“Wake up!” The voice was breaking into my dream like it wanted to steal the valuable parts. “Boy, I said WAKE UP!”

SNAP!

I was awake. The immediate reaction to the pain of being hit with.. I wasn't sure what she had but my Mother came into a blurry view as I rolled over in bed and opened my eyes. In her hand, she held a cord of some kind. As I yawned and started to stretch, she cocked back and swung at me with the cord for a second time. It snapped against my outer arm.

“What the fuck, Ma? I’m awake.. I’m awake.”

This was like being a kid again. I had no interest in dealing with this bullshit right now. “Where's the Princess?” She asked as she looked over at the couple of bags I had brought with me.

“Not here obviously..” I responded as I threw my feet off the side of the bed to get up. I had to pee.

CRACKLE!

“Don't get jazzy with me!” Her third swing of the cord and in my head, I told myself that was the last one she was getting. Following me as I make my way to the bathroom, she of course has follow up questions. “What happened?” I shut the door in her face. “What did you do?”

“Not enough I guess, I dunno. Doesn't matter.”

I was scrambling to understand myself but I sure didn't want to give my Mother the satisfaction of being right.

“So she kicked you out?”

As my stream sounded off into the toilet, I shook my head. “No, it was.. Mutual, I guess.”

“A lot of guessing, Mutual you say?!” She bursts out with laughter that stung more than the whips with the chord. “So it's over between you two?”

I gave some pause as I reached for the faucet to wash my hands and wake up. Over? I guess it was. Nobody will take big surprise from it and really, I can't say I am surprised by it. As I washed my hands, I forced out the growing thoughts from my head as I looked at myself in the mirror. My own reflection tells truths and in my eyes, I see them. I see myself for who I am and most of it isn't good.

“Huh? Is it over?” She asks again as I pull the bathroom door open. Her intrigue is fairly high so I know she won't stop until she gets an answer.

“Yeah.. It's over.” Pushing past her, I leave the bedroom and head down the hallway until I find the kitchen. It was my house but it felt like a stranger lived here. “She filed for the annulment this morning.” I said with a sigh. “On her birthday no less..”

“Daaaaaamn! Hahaha! You know..” Her voice let me know she had followed behind me all the way through the house. “I hate to say I told you so but, umm.. I tol–”

“MOM!” I shouted, slamming a fist down into the surface of the counter in the kitchen. “Let me at least get some coffee, ok?”

“I’m just saying.. On her Birthday, she ended your Marriage! Savage!”

She shrugs and attempts to not pry any further but her attempts were a hot mess. Much like her and apparently the apple didn't fall far from the tree. “It was never going to work out anyway. At least it happened before either of you fell in love..”

Love? What If.. We had.. What if we could have? What if.. Words Sloane said to me on New Years, wanting to give it a shot. Like a switch being flipped, I felt an evil rage of anger fill my chest. My heart raced, blood pumped and boiled as I watched coffee slowly drip down into an empty pot.

“Let this be a lesson to you, son.” I wanted her to shut up right now but she just couldn't help herself. “You're a fuck up and fuck ups don't get the Prom Queen.”

“I swear to fucking GAWD!”

I roared with rage and growled, shoving away from the counter, I hurried back down the hallway. Passing the door to where I had slept, I entered the master bedroom. My Mother had all her shit still in suitcases and that saved me a lot of work.

POP!

Slapping me directly in the back, she roars at me. “What are you doing?!” Looking to see as I am getting her suitcases closed up. “That's my stuff! That's all I have left from Atlanta!”

“I want you gone..”

“What?!” The look of surprise covering her face was priceless and I wanted to take a picture and frame it.

“Gone. Out of my house.” Lifting two of her bags from the floor, I bullied past her and piled back into the hall. Launching the bags as far down the hallway as I could, I turned to grab the remaining bags.

“I’m not going anywhere!”

“The fuck you ain't!” Throwing the other bags down to join their companions, I stop in front of my Mother. I look down into her eyes as she looks up into mine. “I want you gone and I will Gorilla Press you out the door if need be, test me..”

Her mouth dropped open. A sign that she actually believed me and rightfully so, I wasn't lying. “But, I’m your Mother!”

I chuckled at the thought of it as I kicked her bags into the living room, heading towards the front door. “I’ll call you a cab, buy you a plane ticket to anywhere you want to go.. Once you get there, get lost.”

She didn't argue. She didn't say anything after that. She sat down and we waited a good 45 minutes before the taxi showed up and neither of us said a thing. I loaded her bags into the trunk, paid the driver and turned back to the house as my Mother was coming down the driveway.

“Here..” Pulling out my wallet, I took out everything I had on me in cash. “A few thousand, take it.”

She doesn't say anything but sure as shit snatches the money from my offering hand. As she ducks to get into the cab, she grabs the door to pull it closed but stops and finally says something.

“Maybe we just aren't meant to have that luxury in life.. Love? Maybe it's just not for us. You, me, between us or with others..”

She shuts the door and the cab pulls away. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”


“My Mother beat me with a wire hanger.. And then AFTER I was born, she evolved and started using brooms, wooden spoons or anything she could swing and throw. She got at me a few times, fully loaded clip. It goes without saying that when you grow up without love in the Home, you struggle to truly understand what it means to have it. I also understand that my ‘Marriage’ was a safe space. We needed the other in situations we felt otherwise alone.. The difference being, my situation still lingers.

Regardless.

I am no longer married and I lost my Best Friend..

What I have left is what takes place inside that ring. For the time being, THAT is my entire life! That is a problem for myself and those standing across from me because the idea is that someone will get hurt and I plan to start shooting like there is a life on the line so watch out for the strays..”


I slept for.. I don't know, a long time. I felt like a failure but I wasn't heartbroken. I lost a piece of peace and knew as soon as I got out of bed, I would force myself to pretend none of it mattered. Being alone again was often something people claimed to be comfortable with but more so than ever before, I now literally had nobody.

My Sisters and I don't talk.

I’ve run off any relationship I have had. Consistency says I’m the problem. Marry your Best Friend, they say.. Yeah, that worked out real well didn't it?

Friends are more rare than a Unicorn at this point and I just cut my Mother off. “If you get out of bed, it begins.” I whispered a verbal reminder to myself. What was it that would begin? The adjustment and acceptance that life is meant for chaos and I needed and was capable of accepting it. “Time doesn't value a Woe is Me.” I let out a grunt as I shot myself into a sit up on the bed and let my eyes open to the world I was hesitating to face.


“Hey, I’m Cashe. I wasn't sure if you knew and am not vain enough to believe everyone knows me but you, Mr. Rogers, seem to like introducing yourself to people.

Hailing from Foggy Old London you tell people before the pouring of stories and perspectives that just seem better fit for an Insane Asylum. Not the full restraints but the delirious types nonetheless and I can't bark about it like I’m not about it because at times, I should be a patient there myself!

Yet you seem like a spirited chap who yaps about the randomest of things! Someone who just does not like Joseph Gordon-Levitt! I’m not entirely sure why but I know you call him a Necromancer and have a strong dislike for him to say the least.. Okay, cool. He got murdered by Michael Myers in H20 so he gets at least some love for that in my book but let's talk about you, shall we?

Your Mother died, very sad. Kind of jealous if I’m being honest right now but that's neither here nor there and really takes us down a different path of discussion. Your girlfriend used to be so fat they called her Humongous? Now she's not though? Do I have that right? Again, it's hard to keep up with it sometimes because I don't have a need for ADHD medication like you apparently do..

You have been Xtreme Champion beating not one but two people while they were sleeping to achieve it and only recently did you lose the belt, your Momma would have been proud! Also, what an opportunity then for you to be in the position to go from one trophy to another, at least potentially and outside of your ‘run’ as Xtreme Champion have you even been a radar marking as a potential contender for this belt.. Really, who is? I wasn't when I got the shot.

Speaking of my belt. The XWF Television Championship! Do you want it? To touch, to hold, to carry or to own as your own? You want to be Champion of the Television? You seem more of a floor model but come bell time, I’ll lay you flat in 4k resolution. If you want what I have just so you can have something, you are wasting this opportunity. You are defeated even before you step foot out from the back. If you can hear the audience, you have already lost this bout and I’m just being honest with you..

You're an Anarchy based talent, aren't you? I ask because I am seeing more of Anarchy these days and it's crazy because if I wanted to go and compete with Anarchy, I’d have returned TO Anarchy!

I guess that just comes with the job description. Mine anyway, which is to step into the ring with anyone management decides to book me against! If they want to keep giving these false hoped pretenders like yourself a shot? Then cool, I’ll lace up the boots, walk my happy ass down to the ring and get my arm lifted in victory.

I get paid the same regardless of who is being folded like an L at my feet. I’d just prefer the risk that I might not make it out with my head held high..

See, that's what we do, what I do! We fight! We scrap! We take the hope and will from someone and send them into the back with their heads hung low and feet dragging because of the empty space they reached out and found while trying to grab at achievement! That is your ONLY outcome for this match and I don't give two fucks if it is Warfare, Anarchy or some ‘Special’ Event called Revelry.

I’m lacing em up to lay em down and you are just the next contestant on to catch a beat down and I am your fucking Host!

Come play with me..”


Just me all alone.. In my house in Houston. A house I bought and have yet to spend more than a few hours in until now. Sometimes your home becomes a prison and right now, I’m not sure who I am emprisioning, myself or people who might end up in my lane outside of these walls. I tweeted about it, I could fight right now. Fuck going to jail..

“Lock me UP! Throw away the key!” A movie reference that I refused to take further than that in quoting. I tried to break a smile but I was irritated. What I needed was a distraction but I wasn't sure where to begin.

I roamed through the house. I unpacked my shit, what little I had. That's when I found the bottle. The memory of actually celebrating Christmas hit me as I stared down at the bottle of Moonshine that Sloane’s Father had given me. A planned joke from Sloane’s Sister, Cynara because it was Moonshine that helped get Sloane and I married.

“Where it began, it shall end..”

I let mumble out from my lips. I have no belief I can finish this bottle myself but damnit, I felt the challenge being accepted as I turned and headed towards the kitchen to get a glass. I took two quick shots before I got the idea to check the mail. In truth, I was not dressed to check the mail. I wasn't wearing a robe, I had an orange sock on my right foot and a green one on my left. Not to be trendy but because I couldn't find the pair for either.

I was half naked, only sporting briefs that hugged against me in ways that made me feel safe. I grinned at the thought and proceeded to the front door. Immediately the sun blared down upon me and caused my eyes to squint. The heat hit me almost at the same time but it felt good against the chill that had taken residence on my skin from the AC.

Right outside of my front door sat a small patch of dirt and a growing sunflower. I flicked it as I passed by and headed down to check the mailbox. Nothing. I had no plans today other than to drink Moonshine and lose some time. “Did I leave that open?” I said as I jogged back to the front door. I could almost hear my Mother’s voice shouting at me about letting the air out.

Back inside, I was set on my path. I put on some music, grabbed the bottle, my cup and my phone and plopped down onto the couch in the living room. Setting the bottle on the small coffee table, I filled the cup about halfway before holding it up in front of me.

“To Friendship. Those that were and those that are no more, cheers..”

I coughed but it wasn't me getting choked up, I just had a frog in my throat. “Pain is a Gain and it's never a pretty process!” I had only half a mind to understand what the fuck I meant and truly, even that half wasn't entirely sure. I drank from the cup and didn't stop until the contents were gone.

“Aaaaaaahhh! May I have another? Yes you may!” I added a voice when responding to myself, it's a thing. Then as I take another swig, I add another mutter. Not for me and not for anyone who will hear me. Like a message in a bottle that I never really expect anyone will find, I said:

“Happy Birthday..”

That's PROBABLY when the drinking got heavier.. I can't be sure because quite frankly, I don't remember because I am in the now and if I am drunk now then what do I remember from that now? Confusing? Tell me about it..

I do remember that I wanted to slide around and dance. I danced like nobody should ever see a man on Moonshine dance! I know I knocked my fucking knee which sobered me up some but after a few hits from a bong and another shot or two, I was back in the game!

I didn't finish the bottle though. Fail. I must have passed out right before the sun came up. I think I was in the bathroom trying to take a piss..


“In all walks of life, including at times, this one. I have felt an emptiness in the pit of my stomach. Like I don't belong, I don't fit in because something in my upstairs is just not wired right. Twitter became a fix to have some social.. But even then, I find that being a dick just to swing from a set of nuts is more entertaining than the pet by numbers that most people use it for these days. I can't fit into that because I don't believe in participation trophies.

What we have in this match is just that.. You are one of many, including myself who have been a random name selected out of a hat to compete for the Television Title.

With our new GM in place, I’d imagine he will either give himself a shot at a title or we will see these changes be short term as his track record for maintaining a position of power has been seen with limitations to residency.

Something apparently needed to be done because between the whispers of bickering among the hallways to whole Champions missing out of airtime because production made a boo boo.. Check out my segment slot ONLY available on the Warfare replay for the last show.

So what else will come with these changes? Will we see 10 more championships added like we did when Thad ran Madness before, much like his other gigs of power, he faded out. I wonder though.. After being an active wrestler, then working commentary and now General Manager, I wonder what is next? Will we see someone reinvent Peter Vaughn’s old gimmick? Thad the Custody?

He’s not my opponent though, is he? No, he is just a member of an unofficial circle jerk of people with too much money and even more entitlement and if that was the description of a race of people, I’d be a racist.

I’m getting ahead of myself, forgive me..

Roger, Roger.. You can jumble together every word. Talk like you have no punctuation and tell of the wicked ways of Necromancy and the honorable Joseph Gordon-Levitt. You will do that because it's what you have done since you signed here. My advice to you as we head into this match is simple and I hope you take it to heart.

Slow down. Breath. Take in every face that you can remember from the crowd. Take in the energy you feel bouncing around inside of you as you hear them cheer, maybe even sing along to your theme music! These consuming Sheep will do plenty of things to fit in but see, I want them to cheer for you. I want you to feel as special in your moment as you can feel so that way I can make your story as close to awwww as one of those Sarah McLachlan Animal Shelter commercials where you just KNOW the animals were probably put to sleep after being abused and neglected. You are that animal, the one neglected and abused and left only with a relief of being put to sleep. I will leave you with a sparkle in your eyes, the same found in a pair of peepers before they take their last blink of life.

Roger, I have failed at many things in this life. Probably in a past life as well and in any future lives that I might live but in THIS life, I am good at what we do. I am not tooting my own horn, I wouldn't if I could because it's still a dick in your mouth even if it's your own. Just not my thing.. You know what, nevermind!

The fact is Roger, I’m sending you home disappointed. I am shipping you right back to Anarchy like I did Latoya Hixx and that other saggy meat curtain, Razor Blade. That is the company YOU are in because unfortunately our new GM has kept Cypher with a 3 in his name, relevant.

I beat Dolly Waters, I went to an overtime draw with a King named Prince. With you, Mr. Rogers, I will simply Thumb Wrestle into defeat.. This isn't Pay Per View, this is public humiliation and you are merely a small section on my next highlight reel..”


“Ugh..” The throbbing in my head was immense as I felt a grogginess and I regretted that last shot from the moonshine. It's always that last shot that does the most damage, just scientifically proven, I think.

“... Hello, Jason..”

Not now! I felt the echo of my inner voice flow through me like it would be what made me have to throw up. I felt nauseous and found myself sprawled out on my bed. Maybe I was just having a bad dream? That could be okay, I tried to sell myself. Then I felt a cold hand press gently onto my bare chest followed by the same voice I knew all too well.

“... No more bodyguard, huh?..”

Behind a sinister smile that you can hear in his words which I can't see mind you because I am white girl wasted and probably drooling.

“... I’m sorry to hear about the divorce..” He tells me as his fingers graze my chest. It kind of felt good but I am drunk so ignore me.

“Amolement, dick!”

I blurted but there was no way I said annulment right. Not that it matters either way, same result. I tried to swing on him but couldn't lift an arm.. Was I JUST drunk? I felt incapable of moving. It seemed drunk but had an extra something to it. Wouldn't be the first time he drugged me so we could ‘talk’ though.

“... I’m disappointed in you, my friend.”

He made that tsking sound but it came across funny as with some of his words. I would probably not remember now but he did remove his top front teeth. He also cut off his right nipple. I wanted to see, I tried to blink out the blurriness in my vision but couldn't.

“... Next time we are in the same room together..”

He gave pause. I almost let myself go back to sleep, I was tired. Moonshine or otherwise, I could sleep. That is until he said the last part, that stuck into me much like the knife he had shoved into my lungs back in November.

“... I’m going to kill you.. I will finally set you free of the burden you have become and cannot escape from..”

Somewhere in my subconscious, now and maybe before now, I wondered what if he's right? I must have passed and to be honest, I might not remember much after I wake up.. Then again, I have cameras!