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B.O.B. D · (06-02-2023)

War Games

I remember it like it was yesterday. Being named Captain. Drafting my team. I'd barely been in the Fed 2 months, yet here I was leading a group of individuals who, for the most part, were clearly more talented than I. Except for Rain, of course.

I'll never forget the excitement I felt when Lacklan fell into my lap. It was like looking over a weak Draft Class, with the one standout athlete you just HAD to take regardless of your team needs. A game changer. An MVP. My arrogance in myself had me thinking I could win, but the addition of Sarah got me KNOWING I could win. And while the additions of Rain and Bearded War Pig weren't ideal, I had a bit of faith in Peter Gilmour. Say what you will about the guy, but he's still a former Universal Champion...........
something I am not.

Then there was Vinnie. When I found out he was replacing Bearded War Pig, my first thought was "Can he take Rain, instead? It was like having your favorite band come out of retirement for 'one last tour.' You wanna jump for joy because you know what they're capable of, but you're also WELL aware they're way past their prime. What KISS are we gonna get today? The one that was Universal Champion AND a Hall of Famer(for his own company), or the one that sits behind a desk and whacks it to Lacko?

Thankfully for me, I got both.

Vinnie Lane fought like a man trying to get his dick sucked, and Lacklan did the rest. It was essentially 5 on 2, and those two may as well have been Spartans.
An early exit had me watching from the back, a shame I never felt 'til years later. I didn't care about the little things like that. My team had won and I was getting a Universal Title shot. That was the only thing that mattered. Sarah Lacklan's status as my MVP earned her a Hart Title shot, a prize she never even received because she'd already moved on to bigger and better things. And here I was, proudly taking my seat as co-Number One Contender like a King piggybacking off the hard work of his people; who fought tooth and nail while he hid in the comfort of his cozy castle.

They say the ends justify the means but, in my case, the end was simply meaningless. I didn't win my Universal Championship Match. And despite constantly blaming Donovan Blackwater for taking the pinfall, the truth was I just wasn't good enough to be the guy. I'd always been A guy; someone capable of winning mid-card Titles when the Champion didn't have their head in the game, or was ready to move on to something that was usually more important than the crumby belt I'd just won. It happened with the Xtreme Championship, and it happened again with the TV Title. Twice. The Sarah Lacklans of the world don't let other people earn their shots for them, and they certainly don't luck their way into reigns with those belts. She did more being a good teammate than I did being a bad leader, and her career flourished for it; while mine continued along the same path of mediocrity it always had..................

But now the shoe is on the other foot. I don't know what the reward is, hell, I haven't been caught up to speed enough to know if there even IS a reward, but whatever the prize for winning War Games is, I will personally hand it over to Sarah, shit-eating grin all the way. Not only do I owe it to her, I owe it to myself, as well.

The Big D/Lacklan rivalry gets lost amongst the anals of XWF's vast history, but it exists and is alot more interesting than one might imagine anything involving myself would be.

It all started with the Federweight Championship. My second Title in XWF, the first being the Heavymetalweight. Two 24/7 belts, two reigns that nobody gave two shits about! All of a sudden, here comes this girl whose words were beyond comprehension(at times, literally), leaving me damn near speechless as she skipped away with my Title.
"That's okay," I said through bitter words. "Nobody cares about that belt, anyway."

Sarah had me eating those words when she showed up on Anarchy, flashing the Title that was formerly mine like it was a World Championship. The crowd went crazy; it was a big deal because she MADE it one. The only thing I ever made was a spot on the Title history page for people to skim past in their search for the real Champions. It's not about winning Championships, it's about holding them. THAT'S what makes you a Champion, something Sarah Lacklan knows better than anyone.

The way she carried herself in that short period of time was exactly why I chose her with my first War Games pick. She was a World Champion without a World Championship.

Our paths would cross again and, this time, Sarah actually WAS a World Champion............. World Tag Team Champion! Despite a weak reign as Xtreme Champion, I once again "earned" a shot at a Title I had no business competing for. To make matters worse, I BARELY held the Xtreme Championship long enough to get said shot in the first place.

I picked Ned Kaye as my partner because he was someone on the rise and I wanted to weasle my way to the top with a hot up-and-comer. However, much like myself, the Notorious One wasn't ready for a belt of that magnitude just yet. It also didn't help that I got pinned; but, considering partners don't let one another take the blame, Ned is equally responsible.

The Lacklan name continued to overshadow me, this time in the form of Kenzi Grey. Sarah didn't need to score the pinfall in order to stick it to me, once again, her wife doing the job was equally degrading, if not moreso. Like every other time we shared a ring, Sarah Lacklan look better leaving it than she did entering it. As for me, best case scenario, I stayed the same............ which was never saying much to begin with!

I wouldn't find myself across the ring from Sarah Lacklan again, as she would go on to become Universal Champion, while I would eventually hang up my boots. And even though I thought my final chapter had been written, the discovery of a few extra blank pages has caused me to continue the story. I may not be Sarah's enemy Sunday night, but that doesn't mean I don't intend on competing with her every step of the way! I'm not coming out of retirement to lend a hand, I'm coming out to give two fists! My goal is to make EVERY team regret my decision to enter this, including my own! And that isn't limited to Sarah, either.
Noah Jackson and I have a good amount of history, as well, it just isn't as meaningful because one of us is a walking dick joke, while the other spouts a one-liner that is every American television executive's worst nightmare. Not exactly Austin/Rock. Nevertheless, Noah took my TV Title, a minor sin in comparison to the time he smashed a beer can over my head, costing me Lethal Lottery. If I was an asshole, I'd Dan Slam him through the mat and let Dr. Oz pin him while holding Sarah and Bobby back. 3 years ago Daniel would've done that, but present D will not. I've grown up in my absence, and can confidently admit I probably would've squandered any opportunity winning Lethal Lottery would have afforded me, anyway. So, if anything, Noah saved me the embarrassment of losing ANOTHER Universal Title Match. As a token of my appreciation, I'll watch your back and be a good teammate. Heck, I might even give you a hug......... for the sake of team synergy, of course. And, when we win, I'll buy you a case of that shitty Aussie beer you love so much and we can talk, and laugh, and maybe even cry about everything while I try not to puke it back up.

Which brings me to Bobby Bourbon.................. you know, Bobby, at one point the sound of your name would've made me WANT to puke. There's just always been something about you that's rubbed me the wrong way, and I know the same is true for me to you.
The truth is, you're everything I wish I could've been in this business. World Champion. Hall of Famer. King of XWF. Hell, everybody calls you a National Treasure. That's respect right there, a respect I've never had in my career OR my life. You could walk outside, punt somebody's baby across the street, and the mother would put her hands on her hips while saying "Bobbyyyyyyyyyy " like some kind of rascal.

Bourbon's had his ups and downs, but the ups have always far outweighed the downs. The same can't be said for me. While Bobby's had some lackluster Title runs, those lowlights are my highlights. The best thing I've ever done is Bobby Bourbon's worst. Anybody can nitpick moments of his career and drag him through the mud, but all you'd be doing is ignoring your own shortcomings in order to conveniently leave out all the incredible things he's ACTUALLY done; things far greater than anything you've ever accomplished.
And THAT is why Bobby has never respected me, because I am literally the worst of him. I'm every loss he's ever had, every Championship he's ever dropped. And the way I pranced around XWF, acting like a couple month long secondary Title reigns meant anything probably rubbed him the wrong way.
So for that, I am sorry. You might not accept it, hell, you may eliminate me yourself, but it's been said. Whatever happens next happens. I plan on having your back just as much as the next guy, or girl; and if the two of us are the only ones left standing when all's said and done, great. Because all I care about is getting that victory, grudge or not.

And that goes for everyone on this team. We've all been enemies at some point, some worse than others, but at War Games we're gonna be a front united for one common goal: victory. I don't care if you've attacked me, beat me, or fucked my momma, until that final bell rings, each and every one of you is my best friend 'til the end............... of the pay-per-view.
The same cannot be said for our opponents. They will not be friends with us, or each other, until the end of the show because they're gonna be calling it an early night, much like I did when I was a Captain. Friends 'til the end of the match, if that. I fully expect us to come out hot with a couple quick eliminations, frustrating the remaining members. They'll crumble from the inside, leaving us to pick up the pieces and use them to build our steps to the top.

That sounds cocky, but I haven't felt this good about a team since my own War Games selection. And THAT was based entirely off of a single pick, who just so happens to be in this match. Add in two others who are better than the rest of my old team combined, on their own, and we may have ourselves a War Games sweep. Not a single member eliminated the entire way. If there was ever a team capable of it, it's this one. Who the hell's going to stop us?!

Mr. Oz? How many gimmick changes does this guy go through? What is he, the Wizard of Oz meets Mr. Rogers? Is he still rich? I know I could go back and watch film to find out, but I really don't care. He may be honorary #51 on the Top 50(makes sense, right?), but if Vinnie would induct a few of those guys into the Hall of Legends like they deserve, I'd be wayyyyyyyyy above him. Money, hell minions, whatever he's doing now, it doesn't matter. I've always been better than him, and I still am. And I say that as a more mature, realistic D who knows his limitations. I'll admit Bourbon can beat me, but ain't nooooooooo way I'll say that about Oz. Congrats on the pity ranking, though.

Then there's Vita Valenteen. Pretty sure I beat her in a Triple Threat one time. Not sure what's worse: that, or letting Noah inside of her............... no offense, partner. Now, I'm not slut shaming, 'cause she could've had one of the MANY perverts creepin' around backstage, and I wouldn't said a thing. But it was Noah. Again, no offense, buddy. As for VV, I'm gonna cunt shame the HELL out of her, and I don't care if they try to cancel me, I'll just resubscribe and do it again! And the only reason I'm calling her out fir her personal life is because I can't say a damn thing about her in-ring work. So I'll let one of my teammates take care of her, I'm sure Noah wouldn't mind one more rump. I'm sure he doesn't get laid much, if at all. He could use the action, I'll take...............

Raion Kido. Stereotypical Japanese puroresoru. Flash style, no personality. Just enough to be Universal Champion, but not enough to be a memorable one. Now, I'm not saying I could beat him, I'll leave THAT to the man who beat the man who beat him for the Universal Title. And while that all is in the past, it's certainly not the DISTANT past. Who's to say Kido doesn't flop a second time? Maybe someone puts him down for me and I steal the pin just to make a statement, shake whatever little moral Team Vaughn has left at the point. I'll tell you this, I'd take any of my teammates over the current Universal Champion. If any of them were to wrestle Kido for the belt Sunday, instead, they'd win the Title 3/3 times. Sure, Noah would need some help, but even HE could get it done. All that Title tells me is that nobody worth a damn has challenged you for it yet, because once another Mark Flynn comes along, you're just gonna be another former Champion. And while that may be more than I'll ever be, it doesn't make you the best to hold the belt. Far from it. Ironically, two of the best are on MY side.

Though I don't respect Kido as a Champion, I WILL say this: he should've been a Captain over Angie freaking Vaughn. I get it, sometimes you gotta have a wild card. That was me in 2019. But I think we learned that wild cards are better left as MEMBERS of the team, as opposed to leaders of 'em. That being said, I think everybody else on her team would've made a better Captain. Except for Oz. But that's like saying Rain would've been a better leader than me. Bar's not too high.

As someone who knows what it's like to be in over their head, let me give you a word of advice: accept the position you're in. Know everybody you're stepping into the ring with is better than you, and rely on your teammates to carry you. Do that, and you'll last longer than I did as Captain. Again, bar's pretty low. And even IF you last longer than I did, it doesn't mean you'll win, if anything it only means you were able to prolong your eventual elimination. Essentially a glorified participation trophy. The thing most people expected me to get when I volunteered to step up, not a potential MVP candidate.

But that's been the story my entire career. The one who pulls it off when everybody least expects it. My accomplishments may not seem like much in some people's eyes, but to others it's a God damn miracle they even happened to begin with. Myself included. The TV Title might be a footnote in the history of someone like Bobby Bourbon, but to the Big D's of the world, it's a fucking footprint! I thrive in these situations. I'm STILL riding the wave of that one time I beat Thad!........... that is, until I carry my team to victory Sunday night! And that ain't no story, it's the Cold Big D Truth!

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