At the very beginning of the show, we see the parking lot. Mark Flynn rides into the lot in his Honda Prius. As he prepares to pull into his spot, it’s taken by yet another Honda Prius. Bobby Bourbon steps out, holding his half of the XWF Tag Team Championships. Mark sticks his head out of his Prius window.
THAT’S MY SPOT!
IT SAYS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!
Genevieve Tote steps out of Bobby’s car. She waves at Irwin, who remains seated, silent, and stricken with fear that Mark will just ram something with the car.
Right, that’s my spot!
..
I picked up a Prius at Hertz, it was left for the tag champs.
Well, I picked up a Prius at Avis for the tag champs!
AVIS IS FOR ASSHOLES!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR HERTZ!
Bobby grabs his old school duffel bag, carrying it as he walks into the arena.
See you later, Irwin!
Miss Tote walks off after Bobby. Mark fumes, and pulls into the parking spot adjacent to Bobby’s. It too says reserved for the XWF Tag Team Champions; the old APEX rule in effect of getting two spots. Mark steps out of the vehicle and begins walking into the arena. Irwin scrambles to get his rollaway luggage and briskly trots to catch up with Flynn. Flynn sees a garbage can standing outside near the door and kicks it over.
He then turns and points to two stage techs.
PICK THAT UP!
Mark enters, and he is greeted by his tag team partner, Bobby Bourbon, who looks displeased, and Theo Pryce.
Mark! I was just asking about you.
HE LIED! WHATEVER HE SAID! SLANDER! AND LIBEL!
Bobby glances at Theo and swiftly shakes his head ‘no’.
No, he didn’t, Mark, he said you were right behind him when I told him I wanted to talk to you.
Ah.
…
WELL, He took my parking spot!
I did and I’m not ashamed.
Guys, settle down. I’m here to congratulate you on winning the XWF Tag Team Championships.
I hope you’re prepared to defend it.
Don’t believe a word he says, Mark.
Theo, I will comply however I have to… Legally.
Um…
This is an interrogation!
…
I INVOKE MY RIGHT TO REPRESENTATION! YOU CAN’T CONTINUE WITHOUT MY ATTORNEY PRESENT
Flynn reaches into his pocket, pulls out a false mustache, and applies it to himself while he slowly does a 360 in front of Theo, finishing his revolution as Christopher K. Clinton.
Mr. Pryce, I hereby insist on a cease and desist!
Did you just rhyme?
...Yis…t.
Theo looks over at Bobby, who now is also wearing a fake mustache.
Who are you supposed to be?
Bobby points at Christopher K. Clinton.
…
I’m with him.
Theo takes a swift sharp breath and turns.
Nope.
…
Nope, nope, nope. I’m done.
..
I’m done here tonight.
Damn it.
Theo walks off, looking just plain confused. Cut back and it’s Bobby Bourbon sans ‘stache and Mark Flynn, putting the signature of C.K.C. Esq. squarely in the tiny jeans pocket. Bobby is eating a fully dressed hot dog.
Where did you get that?
Bobby chews for a moment.
..
…
I get as many as I want.
It’s in my contract.
Any time I want a hot dog, it’s on the XWF’s dime.
I have my own personal hot dog vendor team that travels to every arena.
My personal hot dog vendor team has been to more Warfare shows this year than half the roster.
They’re almost like family.
Want one?
Bobby takes another chomp out of the frankfurter.
...
..
I would never.
NEVER.
Accept one of your hot dogs.
Hot Dogs are disgusting.
You disgust me.
Mark walks past Bobby and to his dressing room. He opens it, the door swinging wide inward, and looks at Bobby.
I hope I never see you the rest of the night!
Mark slams the door shut, the camera trailing behind him. He sits in a locker and Irwin stands patiently.
Irwin, can you believe the outright audacity of that stupid beast of a man!
Hot dogs!
...
Goddammit, I could really go for one right now.
Fucking Bobby. DAMN HIM.
With that, the locker room door swings wide open. As it does, we see the label on the door reads “XWF Tag Team Champions”. Bobby walks in, still eating a hot dog. He points at the sign on the door.
MOTHERFUCKER!
..
…
Nah, I’m a Bastard now.
Bobby sits down. He finishes his hot dog and another is tossed to him from off screen.
Know what, Mark? It’s Christmas Time, so I got you something.
Mark’s eyes brighten. Bobby’s loaded, he’s got to get the good stuff, like from Skymall or some such. Bobby raises his right hand and gives Mark the middle finger.
Just for you.
Wow, this is awkward, because…
Flynn reaches into his pocket. Bobby is intrigued. Flynn won, like, a million dollars from the Cannabis C-
Flynn fishes out his fist.
…
Then, he cranks an invisible crank beside his hand.
His own middle finger slowly unfurls.
Looks like I got you the same thing…
Bobby slowly moves his hand to within a micrometer of Flynn’s face.
I’m not touching you.
Flynn stuffs his own finger up to Bobby’s face.
Get your hand out of my face!
I’M NOT TOUCHING YOU!
Theo opens the door at precisely this moment. Bobby and Mark glance at Theo, then back at each other.
I’m going to break his hand!
I haven’t even touched him, I gave him a hot dog!
I WOULD NEVER BE GIVEN A HOT DOG BY THIS MAN.
Nope.
..
…
I said I was done with this before, and you know what?
I’m done.
Theo turns and leaves. Mark turns and Bobby’s hand is nowhere near him. Bobby’s got his mustache on again.
What?
You’re doing it wrong.
Excuse me, Mr. Flynn.
…
My name is Albert Poppinfresh, Private Investigator.
Mr. Bourbon hired me to actually do a background check on you.
What!?
HOW DARE HE! MY BACKGROUND IS BETTER THAN MOST PEOPLE’S FOREGROUNDS!
…
Well everything checks out.
Without warning, Christopher K. Clinton sits in front of Albert Poppinfresh.
Can you attest to that in an affadavit?
Sure.
Albert Poppinfresh looks at the camera. A chunk of relish with a bit of ketchup is stuck in his mustache.
We’re going to John Grisham the fuck out of this shit!
...
I can concede in this case that yes, “John Grisham” is a verb.
I meant a written statement.
Hmm. Hey, where's our kid by the way?
Mark looks at Bobby furiously.
...
Shit.
Bobby stands up.
STOP LEAVING OUR LITTLE CHAMPION OF THE PROLETARIAT IN THE CAR THIS IS THE THIRD TIME!
I leave the window cracked...
UNACCEPTABLE!
Bobby leaves the room. Mark looks over at a man standing at a hot dog cart. The hot dog guy waves at Mark. Bobby re-enters the locker room carrying a car seat.
He's fine, everything's fine.
We the X-Tron come to life with the words THUGS in red font, and smoke comes out of the stage and the camera see's Tommy coming out first trash talking to the camera, then JB follows behind as he raises his fist in the air as they walk down to the ring. At the ramp area, Tommy and JB smack talk some people, and they both climb to the ring and enter it and bask in the mixed reactions as their theme cuts off.
The stadium spotlights rush up toward the ceiling and Waters appears under the XTron. She marches to the beat of Ode To Joy, the crowd roaring, her gaze set squarely on the squared circle. She climbs through the ropes and takes the center of the ring. Raising a single fist into the air.
The arena is pitch black and the melancholy opening tunes to “Identity” begin. But as the song starts to pick up in intensity, down in the entry way, you see a Jericho-esque light up jacket glow brilliantly. Then, twin explosions emit from either side of the ramp and the lights turn on in a swirling red and blue pattern that throb in sync with the beats of the song. Corey comes down the ramp, the jacket now flashing intermittent heart and lightning bolt patterns. On the 'Tron you see images of Corey/Lux pulling off fantastic moves, intercut with blur effects on Corey's face that obscure his features in an eerie way.
Corey gets on the ring apron, throwing his arms over the top rope as the jacket keeps flashing. He looks pumped as hell, and starts pointing out at the fans before rushing to the top rope, surveying the crowd from on high, before dropping down to the canvas and handing off his jacket. He paces the ring now, waiting for the match to begin as the music and lighting effects wind down.
"The T.H.U.G.S ™"
TOMMY WISH AND JOHN BLACK
- vs -
DOLLY WATERS AND COREY SMITH 2rps/3k or Negotiated - Standard Tag Team Match
Tommy Wish and Dolly Waters start the match for each team. Tommy moves slowly, calculating and watching as Dolly scampers around the ring with speed, trying to catch an angle.
PIP: "Both THUGS, John Black and Tommy Wish, have a hundred pounds or so a piece on Dolly Waters and Corey Smith… a piece."
HHL: "Corey's a pretty small guy, Pip, and I don't remember his size ever being a factor. Same with Dolly! I mean, look at you?"
Dolly shoots low and tries picking an ankle from Tommy, but he's able to sidestep and dodge. He steps forward, offering a tie-up, which Dolly at first accepts, but smartly dodges and dips herself and ends up behind him attempting a waist-lock! She can't reach all around the big man though and he pushes backwards into a turnbuckle!
PIP: "Ouch! Dolly is flattened!"
Dolly WAS flattened then plops down. Tommy makes a small circle to talk trash to the crowd then reaches down and pulls Dolly up out of the corner by her hair. He overpowers her, holding her down by the back of her neck, and points over to John Black asking if he wants tagged in.
PIP: "Tommy is just bullying Dolly around right now…"
Before Tommy can take another step, Dolly buries an elbow right into his gut! He lets go, which seems to spring Dolly into the opposite ropes! She bounces off and torpedoes across the ring hitting a dropkick that sends Tommy falling into the ropes! He sits with his arms over the second rope, 619, style, Dolly runs behind him and jumps through the ropes landing on her feet on the outside in front of Tommy. She reaches up and cracks him under the jaw with an uppercut, cleaning Tommy's clock right up!
Dolly leaps up on the apron beside a dazed Tommy Wish and throws her hair back and smiles. She races across the apron to the other corner, then turns to run back, but before she can do anything JB reaches in and pulls Tommy off the ropes as it was close to their corner and tags himself in.
HHL: "Ha! Foiled again!"
PIP: "Smart thinking on JB's part to get his partner to safety… Even though the official of the match didn't seem to approve…"
JB taunts Dolly as he enters the ring and Tommy pulls himself out. Dolly looks back to a more than ready Corey Smith waiting in their corner and skips backward to tag him in to a heavy ovation from the crowd.
PIP: "It's been a minute, folks, since we've seen Corey Smith in an XWF ring!"
Corey pulls himself and springs over the top rope into the ring! JB cracks his knuckles and moves in, but is tripped up when Corey drops and pulls him down with a drop toe hold. Corey springs right back to his feet and hops in place, as JB stares at him as he picks himself back up.
PIP: "Former Universal Champion! Former Supercontinental Champion! Form–"
HHL: "Christ, Pip! Give it a rest already!"
JB and Corey square up once more, sizing the other up, JB playing it much more cautious now… And Corey as well. Neither rushed in and it got to the point that Tommy Wish started talking smack from his corner. JB straightens his posture and tells Corey he can have the first shot. He leans in and Corey immediately goes for a roundhouse kick that JB barely avoids! It catches him by surprise but he manages to catch Corey with a quick clothesline as he spun about and got his footing.
JB pulls Corey to his feet and sends him into the ropes with an Irish whip! He goes for another clothesline, but Corey ducks and takes a bounce off the other ropes! He leaps, going for a cross-body, but is caught and powerslammed down to the canvas! JB pulls a leg and holds for a cover!
ONE!
TWO!!
KICKOUT!
Corey attempts to roll away, but is stopped by JB and pulled back up to his feet! JB pulls him over to his corner and tags in Tommy Wish! Before leaving the ring, JB throws Corey into the corner and kicks him a couple times in the midsection for good measure.
Tommy enters the ring and takes over. He takes a couple of shots at Corey before pulling him out of the corner, tucking his head under his arm, and taking a trip across the ring with a running bulldog! He plants Corey, then rolls him over and applies his own Disjointed Arms!
PIP: "Tommy Wish with a submission hold on Corey Smith! He's got him trapped in the center of the ring!"
Frustrated and helpless, Dolly remains in her corner with her arm reached without an arm to reach back. Corey screams in agony as Tommy wrenches on his arms, but Corey was able to maneuver his legs and push back, actually getting Tommy's shoulders to the mat!
ONE!!
TWO!!!
Tommy lets go of the hold and breaks the pin! He rolls one way and Corey rolls another way. Dolly reaches for a tag, but Corey looks up.. shrugs and kind of smiles. Dolly nods and retracts her tag and Corey rushes in as Tommy is getting to his feet… He cracks Tommy in the head with a knee before he gets all the way up and knocks Tommy over the middle rope, onto the apron, and rolls off onto the floor! Corey nods back to Dolly and brings her in for with a tag. She doesn't enter the ring. Instead, she hops off onto the floor and jogs around the ring to where Tommy landed and stops by the corner. Tommy was gathering his head, out of dodge, when he saw Dolly watching him. He stood up to challenge her, but the second he made his move she was already bouncing off the ring apron and meeting him with a kick to the face!
As Dolly get to her feet, JB is there waiting and flips her backwards with a heavy clothesline! JB flexes to the crowd to a shower of boos, but waiting behind him is Corey Smith on the top rope!
Corey leaps down to the floor!!
PIP: "Corey Special…. What number is it, Heather?"
HHL: "FOUR, Pip! Nevermind the first three! They sucked!"
JB takes the impact of the jawbreaker like a grenade went off nearby, bouncing backwards to his back several feet away! Corey picks up Dolly and shakes her a few times then lets her go as she catches her marbles then kicks Tommy on his way to pick him up and throw him under the bottom rope into the ring. The referee yells at Corey and Dolly as they roll into the ring at the same time. Tommy starts to scramble and starts to his feet in the middle of the ring. Corey waits and comes up behind him…. As Tommy takes a stumbling turn he falls right into a Pain De-Lux!!! As Tommy takes the fall, Dolly is running across the ring to catch him with Running Waters!! Dolly with the cover!!
PIP: "OH! What a combination! Tommy Wish is out!"
HHL: "I think John Black is still out, too.."
ONE!!
TWO!!!!
THREE!!!!!
Winners - Dolly Waters and Corey Smith
The camera cuts to backstage, and we’re met with a sullen Isaiah King. Eyes sunken in, he stares blankly towards the curtains while the clock ticks down to his tag-team match-up. His arms had a flower wrapped around an armband, a white lilly for the childhood friend he’d lost over the weekend.
A flower for Ezekiel.
Up to him walks up Ned Kaye, concerned as ever, but pumped to take on The Good Guys. He glances at the Universal Champion and feels a pang of guilt grip at his heart. He’d witnessed Isaiah’s friend get killed, and done nothing about it… He wanted to, but simply couldn’t.
Breathing in deeply, he rests a reassuring hand on King’s shoulder and continues to stretch.
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell blasts through the speakers and the famous chords draw a smile to Kaye’s lips. This is exactly what he’s made for. He gives Isaiah’s shoulder another squeeze before breaking through the curtains.
Ladies and gentlemen, the first of your TAG-TEAM CONTENDERS! He is, the NOTOOOOOOOORIOUS, NED KAAAAAAAAAAAAAYEEEEEEEEEEE!
As the lyrics start, Ned Kaye stands at the point where the spotlights merge to thunderous applause. He lifts his fist up in the air, awaiting the crowd to do the same before rushing down to the ring, serenaded by blue hues that light up the ramp following his steps. The lights above the stadium darken in their blue color as Ned gets closer to the ring, little bits of ember adorning the X-Tron and ramp, orange breaking up the blue. He leaps over the ropes into the ring before looking down, breathing the moment in, and pointing out at the crowd, ready to fight just with their energy alone. Jumping a bit from the adrenaline, he makes his way to his corner as he awaits his partner.
Just as he looks up, the swaying stadium lights settle on the top of the stage as “The King’s Affirmation” comes through the speakers. The ethereal lyrics of Iniko ring true as the sullen Universal Champion walks through the curtains.
AND HIS PARTNER! He IS your UNIVERSAL CHAMPION! He IS the HEIR APPARENT. He IS the KINGSLAYER.
ISAAAAAIAAAHHHHHH KIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGG!!!
His eyes stare blankly through to the ring. Around his waist lies the coveted Universal Championships.
HHL: Damn Pip, King looks a right mess today.
PIP: Yeah, I don’t… I don’t know what to say.
Unbuckling the belt, Isaiah raises it to the crowd, who burst into a cheer of applause. Isaiah lowers the belt before rushing down the aisle and sliding into the ring. He hands the Universal Championship over to the referee before sliding against the ropes beside Ned.
HHL: They dont’ look like much of a team, but they look ready to kick some ass.
Just as Heather shuts her hole, “Bulls on Parade” hits the speakers and a bemused Bobby Bourbon and Mark Flynn find their way into the light, bumping against each other. They glare down at each other, flashing their belts to each other before turning their attention to their opponents in the centre of the ring. Flynn sneers at Bobby before sprinting down the ramp and sliding into the ring.
Ladies and Gentlemen, these are your TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONS! The team of Bobby Bourbon and MAAAAARK FLYNN, THEY ARE THE GOOD GUYS!!!!!!!!
He walks up to his friends and goes to give them a hug that’s quickly shut down by Ned and Isaiah. Bobby walks down the ramp slowly, completely ignoring the fans booing and cheering him on.
As all four competitors find themselves in the ring, Isaiah stands right in the center, staring straight through Bobby Bourbon. Flynn tries to dap him up but is faced with the same cold stare as he was before.
PIP: Ain’t no love lost between these competitors.
HHL: And can we blame them - Flynn and Bourbon have been ruthless in the buildup to this match.
The referee pats all four competitors. Ned suspiciously eyes the check on his opponents, while also carefully watches Isaiah get pat down. As he goes to ring the bell, the referee checks which of the competitors will start the match.
The following match is for ONE FALL! And is for the XWF Tag Team Championships!
Isaiah gives Ned a look that sends the older man to the corner of the ring. Flynn argues with Bourbon for a second before throwing his hands in the air dramatically and exiting the ring to leave Bourbon and Isaiah staring each other down.
HHL: And we’re OFF! Isaiah and Ned really looking like individuals while Bobby and Flynn looking like a dysfunctional couple.
PIP: Conflict is the start of every good relationship, Heather.
Isaiah immediately charges the hulking Bourbon. As Bobby goes to extend his hands out for a lock-up, Isaiah drops to a knee and slams a shoulder into Bobby’s knee. Jamming the ligament, Bobby yelps out in pain before slamming a menacing fist into the back of Isaiah’s head.
Isaiah drops to the mat but wraps a arm around Bourbon’s ankle and manuevers his body into an ankle lock. He slams a hand into the back of Bourbon’s thigh, numbing the leg and dropping the large man into a kneeling position. Isaiah tries to slip the man into a full ankle lock but the large man tries to wiggle his way out of it.
HHL: King really going for the technical victory here.
PIP: Ain’t no way our baby Champ is going to out wrestle BOBBY BOURBON
The two struggle against each other for dominance but it’s BOBBY that seems to win out, pressing his mass agains the smaller man and wiggling his ankle our of Isaiah’s grasp. Bobby rams some stiff knees into King’s side, eliciting some painful grunts and yelps from the smaller man. Bobby lets out a laugh as he continues to wear the Champ down.
”So much for champ, huh?”
Isaiah raises a knee to block an incoming strike before slamming a palm up into the chin of Bobby. The large man feels his mouth crush into his tongue, spewing blood out of his mouth and onto the mat. Cursing loudly, Bobby gets to his feet and spits another wad of blood out on the mat. Isaiah pulls himself up against the ropes and flips off the XWF legend.
PIP: THE ABSOLUTE ATTITUDE FROM ISAIAH KING, THIS IS BOBBY BOURBON
HHL: And this is our Universal Champion!
Bobby smirks at the champion, bloody lips and all, and goes to tag in his enemy and partner, Mark Flynn.
Isaiah slowly pulls himself up to his feet and Matrix-beckons Mark Flynn to come at him. Flynn wastes no time rushing the Universal Champion. Isaiah lifts a huge boot to stop him, which Flynn ducks under entirely and slips an arm through Isaiah’s legs and onto his belt buckle. Flynn pulls Isaiah onto the mat and catches him in a quick Inside Cradle. The referee drops to the mat
HHL: He’s trying to get a quick one on the CHAMP!
1!!!
Isaiah scream out and kicks out of the hold with a tremendous roar. Pulling himself back onto his feet, he grabs hold of Mark’s head and throws him into the nearest turnbuckle. He begins to throw stiff punches at them, slamming them into Mark’s head and body. The crowd is confused, mixed emotions from their dislike of Mark and their disapporval of Isaiah’s ruthlessness. Ned starts to slam a hand down against the turnbuckle, itching a for turn in the ring.
Isaiah pushes Flynn agains the rope and backs up, teeing up a corner high knee. As he comes running in, it’s Flynn who slips through the upcoming knee and maneuvers his way behind Isaiah.
Grabbing the back of Isaiah’s head, he runs away from Isaiah and leaps into the air. He comes crashing down the mat with a thundering NECKBREAKER!!!
Isaiah’s back bounces against the mat and his neck faces immense whiplash. Flynn is quickly on his feet. He rushes the nearest turnbuckle and leaps off it with immense speed, he lands a deafening KNEE DROP on Isaiah’s head off the turnbuckle, and goes to cover the Universal Champion again.
1!!!!
2!!!!
Ned screams Isaiah’s name and it shakes him off his pain to break the pin cleanly. Flynn rolls back onto his feet and raises his hand to absorb the crowds cheers and boos.
HHL: Did the Tag Champ almost pin the Universal Champion???
Isaiah struggles to pull himself up on to his feet and shoots a glare down towards Ned who's slamming his plan into the turnbuckle and begging for a tag.
“I got this.”
PIP: Doesn’t seem like the champ wants any help… Figures.
Flynn walks up to Ned and tries to get him to calm down.
“Nederino, it's just some harmless fun, all in good fun, no need to get your panties in a twisties!”
The referee comes up to Mark and tries to get him away from Ned's corner, which is just the distraction Bobby needs to walk along the apron and slam Isaiah into the ropes by slamming a massive forearm into the champion's chest.
The crowd’s boos erupt even louder, and Mark turns around in confusion. Bobby points at the downed man and asks him to get it going.
Mark runs across the ring towards Isaiah and drops into a low drop-kick, hoping to catch Isaiah as he's kneeling to get back up.
The champion sees the run and tries to roll out of the way, but Bobby grabs his ankle, restraining him. The kick rocks Isaiah’s head, and he falls into the mat with a thud.
Ned is furious in his corner, slipping through the ropes and posturing towards the referee. Mark, seemingly playing oblivious to Bobby’s antics, goes to pick up Isaiah’s hand before slipping it into an armbar right in the centre of the ring.
Isaiah lets out a scream and starts reigning fists into Mark’s side while tensing his arm to prevent the armbar locking in fully.
HHL: Genius on Flynn’s side to try and take Isaiah’s hands out of action, our boxing champion will be well handicapped, pun intended.
PIP: Heather, that was disgusting.
Isaiah manages to slip his arm out of the grip, but only long enough for Flynn to drag him by the wrist towards his half of the ring. Bobby slaps him on the back and takes over on the beat down of the Universal Champ.
Lifting Isaiah up onto his shaky feet, Bourbon hooks an arm over him and hoists Isaiah up vertically. Lifting a dramatic leg up for painfully long, Bourbon falls backwards and Isaiah comes crashing down in a massive VERTICAL SUPLEX, sending him sprawling into the centre of the ring.
Bobby glances back at Isaiah before steadying himself on the ropes. He rests his legs on the bottom rope, using it as leverage to leap backwards, flip in midair before coming down in a thunderous SENTON SPLASH.
HHL: WOW, I always forget how cat-like Bourbon is when he’s in the ring. Big man can MOOOVE!
PIP: Have you been drinkin’ the eggnog early? Bobby is really impressive though.
Isaiah spits out a wad of blood, gripping his ribs as he writhes on the floor. Bourbon gets back up onto his feet and starts to flip off the crowd still booing him from his previous cheating antics.
Lifting Isaiah up again, he sends him flying into the turnbuckle Ned is standing desperately behind. Bourbon drops into his best Bruce Lee impression, sounds and all, and beckons The Notorious One to dance with him.
Ned takes no time tagging himself in, leaping over the top rope and into the lions den. Isaiah plants a weary hand on his shoulder, still resting against the turnbuckle.
[ik] “I said, I got this…” [/ik]
PIP: Isaiah does not look pleased that Ned’s been called in to save him.
Ned gives him a pitiful look, before shrugging off the arm and advancing on Bourbon. The big man flexes both arms and sneers at Ned as the smaller man offers a classic elbow-and-collar tieup. Bourbon slaps the hand away. Ned uses the momentum to spin around and slam a stiff discus elbow into the over-confident man.
Bourbon’s head swings to the side but snaps back just as quickly. He wraps his arms around Ned’s waist and hoists him into the air with a crushing bear hug. Bourbon runs Ned straight into Isaiah’s waiting body, crushing the champion and Ned under his weight. Bourbon wraps his arms around both smaller men, and somehow… MIRACULOUSLY…
HHL: HE’S LIFTING THEM BOTH UP.
PIP: BAH’ GAHD
Flexing his lower back, Bourbon throws his two opponents over his back and into the centre of the ring. Isaiah and Ned in a tangle of arms and legs, groaning in pain.
HHL: The Champs ribs look beaten and bruised.
Isaiah struggles to get back up on his feet, Ned definitely the less beaten down of the two. Ned tries to help Isaiah up but is shrugged off once more. Isaiah spits another wad of blood into the centre of the ring before shooting a glare at Bobby. Isaiah finally gets up onto his feet, standing beside Ned, a look of defiance on his face.
He drops into a boxing stance as the referee shouts at him to leave the ring. Isaiah advances slowly towards Bobby, who’s now leaning against the turnbuckle nonchalantly. Isaiah throws fake-jab, slipping to the right and launching a pocket cross that Bobby narrowly blocks with his arm. Bobby throws a jab of his own, and Isaiah attempts to evade it but gets caught in the side of the head. The Champ falters before driving a body cross right into Bourbon’s gut. The wind gets knocked out of the big man long enough for Isaiah to grab the ropes on either side and drive his shoulder repeatedly into Bourbon’s solar plexus.
Ned rushes toward’s Isaiah, using Isaiah’s back to leap over him and driving a knee into Bourbon’s nose, busting it up and sending blood spraying everywhere.
PIP: That’s some ingenious tag-team action right there!
HHL: Not sure Champ’s very pleased with being used as a springboard.
Ned gets off Isaiah’s back, who finally straightens and rocks Bourbon with a quick succession of punches and elbows to the face. The ref comes up behind Isaiah and tries to get him out fo the ring. Grabbing Bourbon’s wrist, Isaiah sends him rocketing across the ring, unknowingly towards Ned.
Ned leans back and catches Bobby with a superkick that rocks the bigman’s head back and drops him to one knee.
PIP: TEAM WORK!
Ned shoots Isaiah a thumbs up but the champ has already slipped out of the ring and is obscured by the referee. Ned glances down at Bobby just as BObby reaches up and rakes both of Ned’s eyes from below. Ned stumbles back and Bobby picks him up again and slams him now into his corner of the ring.
Ned bounces off the turnbuckle and lands on his knees. Bourbon rushes him but befor he can land another hit-!
TAG!
Mark takes advantage of Ned’s position by leaping over the ropes and slamming a foot down onto Ned’s ribs on the landing. Flynn picks up his frienemy and sends him running to the ropes. On the rebound Ned tries to leap over Flynn but is caught in the air and pulled down into a excruciating ATOMIC DROP!!!
Ned clutches his Neder regions and it gives Mark enough time to run the ropes himself, leap off the second rope and send Ned sprawling with a SWINGING DROPKICK.
Flynn stands a few feet from Ned and beckons his friend to stand up, signalling THE END by overly dramatically running a thumb across his neck.
HHL: Looks like Flynn is ready to wrap this up right now!
PIP: Bobby doesn’t seem to appreciate being left out of the fun.
Bobby slips through the ropes and starts arguing with Flynn, something about a game plan and pinning Isaiah. Mark shakes his head, arching a brow and trying to get Bobby out of the way.
Ned struggles onto a kneeling position, looks up and sees the arguing Good Guys and takes the opportunity to push himself off the mat and towards his corner. Isaiah, somewhat recuperating, has an arm outstretched to tag himself back in.
Ned crawls towards Isaiah, but Flynn slips through Bourbon’s side and lands a vicious
V TRIGGER!!!
HHL: That’s NED’S MOVE!
To the back of Ned’s head, sending him crashing into the mat. Mark rolls the man over for a pin.
1!!!
2!!!
Isaiah leaps through the ropes and drives a knee into Flynn’s side. Again and again and again. It certainly breaks up the pin but Isaiah doesn’t seem to stop right there, at least not until Bobby lifts him up by the tights and throws him off of Flynn.
Landing a few feet away, Isaiah rushes the pair again but is stopped again by the referee who calls for both Bobby and Isaiah to get out of the ring.
Frustrated, Isaiah smacks the turnbuckle, but does as he’s told.
Ned pulls himself up against the ropes and looks wearily at Isaiah before deciding against making the tag. He turns his attention back to Flynn who looks at his arm, and does the half-motion of a low blow before he pulls himself back.
He mouths the word “Good Guy” to himself before he looks up and is met with the underside of both of Ned’s boots. The DROP KICK sends Flynn stumbling onto the corner, steading himself against the turnbuckle.
Ned rushes the turnbuckle, sending a RUNNING KNEE into Flynn’s chin. Quickly he pushes himself off Flynn’s body, dragging him out of the corner and throwing him into a quick NORTHERN LIGHT SUPLEX.
PIP: That’s FLYNN’S RIPARTE!
HHL: Both men stealing moves from the other right here.
Ned covers Flynn in a pin.
1!!!!
2!!!
This time it’s Bourbon who breaks the pin up by quite literally picking up Ned and throwing him back into his corner. Flynn throws Bourbon a thumbs up, which Bobby naturally ignores.
Bourbon picks up Flynn now and brings him back to his own corner and tags himself in. Simultaneously, Isaiah slaps a hand against Ned’s chest much to his disagreement.
Both new men meet in the centre of the ring and start trading blows with each other. Bourbon hits Isaiah in the bruised ribs, which almost keels the champ over before he comes swinging back with a Haymaker into the side of Bourbon’s head. Both men drop to a knee and sneer at each other.
Isaiah pulls himself up onto his feet, and from his kneeling position, Bobby yells out, “SHORYUUUUUKKEEENNNN!!!”
He spins out from his kneeling positing, his fist meeting Isaiah’s chin and snapp-
NO!!!
It clips Isaiah’s chin just an inch, the momentum sending him back, but not before he drives a knee right into Bobby’s chin.
Both men find themselves sprawled onto their back, heads ringing with pain.
HHL: Bobby’s Shoryuken will take your head clean off, King was lucky to get away with that one!
PIP: Looks like Bobby is in no better shape after that knee!
The crowd are in an uproar, cheering the champ on just as loud as the marks seem to be cheering for Bobby. The marks and Mark himself that is. The two men get back onto their feet simultaneously and stare each other down again.
Bobby hits a sharp chop onto Isaiah’s chest, that rings through the stadium and Isaiah replies with a European uppercut to the chin. Bobby stumbles back and comes rushing in with a lariat.
Isaiah ducks under the arm, before leaping into the air and wrapping Bobby into a body scissors. He maneuvers around Bobby somewhat painfully as the Big Man struggles to get him off.
Isaiah locks Bobby into an armbar, his legs wrapped around Bobby like a cross.
Bobby yells, before dropping back onto his back and hitting Isaiah with a modified samoan drop.
HHL: HE’S NOT LETTING GO!
Isaiah holds on dearly, wrenching at Bobby’s arms. With superhuman strength, Bobby manages to stand up again, with Isaiah still yanking at his arms.
Bobby runs backwards and slams Isaiah into his own corner and the champ finally lets go. Bobby pulls Isaiah out of the corner quickly before Ned can get a tag in.
PIP: He’s TOYING with them!
Bobby grabs Isaiah by the wrist and Irish whip-
NO!
Isaiah grabs Bobby’s wrist in turn just as Bobby lets go of him, using the momentum to pull Bobby towards him, Isaiah wraps his legs around Bobby’s massive frame, and his forearms around Bobby’s head.
HHL: KING WITH A DEVASTATING G.O.D FROM OUT OF NOWHERE!
Isaiah grunts and tries to roll the Tag Champ onto his back for the pin… NO GO! Isaiah sprawls down on the mat, exhausted. The two man lay in the centre of the ring, panting for breath.
The both glance at their corners but not for too long.
HHL: Neither man seems ready to tap out and let their partner in!
PIP: They do know this is a TAG TEAM match right?
HHL: I’m not sure the champ knows where he even is right now.
Frustrated, both Ned and Mark leap into the ring and grab their respective partners and start dragging them back to their corners. Bobby, far larger than Isaiah takes a few moments longer to get there- Flynn struggles agains the big man.
TAG!!
Much to Isaiah’s argument, Ned tags himself in and rushes towards Flynn who’s still struggling with Bourbon. Ned leaps into, spinning and goes for a discus elbow! Mark drops Bourbon’s hand and ducks in fear, just as Bourbon looks up and eats the elbow in the face.
Bourbon crumples back into the mat as Mark scurries backwards into his corner. Now it’s Ned that tries to lift Bourbon up onto his feet, and after much struggle manages to.
HHL: Ned’s trying to get him onto a his back to end it all!
PIP: There’s no way Ned is getting Bourbon up on a rack!
Bourbon is struggling against Ned, and out of nowhere Isaiah rushes back into the ring to help Ned in hoisting Bourbon up.
HHL: THIS IS A TAG MATCH, WHERE ARE THE TAGS!
Mark sees Isaiah’s interference, screams “Cheatery!!” and rushes into the ring himself!
PIP: Pretty sure thats not a word.
He leaps into the air to use Ned’s trademark V-trigger again onto Isaiah but Ned manages to swing around just in time for Flynn to catch BOBBY with the devastating knee.
HHL: MARK JUST TOOK OUT HIS OWN PARTNER!!
PIP: That thieving, scheming man’s never been great at tag teams!
Bobby’s arm goes limp, just long enough for Ned to finally hoist him up and with a deep breath send him crashing into the mat!!!
Mark looks in fear at Bobby lying sprawled on the mat.
Ned drops into a pin, hooking as much of Bobby’s leg as he can manage.
1!!!!
Mark leaps forward to break it up!!
BUT Isaiah catches him with a spinning discuss elbow, sending both men sprawling into the opposite corner, blood everywhere.
2!!!
Mark screams out at Bobby! IRWIN! SOMEBODY!!! Isaiah holds onto him, bleeding through the mouth.
3!!!!!!!
HHL: THEY'VE DONE IT! THEY'VE... SOMEHOW DONE IT!
PIP: MARK KICKED BOBBY IN THE FACE
HHL: I'M NOT EVEN SURE NED WAS THE LEGAL MAN, BUT THEY'VE DONE IT.
PIP: NED PINNED BOURBON!
Winners AND NEW XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS - ISAIAH KING AND NED KAYE
Bobby Bourbon and Mark Flynn argue their way up the ramp towards the exit of the arena. Ned and Isiah meet in the middle of the ring, new titles in hand along with Isiah's Universal Championship that he straps around his waist. Together, Ned and Isiah hoist the newly won Tag Team Championships into the air in victory when the power to the building begins to fade….
The lights dim and come and go. The broadcast becomes fuzzy and the commentary mostly indecipherable…
PIP: "Bare wi— fans… Tech… Diff…"
HHL: "Thi— …. –ullsh–"
After coming and going a bit the lights eventually cut from the entire arena! There's no commentary and even a confused silence through the crowd.
The lights come back and Ned Kaye isn't there!
No! Standing in his place…. Holding Isiah's hand in victory is……
HHL: "Holy shit!! IT'S DOC!!!"
PIP: "It's Doc D'Ville! And he's got the briefcase! We're sorry, fans! We must've had some technical difficulties…"
HHL: "Technical difficulties?! Really?! Where's Ned Kaye?!"
Isiah realizes the situation quickly, but it's too late! Doc reels him in and picks him up like nothing and plants him in on his head!!!!
PIP: "LOBOTOMY ON THE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!!!!"
HHL: "Where the hell did he come from, Pip?! AND WHAT HAPPENED TO NED?!"
PIP: "I have no idea!!! Heather! Doc just laid out the Universal Champion and…. IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S CASHING IN TONIGHT ON WARFARE!!!!!!!"
HHL: "I'm gonna go look for Ned."
PIP: "You just stay right here!"
Doc looks down at Isiah who's sprawled out in the center of the ring and walks to the edge of the ring where the time keeper and official take their time walking up…
He holds out the briefcase and that's when the crowd lights up!!!!
Doc turns around and eats a foot from a FLYING FLYNN!!!!
PIP: "WAIT A MINUTE! IT'S FLYNN! IT'S MARK FLYNN!!!"
Doc is knocked senseless and out of the ring to the floor…. Still grasping his briefcase where he quickly flees under the ring!
PIP: "Mark Flynn out of nowhere just denied Doc D'Ville his cash-in on Universal Champion Isiah King…. An unreal turn of events after just losing the Tag Team Championships just a few moments ago….
HHL: "Doc just got Doc-Blocked, Pip!"
PIP: "He sure did."
Flynn starts to go after him but stops!!!
HHL: "Uh-oh."
PIP: "Wait a minute! What's Flynn doing?"
He's halfway through the ropes when he looks back. His own 24/7 Briefcase lying just at the bottom of the ramp outside of the ring where he dropped it before he took a long leap into the ring under the bottom rope before kicking D'Ville into next Tuesday. Isiah King is still laid out in the middle of the ring… His Tag Team Title and Universal Title lying disheveled beside him….
Flynn races, slides out of the ring to the briefcase where now Bobby stands holding it!
"Hand it over!"
Flynn can be heard yelling. Bobby, with a smile, remains calm and it looks like he's saying something like, "Hand what over?"
Flynn points and screams at the briefcase until Bobby realizes what he's talking about and hands it over!
As Flynn reaches for it, Bobby pulls it back and decks him!
PIP: "Oh no! Bobby just laid out Flynn!!"
HHL: "TWO botched cash-ins, Pip!"
With Flynn laid out, Bobby drops the briefcase beside him and walks up the ramp.
Meanwhile, Isiah King begins to stir in the ring. Outside, Ned Kaye crawls out from under the ring looking completely confused.
HHL: "IT'S NED! THERE HE IS!"
PIP: "Was he…. Under there the whole time??"
Ned and Isiah catch each others' bewildered glances as the screen starts to fade towards a commercial-break.
PIP: "Fans.. We're going to hit a break here and get this mess cleaned up."
Schism butts a cigarette out on the floor and rises from a seat in the audience nose-bleeds. They make a nonchalant descent through the stadium, over the guardrail and under the bottom rope into the ring.
The lights dim as multiple spotlights rotate throughout the arena. As "Leaving Dionysus" begins to play, the spotlights all point to the stage, illuminating a velvet red curtain. At the moment the guitars begin to play, the curtain is drawn open, revealing the imposing figure of Dionysus, holding a Thyrsus in his right hand and a shield on his left arm. He clashes the staff against his shield to rouse the crowd to clap with him, then roars, raising the Thyrsus above his head.
The match begins with the Xtreme Champion, Dionysus, sizing his unorthodox opponent up from the opposite corner.
Schism, the thin, but wirey and balding man is seen leaning back in the corner, still wearing his sunglasses and smoking down his cigarette to the filter.
HHL: I can’t remember the last time we saw Schism on XWF programming, Pip, but he’s still as unusual as ever.
Dionysus steps to the center of the ring, urging Schism to meet him, but the challenger doesn’t even seem to notice. With the crowd growing restless, Dionysus’ good natured show of sportsmanship turns sour. His features become washed with frustration as he charges in…
PIP: Oh a running big boot!
HHL: is dodged!
Schism rolls out of the way as Dio’s tree trunk of a leg wraps awkwardly around the top rope, leaving him vulnerable for a moment!
And from behind now Schism sees an opportunity. He flicks the lit cigarette butt at the side of Dionysus’ head before leaping up and locking in his finishing guillotine chokehold!
PIP: Dionysus is in a bad way here! Schism has put down some top competition with that submission hold
hhl: Are we going to see the Xtreme Championship change hands here tonight?!
Dionysus, with his large frame, stumbles around the ring while schism remains latched on, pulling harder on the neck. Just as the champ is about to fall to a knee, a second wind of fight flows through his body.
He runs at the ropes, knocking Schism down to his feet, but still the challenger tries to maintain his submission hold. Dionysus forces Schism’s arms from off of his throat. Schism tries for an Irish whip, but Dionysus counters!
PIP: Deified!
The bullhammer forearm lands flush!
Schism is out!
1!
2!!
3!!!!!!!!
Winner and STILL XTREME CHAMPION - DIONYSUS
HHL: Pip, it’s been a phenomenal last show of the year! AND we’re not done yet!
PIP: True, Heather! One more present for the XWF Universe out there! One more match left in their stocking from us to you!
HHL: And this one is set to be a BLOODBATH!
The ramp starts to flood with smoke. A figure appears in the entranceway with his arms crossed. A series of fireworks go off along the top of the entrance ramp. The light adjusts back to normal. Havok starts to walk down the ramp.
“...introducing at this time; from Cambridge, Essex, England…weighing in at two hundred and fifteen pounds…Eddie Havok!!!”
HHL: Eddie Havok makes his XWF debut tonight! And this man is IMPRESSIVE, Pip!
PIP: No doubt, Heather! This man has been buried alive and rises up every time! One of the most explosive wrestling repertoires in the business!
He slowly and methodically makes his way toward the ring, bathing in the reaction of the fans within the arena. Waving in his arms, just over his shoulder… The Union Jack! The Flag of Great Britian!
HHL: Yes, CRAM as Television champion selected a Flag Match for this defense! An interesting choice for the 460-pounder, picking a speed-oriented stipulation against a smaller and faster opponent!
PIP: CRAM isn’t the kind of champ to stack the deck in his own favor. He picked a stip that he felt would serve both himself and his opponent equally. He’s quick, Eddie’s quick...
HHL: But who is QUICKER, Pip? That might make the difference in who walks out tonight with the Television Title!
Eddie enters the ring standing with his arms raised and fireworks go off from the four turnbuckles. Walking over to the furthest turnbuckle and climbs up to the middle rope. He looks out across the crowd. He slides the flag into turnbuckle pole opposite his corner, then turns, waiting near his own turnbuckle, pacing back and forth ready for the match to start…
[youtube=_ALxr1dTz68[/youtube]
PYRO! LASER LIGHTS!
The bass is so deep, the ramp rumbles to the beat…
Or could that be the massive step of the dominant tank that is…
CRAM!
HHL: Simply put, CRAM is a monster, Pip! An absolute juggernaut!
PIP: He’s big, Heather. And more than that, he’s mean! He’s got the weapons at his disposal and the diabolical mind necessary to run over fellow giants like Tommy Wish and Barney Green!
Indeed, CRAM walks down the ramp. Over his right shoulder? The Television Title!
Over his left shoulder?
A white flag… But not one indicating surrender!
Marked across it a bold, thick black scrawl…
‘CRAM’.
HHL: Cram made it clear in his promos that his allegiance is to himself! And his flag choice reflects exactly that!
CRAM grins fiendishly, as he lifts his Television Title over his head… He walks up the steps, and then steps OVER the top rope and into the ring. Tossing the belt to the official, who catches it… Then lifts it in the air between the two competitors!
He then eyes Havok… with a sneer. He walks past him, sliding the CRAM flag into Havok’s post never breaking eye contact with the Englishman, as CRAM plods over to his own corner.
HHL: A Flag match is a game of territories! Of control! CRAM is playing mind games to start, making it clear that the whole ring is CRAM’s!
PIP: Will that tactic throw Havok off his game? Or just piss him off!
The two competitors mean-mug each other from across the ring…
The defending champion, CRAM, immediately goes to grapple the challenger!
…But the lightning-quick Havok slips under his opponent’s attack, clinging to his ribs like an assassin’s blade!
HHL: A critical error by CRAM! He’s given his opponent his back! The lightning-quick Havok has a clear route to the Union Jack!
Instead of going for the flag, though… Havok catches CRAM with a knee to the rear-ribs! CRAM bends over, seething as Havok delivers a CROSS KICK to CRAM’s opposite ribs!
PIP: Looks like Havok doesn’t want the flag too quick. This is his debut match in the XWF and he wants to show off his offensive prowess to the XWF Universe!
HHL: If you’re going to fell a mighty redwood like CRAM, Havok’s kicks might just do the trick!
Havok takes a couple steps back, winding up…. HE SWINGS!
BUT CRAM backward steps juuuuuust outside the radius of that kick!
HHL: What a dodge by CRAM! That behemoth is *deceptively* quick!
Havok spins in place, his kick having missed the mark… Leaving CRAM a window of opportunity! CRAM scoops Havok up under the armpits… Into the air like a sack of potatoes…
AND SLAMS HIM FACEFIRST ONTO THE MAT!
HHL: Ooooooof! Not a glamorous move! But an EFFECTIVE ONE!
PIP: CRAM is not gonna get any style points for that one! But he might get the win!
Havok stays on the mat, shaking off cobwebs (possibly surprised by that very non-traditiional maneuever by CRAM)... As CRAM places a massive boot on Havok’s back…
AND STANDS ON THE CHALLENGER! HAVOK HOWLS IN PAIN!
HHL: That is FOUR-HUNDRED-AND-SIXTY POUNDS, straight onto Havok’s SPINE, Pip!
PIP: Add a chiropractor to Havok’s medical bills! CRAM is running up a big tab!
CRAM steps back down to the mat, as Havok cradles his spine…
The Television champion leans over the challenger, grabbing him by the throat…
And EFFORTLESSLY SCOOPS HIM OFF HIS BACK AND ONTO HIS AIR!
HHL: What strength!
CRAM holds the challenger in the air, choking the life out of him! Havok’s legs kick in the air!
The official steps up! Illegal choke! He starts a five-count!
HHL: CRAM has demonstrated in his tenure as champion: He’s out to do as much damage as possible to his opponent! Even it’s frowned upon by the rules!
PIP: And why not? Five seconds is plenty of time to MAIM your opponent! Wise move by the challenger!
The official counts two! Three! F-
WHAM! Suddenly, Havok’s right knee connects… WITH CRAM’S FACE!
CRAM reflexively releases Havok to cover his face… BUT HAVOK DROPS INTO A FRONT FACELOCK around the champion’s skull!
DDT DEAD CENTER OF THE RING!
HHL: Wow! In just one move, Havok went from caught between teeth in the jaws of defeat to snatching control of this contest!
The two opponents lie center of the ring recovering! The official circles the action! No ten-count in a flag match!
…Havok slowly stirs, rising up to his knees!
…As CRAM viciously rises as well!
PIP: A lesser man would be out for a week after a hellacious DDT like that!
HHL: CRAM’s got that famously thick Samoan cranium! You could hit him across the skull with a baseball bat and just end up with splinters! …That said, that DDT did clearly knock something loose!
CRAM, slightly woozy, shakes his head, trying to clear the cobwebs!
Havok sees an opening… CRAM on his knees! He reaches forward, going for another DDT!
But, running on instinct, Havok scoops him up and over! Back body dr-
Havok twists in mid-air with catlike reflexes! Landing on his feet! Before Havok can even register the danger, Havok hits the ropes behind him!
And dives shoulder-first! CHOP BLOCK! TAKING CRAM OUT AT THE KNEE!
CRAM’s face contorts in pain! He drops to one knee!
HHL: THIS IS IT! This is Havok’s chance! Grab the flag!
CRAM seethes, trying to climb back to a vertical base!
Havok eyes the flag… He starts moving for the cor-
SPRINGING TO HIS FEET, CRAM grabs Havok in a waistlock!
HHL: Oooh, Havok opted to try and end the match early… And that kicked something going in CRAM’s gas tank!
CRAM clings onto Havok’s waist, anchoring his smaller opponent, dead center of the ring!
Havok swings a wild elbow behind his back! IT CONNECTS, Cram is ROCKED! Another! The grip is starting to loosen!
HHL: The XWF’s last match of 2023 just might be a title change, Pip!
Havok swings a third time!
…BUT CRAM DUCKS! Face-to-Face, CRAM reels back his skull…
AND DECKS HAVOK WITH THE SAMOAN HEADBUTT! COCONUT CRAM!
…Havok rapidly blinks like a space cadet! He might be out on his feet!
CRAM doesn’t miss this chance! He grabs Havok under the arms aaaaaaaaaaaand…
HUGE BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX! Havok flies like a goddamn javelin through the air and lands BACKFIRST against the turnbuckle, landing in a crumpled heap!
CRAM collapses onto one knee, cradling that leg that Havok attacked earlier!
HHL: Holy hell, Pip! These two have been through a war! From start to finish!
PIP: And it’s not over yet, Heather! One of these guys has to grab that flag… And they’ve both made it clear, they’re not letting the other guy do it while there’s still breath in their body!
CRAM crawls into the corner, hammering at his knee with his fist, trying to get the blood flowing again…
Havok, severly hurt… Crawls up, leaning on the ropes to return to a vertical base…
CRAM sees his opponent weak! AND next to the CRAM Flag! He charges the corner!
Speeding across the ring like a stampeding elephant!
Havok gathers just enough wherewithal… to see the 460-pound MACK TRUCK headed his way!
Refliexively, Havok grabs the ropes and launches a desperation kick!
…IT CONNECTS!
CRAM stutter-steps backwards… HE charges forward again!
But Havok spins around and backflips…
INTO A PELE KICK ON THE TOP OF THE CRAM’S DOME!
CRAM DROPS TO ONE KNEE AGAIN!
Havok is still on a pair of jelly legs… Falling backwards into his turnbuckle! As CRAM catches his breath center of the ring…
HHL: If Havok wants to win the title tonight, he’s gotta take advantage now!
Havok points at CRAM!
PIP: Possibly signalling for an Ed Kick here! New champion!
Havok sprints! He leaps off CRAM’s knee! SHINING WIZ-
CRAM catches Havok atop his neck! He latches onto Havok’s legs aaaaaaaaaand…
POWERBOMB DEAD CENTER OF THE RING!
The ring shakes and vibrates from the sheer force of that maneuver!
HHL: OH MY GOD! I think I see a dent in the mat!
Havok is splayed center of the ring…
CRAM limps to the corner…
And rushes freeing his ‘CRAM’ flag!
WINNER AND STILL TELEVISION CHAMPION: CRAM!!!
The crowd loudly cheers for both competitors! Dueling chants break out!
The official raises CRAM’s arm! CRAM shoves the official away, limping out of the ring on one leg, looking eager to hit the showers and ice that wounded calf.
HHL: What a defense by CRAM to close out the new year!
PIP: And what an incredible debut showing by Eddie Havok! CRAM managed to keep the belt, but I think that was the first time we saw him vulnerable! What an offensive arsenal Havok has at his disposal!
HHL: But CRAM withstood it, Pip! And at least for tonight, CRAM’s dominant reign as Television champion rolls on! However it isn't all good news XWF Universe. After many years as your announce team Pip and I have called our last XWF event. The XWF has decided not to renew our contract so starting next year you will have a new announce team. Thank you all for listening to Pip and I over these years. We've loved every second of ours jobs. Anything you'd like to say Pip?
Pip: Nope. I'm gonna enjoy my very generous retirement package and my social security. I'm out.
And with that Warfare fades to black as Pip and HHL both wave to the camera one final time.
Special Thanks To The Following Match Writers:
Doc D'Ville
Isaiah King
Dolly Waters
Peter Principle
And segments from:
Bobby/Flynn
and
Doc/Bobby/Flynn
PEACE OUT 2023. BRING ON 2024!!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL OF OUR XWF FAM AND THE EFED COMMUNITY AT LARGE!!!
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