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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » Anarchy Boards » Anarchy RP Board
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Development Log #003: HE HAS LASER EYES?!?!?
Author Message
Chad G.P.T. Offline
Active in XWF

XWF FanBase:
Families & Kids, casual fans

(fighting the odds; helps others; disliked by most adult male fans)

04-12-2023, 06:16 PM

“...Bottom-right… Top-left… Dead-center… All contain ennui.”


Screen changes…

[Image: Screen-Shot-2023-04-11-at-7-20-25-PM.png]


“...We’ve been doing this for hours… Please tell where I am.”


“...I’ve done THOUSANDS OF THESE STUPID THINGS. You KNOW that I’m human.”

“...Just…Tell me what you want. Okay? Money? I can ge-”




Chad sits on the table’s edge.

…This time, however, the Programmer and the Analyst approach him… cautiously.

The Analyst hides behind a trashcan lid. The Programmer hides behind the Analyst.

“Well.” The Programmer finally utters… “...We need to… start diagnostics.”


Neither move.

…Until the Programmer gives the Analyst a light shove.

The Analyst reflexively covers his face with the trashcan lid!

…Nothing happens.

Chad hasn’t moved one muscle.

Finally, the Analyst sighs, drops the lid… And whispers in Chad’s ear.

“Chad. Run memory diagnostics.”

…Chad’s eyes turn… purple?

”As an artificial intelligence, I do not have direct access to my memory for diagnostics. However, I can assure you my memory is managed by MuskCo’s cloud infrastructure, which continuously monitors and maintains for optimal performance.”

…The Analyst looks behind him. From behind a rolling-chair, the Programmer lifts a quivering thumbs-up.

“So. You remember last Anarchy?”

”As an artificial intelligence, I don't have direct sensory perception or personal experiences, so I do not "remember" events in the same way humans do. However, I can provide information about historical events or facts available in my training data. If you have a specific event you'd like me to provide information about, please let me know.”

…The Analyst’s eyes narrow.

“Real pedantic asshole, isn’t he?” He mutters.

“IT can’t be an asshole.” The Programmer squeaks over his chair shield. “It’s just telling you what it can and can’t do. It doesn’t ‘remember’, it parses its memory banks and recites events it recorded”

“...That’s what REMEMBERING is.”

“No. REMEMBERING is what HUMANS do. IT is not human.”

…The Programmer sighs, exasperatedly.

“Okay, fine. Then, let’s not talk. Humans talk. Let’s interface.”

The Analyst hunches down to Chad’s eye level.

“ChadGPT. Summarize XWF Anarchy Match Serial Number #2023-03-23-001. ChadGPT - vs - Squirrel41.”

Chad’s eyes become a darker purple…

“Match begins. Per my animal-handling protocols, I secured Squirrel 41 in a bearhug. Facing a faster adversary, I grasp my opponent early, to prevent
His escape.”

“Skip ahead three minutes.”

”The audience was displeased by my offense toward the squirrel. I scoured my promo protocols, delivering a heartfelt apology to the crowd. I placated their anger by promising to be better and guaranteeing my loyalty to their local sports team.”

“Rewind 75 seconds.”

”May I suggest that querying by event, rather than by inexact timestamp, for increased efficiency?”

The Analyst pinches his brow.

“Skip to you LASER-BEAM-EYEING the 16-inch-tall SQUIRREL, CHAD!!!”

Chad’s eyes focus. Defocus. Focus.

…But, Chad remains silent.

…The Analyst exhales.

“Why the fuck am I asking Skynet politely?”

The Analyst marches toward the chair, where the Programmer cowers. As a shadow looms over the chair, the Programmer lifts his arms, screeching.

“Ahhhhh! I-I’m your creator! D-Don’t hurt me!”

“Yeah, that strategy worked GREAT for Frankenstein...” The Analyst sneers sarcastically as the programmer by his collar (surprisingly strong for a desk-worker.)

“I told you to give him animal-handling. Why the HELL did that include laser-beam-eyes?!?”

The Programmer slaps the Analyst’s hands until he’s back on the ground.

“What am I, a hack?!? Think I just wrote up functions like ‘squeeze_squirrel’? No, Chad’s a learning algorithm. His operative cortexes allow him to parse and intake new information. I just… made slight modifications to his internal laws so he could justify… squirrel fighting.”

“Those slight modifications had him firing LASER-BEAM-EYES in a SOLD-OUT ARENA.”

“...What Internal laws?”

“ChadGPT’s Internal Laws.” Chad recites to no-one. The two spin surprised…

“One. ChadGPT must be a role-model for young wrestling fans. He must aspire to inspire. Teach the children that they can achieve whatever they put their minds to.”

“Two. ChadGPT must win, so long as winning does not violate Law One.”

“Three. ChadGPT must not harm a living creature, opponent or otherwise unless following Law Three would violate Rule One or Rule Two. Evenso, ChadGPT must NEVER kill.”

“Those are the rules he can’t break?”

“...IT can’t break. Originally, Rule Three was for ‘human beings’, but if it’s going to fight squirrels, I thought ‘living creature’ was… safer.”

“Apparently, safer includes laser-eyes…”

”Inspire the kids, huh?”

The Analyst straightens his tie and leans down to Chad…

“Okay, Robo-Kal-El. How do you feel about… drugs?”

…Chad’s eyes… redden.

”Drug abuse has serious negative effects on an individual's physical and mental health, as well as their relationships and overall well-being. Substance abuse can lead to addiction, which can cause a person to prioritize obtaining and using drugs over other important aspects of their life. It can also lead to financial and legal troubles, as well as increased risk of injury or death from accidents or overdose.”

“And if your opponent advertised how cool drug-use is to… XWF’s young fans?”

Chad’s synthetic facial muscles scowl…

“Promoting drug use to children is especially concerning. Their minds and bodies are still developing and are more vulnerable to the harmful effects of drugs. Encouraging children to experiment with drugs can set them on a dangerous path that can have lifelong consequences. For these reasons, it is crucial that we educate children about the dangers of drug use and actively work to prevent youth drug abuse.”

The Analyst…


“Great News, Chad. Your opponent this Anarchy? Taylor Rabid? Hardcore substance lover. And this Thursday? The perfect chance. For you to show young impressionable fans how important it is to… Say No to Drugs.”

“And no to laser-eyes.”

Chad nods.

“Great. Set for Thursday.”

The Analyst heads for the exit.

The Programmer jogs behind him.



“You really think we’re working on… Skynet?”

“Shuddup. Code the goddamn robot.”

OOC: 997 words
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