The aircraft was a barely there piece of rattlecan aviation history, all rusted rivets and tinny patchjobs. Nonetheless, it housed our heroes at present on their way to find a wish granting djinn. The plane was bearing down on the Serapium National Forest, just outside Cairo, Egypt. Yes, trees in Egypt. Look it up.

Dolly Waters, Dionysus, Unknown Soldier, and Corey Smith were ensconed aboard, and based on the high tones of the conversation, things weren’t going so well.

Corey, white knuckling the seat in front of him for lack of any handrests on his own seat, spoke fearfully but sternly. Dolly you had 50 million dollars and yet could only afford this Amelia Earhardt ass contraption that’s probably going to kill us all?!

Dolly shushes Corey. Would you keep it down, Silas is going to hear you!

Dionysus points towards the pilot. I’m pretty sure Silas doesn’t understand English.

'iinah yawm jamil liltayaran , 'alays kadhalika? Silas intones from the pilot seat.

What did he say?! Soldier inquires from the very back of the plane, holding a lighter up underneath a tarnished looking spoon. You know what, nevermind just tell him to hold everything steady so I don’t spill!

Dolly, he's cooking meth back there! Corey says plaintively.

Oh my God, what a fucking baby.

Corey, a word? Dolly inclines her head towards the side of the plane. They both scoot over, semi out of earshot of the others, and hiss whispers at each other.

Dude, you need to chill.

He’s cooking meth on a plane!

You used to do drugs!

Not meth! ON A PLANE!

Alright…alright…Dolly takes a moment to massage her temples in frustration. I know you hate him, and that’s putting it lightly. But if we’re going to be a team and if we’re going to survive whatever likely shitshow is waiting for us to get this lamp, then we need to at least try to be a cohesive unit.

Corey doesn’t look moved by Dolly’s words. You knew our history.

I…yeah….I did. Dolly looks like she was about to argue the point, before realizing it was inarguable.

Corey continues. You’ve changed Dolly. I’ve been holding off saying anything for a while, but…yeah.

Dolly looks askance out one of the windows, perhaps pondering just how to handle the accusation. When she decides on a course of action, she turns back to Corey steely eyed. Look, I wish things could be different, alright? I wish I could be this virtuous bright light in the sky like you. And I’m only semi-snarking right now because I really do think you’re a decent person. But sometimes Corey being a decent person and waiting for the universe to catch on to that fact only invites failure and heartbreak. Trusting the universe to do the right thing is a fool’s errand, and I’ve decided not to be a fool anymore. My destiny needed a course correction. I would think that at least would be something you would understand.

Corey sighs and averts his gaze, also finding something of interest on the horizon line before replying. You’re walking a path I can’t completely follow. And that makes me sad.

I never said you had to follow it.

But we’re friends? Aren’t we?

Of course we are. But…Dolly looks slightly aggravated…you either accept it or you don’t. Okay? A pause breaks out before proceeding. Can I trust you to be there for this team?

Corey forces himself not to cast a glance back at Unknown Soldier. Yes.

Okay. That’s a…

And that’s when Dionysus cuts in. Hey, we’re flying pretty close to those birds… He points at the encroaching flight of multicolored birds just out the window.

'awh , la daei lilqalaqi.

Yeah, we’re really close…we’re really, really….

Oh shit!

And just like that, the flock of birds hit the engines and blood, guts and fire part ways out the other end. One entire side of the small prop plane is entirely covered in crimson viscera!

Ahahahahaha! YES!

Then, with a teeth rattling shudder, everyone aboard feels and hears as a mini explosion rocks the leftmost engine, causing it to sputter and die.

Ohhhh…that’s not good! That’s not good!

Wait, did that engine just die?!

Oh shit I think it did. Then, to the pilot, Silas, what the hell is going on?

Another shudder tears through the plane, and yet Silas shoots them an incomprehensible thumbs up.

'iinah jayid tmaman , la yazal ladayna muharik wahidi.

Damn it, what is he saying?!

Don’t ask me, I don’t speak Dutch!

I don’t think that’s Du-

Suddenly, the engine sputters up another cough, trailing black smoke in its wake. And then the plane starts to tilt dangerously to one side. All the passengers collide into each other, or the wall of the plane, as it starts to lose altitude!

I think we’re gonna die!

STOP PANICKING!

I’m just stating a fact!

YESSSSS! Back to hell I go! SATAN TAKE THE WHEEL!

Corey, who is presently being smushed by centrifugal force and one Dolly Waters, tries to extricate himself. Guys, I have something I need to get off my chest before we die.

Last words, Corey?

Yeah. I got some more shit to talk about these other terrible War Games teams.

RIGHT NOW?!

Listen, material like this is use it or lose it, okay? So if I got one in the chamber you best believe I’m gonna fire despite the circumstances. Corey, shouting above the howling of air as it sluices off the rapidly plummeting plane, starts to orate!

Shatterpoints, you know I love ‘em! Now, if you missed my last promo (shame on you), let me get you up to speed. Shatterpoints are the members of each team that are their break point. The weak link. The rusty spot. The chink in the armor.

You may want to spare the descriptors! Dionyus calls out, clutching the seat in front of him for dear life.

Good point! Long story short, we’re turning our attention to the Kitty Cat Kaiju’s themselves! And their weak spot’s another no brainer…Mr. Oz! No matter which way you slice it, this former Big Money is BIG SUCKAGE.

You’d know about big suckage, Corey!

Fuck off cinder dick! Anyway, as I was saying, I’m sure its been pointed out by people with fewer promotional stylings than me that Mr. Oz is just chock full of gimmicks and all of them are the entertainment equivalent of when you puke and some of it goes up your nose. From being Broken to being B.O.B.’s bitch, this guy just keeps restyling and restyling himself and somehow gets worse with each successive iteration. Does anybody else remember when this guy was a demi-God or some shit? Actually, more relevant query, does anybody remember when this guy won a match?

Yes Ozzy Boy, you are the droopy old man nuts tetherballing between the thighs of this otherwise adorable kaiju, holding it back and being actively annoying at the same time. In fact, you’re such a non entity, I don’t even want to talk about you! Why the hell should I waste good promo space (not to mention precious lingering moments of my life) on this goober when I can talk about…Raion Kido. AKA the only Universal Champion in War Games history to be picked as a fucking afterthought. And…Corey looks about in confusion. Are we still falling?

Somehow, yes!

It’s like a Twilight Zone episode!

Huh. Just checking. Anyhoo, Mr. Kido, the man who makes even a turbo dork like me seem cool in comparison. I’m sorry but did this motherfucker just turn his team into Pokemon cards? And Sarah says I’M the one whose still a virgin?!

I kid…I kid! Of course I do. Raion, you’re a decent sort in a sport that’s not exactly chock full of them. And you’ve gotta respect anyone who’s a two time Universal Champion. And the way you won those titles? Le chef’s kiss! Beating Alias, the best wrestler on the planet, and Sid Grey, who despite looking like animated beef jerky is King of the XWF. Nobody can say you don’t have juevos, kid. So, it’s just mystifying why you were picked so late in the game. Hell, even part timers like Doc were scooped up before you. What the hell happened?! Well, of course I have a theory.

You don’t fit in the XWF.

That’s not to say you’re not talented. No. I’m saying you stick out like a sore thumb. You see Raion, even the good guys like me in the XWF have a coolness factor. Something that gives us just enough of an edge to seem palatable to the mature wrestling fan without going so far down the goody two shoes slope that we seem nauseating. But you? Well….

…you’re kinda nauseating.

To quote a famous song, there’s no sex in your violence. And the only panache you have is rated strictly PG. Why am I pointing all this out? Because at some point your fanbase is going to get sick of you. They’re going to turn on you. And that there is going to be the one true test of your morals.

….

Are we still falling?

Yep.

Hey Corey, maybe we won’t hit the ground until you stop talking!

Oh shit, Corey’s gonna keep talking? I’m already in hell and it’s definitely not as fun as the last time!

Maybe you’re right Dio! I just gotta keep talking and we stay alive! Corey takes a deep breath in and out and continues.

Kido, there’s another glaring point here that remains unsaid. While you have faced and beaten a veritable rogues gallery of top stars in the XWF, you’ve never faced ME. In fact, you (and certain others) seem to have made it a point to not breathe my name. Why is that? Maybe playing a little…hide and seek, are we? Maybe hoping I wouldn’t take notice of a certain Saiyan haired anime enthuisast? Well obviously it’s too late for that. I think I’ve already made it clear you’re on my radar. In fact, I’ll put it right out there…it is my GOAL to pin you if you make it to the finals. And it’s not because of any animosity. It’s just to prove that I can. And if I do? Retirement be damned, I want a shot at the Universal championship!

Hot damn!

Yes, “hot damn” indeed. But anyway, I guess I’ll let you get back to making “Down with the Sickness” Dragonball Z music videos on TikTok, home slice.

Keep talking Corey!

Maybe I should talk about my workout routine? Or maybe I should talk about how I’ve just discovered reruns of Dallas and man, that’s actually a pretty good show…?

Who cares, just keep talking!

Oh, I know! Let’s talk about another shatterpoint! Oh ho, ho, ho. Ho. Speaking of which, it’s Sidney Grey.

I can hear the gasps and lamentations from here! Sidney?! The Queen of the XWF! The former Universal Champion (for a cup of coffee). HOW?! How is it her and not Vagabond?! Well it’s simple.

It’s ‘cause she’s a cunt. Noah, the royalty check is in the mail. I’m sorry but it was the most appropriate term I could think of.

But yes! Yes, on the surface of things Vagabond looks like he should run away with the title of “most useless one on the team”. And if his team had any other captain that might be true. But when we look at a team’s shatterpoint, we need to consider their sheer self destructive power. And no team captain this year is more self defeating than Sidney Grey.

Sidney, who has openly stated, and I quote straight from that glue factory bound horse’s mouth, “I don’t give a flying fuck about War Games.”

Hmmmm.

Seems like a winner, winner, chicken dinner to me!

I mean, this team is a fucking disaster from pillar to post. You got a “captain” that couldn’t give two shits, the guy she took the captain’s seat from, and Centurion, a man she seemingly lives to make miserable. Throw in Jay Omega just for random shits and giggles and well, that’s a unit right there.

Sidney Grey is about nothing but Sidney Grey. And she is gonna total her team at War Games. That’s if she can avoid complete liver failure in the meantime. To quote Sidney again, “she’s the one who does the fucking.” And you’re right Sidney. You’re absolutely right. Because your shit tier attitude is gonna ensure you fuck over every member of your team at War Games. And that, your majesty, is why you’re the weak link.

Boy those trees are coming on fast.

Yeah, they-....

AAAGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

The sounds of numerous tree branches scraping and slapping the underside of the plane can be heard as it goes belly to branch with the top of the forest. Slowly, the plane glides into the trees, snapping trunks and ripping away chunks of the plane. The shot lingers in the distance as we see the aircraft eventually get swallowed up by the forest, followed by a loud crash and a plume of greasy black smoke.

From there, the view shifts to the crash site itself. And to say it's a miracle if anyone survived is an understatement. Pieces of the plane are strewn all over and one of the engines is a smoking pile of wreckage in a conclave of downed trees. Just when you begin to fear that no one made it out alive, a piece of the hull of the plane starts to rattle and shake, and out from beneath it crawl Dolly and Corey.

*Cough**Cough* Sound off if you're alive.

A moment later, a slim pallid arm sticks out from beneath another piece of the hull.

Present! Soldier hollers. And fully erect! Fuck that was exciting.

Hello! Hello! Little help up here!

Soldier slithers out from beneath the piece of hull he was under and they all start looking around for Dionysus. Corey is the one to find him, still strapped into his seat and stuck in a tree!

Oh hell. Hey buddy, I see you! We’ll get you down from there. Corey looks around. Somehow…

Soldier, help me find something to prop against that tree. Corey, eviscerate Jenny Myst because I know you want to.

Corey rubs his hands together. Oh that’s an invitation I’ll gladly accept.

Hey Jenny, I see you finally had something to say about me. Too bad it was a complete clusterfuck of lies and flagrant bullshit that shows you, once again, have no fucking clue whatsoever. So I was fired from OCW? Corey makes a buzzer sound. Wrongo! I left that turd pile when my client, Harmon Egan, turned out to be a psycho. Now granted, that’s a story left untold, but you wanna talk about me getting my facts wrong while you pull your facts straight out that bony, well plumbed ass of yours.

Bitch, how you gonna mistake a panic attack for being completely fucking underwhelmed? I mean, in a field that includes luminaries like Doc, Bourbon, Flynn, and Kido…you think YOU’RE the one I sweat?! YOU?! Jesus Christ on a cracker you truly are that delusional. Honey, I wasn’t sweating you…I was MOCKING you for displaying the same deluded ego that you’re displaying right now. The very same deluded ego that makes you say dumby dumbs like Lexi Gold and Oz are better partners than me.

And you know what, you were so…so close to getting a whole entire fact right when you noted that I’ve come back to the best competition on the planet. You’re right, I have. And I beat him. You know, Alias? May Day? Honey ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION?! I’m coming off the best match of my entire career as a fucking PRELUDE to War Games, and you wanna talk shit about how I can’t hack it. Jenny, you are UNREAL.

No, the fact is that I scored multiple body blows on you in that promo and you started flailing. Sucker. Dim wit. Stupid ass. Go blow, Jenny. It’s what you’re used to in more ways than one.

Oh and Mad Dog, ordinarily I’d be pretty excited to hear that someone is gonna blast my ass.

EW!

Shush you! But Doggy Dog, I don’t think we’re talking about the same ass blasting. So I’ll leave you with this. You wanna talk about me not getting to the finals? Good sir, I think I stand a far better chance than you. Or did you miss the part when I said I’ve done it already? While you've done about zip dip nothin’ so far. Hey, don’t get me wrong. I still got my eye on you. But after that brain dead bit of promo nada-ness, I think I may let that eye wander a bit.

Corey looks around again.

Has anyone seen Silas?

Just then, Silas pops out of a pile of debris, waving his arms triumphantly.

mrhban bialjamie , 'ana ealaa qayd alhayaati!

Hey, hey buddy! You’re alive!

And that’s when a huge piece of the cockpit falls out of the tree just above Silas and crushes him.

Ooooohhhhhh, shit!

Man, it really sucks being an ancilliary character in the XWF. Corey scowls at Dolly, but she takes no heed of it and unfurls her map. Well, the good news is that we’re not far from our destination. Dolly looks ahead. The bad news is we still got some very, very overgrown jungle to hack through.

Good thing I always carry a machete in my carry on! Soldier walks up, brandishing a blood stained blade.

Dionysus walks up behind him, swatting gnats away from his perspiring forehead. Well, let’s get this over with.

And with that, all four of our heroes gaze into the mysterious forest that lay before them, waiting to test their mettle.