he didn't have any of his syringes to drug me with? Still, I told him he had options and wanted him to know what they were. Glancing behind me, I looked to see if anyone might have had eyes on us. I didn't see anything but it was always a good policy to keep an eye and ear open.

“So, option one. I can take YOUR underwear off..” His eyebrows curled at the weirdly randomness of this first option. “Ball those up and shove it into your mouth. Duct tape that in there and then break your fucking legs…”

His eyes widened. He had been kicking the trunk, broken legs were going to be an option. That's just logic!

Holding up two fingers. “Option two! I take one of those syringes you had. Inject you in the fucking neck with it.. And you will sleep like a baby until we get to where we are going!”

In my opinion and as someone who has been drugged twice by him? This was the best option over broken legs. I didn't know what this shit was but I had 6 syringes of it and I was going to find out. None of that mattered right now though, now was him thinking over his options. I added one more.

“Or you can just stop kicking the trunk and let us travel in peace?”

Shrugging, I knew that probably wasn't going to happen. What did happen was, he offered a fourth option. Fifth if you wanna count the whole set him free, give him a knife but that wasn't reaaaally an option under consideration.

“... What if I promise to be nice and I sit in the backseat again?” He suggested before rolling to his side to try and show me his hands. “My hands can stay binded, I don't mind..” His freak flag was showing a bit there! Looking down at this man. This guy who has gone out of his way to stalk me, harass me, threaten me and anyone I care about. To even begin the transition to LOOK like me as if he was undergoing an identity change and was about to have his pronouns be Jason/Cashe. It was eerie, creepy even. I ain't asked for this..

“Well that's not going to happen but nice try!” I gave it a chuckle.

”... Why not, Jason?”

”You JUST suggested that I release you and give you a knife to finish what we started! Now you want to sit in the backseat and you PROMISE you’ll be nice?”

I had a good laugh for that. Realizing it has been a minute since I felt a laugh that deep, I wasn't sure I deserved to laugh like that right now. Didn't matter..

“So, we got two options. Which one are you feeling?” Placing a hand to my chest, I gave my suggestion. “See me? I want you to take option one!” Thinking on it, it was only the latter part of that option I had any interest in doing. Elm would have to handle the removal of underwear and gagging him.. Protege work right there, ohhh weee!

“... I’ll take option two..”

If ever there was a time to have an extra expression in one’s voice, it was in a time like this. Nothing. His eyes closed, he accepted his choice but his voice just carried no emotion.

Clapping my hands together, I said with certainty. “Option two it is! Be right back..” I shut the trunk and hurried back to the passenger door and pulled it open. Dropping into the seat, I left my right leg outside of the car because I just needed to get in the glove compartment.

“What's going on now?” Elm asked.

“I’m injecting him with his own medicine..” I snickered. “Literally!” Glancing at Elm with a grin, he shot one back at me.

“Ooohh I wanna watch!”

“Come on then!” I said before stepping out from the car with the zip up container full of stringes. Elm hit the trunk button before hurrying to get out of the car and follow.

“This is soooo exciting!” Elm was doing like a golf clap but in rapid form. It was weird but he did it every now and again.

In the end, he didn't fight it. He looked into my eyes and watched me as I slid the needle into his neck. I felt his stare and I also felt it as his stare quickly faded and drifted off as I had done before myself. Stepping back, I shut the trunk. “Let's get going..” I tell Elm.

“Tasing is far more of a Ha ha than that was..” He sounded a bit disappointed. I let him continue driving as I made my way back to the passenger seat.

I really wanted to sleep.



Vegas Apartment
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…

We arrived late, around 2 AM. As I said before, anyone that was awake was most likely out on the town. You could see the Vegas lights from the front porch. “So who lives here again?” Elm asked as we struggled to keep my ‘Fan’ upright. He was still very drowsy and it almost felt like a scene out of ‘Weekend At Bernies’ except he wasn't dead yet.

“It's the apartment I had with Josslynn.. It's hers now but.. She doesn't use it.”

Getting the key from under the cat statue. I got the door unlocked all while helping to keep Danny on his feet. It's been a while since I’ve been here. I have told myself that a few times since before we even pulled up. Everything looks the same minus a few things that either myself or she took when we split up. It had a dusty smell to it which confirmed more that nobody had been here for a while.

“Where do you want to put him?” Elm asked while struggling with his part of the carry. After tossing the keys on the table, I grabbed my ‘Fan’ and lifted him up over my shoulder like a big bag of dog food. Doing this outside might have seemed weird to anyone even glancing by.

“Grab the door..” I carried Danny into the living area of the apartment. It was sunken flooring so you had to step down onto the sofa area. Dropping him, he flops down. “He’s good here.”

“Great!” Rubbing his hands together as I step up from the sunken section of the living room. “What's next?”

“You're leaving..” I tell him as I pass by him and open the door for him to leave.

“What?!” He shouted, confused.

“Leave. Go? Kick rocks? Ta ta for now, buddy? Deuce-Deuce? However you want to put it.. Be gone!”

“I’m not leaving, I’m helping!” He protested. “I saved you, remember? I got your back!”

“Not interested. Friends are a liability. One I don't need anymore.”

“Come on, Cashe!” He tries to plead. “We’re strays! You can trust me!”

“Bye..”

Stepping aside, I didn't add anything more. He scoffs, groans, scoffs some but slowly stumbles out of the apartment. Turning to try and apply some kind of puppy dog, sad face, I shut the door.

“Now we wait..”



Vegas Apartment
3:33 AM
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..
…

The quietness was eerie to begin with. This much silence is only needed in death. I had the apartment looking ‘lived in’ again and it didn't take much. The bills were up to date and really, this was a place nobody would guess I would go to lay low. Next to nobody even knows how to get here.

When you're not the person who got drugged and you are waiting for that person to wake up? It takes fucking forever, or so it felt like anyway. “You awake yet?” I whispered and the room filled with my soft spoken words. No answer. I sat down along the top layer of the sunken living area. Watching my ‘Fan’s’ face snore away in his current dreamland state. It made me wonder..

What was he dreaming about? What demons lingered in his thoughts? Everyone had them but his suddenly intrigued me. What made this guy tick and why me? I wanted to know but I wasn't sure if I would ever have those answers.

Time was dragging along. I had listened to music, scrolled over both Twitter and IG on my phone and found nothing to help pass the time. I looked at my contacts and found myself staring down at a familiar name. I wanted to text or call, wanted to just say ‘Hi’ but it wasn't the right time and I knew that the time for that might have expired entirely. So before the idea of it started to eat away at me, I did what I needed to do and put my phone to sleep.

“... Hello, Jason..”

His voice came in a hushed pain but still carried his usual emotionless tone. The differences were almost unrecognizable. My head shot up and I could see him starting to sit up from where he was on the ground. At the bottom of the sunken living area, he was at a disadvantage already.

“Look who’s decided to wake up and join the real world..” I said, trying to hold back my anticipation. I was antsy, nervous even and wondered if this was a similar feeling to a teenager about to get laid for the first time.

“... I see you’ve taken me to Vegas..”

He didn't say it like it was in question. He said it like he recognizes the environment. Like he has been here before.

“... A lot has happened to you in this town, no? Bad things or things that ended up bad. Are you SURE this is where you want to be to end this?”

He let out a two heh snicker but it was a dry attempt at a laugh. Putting his back to the wall at the bottom of the sunken area, he smacked his lips a few times. A sign of having a dry mouth.

“Thirsty?”

“... Do you have any chocolate milk?”

He responds as if this was a friendly hangout. A slumber party of sorts. Me and the creepy stalker who wants to kill me but also wants to look like me. It was a confusing time, lemme tell you!

“I got water.. If you ask nicely, it won't be hot..”

I could hear him breathing through his nose as he gives a moment to think.

“... Can I.. Please.. Have some water?”

Pushing up to my feet, I was willing to quench his thirst. “Get up.. To the kitchen..” I waved a hand in the motion of trying to hurry someone along.

It took him a minute and I understood because I’ve been drugged like that and knew exactly what he was feeling. How long it takes to wear off and I knew moving around made the process go by faster. That was the point. I turned my back to him as he started stepping out of the sunken living area. Leading him to the kitchen, I expected him to try something but knew the drugs still flowing through him were keeping him from doing so. His body felt weak, he felt groggy, it almost felt like you were waking up from surgery.

“... Where is your.. Friend?”

Pulling one of the plastic cups from the cabinet, I turned to him as I stood at the sink. “Gone. Everyone is gone.” I was brief as I didn't owe him an explanation. Rinsing out the cup, I filled it with the coldest water I could get out of the faucet. “Here..” I said before handing him the cup.

He gobbled it up and I found myself listening to the gulping of his throat. The cup was tilted far back as if he wanted the very last drop and as he slammed the cup down on the kitchen counter, he found something else sitting on its surface.

“... It's risky leaving knives laying around like that, Jason.. Someone could get cut or worse, killed..”

Nodding. “I agree.” Grabbing the cup from him, I drop it into the sink and move around him to leave the kitchen. The knife and my ‘Fan’ are put behind me as I get back into the living room area. I knew he would take the knife, I wanted him to.

“... So you WANT to die now? Is that it, Jason?”

I take a deep inhale, letting it out as I turn around to face him. Sure enough as I look into his eyes and then lower my stare down at his hands, he has the butcher knife I left on the counter in his right hand.

“Can you do the job? Can you TAKE from me, my LIFE?” I asked and could immediately tell that he wasn't expecting it but he had an answer.

“... I will send pieces of you to your loved ones.. The question then becomes: Who gets your dick and who your heart?”

My stupid ass went into quick think mode wondering who would get what if someone WERE to chop me up and mail me out in boxes. Good question. Shaking free the nonsense of it in my head, I gave him a smirk.

“So why me?” It was a question I might have asked before but was never given an answer to. “At first I was sure someone hired you..”

“... Who says they didn't?”

“Obsession as you clearly are isn't something someone pays someone else to do.”

It made sense to me. He tried to sell me otherwise.

“... Maybe your Mother paid me to finally rid her of the nuisance that is her son?”

Scoffing, I knew better.

“She wouldn't waste that kind of money on me. Her idea of gift giving is that she paid the bills and cooked dinner.. Plus, she’d do it herself if she wanted to and had plenty of opportunities!”

“... What about Josslynn? Your ‘Woo Saah’ wasn't it? Maybe she paid me to remove you?”

The idea had entered my head a while back. Her and I broke up a few months before I got stabbed and she was tweeting about stabbing someone and posted a bunch of angry songs for a while.

“Naaah..” My head was shaking to disagree. ”She would come and do it herself as well..”

”.. Maybe Theo then.. You have been somewhat of an embarrassment to him, haven't you? From the day he recruited you, you have failed to live up to what was assumed you COULD be on that roster! Trilogy, Saga, your failure became in a way, his..”

That one was hard to argue. ”Not to mention the late night phone calls while I’m taking a shit!” Maybe I should have considered that.. ”Nah, Theo would miss me!”

“... Your wife then maybe? Or wait!” His voice jumps and it was small changes that showed he had the ability to have emotion in his voice but as soon as he showed it even a smidge, it was gone in his follow up. “What about Sebastian and his friends?”

“Ha!” I gave that a good chuckle for a good minute. “Those fancy pants fuckers do have the money but..” Letting my head sway from side to side, I knew it wasn't coming from that area of the world. “They are quicker to block and seek pity parties. This ain't that.”

“... Who is left? Who would want you.. Dead?”

Was he trying to sell me on someone having paid for the hit? It was a tired game of beating around the bush.

“That's probably a longer list than we got time for of people that wouldn't miss me or would want me dead? Oof..”

We let the room return to silence. My eyes stayed on his right hand, on the knife he held. I was waiting for the moment he would act and maybe that wait, this monologue of conversation was him trying to shed the last bit of grogginess he was having.

”Nah, this ALL you.. Just some obsessed fan who got angry. Pathetic from my point of view..”

“... Maybe I am just disappointed in who you have become. Who you have let yourself become..”

“Aren’t we all..”

I agreed with him that something had changed over the years. In truth, who hasn't changed some as time passes? The point is to evolve and adapt, not remain exactly who you’ve been through every lesson in life that calls for change. I felt my phone before the notification sound dinged. “Hold up..” Pulling my phone free from the pocket of my pants, I looked down at it.

“... Something more important than dying, Jason?”

“Nope. Just confirming some plans..”

Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I met with his stare again and he seemed ready to go. The gaze in his eyes was no longer sluggish. I knew it was about that time.

“... There will be no more plans after today, I’m afraid. Not for you..”

“That remains to be seen but alright, you ready?” I spoke to him as if the outcome was guaranteed.

“... Yes.. I am..”

The drag in his answer lingered for a second as his stare dropped to the floor at his feet. Any second. I held my breath with anticipation. I was ready for whatever was to come next. A flash of my life should have passed over me, seeing the faces of those I care for, those I may or may not have come to love in my time. Unanswered questions, unfinished goals. I sure didn't want to miss this NFL Season. The dumb shit you find yourself thinking about when you are facing death or the attempt of it.

Jolting towards me, my ‘Fan’ extended the knife at me as he let out a roaring scream and aimed for my chest.. This was the moment I was expecting to face. Life or Death. Which would I find once this was over?


Vegas Apartment
5:47 AM
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..
…


So in the end I found myself standing outside in the streets blanketed with Red and Blue police lights. I took the advice of my wife.. My Ex Wife that she had once given me before we got married. Back when I still had a Best Friend. I could hear her voice telling me now:

“Talk to the Cops, they will help!”

I smiled thinking how she was right all along. Every neighbor that lived in the area was outside watching. Nosey as shit but it was to be expected. It was bustling with activity. I counted 5 Police Cars and an Ambulance as I dropped down and took a seat on the curb.

“Mr.. Cashe is it? Cashe like money or Cashe like Cache?”

The Detective approaching me asked.

“Like the money..” I confirmed it with him. Next to me, he takes a seat on the curb. Trying to make me more comfortable or play the friendly, caring cop. I was just fine but they didn't need to know that.

“Can you tell me what happened? Did you know the intruder?”

Dropping my head as I sat with my knees up on the side of the road. I didn't want the Detective to see the smile on my face form.

“Nah I didn't know him..” I tried to sound shaken up. “I must have fallen asleep in the living room.. Next thing I know, I have this crazed individual screaming and waving a knife at me!”

“Did he say anything?” The detective asks..

“No, not really.. He ended up screaming DIE and then rushed me..”

“I will need you to come down to the station and answer some more questions after we get all of this situated.”

By situated, he means an investigation. As far as they could tell or would tell, this was a Break In. At best, they find where he lives and figure out he is an obsessed fan who has been stalking me. As far as they know.. I was unaware for the most part. In this line of work, fans can be a lot of things. Creepy, obsessed, entitled or even delusional. Sometimes you get a mixed bag and shit like this happens.

The clanking of metal grabs both mine and the Detective’s attention. From the apartment, EMTs roll out a stretcher with a body bag on top. I knew who it was, a fan of mine..

“So.. If you could, stay in town for a few days? It's easier to get a hold of you that way. Sound good?”

“Yeah.. I can do that. I’ll go gamble and find some trouble to get into!” I joked but really, only in part.

“Let's not get into too much trouble!” The Detective says in return and shares the energy I had. Getting to his feet, the Detective brushes himself off and adds. “It shouldn't be too long, next few days, we will have you come in and answer some questions. Help put this whole thing behind us!”

“Sounds good to me!” I push up to my feet and offer the Detective a hand. He takes and shakes it. “Thanks!”

“It's our job..” Like I needed a reminder of what a pigs job was. Immediately after the shake, I wipe my hand on my shirt. Watching the area glow with lights, it was finally starting to wrap up.

“... Hello, Jason..”

My soul could have left my body but I ain't no bitch and knew who the voice belonged to as it came up from behind. It was Elm.

“Everything work out?” He asks with a whispered tone.

“Yerrp..” We stood there watching the EMTs load the gurney into the ambulance and shut the doors.

“So.. What really happened after he woke up?”

“I gave him a drink of water and a butcher knife..” I knew I should probably thank Elm for playing his part. Being there at the very least when it seemed nobody else wanted to be. “His mistake was picking up the knife..” I laughed. Elm didn't and I think he wanted details but that was best left to the imagination of anyone who wasn't there, to wonder..

”So what now?” Elm asks now that the whole ‘Fan’ situation seems to be over. For now? I had to stay in Vegas for a few days.

”I’ll go off the grid for a few days.. Adjust before I head to Colorado for Warfare.”

”Strays on the Prowl!” Elm howls out with a newfound excitement.

”Yeah, no, you can still fuck off.. I need to be alone for a while.”

Nothing else needed to be said. I walked off. Not towards the apartment, not towards any vehicles because the rental was left with Elm. I just walked and headed towards the lights of Vegas..