Hello everybody my name is Roger and as you know by now i am on an honourable quest to bring my precious sweetheart Elmer back from the rabbit afterlife by having a murder of all of that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt's horrible henchpeople and bringing all of the good things to the world like hope and sunshine and mountain dew but boy have i had my fair share of hiccups along the way because even though i invented a new manoeuvre where i have a drop of my head onto evil-doers and even though i had a learn of a few new riddles to confuse my prey none of it was enough to stop the mindmaster having a master of my mind and making my ultimate goal of rabbit resurrection even that much harderer.

But as my dear old dad would say whenever he would have a go on an escalator he would say onwards and upwards and so i'm going go to the interdimensional super wrestling event that is called Relentless where i will have a travel to the underworld of the ancient norses and have a fight of a goril… … … from the continent that is called Asia or Af… … … and made of pure evil… … … like a triangle of isosceles… … … Tom Jones… … … hey why is this breaking u… … … fired…

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"Ola, you sluts! It is I, famed necromancer, Hollywood man of sex, and passionate rodeo clown, Joseph Gordon-Levitt! I have taken over the airtime of this soulless ginger loser to deliver a very important message to the world: Just over three months from now, at the stroke of midnight, as the greatest city in the world the city of angels where I lay my weary head at night turns from 2023 to 2024, I will be unleashing my wicked scheme upon the world to take over the hearts and minds of all of the children and therefore reshape the future into my handsome image! Yes indeed the children are the key to all of my awesome abilities of necromancy and Hollywood beauty and impressive clown skills. And what better way to get to their power than animals!

That's right! Look behind me, schmucks! Here you see that I am in my underground lair beneath the city of angels where the sun is much hotter than in foggy London, so I must hide underneath the earth lest the sun burn my beautiful skin to a crisp. And what's that below this very sturdy platform that I'm on? It's my menagerie of magnificent animals that I will use to woo the whims of all of the boys and girls and nonbinary children of the world! Let's take this conveniently located elevator down to see them.

Now while we are travelling further into the bowels of the earth, you might be wondering why I am showing you all of this? And that would be a good question because you are dumb and don't know while I am not dumb and do know. I am telling you about my evil plan because when I have my Hollywood sex parties, I will only be able to have the sex if I know that everybody knows how evil I truly am. Therefore, by announcing my plan to rule you all I will be able to sex up a necromanced Marilyn Monroe. Just try and stop me, bozos!

Ah, look! Here we are at the ground floor. Let's have a look at the fantastical animals I will use to power my plot. Here we have a cute and cuddly lizard named Alberquerque. Over here we have a slightly used gerbil named Neil. Here is a bizarre little thing called a shih tzu that I am still trying to figure out the magical properties of. And here of course is my prized gorilla who does not have a name but is a literal gorilla and if it was anybody but me here it would rip their actual face off and slap them on the bum with it. How funny and adorable and all the children love a little face ripping and slapping on the bum with it so it is sure to be a hit. But wait! There's more! Step over here and you will see my super secret plan to make sure nobody can stop me from becoming the number one ruler of the entire world. It's a beautiful white rabbit named Elmer whom everybody is always saying how much they love! That's right! I have already used my necromancy to resurrect this phenomenal specimen named Elmer and have been keeping him in a cage ever since in order to make sure that if anybody tried to stop me I would be able to murder their rabbit all over again!

Now you know my secret plan! And surely you must admit that it is the most delicious plan to ever be hatched. I even created a ruse to distract my nemesis, convincing him to murder minions that never existed in the first place. And now I suggest you give your children a cuddle and a kiss and say goodbye punks because soon they will belong to me, Joseph Gordon-Levitt! HAHAHAHA!"

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Won't somebody help me that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt has taken over the time i have to tell my tale and now i don't have much time left but it turns out he was having a lie about having henchpeople in the wrestling federation that is very xtreme but not starting with an e and now i have been wasting time when he has already brought my lovely rabbit Elmer back to life and now i must save Elmer by learning how to destroy all of the other animals i saw in his evil underground lair and i will start by learning to defeat a literal gorilla this weekend.

I'm sorry you didn't get to listen to my tale."