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Dewey Gobblecoque · (05-18-2024)

GRAPPLING WITH GOBBLECOQUE

Match Highlights:

Mark Flynn vs. Dolly Waters vs. Dionysus:
This match was like tossing a grenade into a blender. Mark Flynn, Dolly Waters, and Dionysus put on a show that made roller coasters seem tame. Flynn, our self proclaimed "King of the Midcarders," slithered his way to victory by pinning Dolly, but not before Dionysus and Dolly gave him a thrashing he won’t soon forget. Flynn with the win, but all three competitors left a mark.

Roger © vs. A Literal Gorilla vs. Bulk Logan:
Picture this: some regular guy, a literal gorilla, and Bulk Logan walk into a wrestling ring. No, it’s not the start of a bad joke, it’s the recipe for our XTreme Championship contest. Roger, our brave but clearly misguided champ, tried to fend off a rampaging gorilla and Bulk Logan, who’s still living in the 80s. Amid the gorilla mauling, Bulk Logan emerged victorious, pinning Roger after a Leg Drop of Gloom. That's right, folks, our new XTreme Champion is more bulked up than a Thanksgiving turkey.

Jason Cashe © vs. Prince Adeyemi:
This main event was like watching a couple of raccoons fight over scraps in a dumpster: chaotic, unpredictable, and utterly captivating! Jason Cashe and Prince Adeyemi brawled everywhere short of the concession stand. The match ended in a time limit draw, but the crowd wasn’t having it. They chanted for "Five More Minutes!" and the ref obliged. Even with extra time, it still ended in a draw. I'm sure these two are destined for another round sooner than later.

Drama Alert:

Flynn Responds to Holden Payne's Challenge:
Holden Payne came out looking for someone to tango with at The Revelry. Enter Mark Flynn, who responded with a promo that was funnier than a clown at a funeral. He called out Payne, showing off his ego, which is the size of a small country. This last minute edition to The Revelry is shaping up to be a technical masterpiece or a complete disaster. Either way, it’ll be entertaining!

Thaddeus Duke and Cypher Face Off:
Thaddeus Duke and Cypher’s feud is hotter than a jalapeño trapped in a sauna. They had a face to face that was more intense than a staring contest with Medusa. They’ll be settling their score at The Revelry inside of the Lion's Den. This structure makes a steel cage look like a playpen. Expect blood, sweat, and probably a few broken bones.

Dionysus and Sebastian Everett Bryce Share Charcuterie:
After the triple threat, Dionysus and Universal Champion Sebastian Everett Bryce decided to have a picnic at ringside. Yes, you read that right. The playful interaction sure didn’t leave me excited for a fight, but I am hungry for cheese.

Warfare's New GM Revealed / Air Day Changing:
And just when you thought the night couldn’t get any crazier, Thaddeus Duke was revealed as the new Warfare General Manager. This surprising announcement promises to shake things up on Warfare… Now coming to you on Monday nights!

Dolly Waters' Post-Show Encounter:
After Warfare, Dolly Waters was backstage, exhausted and icing her neck, when paparazzi pest Chaz Blinbar started badgering her with condescending questions. Dolly just starred blankly and started whistling ‘Ode to Joy’ as security hauled Chaz away. She then pulled out something from her pocket. Dolly's Britney phase continues.

Overall Take:

Warfare delivered a night of high octane action, drama, and unexpected twists. From intense matches to surprising announcements, the show kept fans on the edge of their seats. The buildup to The Revelry is in full swing, and if this episode is any indication, we're in for a show that’ll make the Fourth of July look like a sparkler in a wildfire!

Rating: 4.6/5

Bottom Line:

This week’s episode was the perfect go home show leading into The Revelry, with jaw dropping matches and enough drama to make your head spin. With Thaddeus Duke as the new General Manager, maybe Warfare will finally find the stability it needs to put on great shows like this more often!

-Dewey

**"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane** · **05-19-2024, 06:47 PM**

Who the heck hired this guy back???

Theo Pryce · **05-20-2024, 06:09 AM**

I've been wondering the same thing about you.

Charlie Nickles · **05-21-2024, 03:08 AM**

I've been wondering the same thing about myself.

Dionysus · **05-22-2024, 10:30 AM**

I've been wondering.

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