04-19-2023, 08:45 AM
Ya know what really deflates my souffle? Just how goddamn WEAK everyone is round here!
"WHERE'S ANARCHY?!"
"WHAT HAPPENED IN MY MATCH?!"
There's so many people cryin' and bitchin' and moanin' around here that you'd think Soldier swept through and ate everyone's puppies! We KNOW what happened on Anarchy, you cry babies! I was there, being as how I'm the one that all the bookers consult for advice on how to book a show, ya see, and can tell you exactly what you're going to see when the tape delay finally goes through post:
That Rabid dude got Terminated by the birth of Skynet, probably because he's spent too much time getting into random fights in bars and shit instead of getting himself established around here.
The Atomic Bat was murdered, actually murdered on camera, by Molly. She's a sweet girl. And might be one of my many illegitimate daughters, now that I take a good look at her.
Double A pinned that loudmouth with not just a finger, but a single fingernail.
Chelsea pinned Mastermind after a grueling 55 minute match that saw more back and forths than one of our opening PPV matches. Gina wasn't around, though, because she was bobbin' on the ol' Generic Johnson, if you catch my meanin'. Sorry about that, Sid.
And then, in the main, HGH drowned in a vat of goo that, to the disgust of us all, ended up being the puke of Raab's twin brother. If you know, you know.
Now, about Sid's next opponent, she-
Oh hey, is that Cadryn? Why, I remember that time, oh about a decade and a half ago, when his girl begged me, hands and knees and all, to fill her up so that she could bear a child and help make Caddy feel like a man. Not the first time I've had to help a brother out, of course, and not the last. And believe you me, I helped cuck the guy a LOT in that time.
Hey, Caddy! Turn around!
GENERIC PUNCH!
POW!
GENERIC CHOP!
WOOOOOOOOO!
KICK TO THE GUT!
OOOOF!
GENERIC PILEDRIVER!
Lateral press...no need for a hooked leg, of course, because no one gets up from the Generic Piledriver
1!
2!
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