OOC: Hey you, make sure you read this RP after Dolly's. I had to post first because I'm a little baby who needs his nap nap time.


It was another beautiful day in Neverland, though rarely was it not. The sun hung high in a placid cerulean sky, playing host to the gentlest of breezes that carried a touch of salt from the waters below. A multicolored bird alit from the top of a massive tree, trailing a sort of glitter in its wake that caught the glare of the sun and twinkled effervescently as it faded into the winds. Corey watched this occur, but alas was still miserable.

I’m so mad I could shit!

Corey, stretched out on a massive frond protruding from that ginormous tree, smacked his closed fist into his open palm. Below him, stretched out on another frond, was his fey lover Pan, of Peter Pan fame.

I’d appreciate it if you didn’t considering I’m below you.

Corey rolled over to look at Pan beneath him. It’s not funny dude. Unknown fucking Soldier. Dolly drafted that psychopath!

I hear you honey….

He killed my friend Joachim Bright, the Engineer’s son. He tried to kill Lux! When she was in MY body. Ergo basically trying to kill ME. So yes, I’m taking this a bit personally.

I didn’t say you didnt have the…

I don’t understand how Dolly could do this to me. She knows our history!

Yeah…that’s pretty….

Maybe I misjudged her. Maybe she is too different now. At least that Dionysius guy seems alright.

Babes, can you shut up for like 5 seconds so I can get a word in? Pan asked, injecting something of the saccharine despite the abraisveness of the request.

Oh, my bad.

Look ‘Cor, I agree that all of this sounds shitty. But I think you need to keep your eye on the bigger prize here. You said Dolly found a djinn. A real live djinn! Do you know how rare those are?!

I…uh…actually don’t.

They’re so rare that not even Neverland has one! I mean, we did, but he packed up and left about 50 years ago after he got sick of the Lost Boys wishing for hot chicks and cheeseburgers, but still!

Yeah…Corey sighed. It’s a once in a multiple lifetimes experience. And don’t think I’ve forgotten that.

I know you haven’t. And I know how much this must hurt. But sometimes with the good comes the bad. But in this case the good is so, so much greater. Just imagine what you could do with that wish.

Corey flips over on his front to look at Pan.

I…have imagined.

….and?

I could wish for world peace.

You COULD wish for world peace.

Yeah…Corey’s expression goes a bit dreamy at the mountain of possibilities. Hell, I could eliminate “badness” all together. Evil people. Evil concepts. Evil thoughts. Poof. Into the cornfield they go.

Pan winces a bit. Okay, well that sounds a might bit “fascist”.

It’s not fascist! 

We’ll have to agree to disagree. Pan blows Corey a kiss. Corey shoots Pan a cynical but yet playful look before snatching the freefloating kiss out of the air and pressing it to his lips. So how about that new Engineer guy?

Ugh, don’t even get me started on…

YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT NEW ENGINEER GUY!

GAAAHHHHHH!

Just then Duncan Light pops his head over the side of the frond just above Corey.

Jesus, have you been there the whole time?!

Yeah.

How did you even get up there without us noticing?!

I followed you two through your portal thingy. Plus I’m real good at lurkin’. So I get a wish from this genie too, right?!

Corey scoffs. Are you on the team?

….yes?

No. No, you are NOT on the team.

Pan chuckles. Oh come on. Let him have a wish. What could it hurt?

You don’t know this guy like I do, Pan.

I thought you didn’t know this guy either!

Yeah you don’t know me, COREY! So fuck you and give me a wish!

Corey rolls his eyes and takes on a conciliatory mein. Fine, what would you wish for?

Without hesitation, Duncan replies. A pony. And a foot long dick.

Fabulous. Wishes well spent.

I WASN’T DONE! Ahem. I would also like a small cottage in Maryland with a labrador retriever.

Well, that last one’s pretty reason-....

But mostly the foot long cock.

Corey flops back on his frond, running his hands over his face in consternation. Yeah. Fine.

Duncan flops back on his own frond, looking pretty satisfied with himself. So I’m coming with, right?

Silence ensues.

…right?!

Lurching onto his side, he peeks over the edge of his frond, and sees that Corey and Pan have vanished.

SON OF A BITCH!

A little later…

Thanks for rescuing me back there. Corey kicks up some satiny looking beach sand as he walks by Pan’s side.

You’ll have to deal with him again eventually.

Yeah, I know. Corey sighs. It’s dawning on me how much of a big deal this wish thing could be. If it’s real. I wonder if the rest of the team is sweating it as much as I am.

Pan scans the waterfront, smirking. Well, Unknown Soldier’s probably in the same frame of mind as Duncan. As for the other two…who knows.

I’d like to think Dolly would be taking it seriously. I’m not so sure anymore.

Hey… Pan stops, and then claps a hand on either of Corey’s shoulders. I do know one thing for sure though. YOU will do the right thing with those wishes. And that’s honestly all that matters to me. But…Pan pokes Corey in the ribs playfully…if you wanted to make MY equipment a little bigger…

Your equipment’s just fine.

Pan leans deep into Corey, biting his own bottom lip in a deliberately over the top display of seductiveness. You think so?

Corey returns the embrace, drinking Pan in with a small chuckle. I think so.

Then, with the setting sun taking it’s final bow behind them, casting a scattering of golden hued jewels over the lapping waves in its wake, Corey and Pan share a kiss.

Still more later…

We see Corey Smith, lounging in a hempen hammock strung between two trees. It’s night time, but a nearby fire provides enough illumination for us to see Corey.

Welcome to beautiful Neverland, peeps. My second home. And before I set out on this no doubt insane quest to procure a magic djinn and get me some wishes granted, I figured I’d spare a few bars for the opposition.

Corey leans back in the hammock, looking positively sanguine. 

Somebody screwed the pooch and his name rhymes with Blunder Duckles.

Hey TK. Bet you thought grabbing Doc was a real score. That is, until you let your affirmed life partner Robbie Bourbon slip through those greasy Ballpark Frank fingers of yours.

So, I gotta know, how did it feel to cock that up that badly? I mean, here you are with the path clear to choose the man who you know better than anyone else in the XWF. The man you’ve been ride or die with for years now. And instead you pick up an old coot you are fractionally as familiar with who only pops his demonic ass in for a payday once a year (which is odd because for a being who I’m pretty sure was housed in the doll from Annabelle I can’t fathom why you need the cash, but whatevs).

The point is this, Fuckle Knuckle…you screwed up big time. I cannot IMAGINE how awkward things must be between you and Bobby right now. Have you guys shared a meal since you dumped him to the curb? Was the conversation a little…stilted? Did something feel OFF? Is it keeping you up at night now, obsessing over if Bobby’s feelings for you have changed after you basically told him you value Doc D’Ville more than him? And don’t give me any horse shit about how you didn’t actually make the picks, you stood idly by and watched this happen with nary a peep from that stale booze infused trap.

Anyway, lets talk about why the rest of your team sucks. Well, except Doc.

Look, Devil Daddy, we all know why you’re a legend. Multiple title reigns, accolades out the ass, yadda, yadda, yadda. But you’ve been thust into a situation that’s, well, probably not quite a first for you but….you’ve been thrust into a situation where someone isnt sure they want you. Oh sure, I know that endorphin high must have made TK’s dick diamond hard after he scooped you up, but when he saw Bobby fall to another team…? That’s smellin’ like some buyer’s remorse to me. And just how effective a unit can you be, Doc, if your team captain is secretly wondering if he shouldn’t have picked you in the first place? If your team captain is wondering if he damaged a friendship by choo-choo-choosing you over him? Not a good start. Not a good start at all.

And then we have your mystery pick who to no one’s surprise at ALL ended up being Chris Chaos and/or Jenny Myst. Because only the two of you are so utterly detached from reality that you think people are gonna pop for either of you being the big reveal to anything. Of course it was you, Jenny, of COURSE. Only Jenny Myst huffs her own mediocre product enough to think that she’s worth the build up an unknown entrant brings to the fore. I mean, I fucking hate Unknown Soldier but at least he did his unknown entrant bit tongue in cheek. But you? You actually think you’re still a big deal when in fact you’ve been dull as fucking dishwater and phoning it in for the better part of a year. I think I can speak for the rest of the XWF and all the islands of Japan when I say, “Fuck off Jenny Myst.”

Yes, Jenny, fuck off all the way back to OCW, where you can be queen shit of a tiny emaciated little pond. I mean, that’s the way you’ve always REALLY wanted it, right? You were never anything in the XWF but mid card filler anyway and you damn well know it.

Anyhow, let’s think of some people who would have been a more exciting mystery reveal than Jenny Myst. And, oh ho, I just so happen to have a list, babay!

Just then, a massive list of names starts scrolling down the side of the screen. Corey spouts off with some choice cuts from the list.


I think you all got the picture. So before we start beating that horse D-E-A-D lets go on to Thunder Knuckles himself. Oh, ho, ho buddy you thought I was done with you? Not by a long shot. You, the biggest woulda coulda shoulda since Charlie Nickles, you wanna talk about stuck in the mid card with Jenny Myst well look no further than Bobby Bourbon’s lesser half.

I mean, you weren’t even worthy of the top belt in OCW, were you? So its no surprise that when people talk XWF creme de la creme your name is nowhere in sight. You’re what we in the biz call a “solid hand”. Nothing flashy, gets the job done, but in reality, ain’t goin’ nowhere but right here. That’s Thunder Knuckles for ya. The man who had so little faith in himself that he took a (cheap!) payday and eliminated himself in OCW’s Carpe Noctem event before even attempting to climb the ladder to success. And yeah, I got eliminated too, but at least I TRIED, TK. Swear to fuckin’ God though my scrotum was damn near frozen to my thigh before I even stepped out there. Never had to deal with that shit in the XWF…grumble…grumble…grumble…

Oh yeah, Thunder Knuckles. It’s really no surprise that your most prolific title reign in the XWF came complete with Bobby Bourbon, who is legitimately one of the toughest (if not the most confident, more on that later) people in this thing. Which makes your decision to pass him up that much more confounding and damning. Face facts TK, your BEST work has always been with Bourbon. It’s why you washed out as a main event singles competitor in OCW and it’s why you’ve never been (and never will be) Universal Champion in the XWF.

But I can hear your bluster from here, TK. “Oh well Corey Smith needed Lux to be a Universal Champion.” And I’ll hand you that, you’re right. But, if we were to take a poll of the locker room of who would be the more believable Universal Champion right now, who do you think would win? You or me? You, the avowed tag specialist whose never broken the glass ceiling, or me, the man who just beat Alias, the XWF’s greatest competitor of all time? Come on Knuck a Buck, I know you’re a betting man! Who you letting it ride on?!

WHO?

That’s what I damn well thought. 

And lest we forget, evidently there’s a MAD DOG in this fight! I was gonna make a “who let the dogs out” joke but my better half convinced me that would be really lame so, to the cutting room floor it goes.

But I di-gilly-gress, “Mad Dog” Mark Wright. Damn near picked last and by far the most untested person on this team. However, I’m not foolish enough to think that “untested” means “untalented”. So to that end, you’ll be the one in this match I’m keeping the second closest eye on. The first being the Doc, of course. You could be the lynchpin of your team. Or you could fail miserably! But I guess we won’t know until the event itself. Ya see, unlike the rest of your team mates who are well known quantities, you, my friend, are a sight rarely seen. So I’ll be watching you. Closely.

Corey winks at the camera.

That’s all the time we have for this team. Tune in next time where I’ll discuss why Mark Flynn sucks as a face, and answer the burning question…just why did Raion Kido get picked so low in the draft in the first place?

Or I’ll just rag on TK for his shitty drafting some more.

Or I’ll just “I’m on a roll” this bitch and talk about one of these other shitty teams RIGHT NOW.

Now I got a theory about War Games. I think every team has a break point, a shatter point if you will. One member that’s more of a burden than a boon. And naturally, I’ve figured out who that burden is on each and every team. First up on the psychoanalysts couch?

Team Ned Kaye.

Who’s their shatterpoint?

Crash Rodriguez.

I mean, “duh, right?” It certainly isn’t Flynn, who may be deeply, deeply delusional about his mileage as a decent human being but doesn’t suck in the ring. It’s not Ned Kaye, who while his record isn’t spotless is about as XWF veteran as they come. And it’s not even Isaiah King, who despite his short career here has some proven staying power. Nah, it’s Crash because as far as the XWF is concerned, he’s a newborn baby boy who knows absolutely jack shit about how to handle any of these fuckers in the ring. Check it, this guy hasn’t had a single match in the XWF. Where has he been duking it out? OCW, the littlest of little ponds where any one of their top stars would get eaten alive by any one of our top stars on any given day. And his record over yonder? Far from perfect. Not awful, but far from perfect. Not only that, but he’s another sometime B.O.B.ie whose been cut off from the pack, just like the rest.

So what do we have here? A wet behind the ears newbie to the promotion who had middling success in a much, much, MUCH lesser promotion, who is cut off from any of the friends and allies he already had.

Uh oh…

Yeah, weak point.

And let’s not forget Crash, I managed the man in OCW who took your Craze Championship from you. So I am well versed in what you’re capable of. And what you’re not. The fact is, I know you much better than you know me Crash.

So there we have it. Shatter point number one. You think I’m done? Not hardly. I got each one of these teams spotted, drawn, and quartered. I know who to hunt when I get to those finals. And oh yeah, did I forget to mention?

I’m gettin’ to them muthafuckin’ finals.

I’ve done it once. I’ll do it again. And with a team as solid as this backing me up, I just may have company. Food for thought boyos.

Okay, now I’m out.

Byyyyeeeeeeee.

Almost as if on cue, the nearby fire seems to pare down to embers, encapsulating our hero in shadow.