The late afternoon sun warms the grassy lawn. A gentle breeze sweeps through, sending leaves tumbling. Birds chirp in the distance. TK, looking slightly worn from his recent endeavors, returns home from Warfare. He'd been steadfast in fulfilling his duties, not only to XWF by attending work and inking a contract but also to himself. His efforts ensured Corey Smith retained the coveted Universal Championship.

Oh, Thunder Knuckles, I didn’t think you’d be back so soon. I thought you’d be training for your match at Relentless.

Jimmy is ignored by TK at first. He never gets the hint and always pushes the issue.

Aren’t you going to train?

In a mumble, TK answers.

I know what I’m fucking doing, Jimmy.

Then TK starts speaking clearly instead of mumbling.

For the love of sweet baby Jesus! I’ve had big matches before. This is nothing fucking new to me.

Oh, but I don’t think you're as ready as you need to be. You need to focus, buckle down, and drink light beer.

TK turns to Jimmy and shoots him a glare.

The fuck did you just say?

Well, I mean, ummm…

Jimmy searches for the words so that he doesn’t get hit.

I’m just saying this isn’t OCW. This is the XWF and the Uni means way more than that useless hunk of plated gold metal that is, slash was, the OCW World Championship.

Annoyed but not completely pissed off, TK shakes his head and walks into his trailer. Jimmy throws the rake that he's holding to the ground and follows TK. Casually sitting in his recliner and kicking up his feet, TK is trying to unwind. In walks Jimmy, which makes TK grunts quietly while rolling his eyes. Knowing all too well that Jimmy is going to continue to pester him about Corey Smith.

You really should get a jump on this match, man. You’re going up against Corey Smi-

Before Jimmy finishes saying Corey's full name TK cuts him off. He's tired of Jimmy preaching to him already. He knows how dangerous Corey can be.

I know exactly who in Hell I’m going up against. I’ve been fucking with Corey for months by not showing up to work, slapping his team around so hard at War Games he had to pay me to lie down. Real good guy shit, ya know? Nothing makes that fucker madder than being ignored. Well that, or making fun of whatever melodrama playing out in his life.

While Jimmy continues to nag him. TK tunes him out and starts flipping through the TV channels. He's looking for something to watch and relax.

What I'm trying to say is that Corey is ready, he's been defending his championship almost every week. You're here flipping through TV channels. The dude is a monster! You need to be certain that you're ready!

Finally, TK can’t take any more of Jimmy's nagging and yells at him.

Look, no matter what, my goddamn mission is complete. I’m headlining the biggest event in rassling history! Relentless, the show I made my debut on in 2019, getting that sweet sweet Night Three Main Event bonus.

This marks one of the first times in Jimmy's whole life, that he has grown a backbone. Raising his voice against TK in a matter like this is dangerous for him.

That’s not good enough! Just being in the Main Event of Relentless doesn't mean anything! You don’t want to end up like Charlie, you have to win Thunder Knuckles. I mean, golly dang, The Universal Championship is what we’ve been working for! I knew this day would come! So, you can't just be sitting on your ass talking shit. You need a plan!

TK gets mad, stands up from his recliner, heads toward Jimmy who is now cowering, and slaps him across the mouth.

Jimmy I’m trying to fucking relax! I can’t properly prepare under these goddamn conditions! Corey’s whole career he’s been a sad ex-boyfriend. Start with Vita and work the fuck down. It’s not rocket surgery. Corey’s got plenty of faults and from the way he’s been wrestling lately. A lot of his faults are in the ring.

With a slight snarl on his face, TK points at Jimmy.

I'm leaving and don't you fucking follow me either, Jimmy. I swear to fuck, I will kick you so hard in the dick it's going to make what Gilly did to Doc years ago look goddamned weak. Don't test me.

TK walks out the door slamming it behind him. As TK is walking to his Smokey and the Bandit Trans-AM gifted to him by one Thad Duke. His phone rings, he pulls it out and sees a name we haven’t seen in a while. It’s Steven P. Coolie, TK’s shithouse lawyer. He answers the phone on speaker.

Talk to me, Coolie.

Hey, you know that life insurance policy that you had on Lilabeth?

TK stops walking and listens to Coolie.

Yeah, did you finally get my money out of the courts? Her parents aren’t entitled to my money, yo.

I know that, Mr. Knuckles. The judge ruled that it is in fact your money. The family has asked if you could donate some of that money to her funeral expenses.

Looking shocked but without missing a beat, TK replies.

Fuck no. I’m pretty sure Ned or some other do-gooder cuck paid for that shit already any-goddamn-way.

Alright, which account do you want me to have that wired to?

TK starts walking slowly threw his yard to get to his baller-ass Trans-AM.

Put half of it into BOB’s offshore account and the other half sent into that account we use to pay the Columbians for the premium coke.

Noticing the XWF cameras all around TK tries to be as vague as possible.

You know which one I’m talking about right? I got shit to do Coolie, gotta go.

After hanging up and putting his phone back into his front pocket, he reaches into his back pocket. TK pulls out his wallet, and then the money from within. The smile on his face can’t possibly be described as he continues to walk to the car. He seems to have about TEN THOUSAND XBUX on him, the price of selling out his War Game team. Unfortunately for TK, he isn't paying attention to his surroundings as he counts his Xbux.

What we’ve been working for… Shiiiiit, I’ve been working to get paid. Fuck you, Jimmy.

The very moment TK finishes his sentence, he trips and falls on the rake Jimmy had thrown to the ground, resulting in him landing on his neck. The rake tears into TK's flesh, the wooden handle stuck to his side. Jimmy sees TK fall to the ground from the living room window and rushes out the door to help. TK is now fighting through the pain. Jimmy quickly grabs his phone and dials 911. TK begins gargling blood and looks pissed off for a moment.

Jimmy, you useless fuc-

The grimace on TK’s face says it all. He tries to carefully remove the rake from his neck, but it is stuck fast. Jimmy's freaking on the phone with 911, he isn't exactly helping the situation at this point. With one final jerk, TK pulls the rake from his neck. Blood sprays everywhere littering the ground below.

Thunder Knuckles! Hey, Thunder Knuckles!

The light from TK’s eyes dims and turns gray. Everything is black until we see the golden escalator and the blinding light of heaven.








Not a-fucking-gain.

TK touches his neck and everything is fine.

Shit, man, that didn't even hurt.

TK knows the routine, he's been here before. Stepping on the escalator and riding it to the top he sees the line. It's busier than the last time he was here. Now he's forced to wait in line, just like all the other souls in front of him. Knowing it’s going to take some time to meet with Saint Peter, TK begins to shoot on Corey Smith. There’s no way Jesus will let TK miss the Main Event of Relentless.

XWF fans around the world, aren't you tired of Corey Smith beating the breaks off every fucker who walks in the door? No one will step up and knee the little cock sucker in the mouth. Well, I, for fucking one, am. I'd have been happy fading off into the sunset, taking my earnings, and hitting the dusty trail after War Games. Something pushed me. Pushed me into a match that I regrettably put too little stock into Jenny Myst's uninspiring carnival act.

TK shakes his head in his own disappointment.

Before Corey gives you all a laundry list of my recent failures and why I don’t deserve to be facing him for the Universal Championship. Let’s remind the Champ he didn’t deserve the shot he got. He picked a fight with the then-champion Raion Kidd-o and was in a triple threat with, bless her heart, Dolly Waters. At War Games, I said Corey would drop Dolly like a bad habit but who knew it would be so soon after in a triple threat, ya know?

Pointing to his chest with his thumbs, TK nods his head.

Anyway, all I did to “deserve” a shot was beat the Champion at Leap of Faith and make sure he kept his championship on Warfare. You know, the little things. I know what you’re thinking. Oh, but Thunder Knuckles, back at May Day 2, Corey beat ALIAS. For the record, I'm surprised he still not running that shit into the dirt. He can basket in that glory of that night in Coreytopia, I could give a fuck less. A lot has changed in Coreytopia since. Seriously though, back on topic, beyond that. What has Corey done? That's right, he's been the-

TK puts his dukes up like an old-timey boxer.

-fighting champion.

Putting his hands down and rolling his eyes.

Yep, he sure the fuck has.

Giving the most asinine grin you've ever seen, accompanied by a wink, TK continues.

Corey’s not going to be able to pad his stats with wins over the likes of Andrews. Then he ran into King. Now, I’ll give King some credit. He got under Corey’s skin only because Corey wasn’t ready to be a fighting champion. If he was he wouldn't be sitting at one-one-and-one as Universal Champion, that's for fucking sure. Now I've never been a mathmagician but that's something like a thirty-four percent win ratio, or some shit, right? Please, Corey, for the love of all that's good and wonderful in the world that you protect. Don't quote me on that.

Never losing his grin TK presses forward, knowing what he says next will surely make Corey want to.

No, he won't pull that lazy shit with me, I can guaran-goddamn-tee that. Despite what comes out of that cum receptacle he calls a mouth. He knows I'm coming to take that strap away from him. Hell, he even created a match just to try to stop me from doing so. A Tenth Circle of Hell match. That's right, he based it on one of my goddamn coma dreams. The thing is, Corey loves cages, he can't help himself, but now, heh. Now he gets to set one on fire.

Looking fake frightened, TK makes Scott Hall-esque spooky fingers.

It reminds him of being locked in his own body, or some shit. The one thing I don't understand is this role model, more like, mother fucker, wants to promote self-harm. What the fuck is that shit? Whatever, I'll bite.

Crossing his arms in discontent.

So, with the Fire Cage of Hell, we gotta climb ladders. That I'll surely end up using to shove the little fucker into the flames. That way he can feel the same pain those poor bastard children that he let down felt.

Unable to suppress his smirk, TK tries to rub it away with his right hand but can’t.

Then we use said ladders to climb up and grab briefcases, like it's the Leap of Faith match. Open that shit up, then either win or have to stop fighting. Then dip our faces in glass, or whatever the fuck, like it's a bad challenge from Double Dare. Start fighting again, only to get back to another ladder, and repeat the cycle of stupidity. People say I'm a cartoonish fuck. Nah, this guy takes the goddamn cake.

TK treats the XWF Universe to the jerk-off gesture that is so missed by the fans, that they've just been tuning out.

Getting back to those unwanted little brats that Corey cares so much about. Yeah, I went and torched Corey's orphanage and school for "gifted" youngsters. What? You don't think I know what it takes to get on the goddamned radar? Ask Jim Ceadus, Robert Main, and the Baphomet. Ol' Thunder Knuckles knows how to get deep, deep under your skin and make you hate. We all have seen what happens when you get under Corey's skin. I knew Corey would try to save face for not helping those kids. Everyone's all like, "You killed some kids, blah, blah, blah."

TK shrugs like Warstein on a heroin bender.

All I did was light a goddamn fire. I'd argue Corey killed those kids for having a subpar sprinkler system. Again, those kids didn't mean shit to-

Before TK can finish what he was talking about the old man in front of him butts in.

Excuse me, Sir.

The man in front of TK interrupts.

What’s up, old and busted?

I think… I think I died.

Oh, yeah, heh, you’re dead as fuck.

The old man looks nervous.

Don’t worry about it, old man. I’ve done this before, with any luck, it wasn’t your time.

The man looks relieved.

Then again, you’re not an XWF Megastar whose presence makes or breaks an entire Pay-Per-View. So, I wouldn’t hold your goddamn breath. Now turn around I got shit to do.

The man behind TK overhears the conversation.

Wait! You’re Thunder Knuckles!

In a very cool and smooth way, TK turns to face the young man.

Goddamn right, who's asking?

I’m a big fan, Richard. I tell everyone I can that no one cuts a promo quite like you do, man.

No one likes a suck ass, kid.

Trying to play it off cool Richard replies.

Yeah, no shit. That's why no one likes Corey Smith, am I right?

Richard holds his hand up for a high five and TK just stares at him. The fact that he has been recognized in line for judgment seems to have aggravated TK more.

Just no, bro.

Nervously Richards tries to rebound this conversation. He is meeting one of his wrestling idols right before his own judgment.

Hey, man, do you really think you'll get out of this?

Bro, My Momma raised a crook. I have my ways. Oh, I kind of liked that.

NO WAY! Are you about to?

Yeah, I think I fucking am.

TK closes his eyes and begins bobbing his head.

My Momma raised a crook. Dad taught me the dead man stare. My Grandfather taught me how to work and make it out of here. Lima taught me how to be cold, don't care, and how to hold my head with no fear. Corey better start shooting if he thinks that he's gonna stop me. He can Pop Smoke but he won't Tupac me. I don't walk around with bodyguards, I'm too goddamn cocky. My two lips cause holes like a shotty, that'll knock you off the top, you copy?  I engineer drive-bys, you engineer bad sub-plots. While you're out here playing with your Peter, Wendy's back at my place taking back shots.

The swirling wind blowing outside Heaven's gates is picking up speed as TK continues.

I'm throwing hand grenades out the side of my limo, like Fuck you! Can't rock your own style, your own look? Looking like a Disney clone and taking everything out of my book? Just having my presence at Relentless is a Bastardly blessing, that peasant needs to invest in heavier fucking weapons instead of therapy sessions. Yeah, I hear you talking, but I don't see progression. My resume’s impressive, even in loss, every second is perfection.

Unbeknownst to TK, the clouds are lightly spiraling beneath his feet.

I'm out here knocking down doors with the Thunder Strike like a street sweeper. Leaving bodies lying on the mat like I used a meat cleaver. You can get stopped, shoulders to the mat, and counted to three. I know you don't think you could possibly be fuckin' with me!

NEXT!

The voice of Saint Peter causes TK to open his eyes, and as he does the wind quits blowing.

Good luck, by the way. How'd you die?

Oh, I was robbing a liquor store and didn't see the lady behind me with a shotgun.

Rough.

Yeah.

NEXT!

With the swagger of an inmate being released from prison, TK turns to face Saint Peter.

Shit, calm down. Can't you see I'm talking?

TK saunters over to Saint Peter. He's holding out his fist for a fist bump, that never comes.

What’s good Paul? How’s the rest of the Beatles?

TK jovially slugs Saint Peter in the arm. Saint Peter doesn’t seem thrilled to see TK again.

My name is still Peter-

Impatiently TK cuts Peter off.

Whatever. What's been going on homie? It’s been a while. Dude! I had this wicked coma dream at Snow Job a few years back. You, Jesus, and even my boy Bobby were in it.

As Saint Peter reads through his righteous book, he turns the page rapidly, soaking up as much information as possible. Peter smiles with glee in response to reading what TK's been doing since last they met.

Well, aren’t you going to answer, bro? What’s been going on, man?

I will answer what’s been up, Thunder Knuckles. It seems like you’ve been a very busy boy, a busy boy indeed.

Goddamn right, I have been! Kicking asses and collecting checks. You know how it is.

You joined a group of the worst people around and committed a ton of crimes.

Yep. BOB. We’re the best. Bar-fucking-none.

You’ve stolen movie rights.

I’d say more like borrowed.

Stolen.

Damn, man, tomato, potato.

You had that poor girl Lilabeth killed.

OH, THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT RIGHT THERE! MARK FLYNN KILLED THAT KID! Don't be putting that shit on me.

You put her in that situation by giving her to Michael Graves.

Yeah, and it’s my fault 9/11 happened too. Because I was sleeping in class. Blow me, Paul.

Again, it's Peter, and fine. I might give you that one but it looks like you killed some orphans, recently even.

Eh, it’s not like they were loved or missed by anyone. If anything, I created some Batmen or some shit, you know brooding little shit fucks who survived the fire. You should be thanking me, Paulie.

Saint Peter gives up on trying to correct TK.

Corey would feel differently.

I sure as fuck know he'd say that way in front of the camera.

What is that supposed to mean?

Think of it like this, Corey had the chance at War Games to wish all the orphans in the world could have homes, and bingo bango, that would have happened. Nope, instead Corey wished for his ex-boy toy Pan to come back to life. He could have done a million things to make the world a better place but he didn't do any of it. So, yay, Corey’s happy.

TK rolls his eyes to Saint Peter.

Until Pan and Corey get into one little tiff and the claws come out. Heh, then he’s back to being a sad ex-boyfriend, as I was telling Jimmy about earlier today.

Glad I missed that.

Eh, no big deal. You’ll be able to watch it after I get back to my body.

The smile on Saint Peter’s face could be described as confidently animated.

Well…

Peter points to his righteous book.

It says here.

Slapping the book out of Saint Peter’s hands, TK starts to look past Saint Peter.

Let me talk to the big man, ya fucking nerd. Where’s he at?

Keeping his smile Saint Peter closes his eyes and nods to Thunder Knuckles.

He’s right this way.

Wafting his hand behind him, opening the gates of heaven, Saint Peter directs TK inward.

It’s about goddamn time.

TK starts to take a step forward but Jesus steps in just before TK can step over the threshold.

Hello, my son.

TK wants to say something and tries but he can’t. Jesus has taken TK’s ability to speak away from him, at least within his presence.

There seems to be a mistake. Why do you believe you should be walking into paradise?

It is during this pause that Jesus allows TK to collect his thoughts.

Yes, I did say you could do whatever you wanted. That is correct, however, I also said you can sell yourself out, but not your team.

TK looks down, not being able to look Jesus in the eyes. He knows he messed up.

War Games you let a lot of people down. Afterward, you were destined to lose. Until, of course, you get your big moment, that leads to this moment. Something you always wanted but never said. Main eventing Relentless night three for the Universal Championship.

TK lifts his head, glaring at Jesus, trying desperately to interject.

There’s the fight you should have had for your team. No, Thunder Knuckles, you will not be going to Relentless. You’re going to Hell.

Snarling, trying to speak but can’t. Jesus steps aside and behind him is Lilabeth.

Yes, Lilabeth is here with me, walking amongst the angels. If anyone in Heaven deserves to witness your descent to Hell, it’s her.





Before TK could react the clouds beneath his feet started to evaporate. Noticing what’s happening TK gives Jesus the middle finger before falling to Hell. As the cloud forms back to cut Heaven off from TK his voice comes back.





FUUU




UUUC




CCCK




KKKK







YOO




OOU!




Plunging into the abyss, TK is surrounded by a flurry of tormented souls, all spiraling towards the inferno below. The haunting cries of the damned echo around him. Yet, amid this chaos, TK's keen senses spot a Marine also in descent.

Come here, mother fucker!

With determination and a sense of purpose, TK starts "swimming" through the air, desperately trying to reach the Marine. As he draws closer, it's evident the Marine, though still conscious, has succumbed to resignation. Reaching the Marine, TK, without hesitation, tears off the Marine's helmet. The Marine offers no resistance. It's clear that the Marine has surrendered to his fate, while TK is hell-bent on fighting it.

I’m taking the rest of it too then, fucker! No wonder you died! You're a shitty soldier!

The Marine continues to fall, not caring. TK starts taking off the defeated Marine’s body armor, with little help from the Marine, of course. TK looks for the ground but it isn’t within sight. Who knew Jesus was so dramatic? TK grabs the Marine and spins him around until TK's knee is in his back. Bracing for impact for what feels like forever then it happens. TK crushes the Marine on the fiery embers that make up Hell's ground. A swirl of embers ascends from the ground, and as they dissipate, they unveil TK, kneeling with his fist embedded in the Marine's skull. He lifts his head and sees the Gates of Hell with a funny-looking man standing out in front of it. The last thing you see before fading to black is TK gritting his teeth behind the helmet’s shield growling the words…

I'm going to make it the fuck out of here.