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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Shove-It! Boards » Shove-It! RP Board
Fuck The Self Righteous
Author Message
Prof. Bobby Bourbon Offline
Mad Scientist



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
05-04-2023, 10:30 PM



We catch up with Bobby Bourbon calmly driving as Genevieve Trot sits beside him, looking quite shaken.

You're exhausted.

Bobby slowly blinks.

Excuse me?

I'm exhausted, and you're just a youngin', you need sleep.

Mr. Bourbon, I assure you, I do not require you telling me what I need.

I didn't say you did.

Genevieve looks up at Bobby inquizitively.

I said you need sleep, I don't tell you all your needs.

Bobby's nonchalance in response belies how he's ensconced in the impuissance and lack of nuance of one who could never lead a renaissance, as he has, and he will, and with haste, igniting a fervor satiating each taste like he had absolutely zero time to waste stepping up and standing up and fighting well outside his caste still ready to pound someone into paste. Genevieve looks back in a degree of awe, stunned and almost entirely slack-jaw, like some unknown thing was crammed and stuck in her craw like it was criminal; breaking the law. Jenevieve wasn't replying with her regular sass, though Bobby looks taken aback and regretting he was crass, no reason to shatter some heart made of glass unless it was his opponent at the time in which meant it was time to whip some ass. It's time for take-out, like you're driving your cars, done for the night under the pretty stars, Raion Kido couldn't open some jars? This is just the character development, not even promo, and look, you already got to the bars!

What was your biggest wrestling memory?

I beg your pardon?

Bobby points off into someplace we can’t see off camera.

You said in the mall, you had a big wrestling memory, I want to hear it.

Genevieve looks back at Bobby indignantly.

You.

Bobby furrows his brow. He looks a little confused.

Um, okay. Which, uh, one? I have done a buncha...

Your debut.

Bobby pauses.

What?

My brothers always watched the XWF, way back in the day. The crazy days. The awful days. I remember always pleading for them to change the channel, because the people on the TV were horrible! People like Peter Gilmour, like Shane , all of them conniving, and being shitty, and gross, it made me sick! Then, well, one night, they were watching, and at the end of the show, you walked out, and you called everybody there, every single XWF wrestler, an asshole.

Bobby half-shrugs.

Yeah, I did. I got a lot of guff for that.

I bet.

Genevieve looks back at Bobby.

You stood up and knew then and there you had to fight against the horrible people.

Bobby cocks an eyebrow as he continues to listen.

You, heh...

Genevieve sniffles.

You were the first person I ever saw in the XWF I thought was actually fighting for me.

Bobby looks geniunely taken aback by this. He looks back at Genevieve after a moment.

Well, Miss Trot, what is your next idea then?

Heh, seriously? I just bared my heart to you, and you want to know...

Yes.

Bobby looks calmly at Genevieve.

Miss Trot, I want to know, what is your next idea, how do you want to improve my image, I am all ears. Let's go tour restaurants and I'll try not to be a dick when I don't like the food if you wish.

Why?

Bobby sheepishly snorts.

Because, Miss Trot, yes. I will indeed continue fighting for you however you wish. That’s precisely what I want.

Bobby looks Genevieve in the eyes, consoling her. She was half his age, she looked frightened, and lost, this new world so bizarre and dangerous, yet without expectation of anything of himself, Bobby found what he wanted. Genevieve smiles for the first time as Bobby realizes how serious this was.

~~~~~

In the coolest promo spot you have ever seen, Bobby regains his Universal Title.

Raion, either you need to realize or admit the biggest reason BOB is turning a new leaf is because, well, the XWF needed heroes and you just aren’t cutting it. Saint of Athena, whatever the fuck that means, you sir, you definitely are. The people, however, deserve something better. They deserve to see Charlie actually care. They deserve to see TK be a damned man about shit. They didn’t deserve to watch whatever bullshit you displayed in your first promo, for fuck’s sake. Caramel Cake?

Bobby shakes his head ‘no’.

Tres Leches, you poor, poor uneducated soul. Also, I make an amazing cheesecake.

Bobby smiles, confidently.

If it was all a shitty metaphor for how you like to jizz on your girlfriend’s buttcheeks, well, I wouldn’t fuck the bitch with a stolen dick to be certain, not sure if you noticed I am kinda selective with where my cock gets buried after being Danny Sex. How the fuck haven’t you pricks brought up the fact I was a manwhore before I was a manwhore? Like, you and your girl are dime-a-dozen last I checked, and while that bullshit selling ten for a dollar on Wish sounds awesome, what the fuck have you sold otherwise?

Bobby cups his hand to shape an ‘o’, or a ‘0’, more specifically. It means bupkis, really. Bobby grins, rolling his eyes at the little boy pretending to be Universal Champion.

Kido, I heard you flap your gums in your last little promo, but I guess you got musings from Saint Pope Rabbi Archminister Athena or some other hackneyed vision of the West you hold onto. I mean, you’ve traveled the globe many times by now, but you’re still hanging on to being just small brained and shoehorning some superhero concept you hold onto into people’s lives.

Bobby gives Thunder Knuckle’s signature jerking-off hand motion.

At this very moment, you’re ready to put your tag team partner to the wayside, and that’s because your sensibilities are to be self-serving.

Bobby’s demeanor straightens, something inside him sparking, realizing the asshole in his sights is absolutely fucked.

Fuck, you got a massive botch job of a victory over me on Warfare where I was in a submission hold, on my belly, and the referee counted a pinfall, then had the audacity to say it was an honor?

Bobby rolls his eyes.

Frankly, if Athena actually fucking existed, she’d be damned disappointed in you.

Bobby smirks as sticks his tongue out, overblown by the absolute ridiculousness he is addressing right now.

However, the way you act proves there is no Athena. It’s a guise you throw up to label narcissism. Some meaningless mumbo-jumbo that you cooked up to make you think the spotlight cast on your bullshit is the light of the sun warming you. You do it all the time, I’ve heard you trumpet about righting wrongs, blah blah blah, bitch, when the fuck have you ever been wronged? See, Raion, there was a day that I would be more than happy to give you exactly what you want and treat you precisely as you portray yourself; wronged. Thing is that day is kind of behind me; right behind me, true, but going out and just punking you out after you won the Uni?

Bobby swiftly shakes his head.

Nah, you’re not cool enough to have a match right after winning the Universal Championship. Guess you needed some time to come to grips that you were the one people were gunning after, really classy like, instead of coming to grips that you were the one people were gunning after, like a fucking adult. Kiddo, and from now on, you are absolutely without a doubt Kiddo, you’re not at the grown up table, you’re wearing fancy shit to the Kiddo’s table.

Bobby posts his right palm, open and downard, to his his side some half his height.

Pfft. You act entitled as fuck all the time; go ask Peter Vaughn or anyone who’s had to listen to you after you got bounced from the March Madness tournament, only to say you were honored to win by somehow pinning a dude on his gut? Shit, if your sensei or whoever taught you what you know how to do in that ring isn’t dead and spinning in their grave every time you say you’re honorable and not a spoiled shit, they’re damned embarrassed by you, because that’s what you are, Raion, an embarrassment. You lost to Flynn and then ducked him forever, and why? Was that the right thing to do? No. Not at all. It was the chickenshit way to duck looking bad again; hell I challenged Flynn to a rematch within weeks of our first match. You came forward hollering you wanted it to be you and him, why didn’t you go fight him instead of challenging the first person you could once he lost the title?

Bobby mouths “because you didn’t have the balls and are a chickenshit, not a hero”.

Raion, you aren’t entitled to me seeing you as anything but a dumb, self-unaware shithead, throwing Jason Cashe under the bus defending the tag team championships, and in all seriousness, I hit up TK about going and crushing the Thunder Pro tag scene and winning a fourth companies belts for posterity but then you threw Ned Kaye under the bus whenever you said you would have won March Madness, shit, that said, the only Trilogy you ever gave a shit about was me, myself, and I; my friends can rely on me, motherfucker.

Bobby thumps his chest as he says this. Thunder Knuckles walks into the room, and nods in assent. Charlie Nickles walks in and nods in assent. Crash Rodriguez walks in and nods in assent while holding up the deed to yet another small business he conquered, not understanding it wasn’t the time or the place. Dolly Waters walks in and nods in assent. The Brotherhood of Bros showed up, here and now, to reaffirm that Bobby was without a doubt these days.

So, just a quick recap, you’re a self-righteous douchebag with an overinflated sense of ego who can not, nor should be, relied on for a damn thing in a pinch, I’m the guy who won’t quit or back down, I’m the guy who steps up when his people need him, I’m just THE fucking guy, and you ain’t. Now that everyone is caught up to speed on that, Raion, strong work, you took over for Sidney Grey in keeping that belt warm for me.

The rest of BOB all look awfully bemused at this point.

Come the end of the night, Raion, when the party really fires the fuck off at Coreytopia, and I pin you, you will be left with no Universal Title, no tag titles, and boy-oh-boy you sure as fuck aren’t ready for two matches in a night with me ready to kick your ass in your second, and by rights, you shouldn’t have a single friend in the world, because Raion, who are you even a friend to but yourself?

TK nods in approval. Charlie feigns fainting as Crash catches him. Dolly actually LMAO’s, her butt cheeks bounding off of her mystically, as though it were the work of the tarot cards.

That, Raion, is when you skedaddle and just stay away from the Universal Championship for damn near forever again instead of getting your licks when you said you wanted. No wonder you’re so bitter you lost the March Madness tourney, fuck, you won’t even be royalty come May seven, just regular Raion, his head stuck far, far up his own ass because he just can’t get enough of the smell of his own shit.

Bobby looks bluntly at the camera.

So tell me how fucking great you are, Raion, by all means! Please, tear apart every word I said, in turn, just leaving Cashe all by his lonesome like I said.

Bobby grins.

No wonder you think today is your day, that briefcase gone, you’re completely off the hook! You get to go off and tell everybody how impressive you are by beating people any member of BOB would have cut through like a hot knife through butter. Coolest part is, Raion, you get to display two things; one, how you never could beat Flynn, and two, how you never could pin or submit me legit.

Bobby nods.

Not, uh, entirely sure what you mean by that greater story thing. I guess you need me to carry that for you, like that belt!

Bobby again rolls his eyes, was this the best here and now to actually engage him? No.

Lion? Saint of Athena? Raion Kido’s nickname is the choke-and-bolt Artist. Oh, since you dipped me forever until you thought this was easy pickins, if your daddy didn’t understand the act of me drinking a beer, let alone you drinking anything? what was his understanding of me Bobbybombing his son to be a king? How did your fake girlfriend explain it to him, as hard headed and obstinate as he was?

Bobby gestures as though, well, we already knew there was no answer.

Lemme guess, dude hates anime, don’t he?

Bobby winks.

Easy, there, Lion, from the looks fo shit you aren’t even the dominant male in your family, let alone the wrestling industry, but don’t try to wrap your head around that too long, I’m not a lion; I’m a human, I will continue to champion for humanity, and face facts, ‘ole king of the Jungle, we’re out of the woods and this here is my food chain to be top of.

Bobby rubs his belly. Food is one the way at MayDay 2: lesser species, lion goes down just like broccoli or lamb.

So, about my fears, Raion, that there is the crux of what fucks me up ten times out of ten, is what fucking fear do I show? I went up and defended my Universal Championship immediately after winning it, like a fucking Champ, and while you might be champion now, you’re no fucking Champ. I didn’t care who was coming down to that ring, no, I knew, without a doubt, I would be ready to offer a title shot to whoever won the XWF King of the Ring tournament an immediate championship opportunity, because when I was King, not a soul dared let me go after them one on one. Alias? Too timid after barely, and we all know, fucking barely walked out of our match as champ. Mark Flynn? Welp, we all expected him to accept bullshit, up until his shit stopped walking when I put it to a damned halt. Twice. The only other Uni champ in between?

Bobby points at the camera.

Well, you never once called me out after I pinned you to become King.

Bobby lowers his right hand, throwing both his hands up.

To be fair, you’re the one who brought up fear.

You, Raion, are insecure, and grasping, and reaching at shit that doesn’t exist.

By my terms, you’re a bitch that has earned an ass whooping in the ring.

Not the kind of monster I drove out of this company you now want to show your face into, telling everyone what a hero you are the entire time.

I’m just the actual hero in all this, for some goofy ass reason, and I swear I don’t quite understand but I don’t question it anymore, because the people needed someone to stand the fuck up against your absolute and utter horseshit that you believe is fucking real.

That said, Raion, I am honored to face you in that ring. Still. I am more than willing to put in whatever fight I have to fight against you, time in, and time out, and rest assured, Raion, while I am no Xenophobe, I do represent the people, and that includes the American people, and I have said it before, I will say it again, and I will die saying it.


Bobby, his breath without any impulse, looks dead at the camera.

I can do this all day. I can face down the Raion Kido of his own dreams, his own idealism, and I will beat the shit out of him with a goddamn purpose, because he’s shown the people why he is unworthy to them, and I will be the champion they deserve.

As I have proven to be.

You’re just the next ex.


Bobby glances left, he glances right. He looks directly at the camera.

Fucked as hard as I want until I get bored with you.

[Image: DtUCPfZ.png]
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