BOB, the Brotherhood of Bros, formerly the Brotherhood of Bastards, have had a placid evening, leading to Bobby being allowed to speak on where he’s coming from on the coming match at Weekend Warfare. For most promos, a disparaging word is often heard. Bobby had booted the Universal Championship in stellar fashion. It is the pinnacle of the wrestling business. Today we witness the day of the champ who writes their own rules, fighting who they wish to fight while Bobby, maybe, fights the best he can to get himself into position to regain the Universal Championship, whether they wish it or not.



Raion, there’s not a long list of people who have won the XWF Universal Championship. We are in illustrious, undocumented territory; we are those who have won the Uni and kept on fighting, regardless. Thing of it is, as far as I see it, Raion, is that you’re not setting yourself to get the Universal Championship anytime soon, even if you have a briefcase, because the way I have done shit, I never needed a briefcase to become champion. It’s impressive, don’t get me wrong, having that in your back pocket, that turnaround to your entire career, but all we got, Raion, was you.

Bobby’s eyes widen.

I mean, I hear you harping at me about my goodness? I know your whole thing is sounding like you’re from outer space sometimes, and yeah, you do a fantastic job of showing the entire world how you are completely and utterly unrelatable, night in, night out, to the point you think anyone would give a flying fuck about your feels about partying with your tag partner and being successful in doing so just to go have solemn dinner. I mean, you want to tell me, that because I called you out, prior to a match, I’m a bad person for it?

Bobby rolls his eyes.

Oh, ohhohohoho, you gonna learn today.

For starters, you can tell the whole world I’m some kinda villain, and believe me brother, the whole world already knows you’re looking at me that way because I’m lined up against you at Warfare, and that’s just fine by me. The whole world knows it because, Raion Kido, yet again, you’re going into Warfare or any other match telling yourself and the whole fucking planet that you are what is righteous and fair, you are the be-all, end-all, and that following your life example is what will lead to success, and while nuanced and clever, I’m starting to think you weren’t parodying him, you legit have your own head up your ass.

Like, do you even have a sense of self-awareness, or did you pick up that kind of personality trait from your frankly weird and wooden parents? Damn, Kido, do you ever get tired of asking yourself ‘where did I go wrong’ after a match just to go out and try the same exact tired bullshit again, and again, thinking it’s what’s supposed to work? Heh, listen, and listen really fucking good to this, the reason people cheer me, the reason I get their support, is because I fight not just for them, but along with them, and you really fail to grasp that whole entire concept; I hate what they hate. I am absolutely astounded and sickened that you came into the XWF, so fresh, so new, bringing something to the table that nobody had seen before, then riding that one spark into the dirt until it’s dead and buried and there’s nothing special about you anymore. Yeah, I called you out for not delivering a damn thing to the Universe after promising so much, and then, once we get that faint hope and glimmer, hey, Kido is going to start whooping some ass again, what, you stop? You think you see me and you gotta pump the breaks? How about you pause and reflect for a minute, don’t sweat my goodness, check your attitude thinking I’m horrible for finally getting someone to look at one of your boring ass, limp dicked promos and finding something entertaining in one for a fucking change.

See, that right there, Kido, those are your fucking actions to be judged upon. You bring up this whole heap about what you are owed, and what someone’s opinion on you aught to be, and you just got it, you’re fucking welcome. Come Warfare when you hear those people, all calling out my name, and damn if I won’t disappoint them, and you can’t fucking figure it out because it’s not according to your plan, just remember what it is I did to Mark Flynn for talking down to the people, and why I’m not going to accept your limp wristed attempt at copying him, only instead of some Optimal Path horseshit it’s Kido’s Credos. Fuck, you’re not even trying to parody him, you legit sound like the dollar store flavorless version of Flynn.

Woah, hold on, everybody, according to Raion Kido, being honest is being bad, or wicked, so I guess how dare he, as a grown man, fly to see his parents and express he went to a party? Yo, dickhead, you’re an adult, and you gotta realize as a grown man, I don’t go to mommy and daddy about my feels when introducing my fucking girlfriend to them like a little bitch, so really, you can think I’m as bad as you want, because you aren’t allowed to be a Bobby Bourbon fan. I would feel ashamed if a weirdo like you did root for me.

Bobby sucks his teeth.

The craziest part of this, Raion? You're not going to be done with me just yet after I put a whooping on you at Warfare, not by a country mile.

You see, so long as you hold that briefcase I'm in your future.

As soon as you use that briefcase to cash in, I'm right around the corner.

And as soon as you have no case and no Universal Championship, and you're looking at the lights after a three count, you will glance and see me, leaving you in the past.

Bobby nods. As he does, we see him step out of the alley, and in front of him is Bouncy Brickhouse.


Bouncy Brickhouse in 2022.

Hiya, handsome! Where's your Universal Championship?

Oh, heh, so about that, I left it someplace. Where's yours?

Bouncy holds up her Universal Championship belt, eyebrow raised inquisitively. The name Sebastian Duke is etched on it.

Where did you…

Oh, I stole it from some rich kid, it belonged to his dad.

Bobby smiles.

What?

Nothing, you never fail to delight, madam.

Thank you. Do you want to go steal someone's Championship? I know where to find the location of one that belonged to a guy called Scully.

Bobby snortles.

Nah, talk about worthless. That would be classless, and not the stealing part.

Oh, and you only go for classy now?

Bouncy laughs.

That doesn't explain why I'm here!

What? Pshaw, you know, Charlie wanted to start keeping his nose clean to keep his kids, so TK went and got one as legally as he could, and I guess I gotta support a Bro in my Brotherhood of Bros.

That name, by the way…

A kid made it up.

You made it up.

I made it up. Anyway, I gotta be more of a class act, you know? I can't let everyone down by just being some classless reprobate, so I think I better show the world how much class I can display.

Oh? What did you have in mind.

Bouncy looks eager to hear what’s on Bobby’s mind, whatever it may be.

How about I take you to my parents house and then tell my dad I smoked a joint with TK, after which I could gaslight you for it?

Bouncy throws her head back and laughs.

Oh, you do know how to treat a lady.

Bobby leans in and adoringly glares at Bouncy, who looks right back with the same energy and conviction.

With class.

Bobby winks as Bouncy laughs out loud.

So what classy things do you want to do?

Well, when I’m alone and I pass gas, I always say excuse me, you know, to be a real class act.

So you want me to walk away so you could record yourself alone busting ass?

No, that sounds dumb. I mean, it’s hard to come up with examples, but us Bros are a classy bunch.

Bros? You’re Bastards!

Damn right, to the competition, to the rest of the world, we’re the best friend they ever fucking had. Classy damn friends.

We cut to see BOB montage, and in doing so, we see their turning a new leaf by being absolute and utter class acts. We see Charlie outside of a building with a can of spray paint, and he’s doing graffiti. The camera zooms out and we see he’s with his kids, and they’re doing an entire mural together. What a class act. We see Bobby pick up a bit of garbage off the ground, and it wasn’t even his, and he puts it into a trash receptacle like a class act. Charlie is at a self-check at a grocery store, buying groceries, and he notices he didn’t scan a can of green beans, so he makes sure to recount and be accurate, then upon scanning the coupons, he looks confused and asks for help. The attendant explains that the coupons are expired, but instead of debating and shooting for some kind of discount, Charlie goes about paying for his stuff like a class act. Bobby is waiting patiently for a sandwich at a shop somewhere, and someone that ordered way after him gets their food before him, but he’s not sweating it, no sirree, he’s a class act. We see Thunder Knuckles in a strip club, making it rain on a dancer, but he’s using only fresh bills straight from the bank to stuff in her g-string, in denominations no less than ten, what an absolute class act. We return to the evening with Bobby and Bouncy.

Well, that certainly is classy!

Thank you.

Suddenly, in front of Bobby and Bouncy, we see three men in kilts and pointy hats.

Oh, crap, it’s Scottish wizards, they’re here to practice their plaid magic!

Plaid? I mean, dark and light magic with little stripes!

The wee lil’ Scots start twiddling their fingers.

Damn, these guys have absolutely no class whatsoever!

Bagpipe music blares, and Bobby, ever classy, has had enough. He points at the classless Scottish wizards.

Fuck on outta here, you little shits, the only reason you have those skirts on is because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away!

The wizards all look stupefied by what Bobby says, then hang their heads. Bobby stands with her hands on her hips.

Well, that was classy of you.

I know.

Bobby smirks and looks back at Bouncy.

Wanna go get some Cold Stone Creamery?

Um, yeah, that doesn’t sound bad.

Great, last time I went I had to wear my cereal proof suit and dip out so people didn’t think I was taking over TK’s promo.

When am I going to meet that guy? You talk about him all the time!

You met in Dallas I thought!

I know we met, but, well, I’m interested in getting to know your friends!

Bobby takes a slow breath.

TK, he’s, well, just this guy, you know?

Bobby and Bouncy continue their stroll down the street. Bouncy slings Sebastian Duke’s Universal Championship belt over her shoulder as Bobby continues to very animatedly describe Thunder Knuckles to her as they walk down the street to the Cold Stone Creamery of our hearts.