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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » Anarchy Boards » Anarchy RP Board
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Restoration of Anarchy, Part IV: Ungwë
Author Message
Lacklan Offline
World's best at making murderhobos cry

XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)

05-16-2023, 01:30 PM

“What, in the LITERAL, Hell?!”

Baby La’el, by no means a baby anymore, as it was as large as one of Auntie's yummy cafe treats, enjoyed their climb. They hummed to themselves a rhyme taught in the nursery as Ivory Mommy was screaming…as she was wont to do…at a giant gorilla. La’el climbed and hummed away, naught a care in the world. After all, they were used to Ivory Mommy screaming at all manner of people, places, and things, of course, so a literal gorilla…wearing a large black tie around his neck like out of Donkey Kong…inside of a smelly building in Philadelphia was not exactly unusual.

“I am the FACE of this business, Mister L.G., and I will NOT be made a fool of! I will NOT be mocked! Nah, I say, I shan't!”

La’el giggled to themself as they climbed up the “spider web” of barbed wire set up in the ring. It wasn’t a REAL spider web, of course, not like they had at home in Lacklanland Forest. The webs they made in Hot Home were nice…at least until Ebony Mommy would angrily break them with a broom whenever she found them and Hulk’d up into Angry Ebony Woman mode…but they paled in comparison to what they had at Real Home.

“I canNOT beLIEVE that I…Sarah HOT DAMN Lacklan…is ONCE AGAIN being forced to put my #SquatBooty and perfectly angelic face ON THE LINE in some dumb hardcore match!”

La’el giggled to themself again as they slid down a complicated mass of barbs before swinging back up and leaping to another set. La’el had missed Real Home much over their life, but lately the whole family had all been living back in Real Home, so La’el was quite happy. They had seen their Spider Mommy many times since returning…Ivory Mommy made sure they made all those visits, even if Ebony Mommy was constantly grumbling about having to being there…and being within the webs of Real Home had been refreshing.

“And another thing, you dumb primate, I-”


La’el paused in their swinging amongst the barbed wire web as the voice rang throughout the building. A man wearing a loincloth ran through the stands of the building, arms in the air, hair waving wildly.

“ sick and tired of facing the bottom of the barrel! Yes, I told Vinnefred Betty Lane that I wanted to wrestle the roster alphabetically-”


La’el’s eight-eyed stare followed this ‘Edward’s’ path up and down the aisles.

“...but I didn’t expect to be facing fat, obese, ugly, useless, castoffs from Madness! Honestly, at this stage, you might as well book me against a Beached Dynamo and call it a done deal! Additionally, I-”


La’el tittered their pedipalps…Ivory Mommy called this La’el’s way of “giggling with joy,” but it also made Ebony Mommy sometimes heave up her lunch…as Edward ran by.

"-swear to Baby Jesus' perpetually smooth bottom that if you even THINK of booking me in something as dumb as a handicap match against the goddamn BING BONG TWINZ, I'll-"

The gorilla suddenly looked thoughtful to La'el, but Ivory Mommy's eyes flared.

"OH NO YOU DON'T! I will NOT listen to those two morons compare a match with me to that summer they were in 'handicap matches' with my assistant Ashley. I would rather cut my eyes off and-"



La’el slipped from it’s perch and slid down several lengths of the barbed wire as Ivory Mommy spun and screamed at the man running to and fro. Said man’s smile split his face in two.


Ivory Mommy’s eyes…they WERE like that of a rat…glared even more as she spun and pointed a finger in the large gorilla’s chest as Edward continued his run through the building.

“In the last few months, I have had NUMEROUS matches against people who were so dejected, so defeated, so RUINED by having to face me that they’ve never, ever, EVER stepped into an XWF ring again! Kido may take pride in people losing to him and then going on to become champions, but I have the opposite effect! People lose to me, realize how hopeless it would be to compete with me, and then set sail for calmer waters!”

La’el wasn’t big on water, but they still appreciated Ivory Mommy’s aquatic visualizations.

“Atty! Buster! Cashe! Mad Dog NEVER recovered! Vagabond may as WELL be ruined from the start because of me. And next week, despite this STUPID match you’ve booked-”

Ivory Mommy waved at the net of wire and the scaffold above it, and La’el took the opportunity to leap onto her arm and quickly make their way upward until they found their favorite spot: Nestled amongst all the fluffy fuffery that was her shoulder.

“-I’m going to do it again! Because even IF it has turned out to be YOU pulling the strings on Anarchy over these years, making me do things like wrestle during a roller derby contest, in the middle of a cornfield while wearing a Halloween costume, or outswim a helicopter-"

La'el smiled. She loved the very, very, very few times Ivory Mommy brought that up.

"-I won’t allow myself to become a victim of shenanigans or tomfoolery. No, I will take your challenge and shove it so far up Darren’s ass that he may as well be Roxy on Vinnie’s birthday!”

La’el wasn’t sure what that meant, and by the questioning look on the gorilla, they assumed he didn’t either.

“And after I’m done with this latest waste of my time…which, admittedly, is somewhat my own fault for being so literal when I laid out how I wanted to face the Anarchy roster…bear in mind that after 'D?'”

She pointed to the running, loin-cloth wearing man.

“Comes 'E.'”

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[-] The following 5 users Like Lacklan's post:
Angelica Vaughn (05-16-2023), Atticus Gold (05-16-2023), Doctor Louis D'Ville (05-17-2023), EDWARD THE GREAT (05-16-2023), The King's Court (05-16-2023)

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