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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
Quarterback Sneak
Author Message
Thunder Knuckles™ Offline
A No Good Bastard

XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)

11-09-2023, 03:40 PM

We rejoin the action as Jimmy begins dealing cards to the players at the table from the shoe. Thunder Knuckles, BOB D, and Bobby Bourbon are ready to continue their game. The tension and stakes remain high, as the cards are distributed. Let's see what unfolds as these Bastards continue to talk their shit and play poker. The players have already been dealt their cards. The flop consists of the Ace of Spades, King of Hearts, and Queen of Hearts.

So, fellas, since I’ve been here and stomping around a safe path…

Yeah, yeah.

TK chuckles, and Bobby nods. Bourbon bets and TK and D follow suit, matching his wager.

Look, I’m the workhorse here. Week in, week out, The Weekend Warfare Wrecker is there, putting asses in seats and on the mat. Fuck this Bulk Logan guy. If I’m gonna fight for a word, my word is Television.

Jimmy reveals the turn card, it's an Eight of Hearts.

Full Metal Jacket?


TK lets out a chuckle, and Bobby responds with a nod of his head. Bourbon places a bet, while TK and D carefully consider their next moves. However, They both decide to match Bobby's bet.

I just think it’s funny as hell, we scrapped the Hart Championship name when the only people who watch Television are in medical care. Then again, I’m bigger than just TV. I’ve got that movie star look.

We all do.

Yup. I look like I’ve been in movies.

Jimmy reveals the 9 of Diamonds.

Ah, the age-old question, asked by weak men who haven't done anything great: What does it mean to be a man? Just like a drunk uncle at Thanksgiving, King's out here asking his inner thoughts out loud. Any other answer than the will to live is a goddamn lie.

D: There's a difference between being alive, and living, though and, let's be real, I've seen more backbone in a single jellyfish than I have out of all three of them combined! They walk around like they've got the secrets of the universe tucked away in their back pocket when, in actuality, they're just holding expired lottery tickets.

To live? TO LIVE?

Bobby bets big, pushing a stack of chips forward. TK, never one to shy away, matches Bobby's bet. Meanwhile, D decides to fold.

Isaiah King is alive. He better be thankful to me for that. Ned Kaye is alive. Mark Flynn better be thankful. Isaiah walks, he talks, he shits, he sleeps, I’m not impressed. Infants do the same fucking thing.

Bobby shows two kings, while TK reveals a flush with hearts in his hand. TK grins, claiming the chips with a confident slide.

Admirable. To live well? Subjective, but sure, why not? Make every moment count? Sounds like a fucking cheap motivational poster, but we'll roll with it. Not looking too far ahead? Wise. Not being short-sighted? Equally wise. Hopes of greater things for my friends, dreams of being the most dominant stable to ever grace the halls of XWF, and working towards achieving these goals one win at a time? Fucking classic.

King struts around like a peacock, but he's really more of a pigeon in the grand scheme of things. Leeching off Ned and Mark's scraps like a starving bird, all the while acting as if he's feeding himself. And that, by no means, is meant to be a compliment to either of THEM. Flynn himself is a broken record stuck on the same, mediocre tune, singing about so-called 'accomplishments' less impressive than a sock puppet trying to play violin. Then there's Ned, too busy daydreaming about rainbows, unicorns, and other imaginary things to even know what it's like to be a contender.

Jimmy deals the cards, revealing a flop of 10 of Hearts, Jack of Diamonds, and 3 of Clubs. Bourbon stays cool, TK folds quickly, and D chooses to stay in the hand.

Which guy are you talking about again? I mean, ace work, TK!  You nailed them all at once, like a Bastard.

What's with these drama queens?

They need a man’s touch.

The turn is the 7 of Spades.

Ya know, prancing around these pussies while they act as hard as bricks is an art, and I'm the goddamn Fred Astaire of it.

Bobby and D lock eyes. Despite placing their bets, neither man looks overly confident.

I’m the blonde bombshell of it!

Ginger Rogers?

No, Carmen Elektra, I have a pulse.

Not if this shitbox team has anything to say about it.

Jimmy, flips the river card, the Jack of Spades.

They don’t! I’ll time travel and boink Carmen Elektra. While wearing a dress.

Is Carmen even Blonde?

Why not?

Bobby and D toss their bets into the pot.

Never mind. Asking someone about the people in your life not forgetting them when they die. Well, I hate to fucking break it to these clown-shoe mother fuckers, but we're all on borrowed time, and the world spins on not giving a fuck about our short existence. What matters is what is in the history books. But hold on a goddamn second here...

TK pauses, reflecting on what they have said about his friends. Bobby, with a pair of sevens in his hand, capitalizes on the full house formed by the 7 of Spades and the 7 of Hearts on the board. Casually pulling his winnings from the center of the table.

Just to be crystal fucking clear here, are the "good guys" wishing someone's death sooner? A tad fucking morbid, am I right?

Wow, and Ned said I’ve changed.

Jimmy deals to each player. Antes are placed, and the game advances.

Nah, I just whoop their asses, have been since have been, gonna get Doc too, watch me soar.

Bobby chuckles, giving off a newfound confidence. TK and D, both notice the subtle change in his demeanor. Each man pays their antes.

Bobby, How long has it been since you wore your mask?

I honored the notion when I lost to Betsy, and it’s been on my honor since.

Mark thinks you pulled the proverbial switcheroo and rely on body doubles.

Jimmy reveals the flop, 10 of Hearts, Jack of Diamonds, and 3 of Clubs.


I know, right? Crazy Flynn conspiracy theories aside. You have more layers than an onion.

True. You’re better than Donkey, so enough Shreking around. TK, You’re Lucky Day, D…

D acknowledges Bobby. TK bets, and both men call.

You’re Little Ned.

D and TK burst into laughter. As they laugh, the turn card unveiled, the 7 of Spades

I’m Dusty Bottoms.
One for each other and all for one
The three brave Amigos are we!

Another round of betting transpires. Once finished the river card completes the hand, revealing the Ace of Hearts.

Motivated, you're a force to be reckoned with; unmotivated, well, you lose to the best of them.

Um, sure, if you want to sound like Jenny Myst.

But that's the fucking beauty of it, isn't it? You're un-fucking-predictable. Which one do they think they're getting on Weekend Warfare? I'd say the fact that those miserable cunts wasted so much time on it. Kind of like King wasting so much time graciously reminding us of your victory over him eight months ago. AND STILL, he lacks the growth, the reinvention, and the improvement to change the outcome. No, they're still too busy rehashing the same old playbook, while we're out here evolving. They're getting a well-motivated murdering machine!

Bobby starts belting out the lyrics to Three Amigos.

Brother to brother and everyone,
A brave Amigo,
We're fighting for justice and liberty,
Wherever you find us is where we will be,
For the three brave Amigos are we…

It's go time!

As the final bets are placed for the hand, D decides to go all in, prompting each player to match his bold move.

This isn't just a match; it's a Moster Truck Rally of emotions and jaw-dropping moments. If you're asking yourself, why watch Weekend Warfare? Then you're a fucking tool! You don't want to miss the brutality of the Bastards on our rivals as we paint a masterpiece in the squared circle. What we do to Flynn, Ned, and King on November 11th, inside the American Airlines Center, people will be talking about long after the bell rings.

Prepare for a reality check. This Bastardly Trio is going to school you in the art of wrestling. You'll be begging for a lifeline but, unfortunately for you, Bastards don't throw life vests to sinking ships. Consider this your official eviction notice from the top tier because, after Warfare, you'll be scraping the remnants of your pride off the mat. So shine those boots, tighten those laces, and bring your A-game, or be ready to face the consequences when the Bastardly storm sweeps you off your fragile pedestal.

We are the three amigos.

They reveal their cards, each holding an Ace-King combination. With identical hands, the pot is split among them. The shared victory adds a touch of camaraderie to the game.

While they sit in a dark room not doing shit, busy giving eulogies for careers that will overshadow anything they'll ever do, predicting the demise of our legacy, just remember this. We're not here to be their heroes. We're here to be ours.

We are the three amigos!

Wait before we go, TK. You never told your fucked up story.

Yeah, man, whatcha got?

Oh, you don't want to hear it.

Come on, man, let it rip!

Okay, you asked for it, ya fucking Bastards…

Jimmy deals out the flop, 4 of Hearts, 10 of Spades, and Queen of Diamonds. TK looks from one shoulder to the other, as if an angel and a devil are trying to influence his thoughts. As he begins to speak you know he’s made up his mind.

A family walks into a talent show I was holding in 2020.

Wasn’t that at the height of the pandemic?

Each player considers their options, Bobby throws in a few chips, D matches the bet, and TK decides to raise. This causes Bobby to fold while D matches.

Sure was, but I was holding it in Florida. They loved super spreader events back then in the name of freedom. Not the point, It was a father in his 60's, a mother also in her 60's maybe a little younger, their adult son and daughter, oh, and their dog. I was thinking to myself. "Well, this is going to suck." Right?


That's adorable!

D and TK both make smaller bets, and the river is revealed, 7 of Diamonds.

Anyway, the father came out and was all like "We have a really amazing act for you tonight.", and literally no one believed him. To be fair, everyone else has fucking sucked at this point, know what I mean?

Too cute.

Their act starts with his son and daughter playing with their dog. The dog is old as fuck, right, and he`s missing all of his damn teeth.  So the son and daughter start feeding this dog on stage.

What a wholesome act for the stage.

Yeah, sounds nice doesn't it? I didn't tell you how they were feeding it, did I?

D wins with pocket 7’s. Bobby raises an eyebrow at TK’s words. Jimmy deals, and antes hit the table.

The way they feed the little rat dog is they have him suck off the son.

Gross, dude.

Yeah, yeah, I know, The dog sucks him off for so long that the son cums and ejects his sperm into the dog`s mouth. The dog starts choking but you’re right, Bobby. It was gross.

If B.O.B. D were a cartoon character, his jaw would drop. Jimmy deals the cards; the flop, 10 of Hearts, Jack of Diamonds, and 3 of Clubs.

The daughter is there to suck the son`s balls and lick his ass crack so that the son gets a little extra out of this feeding ritual. You can't be doing this kinda shit and not like what you're doing, know what I mean? After the dog is fed-

How long did this go on?

Too long, Bobby, too long. The daughter gets down on all fours and starts licking the dog`s saliva that fell on the floor because the creepy toothless dog drooled out while being fed.

BOB D is still just sitting in shock. The bets are in all three men to stay the course.

D, you okay? You’re looking a little green and shit.

D nods his head with his mouth is still agape. Jimmy shows the turn, 7 of Spades.

Good, because while she's licking up the nasty drool filled with her brother's cum the dog is fucking her in the ass. That's when the wife showed up on stage. She's singing a song she made up, probably right there on the spot, it was terrible but in the tune of "Mary Had A Little Lamb".

That's frightening.

You're telling me, I was sitting there watching this fucking this thing in shock. You're just hearing the story, ya know? The second she sees those three, she strips down naked still singing her song then gets down on her knees and starts rubbing her old, haggard pussy.

All three continue betting, and no one folds.

The daughter stops sucking her brother and gleefully-


Yeah, gleefully moves over to her mother. The daughter stands in front of her and starts pissing all over her mother`s face, naked breasts, just covering the cunt in piss. That's when the son fucks his mother in the ass. The dog is running around, licking up the piss that drips all over the place.

This is too much, TK.

The river card is revealed to be the 10 of Diamonds.

I'm not done yet. The son then cums in his mother's ass, and the sister crawls underneath them and licks the dripping asshole. The wife now stands up and walks off stage. The crowd is absolutely horrified.

Thank god it's over.

TK goes all in.

I didn't fucking say it was.


She walks back on stage with a dildo and starts fucking her daughter from behind. While this is happening, the son starts fuck his mother again in the ass. The dog is humping the son's leg. Keep in mind the mother, while all this is going on, is still singing her version of “Mary Had A Little Lamb".

This is twisted.

Suddenly the son stops and grabs his mother by the throat, starting to choke her. She's still trying to sing, by the way, she starts turning purple, then blue as the veins burst and her left eye pops out of its socket. I’m pretty sure I heard someone in the crowd violently vomit at that point.

At THAT point???

The daughter shrieks and runs away, only to be caught by the father.

Jimmy, taken aback and thoroughly disgusted, no man makes an effort to move with the pot.

The father was naked too, just so you know. Moving forward, it looked like he had recently gotten a tetanus shot and something went wrong because his dick was bloated like a balloon. The father grabs her, throws her in the air, effortlessly I might add, and virtually runs her through with his cock.

Bobby shakes his head in disagreement.

As she hit the floor a little fetus shot from the daughter's uterus, no one knew it at the time but she was two months pregnant. The father then walks over to his wife, as the bleeding daughter crawls behind him trying to grab her father's cock. He kicks her away like a scolded puppy. The daughter must have been hungry herself cause she walks right over to the fetus and starts eating it.  As the father stands in front of his wife he grabs her lifeless body and starts to skull fuck her.

Bobby and D huddle around the table, a stack of cash at its center. Every vile word from TK's mouth has their full attention.

The son starts licking his mother's used eye socket and then the dog finishes what is left of the placenta. They all look very tired and the last thing The father manages to say is “So, I see you all got your lunch. I think I`ll have a sandwich!”

D pulls a face like, how can anyone eat at that point?

He walks to the side of the stage where a refrigerator was that no one had noticed before because of everything happening, and shit. Anyway, he walks over to the fridge, grabs a ham sandwich, pops a beer open on his way, and sits on a reclining chair to watch a Centurion promo.

Bro, that's “The Aristocrats!”

TK nods with a smirk on his face.

I know, but my story wins the battle of fucked up stories though, right?

I fold. I’m folding on the stories too, you win.

Yeah, I can't top that. I fold too.

Neither can King, Kaye, and Flynn I can guaran-goddamn-tee that!

TK spots it, looks straight into the camera, breaks showbiz rules, and sends a direct message to the other team.

Now, if you fucking excuse us. It's time to let the Bastards dance our dance, and with the Bastardly Father on our side, the curtain will never fall on our act.

This tale of Bourbon, D, and TK's high-risk, high-reward, card game was a prelude to Warfare about to take place in Dallas, where the spittoons will be overflowing with spit and "chaw" from cowboys. The camera gently fades to black with a glance exchanged between the Bastards, and a silent declaration is created. The opposing team of Mark Flynn, King, and Ned Kaye were about to experience an ass-whipping like never before. The stage is set, the cards were dealt the moment this match was announced, and fate itself seems to be whispering that BOB's rivals are as good as doomed.

[Image: newtngb.png?ex=661f68da&is=660cf3da&hm=6...9be1b4b4b&]
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[-] The following 4 users Like Thunder Knuckles™'s post:
Atticus Gold (11-09-2023), B.O.B. D (11-09-2023), Dick Powers (11-11-2023), Prof. Bobby Bourbon (11-09-2023)

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