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B.O.B. D · (08-08-2023)

Gold had always been on my mind.

From the time I entered the business, having a Title around your waist was the literal gold standard for measuring your worth. If you weren't a Champion, you weren't shit. It didn't matter if you were ridin' a win streak, or having 5 Star matches, if you didn't have the belt to back it up, you were just another waste of a contract. #1 Contenders headline pay-per-views, Champions headline companies.

I wasn't a Champion, hell, I wasn't even a CONTENDER........... at least, not anymore. And while the BOBfetti fell, celebrating the Brotherhood's recent success, I couldn't help but feel like a failure. Bobby won Leap of Faith, TK had another guaranteed shot at Corey; what did I have?! The newest member of the group showed up to the party without so much as a dessert, all the while feasting on the spoils of everyone else.

Luckily, I had a backup plan. A promise made before ever even KNOWING I would suffer a split second loss to Angelica Vaughn.

Another lesson learned back in the day was to always take advantage of any manipulatable situation. I did it with TK back when B.O.B. was nothing more than the name of the worst of the GMs, and I did it, again, a couple weeks before Leap of Faith.....................

"Hello?" the voice of a former XWF Xtreme Champion answered my phone call.

"Hi, is this Cage Coleman?" I asked, hoping the connection that'd given me his number wasn't fucking with me.

"Donald?" he hopefully asked. "Mr. President, is that you?!

He screeched in my ear, somehow annoying me less than his love for Trump. "No," I responded, stopping his excitement like removing the needle from a record. "Former Xtreme Champion, Big........ I mean, B.O.B. D."

"Go fuck yourself!" the Republican burst out. "I've heard what you had to say about our current President!"

"That's former President," I pointlessly tried correcting, only engaging him further.

"I'm hanging up!" Coleman shouted, forcing me to pull my phone away from my ear. "I don't need this, and neither does the Republican party!"

"Wait............ wait........... WAIT!" I pleaded, seeing my opportunity vanish. "I'm messin' around......... one former Champion to another."

"Heh," an unamused Coleman sarcastically remarked. "What do you want?"

"Well, as a former XWF Xtreme Champion, I'm aware that there's a rule that grants said Champion a Tag Team Title shot after 3 weeks of holding the belt............"

"And, let me guess," he interrupted, seeing right through me. "You want MY unused opportunity?" There was a bit of that Trumper arrogance in his voice, angering me for essentially groveling to him. But I knew the game. Sometimes you gotta kiss a little ass in order to get what you want. And, when all's said and done, there ain't nothing stoppin' you from stabbin' them in the back as you get up off your knees.

"Well, are you planning on using it anytime soon?"

"Eh."

"I can buy it from you," I persuaded, looking over at my fat stack of cash on the bed of my hotel room. "X-Bux, cash, IOU, whatever it takes."

"What do YOU plan on doing with it?"

"I'm facing Angelica Vaughn for the TV Title at Leap of Faith," I explained. "After I beat her, I'm going to reveal that I am in possession of your Title shot, and use it with anyone in B.O.B. that wants to run the Tag division with me. And as has been the case many times before in my career, I'll do it as a Double Champion!"

After a long pause, Cage finally answered. "I'll do it..........." Before I could get too pumped up, he laid down one, brutal stipulation. "If you donate to the Trump campaign."

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" my brain and mouth simultaneously screamed.

"Oh, and you have to do it as 'Big D'," he added. "That way, if you ever go back to being good, you can't blame it on B.O.B."

This guy was good, almost worthy enough of being a member of the Brotherhood. Almost.

"God damn that's evil!" I groaned with both disdain AND respect. "Okay, it's a deal."

"Since I know there's XWF cameras around here somewhere, let the record show that B.O.B. D officially owns my XWF Tag Team Title shot!................" Cage declared. "And Donald Trump officially owns D's ass!!!"

CLICK

The bastard hung up.

It wasn't an ideal situation, but it gave me something to work with; especially given the fact I found myself empty handed post Leap of Faith.

"I never thought I'd see the day where I'd finally get Mastermind one on one. You and me go way back, don't we, mate? Do you think I've forgotten the time you screwed me out of the TV Title? I was Xtreme Champion, becoming the talk of the town, facing off with Thad Duke in a Ladder Match. Before I could grab the belt and make my DVD highlight moment of holding both Championships atop the structure, YOU came flying out of nowhere and ruined it for me!!!! And I haven't forgotten, oh no, I've kept that moment tucked away in my back pocket, saved for a rainy day."

"That rainy day is here, Mastermind, and it's gonna be more than just a few sprinkles............. you're getting a full on Thunderstorm! You stuck your nose into my business because the spotlight wasn't on you anymore............. if it ever actually was to begin with! The only thing you're known for is having a shitty t-shirt and an even shittier group of lackies."

"Kris Von Bonn sounds a cinnamon roll all the basic white girls get at the local Starbucks."

"Melanie Childs is the kind of name someone who writes children's books has, which is ironic because she can't even spell the word CRAZY."

"And Antony The Jerk is such a terrible manager, he couldn't even manage to keep the 'h' in his name."

"Let's be honest, the Misfits are just a shittier version of MGK. Remember them? Miz, Bobby Roode, and Mr. Kennedy? At least those guys had accolades, Mastermind's crew............ not so much. Even their fearless leader's barely accomplished much more than being a glorified t-shirt cannon. And, like a cannon, the only reason it's so popular is because he's giving 'em out for free. Hard to tell a guy no when you're unconscious!"

"The only thing people want less than a Mastermind shirt, is a Mastermind promo. For someone who allegedly masters minds, he hasn't quite figured out his own, has he? If he had, he would've moved on from Bonn Bonn and the lot YEARS ago. But what do you expect from a guy who was trained, and most likely punched, by a kangaroo. Kiwi for breakfast, lunch, and dinner; not much nutrients for the brain to digest! If he's even got one to begin with."

"Facing you wouldn't have been my #1, or even #11, choice, but I'm glad it's happening. I've owed you this ass kicking for a long time, and the fact I fell short of the Television Championship before facing you is only going to ADD to my aggression. To think that, on a card of practically nothin' but Title Matches, I got paired with YOU............ doesn't necessarily sit well in my stomach, especially considering I came within a fingertip of beating Angie Vaughn Sunday night! Instead of a rematch, though, I get curtain jerker duty against a man I clearly better than."

"You made me submit years ago in a War Games match, but never forget I did it to be fresher for my Universal Title Match I'd receive for my team winning. If you want to hold on to that, flaunt it like it means something, go right ahead! Some people are stuck in the past, and I have no doubt you're one of the biggest offenders. Probably still think all those Kickouts you did during your Xtreme Title reigns were something special; leaving your little love notes and walking away, only to lose your belt once you actually had to defend it! You'll be a note in the history of that belt, 'mind.......... a FOOTnote! And while I can admit to not being much better, at least I know my reign was a disappointment. I don't pretend to be something I'm not."

"At the risk of sounding all 'my dad could kick your dad's ass,' B.O.B. would absolutely murder the Misfits; hell, I could do it myself! And you know what?! I PLAN TO! If any of your cronies wants to get involved, I say bring it! It could be 4 on 1 and I'd STILL walk away victorious! So you better be ready, because you're about to be my rebound! Next Saturday night, I'm gonna put you down like the old, sick dog you've become!"

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