So, did we ever find out what happened to that kid?

The one that went missing in a cab in DC?

Yes.  How many missing kids do you think we deal with on this wrestling podcast?

Relax.  I was just making sure.  And, no...no update yet. 

Damn.  I was searching true crime podcasts to see if he popped up on any of the recent ‘missing persons’ cases but all that did was give me nightmares so I stopped.

Can’t blame you there, man.  You should watch the one about the guy that breaks into people’s houses and just stares at them while they sleep, super creepy.

THAT’S ENOUGH.

Alright, fine.

Let’s hit the phone lines.  Looks like we’ve got a caller.  Hello...caller, you’re live with On The Apron!

Hello dick bags!

…

...-…

It’s me!

Gonna have to be more specific, bud.

Yea, we get at least 7 callers a week, c’mon.

Well, I’ll just say this...the lack of Slade Durant talk in recent weeks has been very disturbing.  VERY disturbing.

It’s him!

OMG!

There we go.  What’s up, fellas?

Look, just tell us this, was the kid okay?

Seriously!

Well, that’s tough to say.  The kid had a rough upbringing.  An unstable home life.  He was forced to fend for himself at an age far earlier than most.  It made him hard, jaded...some might even say dreaded.

Oh no.

Hold on.

Slade Durant’s childhood was no walk in the park.  Orphaned at the age of 3.  Working sweat shops at the age of 5.  Initiated into the Blade Runner Gang at the age of 12.  Slade had seen some shit.  Forced to grow up way, WAY too early.  But, that’s okay...what doesn’t kill only strengthens and there is no man stronger than Slade Durant.

Can you stop with the hyperbole?  We all saw him lose to Mark Flynn.

Yep, 0-1 in XWF, pal.

Fools.  Slade Durant never loses.  He’s playing chess while the rest of you simps are drawing figure eights in the sand.  He’ll get Flynn, eventually.  There’s no equity in beating a man of Flynn’s caliber that early on...but Dionysus...well, that’s another story.

Wait, isn’t Dionysus a champion? 

I think so...how the hell is this guy getting all these title shots?

Because he’s Slade Durant...haven’t you been listening?  Anyway, let me regale you two fools with a truly sinister tale.  The story of how Slade Durant ruined Dionysus.

---

Slade Durant is found leaning against his jet-black 1964 Pontiac GTO.  He’s filling the tank up at a local truck stop just outside the town of Lake Charles, Louisiana.  It’s a fairly new truck stop, not yet soiled and stained by all the filthy mother fuckers drawn to its isolated location.  Slade takes a few steps away from his vehicle and lights a self-rolled cigarette, placing it between his lips.  We see via the reflection of a pair of aviator shades over his eyes a station for electric cars.  Three cars are plugged in and charging.

“Hehe,” Slade chuckles.

Walking over, he surveys the setup.  One by one, he unplugs each car from the electric charging station.  Not all the way, but just enough to where it looks like there’s a connection, even though there isn’t.  The horror.  Slade’s phone lets out a gunshot.  He removes it from his pocket to read a text.

Relentless.  September 22nd.  TV Title Match against Dionysus.

“Hmm,” Slade thinks, taking a long drag off his smoke.

Sliding his phone back into his pocket, Slade leaves the scene of the crime and marches back toward his vehicle with a purpose.  He steps right in front of a woman and her child.  They come to an abrupt halt and shoot him a ‘wtf’ look.  A man walking his small chihuahua passes by Slade.  Slade pays the man no attention...he removes his cigarette and in the coolest motion ever, flicks it over his shoulder as he reaches his car.  The cigarette hits the tiny dog and the dog yelps, bursting into flames.  People scream and panic.  Slade, unaware, steps into his car, fires up the engine, and peels out, ripping the hose from the gas pump off.

---

Wait, he burned that man’s dog alive?

Not the puppy!

Huh?  I don’t know, man.  But what I do know is that three people were likely stranded on the side of the road without an electric charge OR they had to waste another 30 minutes at the truck stop recharging their cars.  Haha.

He burned a dog alive, man.

Yeah, I think you should consider that.

And did you two hear how he ripped that hose off the pump?  Man, that gas station owner is going to have to get out a ladder and reattach it.  He’s gonna be SO pissed.

That’ll take literally 5 minutes.  A man just lost his pet.

I hope Dionysus kicks this guy's ass.

Fat chance.  You hear me?  FAT chance.  Slade’s already, let’s just say, ensured that can’t happen.  He’s neutralized the threat.  I doubt Dionysus will even show up to Relentless if you catch my drift.

Kinda hard NOT to catch your drift.

Wait, what are you saying?  Did he do something to Dionysus?

Oh and how!

---

Seated inside a local diner, Slade enjoys a cup of very black coffee.  He scrolls through his phone, doing some research on the TV Title.  He stares at a photo of the current TV champion, his opponent, Dionysus.  A low growl rumbles through his respiratory system.

“Did you not enjoy the coffee?” a local waitress asks, hearing his sound of annoyance.

Slade shoots her a dreadful glance.  She steps back, extends her arm, and refills his cup before getting the hell away from him. 

The door chimes as most local diner doors do.  A man with long red hair and a thick red beard steps in.  The cashier happily greets him, “Deion!  Running a little late today?”

Slade’s head slowly rises.  His eyes shift to their peripheral position as he gets a visual on Deion.  Slowly, his narrow eyes start to widen.

“Only a couple of minutes.  Had to go pick up a new TV,” Deion explains with a friendly smile.

Slade turns around in his chair, staring the man down.  He receives a small to-go box, pays for it, and leaves.  Durant watches him get into a van with a local car dealership advertised on the side.  He rotates back into his chair and takes a sip of coffee.

“See you soon, Deion…”  Slade chuckles, tipping his coffee cup over just enough to spill some on top of the table before leaving the exact amount of the coffee and nothing more on top of the puddle of liquid.  He exits.

---

Wait, hold on.  A guy named Deion with red hair and a red beard?

Yeah, this sounds very sus.

Super sus!

Are you saying XWF Television Champion Dionysus is a fictional character?  That he’s not real?

Uh, no.  I’ve personally seen him wrestle, live.  He’s very real.

Well, there ya go.  He exists and he runs a car dealership in Lake Charles.

I haven’t exactly memorized the bio of Dionysus but I’m pretty sure that’s inaccurate.

Yeah, I can look it up right now and prove that to be false.

The roster bio is what he wants you to know...it isn’t what’s true.  Trust me.  He runs a car dealership in Lake Charles and he’s about to face the dreaded horror that is Slade Durant.

---

Durant visited three car dealerships that day. 

The first dealership provided no Deion.  But, what it did provide was opportunity.  The opportunity for Slade Durant to sneak into the men’s restroom and remove all the toilet paper.  An act that sprang to mind when he realized the crew was about to enjoy Taco Tuesday.

How dreaded.

The second dealership was, once again, without the targeted Deion.  So, Slade sneaked into each salesperson’s office when they were busy on the floor and stole all their pens.  Now, how are they going to sign contracts? 

So dreaded.

Which brings us to the third car dealership.  Alas, no Deion.  Enraged by a third consecutive miss, Slade waited until the dealership’s manager left for lunch.  He rushed into his office and unplugged his computer from the wall.  An act that might completely scramble the hard drive...or, at least, force the manager to wait an extra few minutes to boot it back up.

Dreaded.

---

I know what you two are thinking...how can a man like this live with himself, right?

After burning a dog to death, yea. 

Again, what dog?

The dog he lit on fire at the gas station!

It’s just a fuckin dog, man.  He literally stole a bunch of toilet paper on Taco Tuesday!  Imagine...the...horror.

I can’t get over the dead dog.

RIP.

Ugh, whatever.  It’s fine.  Because what’s about to happen will make you both rethink the human race.

Oh and what about that kid?  Seriously.

STOP INTERRUPTING MY STORY

---

Most ordinary men.  Most mortal men might have quit after a third strike.  But not Slade Durant.  He remained firmly in the batter’s box, daring the umpire to toss him out.  Daring the catcher to protest.  Daring the pitcher to throw one more pitch over the plate.

Sat outside a fourth dealership in the twilight hours of a standard workday, Slade watches the final customer talking things over with Deion.  A sale is on the horizon.

This would not stand.

Slade steps from his vehicle and calmly enters the dealership.  The receptionist is in the back, talking with another salesperson.  That time of day, everyone’s guard is lowered.  Their minds off of work and on to whatever plans they had conjured up for the evening.  A perfect opportunity.

Walking by the rec room, Slade overhears the conversation within.

“Somebody burned a dog to death, Frank!”

“Are you serious?  That’s horrible!”

“It might be the most dreaded thing I’ve ever heard...a tiny chihuahua…”

“And on Taco Tuesday of all days...that was no accident.”

“I hope they catch the son of a bitch.”

Slade has no idea what they are talking about.  He continues to wait, hoping something relevant will be revealed.

“Speaking of bitch...mind if I take you out tonight?”

“Don’t mind if you do, ya jerk!”

“This time, you pay.”

Slade’s brow furrows at the weird line of conversation.

“Oh, I…”

Durant ducks away.  The receptionist and salesperson exit, heading out for the day.  In hiding, Slade didn’t quite catch that final bit of dialogue but he was pretty sure what the receptionist said.

“Isis…” The word falls from Slade’s mouth.

Suddenly, it all makes sense.  Durant peeks around the corner after hearing the door shut.  Deion is still negotiating a sale with the final customer.

“I’ll see you later tonight, Deion…”  he says in the most dreaded tone.

Before leaving, Slade desires to catch Deion’s attention.  An ominous act meant to portend a dreadful event on the darkened horizon.

“Alright, sir...I think we can waive that secondary service charge if that’ll get this deal done.”

“I’d appreciate it.  This thing’s already getting expensive as it is.  Can’t believe how much cars cost these days.”

“Haha, I hear ya!  Okay, charge waived and…”

A faint bang is kinda heard off in the distance.

“Did you hear something?”

“I don’t think so.”

“It sounded like a bang...like something hitting the wall.”

“Really?  Cause, I didn’t hear anything.”

“I mean, I might be wrong...could be hearing things cause, to be honest, I’m not even sure it happened in the store.  It was so quiet it might’ve been across the street or something.”

“Hmm...a bang against the wall?”

“Yea, or, well, it could’ve been a tap.”

“Weird.”

“Might’ve been a wasp flying into the wall.  I don’t think it’s that serious.”

“So, nothing to worry about?

“Yea, forget I said anything...so we’re waving that charge?”

“Yep, all waived and ready to go.”

“Great!”  The man reaches into his pocket and feels around...his eyes widen.

“What?  Is everything okay?”

“I’m such an idiot,” he buries his face in his hands.

“Sir, don’t be so hard on yourself...I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

“I left my wallet at home.”

Deion smiles and leans back, “Would it help if I told you this isn’t the first time that’s happened?”

The man looks up out of his hands, “Kinda…”

“Relax, I’ll keep the car on hold and you can come back tomorrow to pay for it.”

The customer shakes his head, “Deion, you really are the best.  I’m so sorry.  I’ll be here first thing in the morning.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

The two shake hands and stand.  Deion escorts the customer out of the dealership before locking the door.  He turns and sees the lobby TV hanging from the brackets attached to the wall.  The desk it had been leaning on is moved.

It’s almost like someone shoved the desk out of the way to send the TV crashing to the ground.  Deion inspects what happened...he places his index finger on the TV and gives it a nudge...he sways back and lightly taps against the wall.

“A light tap...that explains it.”  Deion’s words are full of relief as he pulls the desk back into position, under the TV.  “I was worried we might have a wasp infestation, haha.”

Deion whistles, walking back into his office.

---

Does Slade not know flat screens are attached to walls?

He really thought it’d fall to the ground and break?

Mind games, gentlemen.  Mind games.  He had the guy thinking he had a wasp problem.  Imagine the horror.  Customers getting stung by wasps?  It would’ve put him out of business.

Man, you just go out and buy some wasp spray.  It’s easily fixable...unlike a missing child or dead dog.

Yea, this is in Lake Charles, right?  Think I need to file a report.

It’s one dead fuckin dog, idiots.  Like, who cares?  Bob Barker wouldn’t, I know that’s for sure.

Don’t bring the good name of Bob Barker into this.

Seriously!  He was trying to help pets not kill them!

Whatever, back to the point...Slade cost that man a sale with his actions.  That was the entire goal and, well, mission accomplished.

Dude!  The guy is literally going to come back the next morning and pay.

He forgot his wallet...an act that happened way before Slade even showed up!

Or, so you think…

You’re insane.

Yea, I’m about to cut this call off.

WAIT!  The act of costing Deion a sale was merely an appetizer.  If you end the call now you’ll miss the main course.

I think I’m full, to be honest.

Hold on, let’s hear him out.  We’ve given him this much time already.

Fine.

Hehe, prepare to have your lives changed, gentlemen.  Prepare to never trust the human race again.

---

Hands covered in leather, gripping and squeezing the steering wheel, Slade watches with intent.  His designs are firm.  Plans are made.  All he needs now is for opportunity to open its predictable door.

Deion exits his dealership with an extra hop in his step.  Big sale coming in the morning and his store is not infested with wasps.

Slade snickers, “Hope you enjoy that sale I just cost you, hehe.”

Deion hops into his van and fires up the engine.

“That’s right, head on home...leave your business unattended.  Right into my hands…”

Deion pulls out of the parking lot and drives away.  Slade’s hands twist and squeeze the wheel, “Life as you know it, is over.  Courtesy of Slade Durant.” 

Slade begins to chuckle.  His chuckle rises in cadence, breaking into full-on maniacal laughter.  Our view pulls out from inside his car to a wide, exterior shot.  Slade parked a lot over in front of an abandoned building.  Behind them the bay of Lake Charles with a party boat cruising closer and closer in the distance.  Slade’s laugh rises into the sky, causing birds to fly away and clouds to cover the moonlight.

---

Seems a little dramatic.

Oh, if you guys only knew.

So...what did he do?  Just sit in the car and laugh?

Well, that story, my friends...will have to wait until your next show.

Ugh

Dude, you keep coming on here with these dumb stories with ridiculous cliffhangers all the while refusing to answer the real questions.

You mean the question of whether or not Deion survived?  Whether or not Deion will make it to Relentless to defend his XWF TV Title?

First off, his name is Dionysus.  Second...no, man.  What happened to the kid...what happened to the dog?!

Tell you what, you let me on tomorrow to finish this dastardly tale and I’ll give you the information you seek.

…

Fine.

In the meantime, ask yourself this...what has Dionysus done to deserve such a dreadful fate?  Who in the XWF front office did he piss off to be on the losing end of Slade Durant’s wrath?  He seems like a jolly enough fellow...a generalization I’m making based purely on the face he has a giant red beard.  Like Santa Claus.

Santa’s beard is white you moron.

One does not get booked against Slade Durant, you see.  One gets sentenced against Slade Durant.  The XWF powers have decided Dionysus is no longer worth the energy and effort required to promote and manage.  So, they’ve placed him right in Slade Durant’s path knowing that The Dreaded Slade Durant will slice right through him, ending whatever pithy run he might be enjoying right now during his mundane, unremarkable career.  At Relentless…

Night 1.

At Relentless...the main event…

Night 1.

AT RELENTLESS, the main event of pro wrestling…

Night 1.

AT RELENTLESS SLADE DURANT WILL DESTROY DIONYSUS AND TAKE THE TV TITLE.

Night fucking 1.

That’s IF Dionysus even makes it to the show...hehehe...muhahahaha….AHAHAHAHA

Night 1.

click

And there he goes.

Do we really let him back on next time?

I dunno, you wanna hear the end of his story?

Might as well.