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Dexter Bale · (01-23-2013)

NOTE - ALL VIEWS AND THOUGHTS EXPRESSED IN THIS PROMO ARE OF DEXTER BALE, THE FICTIONAL CHARACTER, NOT ME PERSONALLY.

The Morning Routine

Queen's music video for "I Want To Break Free" is being played on a 61 inch flat-screen Samsung television set. The television set is hanging on the wall of a spacious living room. The decor is perfect and the colour scheme gives off a delightful vibe. All utilities are stylish and slick. From an adjacent room Dexter Bale walks in clad in a red silk Ralph Lauren dressing gown. He smiles at wherever the camera is set up.

Dexter Bale: "How is this possible? How is there a camera on Dexter Bale , in his house, watching his every move? It's because Dexter Bale wants there to be a camera in his house watching his every move. You see, I'm fascinated, in fact I'm fascinated by many things but the one thing that fascinates Dexter Bale more than anything else . . . is Dexter Bale. My personality is perfect, I am a model, I have the best hair in New York City and well . . . have you seen this body?"

Dexter Bale steps away, dropping his robe in the process, thankfully he is wearing a pair of tight white Giorgio Armani boxers. We see his powerfully built thighs and muscle-defined calves. The light gleans on his chiseled eight-pack with startling arrow lines. He turns so that he is facing a full length mirror and flexes his arms showing his impressive biceps. Dexter finally points at the mirror and winks before wheeling away towards the kitchen area of his abode.

Dexter Bale: "I live in the penthouse of a high-rise 47-floor apartment block located in New York City's most desirable district. People say that no other city in America show more signs of urban decay than in New York City. But because something appears bad on the exterior, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad on the interior. Take my glorious penthouse for example. New York City is the bad exterior, my penthouse is the good interior. People also regard New York City as being one of the most dangerous cities throughout the United States. Now it may not seem like it on the exterior -- remember what we have learned -- but I am the most dangerous man in New York City."

Dexter Bale opens his fancy-looking fridge and takes out a carton of milk and a flask of orange juice. He then opens his press and takes out a bowl and a Corn Flakes cereal box. He pours himself a glass of orange juice and a bowl of cereal.

Dexter Bale: "Normal milk. Not low-fat. You need to get your fat from somewhere, without fat you would have nothing to tone, milk is the healthiest method of getting this requirement. Fresh orange juice. Hand squeezed from oranges personally. Only the best will suffice. Corn Flakes, no sugar. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips. This, this, is the breakfast of a man who would love nothing better than to go over and snap the cameraman's neck. Once I finish my breakfast I will shower. I will finish my breakfast in approximately four minutes and twelve seconds."

As Dexter Bale eats his cornflakes and take regular sips from his orange juice he once again begins talking.

Dexter Bale: "Three spoon-full of Corn Flakes followed by a sip of orange juice. Chew each spoon-full fourteen times. Research has determined the average person chews their food 14.235 times before swallowing, with a standard deviation of 4.287. However, results from empirical medical studies and finite element analysis models conclude that that the optimum number of chews is 13.562. Therefore, chewing exactly 14 times before swallowing is the optimum number of chews. I am a person who likes to do thing the optimum number of times."

As Dexter Bale finishes his breakfast he walks back through the living area. He points out various objects like lava lamps, the DVD set, the flat-screen, the leather recliners. Queen's music video for "Another One Bites The Dust" begins blaring from the flat-screen.

Dexter Bale: "You may notice that my choice of style is . . . contemporary. Contemporary means modern sleekness. I'm a contemporary guy in nearly every aspect of life. The one time I'm not contemporary is, ironically, when I'm in a wrestling ring. I've been described as old-school. Whatever that is."

Dexter Bale turns and looks at the music video playing on the television.

Dexter Bale: "Perhaps . . . perhaps I should draw your attention to the music video that's playing right now. The song is entitled Another One Bites The Dust. Could be fitting for anyone who is scheduled to compete with me in XWF as three young men had the pleasure of finding out on Saturday night. But that's not really the point. The point is that the band who are singing the song are Queen. Queen are seen by many as the greatest band of all time. Freddie Mercury has an innate ability to convey emotion and feeling with his voice. I read somewhere that he had the most versatile voice -- in terms of vocal range -- of any mainstream singer. But Freddie Mercury is gay. And I don't mean it as some kind of eight-grade slag. Freddie Mercury is an actual homosexual."

On that strange point Dexter Bale turns around, picks up the remote and knocks off the television. He then proceeds to the boiler press and produces a towel. With his back to the camera he takes off his white Armani boxer shorts. What is quite an amusing sight, is the small, green shamrock that Dexter has tattoo'd on his left bum cheek. He stays facing away -- thank God -- from the camera but talks.

Dexter Bale: "I'm going for a shower now. I use three different type of hair conditioners and a face wash with no alcohol in it. Alcohol dries the skin and makes you look older. After, I'll go and use Evelyn how I please. Then, I shall go and train up in the gym. I have my Warfare debut against a man called John Micheal White. He is a former World Champion in numerous federations apparently. I can't fathom the thought of being formerly at the top. I'll be entering Warfare as big news and I'll remain big news. I feel it'd be only fair to warn you John that when I hit you with The Bateman Drive I'm not trying to keep you down for a three count, it's nothing personal, but I'll be trying to break your neck."

Dexter Bale turns and gives the camera a little wink after turning his head,

Dexter Bale: "Anyways, shower then sex. Then I might shoot a cat or a hobo. See you in the gym."

Dexter Bale walks away from the camera, presumably towards the shower, after giving the viewers a strange insight into the mind of Dexter Bale.

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