INSANE FUCKING PYRO ABSOLUTELY RAISES THE THREAT OF GLOBAL WARMING!
The camera passes by some fans and take a look at these signs!
LACKLAN
SAVE
US
HAIL
TO THE
LADY KING
RETIRE
ALREADY
CENT
LIONS
FEAR
EDWARD
TODD: Hello everybody and welcome to Thursday Night Anarchy and oh boy do we have a hell of a show for you tonight!
GATOR: That's right, Todd, got some actual good matches for once instead of some inane bullshit!
TODD: Well, don't be too harsh Gator. And to kick off this edition of Anarchy, let's get straight to Mastermind vs John Black.
TODD: Well, Gator, we got a heckuva opening match tonight, eh? Two of the XWF’s longest-tenured superstars, headed straight for each other like a pair of bullet trains on the same track, in opposite directions!
GATOR: ‘Longest-tenured’ is what you say about someone when you don’t have anything nicer to say, Todd. Could we put a little sizzle on this steak so our audience doesn’t flip the channel?
TODD: Oh, sorry. I mean to say, two men who have legitimate claims to XWF Legend status…
GATOR: …Reel that back a few meters there, Canada. We don’t wanna get sued for falsespecious advertising.
…
TODD: A match is about to take place?
GATOR: Peeeeeeerfect.
If You Don't Leave In Thirty Minutes... by Count Bass D plays
The X-Tron springs to life! On the screen, the name "John Black" is shot up with a .38 special! At the top of the stage, in a black and white setting, JB stands, taking in the mixed reactions of the capacity crowd.
TODD: John Black! The founder of the THUGS! Earlier this year, an Anarchy champion! And despite a lengthy wrestling career, JB is still finding ways to improve his game and climb the ladder in the XWF! Can he pull off a victory tonight?
GATOR: As long as he doesn’t get himself intentionally disqualified.
TODD: Great point, Gator! JB is talented, but can be his own worst enemy at times.
JB walks down to the ramp, handing out some high fives. Then, he climbs on the steel steps and enters the ring, and he raises his fist in the air as he pounds his chest around the ring as his theme cuts off.
Metalingus by Altra Bridge - Edge's Entrance Music plays
A figure is seen walking out from the back wearing a black hooded sweatshirt on. The hood was over his head so he couldnt be seen, and his head was looking down.
He stood in a stance. And as a white light appeared on his front, he unzipped his sweatshirt and showed the front of the t-shirt:
[color=#FFD700]As it continued he turned around and took off his hooded sweatshirt and revealed the back of the t-shirt which read:
He turned back around and stood in a pose as the white light bathed on him to reveal: MASTERMIND
TODD: Mastermind, looking very serious this week, and for good reason! He had no shortage of words for John Black this week, as well as the rest of the XWF locker room. He said he was tired of all the cracks on his routine of ‘making post-victory t-shirts’, called it lazy because everyone else has already said it and promised to permanently silence his critics here tonight.
GATOR: To that point, may I ask… Who’s lazier? The opponents repeatedly pointing out his ‘t-shirt gimmick, or the guy who’s had the same ‘t-shirt gimmick’ since his debut nine years ago.
TODD: …Huh. Another fair point.
GATOR: I’m full of ‘em tonight!
For once, however, he is not flanked by Melanee ‘Crayzee’ Childs and Kris ‘The Hammer’ Von Bonn. Instead, Mastermind tosses off his jacket and runs straight at the ring!
TODD: Oh my! Looks like there’s no shenanigans or mind mastery from MM tonight! He’s here to kick ass and take names!
John Black, unfazed, comes out of his corner, dukes at the ready!
Mastermind rolls under the ropes and the bell rings!
MASTERMIND
- vs -
JOHN BLACK Singles
Mastermind gets to his feet… And gets rrrrrrrOCKED by a right-hand from John Black!
But, MM tags him right back in the face!
The crowd starts to hoop and holler as the two men throw rights and lefts trying to knock the other out of this offensive barrage!
[white]TODD: Wow! These two are coming out of the gate red-hot!
…Mastermind’s initial flurry of punches starts to slow… as JB tags him once! Twice! Three times in a row, working him back towards the ropes!
GATOR: JB doesn’t win every match, but it’s a fool’s errand to out tough-guy him…
As MM leans back against the ropes, JB grabs his right arm, looking for an Irish whip… But Mastermind grabs the ropes with his free hand, then DRIVES his hip into JB’s gut!
TODD: Crafty counter there by MM!
Mastermind then flips the script, reversing JB into an Irish whip… JB runs across the ring… MM bends at the waist…
SKYYYYYYYYYYYYY-HIGH BACK BODY DROP from MM to JB!
TODD: WOW! JB is no lightweight! That was *nearly* 300 pounds flying through the air on that one!
Mastermind drops into a cover hooking the leg!
1!
2!
NO! KICKOUT!
Mastermind gets to his feet, delivering a stomp straight to JB’s face! A second! A third!
TODD: Mastermind, pulling zeroes punches… or stomps, actually…
GATOR: But it looks like getting kicked in the face might just be pissing JB off!
Indeed, JB is forcing his way up to his feet through MM’s well-placed strikes! Much to MM’s surprise, he’s quickly scooped off his feet!
And JB snaps off a BELLY-TO-BELLY OVERHEAD SUPLEX! Mastermind soars and hits the canvas hard! The crowd screams as JB lifts a fist in the air!
Basking in the applause for just a moment, JB drops to cover…
But even that moment might have given MM too much recovery time, as he rolls under the bottom rope to outside the ring.
The crowd voices their disapproval as Mastermind stretches his back, trying to shake off that suplex.
JB feels like his time is being waster so he rolls outside the ring to pursue MM, but MM turns ‘round the turnbuckle and rolls back inside the ring!
This only pisses off JB more! He rolls back under the ropes… As MM runs and hits the ropes…
JB tries to get back to his feet… Only to catch a sliding dropkick to the face!
TODD: The crafty veteran Mastermind stays one step ahead of JB…
As JB cradles his face, having taken that dropkick straight on the chin, Mastermind lifts JB by the scruff of his neck to his knees… Then wraps him in a front facelock!
Kneeling snap DDT! JB’s face hits the canvas hard! His limbs go limp!
Mastermind uses all his strength to shove JB from his front to his back… (somewhat difficult given the size disadvantage here)...
But eventually he does it, MM hooks the leg!
1!
2!
THR-NO!
John Black forces a shoulder off the ground!
TODD: Incredible wherewithal by John Black staying in his match!
Mastermind, fed-up with the fight JB has put up thus far, dragging his thumb across his throat, calling for the Mind Sleeper!
JB slowly works his way up to his feet, that DDT clearly having knocked Black for a loop, as Mastermind carefully circlesteps to keep JB’s back in front of him!
TODD: This could be it for JB…
As JB works his way back to his feet, MM leaps onto JB’s back! He wraps his arm around JB’s thr-
IN ONE SNAP MOTION, JB snapmares MM off his back and over his head! Mastermind lands with a thud!
TODD: Wow! Incredible wherewithal by John Black!
GATOR: Wherewithal or adrenaline? That looked a little more like reflex than a conscious reversal.
Indeed, Black still looks somewhat woozy from Mastermind’s DDT… Mastermind scoops himself up off the mat, trying to resume the offensive…
But JB lowers one shoulder, scooping the Kiwi on his back!
Followed by… BLACKLISTED! DEAD CENTER OF THE RING!
Mastermind looks devastated… but JB doesn’t look too much better! Black falls backwards… onto MM!
The official drops to count!
1!
2!
THREE!
WINNER VIA PINFALL - JOHN BLACK!
The crowd rises to its feet cheering! Neither Black or MM stir, looking spent after a short but intense match!
TODD: Both men gave their all to pull out the victory, but John Black walks away the victor!
GATOR: Drat. Guess no new Mastermind t-shirt tonight.
MOLLY BARNES
- vs -
HGH
Tig O’Bitties is in the ring with a microphone in hand, the buxom brunette shining in a gown that sparkles with a myriad of colors like a Disco ball.
GATOR: Bloody hell, Tig is looking amazing tonight, Todd.
TODD: Looks like all that time spent with Sarah Lacklan is rubbing off on her.
GATOR: I wouldn’t mind rubbing off on her, if you get my meaning.
TODD: I don’t. Maybe you could explain it?
GATOR: ….shit up, Todd…
TIG: The following match is scheduled for ONE FALL. Introducing first…
The crowd turns towards the entrance way…but nothing happens.
GATOR: Weird.
TODD: Huh.
In the ring, Tig O’Bitties clears her throat.
TIG: Introducing FIRST…
Attention back to the entrance way, but still nothing happens.
GATOR: Anarchyites, I’m not sure what-
TODD: Hold on, something’s happening.
The curtain before the ramp opens and out walks Molly Barnes with a glum look on her face. Some within the crowd, some cheer confusedly.
GATOR: I don’t-
TODD: Hold on, Gator. I’m getting something from the back…oh, okay. It turns out Molly couldn’t afford to pay the Entrance Rights Fee this week, so…
GATOR: ……..
TODD: ….yeah….
GATOR: I hate this show.
In the ring, Tig shrugs her shoulders as Molly makes her way down the aisle without music or Vinnietron video.
TIG: Fighting out of Salford, Greater Manchester, from the UNITED Kingdom, she weighs in tonight at 130 pounds…and with an overall Anarchy record of five wins and two losses…she is the 10 Quid Knockout…the Salford Snicker Nicker…MOLLYYYYYYYYYY BAAAAAAAAARNES!
The crowd finally cheers in earnest as Molly slides into the ring and raises her hand into the air.
TIG: And her opponent…
HONK!
HONK!
HONK! HONK! HONK!
GATOR: What’s that, Todd?
TODD: It’s so bright!
Out from the back comes a limousine, the black waxed and shined so bright that it blinded the eyes of the audience.
TIG: Fighting out of his family’s insanely expensive Buffalo estate in the great state of New York…
The honking limousine travels as far down the ramp as it can before coming to a halt, honking all the way. After stopping, the driver’s door opens to let out a man in a freshly-pressed black uniform with white gloves, who hurriedly rushes to open the rear door.
TIG: …and weighing in tonight at a buff, tough, and swole 287 pounds…
From the limo comes out HGH, decked out in a suit literally tailored by Armani himself just this afternoon, who smiles brightly as members of the crowd boo.
TIG: …he has an overall Anarchy record of eighteen wins…thirteen losses…and one draw…
The driver laces his hands together and holds them down for HGH, who uses them to hoist himself up and stand atop the limo.
TIG: ….a former Anarchy Champion…his name is HARMON…GREYSON…HAYS…also known as…
He throws his hands out wide and flings back his head.
TIG: H! G! H!
Pyro shoots off at the ramp as confetti cannons fire from the turnbuckles of the ring, raining down literal, actual $100 bills into the crowd by the 1000s, drenching them in vast amounts of money..
GATOR: What an entrance!
TODD: And look at Molly!
In the ring, as Tig O’Bitties is leaving while HGH begins climbing the steps, Molly is subtly raking random $100 bills closer to her corner with her foot.
GATOR: This might be Molly’s biggest payday yet, if she’s lucky. Right Todd? Right?
TODD: …….
GATOR: Come back here!
Todd is too busy making his way toward the ring and massive amounts of HGH’s money to hear, much less listen to, his broadcasting partner. In the ring, the referee…unnamed, because we’ve gotten away from that, apparently…shame, really…gives the competitors their instructions. HGH smirks at both the referee and his opponent, while Molly’s eyes keep sneaking back to her small pile of money pushed to the side. Instructions finished, the referee rings the bell as the two retreat to their corners.
DING! DING! DING!
GATOR: Great…now I’m by myself…have I mentioned how I hate this show? Just in case I didn’t, let me repeat, I hate this show. Okay…let’s see…looks like Todd took some good notes, because nerd…hey, did you know that, because of poor booking ability, HGH has been in a staggering SIX triple-threat matches on Anarchy? Things are so much better now that Literal Guerilla is in charge.
In the ring, the combatants circle one another. Even with his injured arm, hurt during that hellacious Anarchy Championship match at War Games, HGH’s smirk is more arrogant and cocksure than =SUM(Page, Lux, Kido)*Lacklan, which is really saying something, let me tell you. On the other hand, Molly’s face, normally a mask of determined grit suitable for a starring role in an Oliver Twist revival, seems flustered as her eyes keep sneaking back to the pile of money she’s raked together and attempted to hide in the corner. And one of those momentary looks back at her pile, like a racoon nervously checking on a pile of trash nicked from what’s left of Lord Raab’s credibility, costs her, as HGH dashes forward and catches her with a clothesline. The staggering 157 pound difference comes into play immediately as one of The Largest Arms in Buffalo sends down the penniless pauper with a massively pained groan. Several stomps from boots probably made from intensely pampered and purebred alligators follow up as the crowd boos. Molly, to her credit, takes the chance to, while laying on the ground and suffering the stomps, grab a handful of the $100 bills and stuff them into her top. And considering how slight she is, there’s PLENTY of room to stuff.
GATOR: HGH with some power shown here. Dude’s jacked.
Wait.
Wait.
Harmon Greyson Hays.
“HGH.”
Human Growth Hormone.
Oh, I get it! FRENCH Class!
After the nameless referee counts at HGH and tells him to stop being a dick…which we’re all pretty sure he can’t, since that’s kinda his bag…the former Anarchy Champion reaches down and gets a double handful of hair that hasn’t been washed in a few days due to lack of funds and Molly to her feet. He jacks his jaw a bit at her before rearing back and driving a forearm into her face, then shoots her into the corner right behind them with enough force to immediately send her back after crashing chest-first. The ref unworthy of a name admonishes HGH again, but the Chautauquan Chomper simply smirks and raises his arms to soak in some jeers and boos from the Seattle crowd.
GATOR: HGH continuing to show his strength and power here…and his douchebaggery…while Molly struggles to get going. Let me see what kind of notes Todd has on her…
*papers rustle*
Did you know that Molly is one of the handful of individuals to have a negative reputation on the xwf99.com website? I’m sure each and every one of those negative comments were fully justified.
HGH picks Molly back up off the mat, twisting his fingers in her hair to cause painful tangles, and pushes her into the corner. He follows up with a forearm, making her head whip back harder than Noah Jackson doing a double take as the female-presenting version of Gravy walks by, then drives a knee into her gut. He continues to ignore the referee's admonishment to take it back to the center of the ring, instead preferring to use his larger size to drive another knee into her gut. He finally does bring her out, but only long enough to throw her into the opposite corner with a hammer whip, using so much force that he takes himself off his feet and she slams so hard in the turnbuckle that the ring shakes. As Molly reels from the hammer throw, HGH shakes out his arm, trying to keep the flow going.
GATOR: Molly getting manhandled so far out here, but she’s already trying to fight back. Because the bourgeois will ever fight against the proletariat.
Molly pushes herself up to a knee while holding her back, a face of pain and anguish written clearly for all to see. That face is met with HGH’s sneer…and boot…as he kicks her. She goes down but pushes back up, only to be met by another boot. The two repeat the motion again, but this time Molly dodges the kick and rolls to the side, putting some distance between them. HGH regains his balance and goes for another kick, but this one is also missed, as Molly rolls to the side again, this time coming up to her feet. And before HGH can get his bearings, Molly runs and launches herself forward, slamming the top of the ol’ Brain Box right into HGH’s chin.
GATOR: Molly with a sudden burst and nailing HGH with the…um…
*rustles papers*
...Mugshot? I guess?
Indeed, after a Mugshot that caught him right in the chin, HGH stumbles backwards and into the turnbuckle that has been a fast friend of Molly. The Notorious Salfordonian follows up by again jamming her head into HGH, this time in the stomach, which causes him to fold over in pain. A handful of slaps to the face are followed by some kicks to the midsection and into the injured arm of HGH as Molly explodes with a striking flurry, which ultimately forces her opponent to drop to his bottom. The nondescript referee counts and yells at Molly, but she’s not going to ever, EVER be stopped by The Man, so she ignores him and instead puts her boot into the face of HGH, pushing his head outside of the ring.
GATOR: Gross! HGH’s proper, pristine nose has NEVER had to smell something as foul as Molly’s threepence boots!
After several boots and scraps to HGH’s face, Molly looks at the crowd and raises an arm.
MOLLY: MOLLY! MOLLY! MOLLY!
CROWD: OI! OI! OI!
Gator: ….how did the crowd know what to respond with?
Molly runs all the way across the ring to another corner and then runs back-
CROWD: ooooooooooooo-
-she runs back towards HGH-
CROWD: oooooooOOOOOOOOO-
Molly slams her foot into HGH’s face with a running facewash.
CROWD: OI!
GATOR: …that’s disgusting…I can see her feet through all the holes in those shoes she got from Little Lives…
While everyone is thankful that Tommy Wish isn’t around to see the bare toes showing through Molly’s boots, the referee continues to make the point that fighting in the corner isn’t very fair to any competitors, but Molly is too busy soaking in the response from the crowd. Eventually, the ref is able to pull Molly away, which allows HGH to pull his way up to his feet by way of the turnbuckle pads. Meanwhile, outside the ring, a stealthy individual has made his way ringside, but thankfully without a hooded head.
GATOR: What’s Todd doing?!”
With his eyes locked on the pile of loose $100 bills raked together by Molly when the match started, Todd scrambles for them, the pay of an XWF employee feuling him to bring something worthwhile home so that his wife doesn’t take the kids and leave his broke behind. Again. But Molly’s there! The Red Devil Hooker reaches through the ropes and grabs Todd by the patched shoulders of his coat and pulls him up. The referee tries to get between them as Molly yanks Todd hard enough to bring hip up onto the apron, and gets squished in the process.
GATOR: Here comes HGH!
Indeed, HGH crashes into the trio, a forearm smashing into the back of Molly’s head. With the impact, the referee falls to the mat and Todd goes flying to the outside, money in his hands coming up and out in a burst of spray that would give the show-opening pyro of a Lane Era Anarchy a run for it’s money. In the chaos, HGH grabs ahold of Molly from behind and hooks her head in position for a reverse DDT.
GATOR: HGH going for the Injection Shot! If he rolls her over and plants her, it’ll be all over!
HGH sends another smirk out to the crowd and starts to roll Molly, but she’s able to slip out of the grasp of the injured arm! She sends a kick into it, causing HGH to grimace, and then she shoots in, grasping him at the shoulder and between the legs.
GATOR: Molly going for the…um…oh hell, I’m sure Todd has this written down here but I’m too busy watching him steal all of Molly’s stolen money!
Outside the ring, Todd his holding his head with one hand and stuffing $100 bills into his pocket with the other. Molly sees this, which causes her to hesitate, and HGH takes advantage. He grasps her read again and pushes his body over, his significant size difference coming into play again and rolling her right into a cutter.
GATOR: Injection Shot!
HGH quickly goes for a pin as the referee groggily counts.
1…
2…
3!
WINNER VIA PINFALL - HGH
GATOR: And so ends the longest 10-move match in XWF history!
We open to the outdoors of the 2300 Arena where we see JB signing some autographs, and taking pictures with the XWF fans earlier today before the show started. Then one of them pushes some fans to the side to get up on JB’s face, trying to start something with him.
“Fuck you John Black!”
“Fuck me?... Who said that?”
Then we see the purp in his Richie rich outfit who looked like a bit of HGH mixed with Ari the XWF Mailman dressed down in a Gucci sweater, pants, and loafers who starts to spit on JB.
“You are a disgrace in the wrestling business. You shouldn’t have come to the arena, because I don't want you to put your hands on HGH!”
JB then ignored the dude, and he decided to shove him to the side, JB didn’t budge and continued to talk with the fans, until the guy ended up calling him the N Word, and screaming very bad things towards him. Then the fans started shouting “FUCK HIM UP JB!” in unison, as the Richie rich dude backed up and ran in the building. Then the people grabbed the dude by his sweater back outside, and JB ended up stomping the dude out as the fans were going crazy outside of the arena.
Then he flees from the 2300 Arena in his limo, as JB talks to the people outside the venue.
“I don’t have any beef with people who are rich, nor poor… if you disrespect me, you gonna get your fucking ass kicked. I am the man of the people, and you people are the man to this shit. I might not come home winning against HGH, but i don’t give two fucks about that outcome. I know my place isn’t in the so -called shitty deathmatch as the main event, but who needs that when I can say that I am going to smoke that former Anarchy champion who got out jungled by edward.
Who wants to see me rip that fucka HGH off tonight?”
Then the crowd chanted Anarchy and JB, as he walked around the crowd of people towards the entrance of the place. Then before he enters the building, he gets a lone cameraman to film all this shit, and finally ends his piece.
“All I will say is this, Anarchy will not be televised once I stomp a ditch on HGH here tonight. Thangs finna be a different story here.”
Then he shoves the camera away, and he walks towards the locker room of the venue as the crowd chants his name, as it cuts back to the commentators.
Centurion's Theme by XWFO$ plays
Centurion walks down to the ring shaking his fist at the youth of today.
"Chelsea" by STEFY plays
"Chelsea" by STEFY hits and the fans cheer as Chelsea LeClair walks through the curtains, poised, confident and determined to make things happen in this match as she begins to walk down the aisle. She soaks in some cheers a bit as she gets to ringside and at this point, she's all business as she slides into the ring. Soaking things in a bit more, she climbs up the corner to the second rope with a smile, a fist raised in the air and a quick point to the crowd before she hops back down to the corner, leans against it and waits for the match to begin.
"Suffocate" by Cold plays
“Suffocate” by Cold begins to play as the lights dim all through the arena. Fog rolls through the entranceway as a bright light shines from behind it. A shadowy figure is projected through the fog, the sexy figure grinding to the beat of the music. Sidney Grey emerges and surveys the crowd as they boo her loudly. She smirks as she flips off the crowd and moves in time to the beat, going into yet another seductive grind, which ends in a tremendous eruption of pyrotechnics as she runs her hands all along her body, tosses her hair back, and heads to the ring with a laugh. Sid walks slowly down to the ring as she arrogantly taunts the crowd, blowing kisses to some and threatening to slap others all the while with a condescending smile on her face. Sid slides underneath the bottom rope and goes to the far corner of the ring as she stands on the turnbuckle and continues to taunt the crowd, while smiling sadistically as she waits for the match to begin.
CENTURION
- vs -
SIDNEY GREY
- vs -
CHELSEA LECLAIR Triple Threat
LeClaire, Cent, and Sid all look at one another, knowing how three way matches go. Someone ties up, and the third capitalizes on who wants to make it hard on the other. Cent eyes Chelsea, then Sid, then Chelsea, then Sid. Chelsea glares at Sid, then Cent, then back at Sid. Sid eyes Cent, then Chelsea, then Cent.
GATOR: It looks like a classic Mexican standoff tonight!
TODD: INTERNATIONAL standoff, Gator.
GATOR: Nah, it’s specifically tied to that one nation, Todd.
TODD: I stand corrected!
GATOR: You’re sitting.
In the ring, Chelsea circles right, and as she does, so does Sid! Centurion does too! Cent circles left, and Sid and Chelsea adjust, no competitor trusting the other tonight! The crowd is amped, anticipating the violence! The crowd is on their feet! Centurion, the veteran here, and Sid, just as veteran, and Chelsea, a less aged veteran, all point at one another, knowing the tide is building up here, flowing out to see, letting a tidal wave build, the XWF fans here at Anarchy all riding the tsunami.
GATOR: NONE OF THESE COMPETITORS HAVE DONE ANYTHING AND THE FANS ARE EATING IT UP!
TODD: Partner, these fans can sense every ounce of tension here tonight!
Chelsea feints a shoot but neither of the other competitors bite, and she shoots back! Cent sends a signal like he’s ready to start things off, but no! Instead he’s waiting until everybody else! Sid throws a hand forwards, and Cent and Chelsea each recoil on the ready for whatever she has to bring to the ring tonight!
At this point, the lights drop.
They suddenly come back on, and in the center of the ring, between Cent, Sid, and Chelsea, we see Bobby Bourbon and Doctor Louis D’Ville each holding the other by the throat!
GATOR: What the shit, if I knew Bobby and Doc were on this show I’d give a fuck!
TODD: I DO AND WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?
Bobby Bourbon hoists Doc up high, and plants him with an EMC in front of the three competitors, who look absolutely baffled! Bobby goes to an unnoccupied corner and climbs!
FLYING CIRCUS from Bobby!
Doc rolls out of the way, and Bobby lands with a nasty thud. The fans here in Seattle begin to chant!
*FIGHT FOREVER!*FIGHT FOREVER!*FIGHT FOREVER!*
The lights drop again. When they come back up, Sid, Chelsea, and Cent look around, dumbfounded and gaining their wits! The fans continue their chant!
*FIGHT FOREVER!*FIGHT FOREVER!*FIGHT FOREVER!*
GATOR: THEY HAVEN’T EVEN FUCKING FOUGHT!
TODD: Please, and thank goodness the subtitles tell people our names otherwise they’d think we were Heather and Pip and writing the subtitles would be easy.
GATOR: What?
TODD: You’re in charge, huh?
GATOR: No, I don’t understand! Having two distinct announce teams is what makes the brands different, we make sure they appear in appropriate font and whatnot to separate the shows, and while it’s a pointless separation, aren’t you happy to have your name plastered everywhere on a transcript?
TODD: Nobody named Todd is proud of it.
GATOR: Because your name isn’t as cool as Gator.
The standoff finally ends as Chelsea LeClaire makes her move towards Sidney Grey! Centurion intercepts and nails a massive 1000 Mile Slam onto Cheslea! He looks at her from his knees, but in short order is hit with a side kick by Sid!
CRADLE ROBBER!
1…
2…
3!
WINNER VIA PINFALL - SIDNEY GREY!
"Moonlight Sonata 3rd Movement Lacklan Version" by XWF's in-house band plays
The lights in the building go down and a spotlight shines on the ring, where we see Tig O’Bitties. But the XWF ring announcer has changed out of her normal uniform of a spaghetti strap so thin that her monstrous bust looks like two watermelons being held up by Dollar Store floss, because the XWF is STILL run by 13-year-olds, and into a far more appropriate dress of black and red which features fully shoulders and cloth covering her from heel to her neck.
TIG: Everyone, please stand for the arrival of the MOST Decorated Wrestler in XWF History.
About half the crowd stands as-
EYES
ON
ME!
A red spotlight shines down on the entrance ramp as a metal version of the Moonlight Sonata plays. Through the curtain walks a woman, dressed like she’s about to ride through a New England town in 1913, carrying a large plaque.
TIG: She has been awarded the Newcomer of the Year in 2019…
Another woman carrying a plaque walks out.
TIG: …she has been recognized as having THE best debut promotional video ever…
A third woman with a plaque joins them.
TIG: …she has the record for the FASTEST victory in the XWF, wherein she made Atara Raven, of the House of Themis, tap out in five seconds…
A fourth woman with a heavy plaque.
TIG: …she has the BEST smile, with an estimated worth of being in the billions…
Yet ANOTHER woman walks out.
TIG: …and, as seen at some point in the future due to the reality-bending tape delay schedule of Anarchy, the undisputed greatest return in that show’s history…
Sarah calmly walks out onto the ramp and stops, taking the time to look at the crowd. As the guitars play, she slowly walks down the ramp, careful to avoid the touch of any fans, as the women carrying the plaques follow in her wake.
TIG: Standing at the perfect height of 5 feet and 2 inches, and weighing in tonight at a buff and squat 145 pounds-
Upon approaching the ring, the woman quickly arrange themselves in front of her, dropping to all fours, into that of a human staircase, for Sarah to ascend.
TIG: -and fighting simultaneously out of both the Hills of Hollywood and the Blueberry Fields of Maine-
Sarah slips through the ropes as two of the women hurriedly open them for her.
TIG: -she has an overall XWF record of 43 wins, 10 losses, and 2 draws-
Sarah makes her way to a corner, leaning her back into it.
TIG: -she has won the Universal Championship…the Tag Team Championship…the Anarchy Championship…the Leap of Faith Rafter Match…and survived War Games…
Sarah pushes herself up the turnbuckle until she sits atop the highest pad, a queen on her throne.
TIG: …she is the Blood Princess…the Firestarter…both the Poshest of Goths AND the Gothest of Poshes…the Matron of Pigeons…Ilhar de La'el...YOUR Rule 63 Thanos……SARAHHHHHHHHH
Tig takes a big breath as Sarah looks around at the crowd with a small smirk.
AKA: Resting Sar Face.
TIG: LAAAAAACKLAAAAAAAAAN!
Sarah gives Tig a small nod of approval before slowly raising one fist into the air as the crowd splits in cheers and jeers.
GATOR: Jesus, this entrance is so long. Triple H be damned.
"Captain Caveman" by Demigodz plays
EDWARD AND APE FRIENDS GO TO BIG RING. THEY WALK AND WAVE TO FANS. APE FRIENDS GIVE BANANAS TO FANS. EDWARD SHOW BICEPS AND GRUNT LOUD TO FANS. FANS MAKE LOUD NOISES AND EDWARD FEEL STRONG. EDWARD AND APE FRIENDS READY TO RETAIN SHINY!
EDWARD runs full with a head full of steam catching Sarah off-guard as he squashes her in the corner and opens up with a relentless flurry of forearms.
GATOR: Hot DAMN! EDWARD starting off hot tryna take Lacklan's head off!
Lacklan manages to shift her head to a rogue forearm and gets her knees up into EDWARD's gut before kicking him away with her hands supported on the ropes; EDWARD is flung back and tumbles over but like a wild boar gets into a sprint on his hands and feet before flinging his body wildly into the turnbuckles as Lacklan ducks under the champ and moves away. EDWARD crumples onto the canvas as Lacklan fires forward and nails EDWARD with a gorgeous Shining Wizard!
TODD: Mark of Cain! And EDWARD isn't looking good!
EDWARD upper body slumps between the bottom and middle rope his head in a precarious position as Sarah runs up and leaps over the top rope landing a knee down on EDWARD's head which snaps back as he rolls back into the ring grabbing his skull.
GATOR: Brutal attack from Lacklan, you can tell she wants her gold back.
Lacklan fixes her hair as she grabs EDWARD's arm and pulls him under the bottom rope to the outside and makes a pin attempt and the ref rushes in for the count.
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!
...
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWO!
...
THREEEEEEEEEEEEE-KICKOUT!
At 2.5!
EDWARD shoves Lacklan away as he moves up to his feet and shakes the cobwebs; Lacklan huffs as she moves to EDWARD's side and kicks his knee out before following grabbing bandaged arm from the Sabretooth attack last Anarchy and drives her knee into the elbow before twisting his arm and smashing it onto the barricade!
EDWARD roars in agony as he clutches his arm and Lacklan continues the assault with a side kick to EDWARD's ribs before trying to grab the arm again but EDWARD manages to catch Lacklan's forearms and hooks them before delivering a nasty headbutt which seems to do damage to him but dazes Lacklan; EDWARD shakes his head with a grunt and slams his palm across Lacklan's chest before grabbing her by the collar and waist and booming her over the barricade and taking out the front row!
EDWARD hops onto the barricade and beats his chest with a mighty applause from the crowd before flying off the barricade and splashing Lacklan and keeping a tight pin on her as the ref makes his way over.
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!
...
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWO!
...
THRE-KICKOUT!
Lacklan gets an elbow just after 2!
EDWARD kneels up and grabs Lacklan by the hair and begins to tow her through the crowd.
GATOR: Like EDWARD's taking a lady friend back to his cave.
TODD: But where is he heading?
EDWARD stops at the concrete steps and picks Lacklan up into a powerbomb before throwing her down spine first onto the steps which gets a big reaction from the crowd,
GATOR: FUCK! That looked nasty!
Lacklan cries out in pain clutching her spine; as EDWARD looks around to the crowd and begins to rile them up by slamming the ground in a primal fury. EDWARD walks up the steps a good several feet until reaching a flat part and begins to sprint and leaps into the air looking for a double foot stomp!
TODD: He's gonna crush Lacklan!!!
But Sarah manages to roll out of the way and EDWARD lands hand on his feet and stumbles under his own weight; limping on his ankle holding onto the railing; Sarah Lacklan snaps back into the fight grabbing EDWARD's injured arm and twisting it once more before slamming it down onto the railing!
TODD: Disgusting Arm Breaker from Sarah!
EDWARD falls to the ground, no noise coming from him as his face turns red and a vein pops from his temple as he clutches his now limp arm. Sarah wipes sweat from her brow as she struggles to stand, clutching her back as she forces herself back up. The crowd erupt in full support of EDWARD as he tries to stand and Lacklan looks around offended.
Erm, NO!
EDWARD! EDWARD! EDWARD! EDWARD!
NO! What are you people doing!?
The crowd keep with their chants as EDWARD begins to stand.
GATOR: Sar seems pretty pissed that the crowd are on the champs' side here, considering she's been the reason for it's "restoration."
TODD: Lacklan can take all the credit she wants for how well Anarchy has done and it's impact in the XWF but the people want The Strongest Warrior!
Sarah growls and kicks EDWARD back into the crowd bowling over fans and pushing them out of the way as she kicks at EDWARD's injured arm until the pair reach the balcony section.
Lacklan continues her tyrade to the crowd as she makes vicious kicks at a downed EDWARD before grabbing his head and pulling him back.
TODD: Lacklan looking for THE ABYSS!!!
BUT EDWARD PUSHES HIMSELF FORWARD AND LIFTS LACKLAN INTO A TOMBSTONE!
GATOR: PURE STRENGTH! EDWARD WITH CORE STRENGTH AND ONE FUCKING ARM!
BUT LACKLAN KICKS OUT OF THE HOLD!
FLAILING AND MANAGES TO TOPPLE OVER EDWARD!
LACKLAN IS AT EDWARD'S BACK NOW!
TODD: PIGEONWING! PIGEONWING!
The Crossface Chickenwing is locked in but EDWARD refuses to go down as Lacklan clings to his back.
EDWARD flails trying to get Lacklan off with his one good arm but to no avail!
EDWARD begins to fade!
The champ is looking groggy!
GATOR: LACKLAN HAS HIM!
BUT EDWARD ROARS AND CHARGES THE RAILING OF THE BALCONY!
TODD: OH MY GOD! EDWARD JUST FLUNG HIMSELF OVER THE RAILING!
And the pair fall 15 feet to the concrete!
GATOR: They're fucking dead! What the fuck!?
The crowd disperse as officials rush to their position followed by EMTs and when they get there they see EDWARD's limp body over Sarah Lacklans!
WINNER VIA PINFALL AND STILL ANARCHY CHAMPION - EDWARD!
GATOR: HOLY SHIT! What a match! What a win! EDWARD you crazy bastard!
EMTs pull Lacklan and EDWARD apart and begin examining them, luckily both are breathing but look worse for wear.
TODD: Insane match, could have gone either way. EDWARD was just more willing to put his body on the line to secure the match, the lunatic.
Officials get EDWARD standing, barely, as he doesn't even look like he knows where he is as he is handed the title, but then his theme is interrupted and the lights of the arena go dark.
After about 30 seconds of most light being gone and only the music playing, the lights begin to strobe as Mr. Oz shows up at the top of the stage, wearing a mask.
He begins to walk, in a manner that makes people think of supernatural horror movies, as if he is a man possessed and his body is moving in unnatural ways, all the way getting closer to the ring, then the lights turn off.
When they turn back on, Oz is standing behind them, as they turn around to see him, they see the mask,
but then he immediately picks them up onto his shoulders only to pop them up and as they come falling down, he slams his knee into their head, then climbs on top of them before locking his version of the Mandible Claw as he begins to gently caress their face and whisper "I'm sorry..." over and over again until he watches them stop flailing and fall asleep.
He growls as he puts more pressure on for another second before standing up with the Anarchy belt in hand and raising it up above his head as he stares down at the body of the champion.
The lights turn off once more, and come back on, as the belt lays on the Anarchy Champion, and Oz is nowhere to be seen as refs and EMTs run in to check on the champ.
GATOR: ... What the actual fuck was that!?
TODD: Seemed like a callout, Gator. And added injury onto what was already a life threatening match.
GATOR: ... Anarchy is fucking wild, mate.
TODD: And we'll see how wild it gets, next time! On Thursday Night Anarchy
Special thanks to those who helped write matches and sent in segments
BOBBY BOURBON
MARK FLYNN
SARAH LACKLAN
MR. OZ
JOHN BLACK
And everyone who RPed this week, thank you and enjoy your weekend!
The following 3 users Like Atticus Gold's post:3 users Like Atticus Gold's post (Gravy_Xtreme_5000) (06-25-2023), Mr. Oz (06-24-2023), Theo Pryce (06-27-2023)
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