Jimmy and TK just touched down in Brazil on BOB’s super fancy private jet! As they deboard the plane TK is looking cool and fashionable, wearing a Tom Ford white suit, white cowboy hat, the dopest sunglasses you've ever seen, not only that he’s rocking that Universal Champion title like a boss. Jimmy looks over the moon because TK has totally made Jimmy's dream come true by becoming the Universal Champion!


Welcome to Brazil, Thunder Knuckles! I’m sorry, Universal Champion Thunder Knuckles.

It was only a matter of time, Jimmy.

I knew you could do it! I just didn’t expect you to have to die to do it.

A true champion makes sacrifices. The Bastardly Father protected me when I needed him most. Speaking of which, did you by chance get to see this adorable meme?





Why does the Bastardly Father like adorable memes, again?

Not sure, but Bobby swears by it. He said BOB D kept his Xtreme Championship with it. So, ya know, it’s gotta be true.

When exactly are you supposed to show this meme?

I don’t know, but I’ll think of somewhere to slide it in.


TK's got his usual smug grin plastered on his face, but deep down, he's not exactly thrilled about the championship bringing along a bunch of extra stuff he has to deal with.


So, what do you have planned for Edward? You seemed to do pretty good without me. I just figured you’d go it alone again.

Well, first I was thinking maybe we study some tape like back in the day. After we get done with this fucking publicity bullshit XWF has me doing.


Jimmy quickly changes the subject. TK doesn’t know that it’s Jimmy’s fault that he’s doing this and not the XWF.

So, Edward. Man, he’s going to be tough.

Goddamn it, Jimmy! We’ll focus on the match when all this extra bullshit that XWF has unloaded on me. Why didn’t any of the other champs have to do this shit?


Jimmy sighs nervously. This triggers something in TK’s brain.


You have to be goddamn kidding me!

Well…

“Well”, fucking what?

It’s probably because they didn’t have to.

What do you mean?

I… I kind of signed you up for this media tour hoping maybe we can cast off some of your bad image.

Fuck that shit! The last time I tried that, I had to hang out with that crippy girl.

Lilabeth?

Yeah, her.

Come on, that wasn’t so bad.

Nah, Bobby’s getting all sucked into Ms. Totes PR, HR, bullshit. I ain’t fucking having it. I am, who I am, and who I am is the Universal Champion, goddamn it!



In the News Station's studio, the host is this super attractive Brazilian lady. TK can't take his eyes off her as she walks over to her desk. She has a great figure and a really nice, plump booty. (She totally does Glutes by Galoots to get there) The director begins counting down. Three - two - one, It's showtime! She begins speaking in Portuguese, her native language. Which of course TK can't understand.


Olá e bem-vindo ao show. Hoje temos um convidado especial vindo de Lima, Ohio. Ele é o atual Campeão Universal da XWF. Diga olá para Thunder Knuckles, Brasil!


Noticing the Hostess had quit talking and the camera had panned over to him, TK nods his head and raises his hand to lazily wave.


Então, o que traz você ao Brasil? Você está aproveitando o clima? É bastante imprevisível em alguns pontos do concelho.


The Hostess gives an insincere laugh, prompting TK to stifle a small chuckle before opening his mouth.


Look, I have no clue what you're saying, lady. I’m here to promote XWF Saturday Night Savage and the powers that be felt it was important to come to this third-world country and snag some of your money. I don’t see the point. You guys are basically a bunch of goddamn South American poors. But I have to say though-


TK bites into the knuckle of his thumbs, leans back in his chair, and gives a flirty nod to the lady news anchor.


-Damn girl, you’re fine as fuck. Have you ever been with a Universal Champion before?


The Hostess seems pretty upset and uncomfortable, listening to someone who is translating what TK is saying to her in her earpiece.


Isso é rude e desnecessário. Sinceramente, se não fosse a nossa parceria com a XWF. Eu gostaria que você iniciasse este programa.


Not knowing, or for that matter caring, what the woman was saying, TK continues without pause.


How about after this interview is over, we head back to my hotel, and fuck like some rabbits, eh? Whatcha think?


No longer putting up with TK’s bullshit, she grabs her glass of water and throws it right at TK's face! It doesn’t even startle TK, he’s used to things like this happening when talking to women.


Holy shit, Sugar Booty, just saying no would have got the point across. Goddamn!


TK quickly tries to wipe the water on his face away by using his left hand.


Heh, these foreign bitches, man. Always letting their emotions get the best of them. Look, I’m here to plug Saturday Night SAVAGE.


The hostess looks pissed that TK is even allowed to finish his Television spot.


Check it out, Bulk Logan takes on Y'all Know Who for the Television Championship.

Quem?

What?

Quem?


TK shakes his head annoyed and ignores the Hostess.


King Doc faces my boy Dick Powers. Hopefully, Dick drags his nuts on that old man. Then there’s the match I’m most looking forward to, excluding my own, of course! Charlie Nickles versus Bobby Bourbon in a Trick-or-Treater Horror Theater Match. Basically, all you need to know is the winner gets a fun-sized Snickers and the loser has to wear a dress for a month. Tell me that’s not a baller-ass match! Then there’s my match.


Espero que você perca!


TK can’t understand her, but he can understand the fire in her speech.


Jesus, calm down, Senorita, you'll get your turn to talk after I'm done. Anyway, I take on Edward. He’s like one of your forest people. He eats bugs, fights on behalf of gorillas, oh, and he’s the Anarchy Champion.


The hostess looks off-camera and asks a question.


O que é Anarchy?

Okay, I’m done here.


As TK stands up he swiftly removes the microphone attached to his tie and unclips the small battery pack fastened to his hip.


I think you got enough there to slice together and have a great goddamn interview. I have shit to do. I’m not sticking around this third-world shithole any longer. Jimmy, we’re fucking out!


Jimmy obediently nods and complies with the instructions. Without delay, TK departs the News Studio with haste, bypasses the green room, enters the elevator, and exits through the front door, with Jimmy closely following just a step behind. Jimmy hails a taxi and luckfully one stops within moments of hailing it. The two men climb into the Brazilian cab where TK wastes no time giving instruction.


To the fucking airport.

Eu não falo inglês.

Aeroporto, por favor. Diretamente para a pista. Temos um jato particular. Quanto mais rápido você chegar lá, maior será a gorjeta.


The cab driver smirks and presses the gas pedal.


Sem problemas.


While the cab speeds down the road, TK takes this time to discuss his upcoming bout with Edward.


I became a Universal XBUX Champion and the powers to be make sure my first official defense is on the best brand to EVER grace your television screens. Saturday Night SAVAGE, fuckers! That’s right, in front of me is a man who’s dominating Anarchy. He’s beaten the likes of former Universal Champion Sidney Grey, and that was just at Relentless! Who else has he been squaring off with? He won it from HGH.  Let me tell ya, for those that don’t watch the B show. I know what you’re thinking “But Thunder Knuckles everyone calls it the C show.” Yeah, when that made sense. Now it's only competition is Madness, and really, who watches that shit? Nah, number one show, number one night, Savage. This is my show!


TK suddenly realizes that he's going off track and needs to steer himself back on track. He decides to keep going with what he was talking about before he got distracted.


For those who don’t watch Anarchy, it has gone the way of OG Wednesday Night Warfare. Yeah, it’s still around but really? Who fights on that show?


His face scrunches up as TK ponders over his last statement.


I haven’t seen anything come out of there since… Well… Come to think of it, B.O.B. I’ll be goddamned if Edward, my former bodyguard slash title rack, beat me. Yeah, I used to pay this guy five XBUX a week to have my back. I even let him carry my shiny. Shit, honestly, I’d still pay the mother fucker to carry this shit around for me. This mother fucker is heavy! Speaking of which, not everyone gets to hold this bitch, right here.


TK gives a gentle tap to his waist, where the Universal XBUX Championship is proudly displayed.


Not every fuck that walks into this company gets to wear this. Hell, there have been people who wasted their whole careers chasing it. Never getting to truly feel it in their hands. I call them the dreamers: the Ned Kaye’s, the Centurion’s, the Gravy’s of the fucking world. Nah, they never get to feel what you feel when you become Universal Champion.


TK takes out a cigar and places it to his lips. Jimmy is quick to light it for him.


Let’s face it, I knew I’d be a Universal Champion. Just like I know I’m going to dismantle Edward on October twenty-eighth in this Escape from Hell match. No. Not actual Hell, I've already done that. It's a prison, we'll get there, hold on. It’s just not fair, ya know. The reason it’s not fair is they don’t hire these Anarchy guys to last long in the ring. They end up sucking wind by the end. Not having experienced the deep waters that the Universal Championship brings will show. Just so happens that I fucking thrive in it.


Ashing his cigar out the window of the cab, TK doesn't miss a beat.


I won’t sit here and doubt my opponent though. I’m no fucking idiot, I’ve seen plenty of Universal Champions make that mistake. Hell, even my best friend, Bobby Bourbon made that mistake the night he won the Universal Championship. This business doesn’t allow you to make mistakes like that and survive. Edward has what it takes, thing is, does Edward want it? Will he be willing to give it everything he has or will he rush into shit like he always does. I mean, shit, it didn’t take him long to cash in his Golden Ticket. Hell, he could have waited and got to fight someone easier than me. You know, like King Doc or Flynn, who need briefcases. You have to admire the balls on the “Strongest Warrior”. Oh, but on Savage, I’m going to show him why Anarchy doesn't work in the goddamn Universe. Wanting the big shiny, and winning the shiny. Are two different things alto-fucking-gether.


Again, ashing his cigar out the cab's window. The cab driver jerks the wheel to avoid a pothole causing TK to lose his cigar.


Watch what you’re doing, dickless!


TK shouts at the driver, whose abrupt steering has just resulted in a financial loss for TK.


Where was I? Oh, yeah. So, what do I gotta do to retain my Universal XBUX Championship? Beat the shit out of Edward and escape a goddamn prison? Come on, I can’t make this shit up. For a guy who’s burnt down an orphanage, “lost” cameramen, just name a crime and I’ve probably done it. I’ve been able to keep myself out of prison. Now all I have to do is escape it? It seems so easy a caveman can do it, but I won’t let him. Hell, in its time Eastern State Pen had over one hundred escapees, I’m about to be the latest to escape those prison walls. Edward is going to have to fight for all the ground he tries to cover. Oh, and there are eleven acres to cover. So, that's a lot of ass-beating! I’m not just gonna let this fucker walk out the penitentiary doors or escape the thirty-foot tall perimeter walls, Hell nah. They say this place is haunted and we’re going to have to fight the undead. Fuck off with that shit, leading up to Relentless I vanquished hoards of demons, son. The undead’s slow asses don’t stand a chance. You crack those fuckers in the skull and BOOM they’re down for the count. Maybe I just pick up Edward and throw him into an oncoming hoard. They’ll rip him to shreds like in all those goddamn zombie flicks, easy peasy.


As the cab rolls to a stop on the airfield, Jimmy settles the fare with the driver. Stepping out of the cab, the two men find themselves on the tarmac. Walking toward the awaiting private jet, Jimmy marvels at the plane's sleek design and polished exterior. As they board, TK notices the pilot and his crew are busy with their pre-flight checks, ensuring everything is in perfect working order for their journey. The flight attendant offers a warm welcome to both men and asks them if they want a drink to start off with.


Miller lite.


TK turns to Jimmy.


I can’t wait to get home. Goddamn poor South Americans bring my fucking mood down.


The plane takes off and slices through the sky, its polished exterior gleaming in the sunlight as it soars over the heart of the vibrant rainforest. TK and Jimmy are enjoying a smooth, luxurious flight. TK's drinking beer while watching the tape of Edward with Jimmy. Jimmy is sure to point out weaknesses.


He's straight to the point, isn't he?

He might be on Anarchy, Thunder Knuckles, but the guy can go.

Yeah, He always starts out fast.


As they continued to watch they suddenly found themselves in the grip of turbulence. The once calm atmosphere inside the cabin has transformed into rattling and jolts. The aircraft begins to dance through the air.


What the fuck!?

It's just some turbulence.


Another large jerk happens and the jet feels like it's being tossed like a toy in a storm. Raindrops begin to pelt the windows, adding to the terror. The thick, tropical rainforest below looks almost surreal through the blurred and rain-streaked windows. Occasionally, flashes of lightning light up the sky. TK notices the tree line getting closer.


I think we're fucking flying too goddamn low.

Oh, calm down. I'm sure the pilot knows what he's doing.


Jimmy smiles because he's never seen TK so nervous before.


I'm sure that's what John Denver thought too! I just fucking died and came back to life, bro. I know where I'm going and I don't know if I can make it back again.


The aircraft's highly trained pilot maintains his composure and addresses the Universal Champion and his manservant over the intercom.


Nothing to worry about.


TK looks over at Jimmy concerned. Jimmy nods his head and points to the intercom as if to say, I told you so.


We're just experiencing a little rain everything will be-


Suddenly, the lightning struck one of the plane's engines. The impact was accompanied by a deafening clap of thunder that reverberates through the aircraft. Both men cling to their seats, perhaps with a mix of fear and awe. The turbulence was a vivid reminder of the wild and untamed nature of the rainforest below, showing the power and unpredictability of nature. The pilot comes over the intercom again, warning alarms blaring in the background.


We lost control of one of the engines. Oh, shit! Brace yourself for impact.


Snarling TK looks over at Jimmy who's sitting next to the window. As lighting flashes, TK sees the plume of black smoke trailing from the damaged engine.


Fucking publicity tour!


Despite the pilot's efforts, maintaining control of the aircraft proves to be impossible. The underbelly of the luxurious plane begins to make contact with the towering trees that were once far below. Suddenly, a wing snags on one of these forest giants, ripping it from the rest of the aircraft and sending the plane into a chaotic, leftward spin. The aircraft collides with several more trees, its impact echoing through the rainforest before it finally crashes violently onto the jungle floor. Jimmy crawls from the wreckage not immediately seeing TK at first and beings to freak out.


THUNDER KNUCKLES!? Oh, God, THUNDER KNUCKLES!


From underneath some debris, TK’s voice can be heard.


Holy fuck! That was wild as Hell!

Thunder Knuckles, you’re alright!

Goddamn right, I am. Get this shit off me!


Jimmy frantically begins removing the plane's debris from atop TK. Jimmy hears the flight attendant yelling for help in the distance, he yells back.


Don’t worry! We’re going to help!


Even though most of the debris isn’t off TK, you can hear him grumble the words.


Speak for yourself goddamn it.


A symphony of life can be heard in the background, with the chirping of birds, the calls of monkeys, and the buzzing of insects. The air is thick with humidity, and the forest is a mix of earthy soil, damp vegetation, and the scent of countless exotic plants is everywhere. The sun barley peaks through the dense trees. Jimmy finally gets TK from underneath the debris.


I'm going to go check for survivors.


TK rolls his eyes with displeasure.


Do what you gotta do, Jimmy.


TK looks down and sees one of his cigars on the jungle floor. He picks it up and puts it to his lips.


Yo, Jimmy! Gimme a light!