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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » March Madness V 2023 RP Board
Ninjas & Too Much Food Before Sleep
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Vagabond Offline
Active in XWF



XWF FanBase:
Families & Kids, casual fans

(fighting the odds; helps others; disliked by most adult male fans)


#1
03-25-2023, 10:14 PM Thumbs Up  Ninjas & Too Much Food Before Sleep -->

The XWF proudly presents...
Ninjas & Too Much Food Before Sleep

[Image: Screenshot07-1920x1080-0283f3509833a58f2...a61ff9.jpg]

"Is that all you got?  I can do this all day!"

The voice of one Rufus Wrekker rings throughout the arena.  The GLADIATOR arena, that is!  The Buff Dudes haven't figured out how they got here, just that there's no shortage of opponents wanting this to become their final resting place.

"Quit... showing off..."

Vagabond, steel sword in hand, fences with one of the black ninjas (the "bad" guys) when he witnesses a white ninja (the "good" guys) (how traditionally taboo) get yeeted into the spike pit next to him.

"I need..."  Vagabond deflects another swing from the baddie a millisecond before it's too late.  "... a cigarette."

Wrekker, with a Belly-to-Belly Suplex, impales the black ninja, upside down, onto a spike protruding from the wall.  He springs back to his feet and dusts off his hands.

"I thought you said you were quitting?"

"That was before every superhero and supervillain in the universe decided we're public enemy number one."

Vagabond watches as Wrekker works his magic on the last three black ninjas.  Two of them attempt to sandwich him in.  As they charge Wrekker, he backflips out of harm's way so they run each other through instead.  The last ninja tosses his sword away and starts cracking his knuckles.  The Buff Dudes watch as the ninja beats the stuffing out of the air between them and him.  He's showing us all his moves (kick, punch, thrust, cartwheel, flip, kick, punch, repeat), either trying to intimidate Vagabond and Wrekker, or impress them.  Regardless, the invisible enemy is getting his butt kicked!

"You want the last slice?" Wrekker asks Vagabond, really hoping he'll say no.

"Have at it."

It's absurd how quickly Wrekker gets the ninja in a headlock.  You might want to look away now if you've got an uneasy stomach, because...

*POP!*

The ninja's head pops off like the lid from a pickle jar.  His body crumbles to the ground.  Wrekker punts the head like a football.  He shades his eyes from the sun with one hand, waving buh-bye with the other, as the head soars out of sight.

"Any idea what the heck's going on?  Where do you think they're coming from?  What do they want?"

"I don't care.  They keep coming, I'll keep kicking ass."

Vagabond starts searching the corpses, collecctincfg  their throwing stars and smoke grenades.  He hands some to Wrekker.

"There will be no stopping us!  So join, or fall like the rest!"

The Buff Dudes turn toward the voice with exacerbated looks on their faces, like "what now?!"  They see it's The Widdler, and he's leading another batch of black ninjas to the party.  Relieved when they notice more white ninjas sneaking up behind their enemies, The Buff Dudes do what they can to keep The Widdler distracted while they move into position.

"Let me guess, you're the reason for all this."

"Quite the contrary.  It would seem The Heroes Guild wants you two for questioning.  We're here to offer you starvation."

"Sounds delicious."

"Come again?"

"Oh, my bad!  Did I say starvation?  I meant SALVATION.  Easy mistake to make!"

"Sure, sure."

"Ah, so now, I reckon, is when you offer us a choice.  And then we'll tell you we don't like the choices, to which you'll say we don't really have one anyway.  Yadda, yadda.  Can we just skip ahead to the part where I drive this blade through your belly instead?"

The Widdler looks genuinely offended, and more than a little nervous as Vagabond gives his sword a twirl.

"That's the way these things work, isn't it?  You try to recruit us, we say no, big battle ensues..."

"I vote we git-r-done."

"Settle down, you brick house of a man, you.  Okay, well, if all that's true, then maybe you could just answer this one quick question for me..."

The Widdler takes a couple steps toward The Buff Dudes as Vagabond readies his weapon.  Wrekker, himself a weapon, puffs out his chest to signify his own readiness.

"During these quote-unquote 'big battles' ... which side usually wins, you think?"

"Duh.  The good guys!"

"Right, right.  And, uh, who are 'the good guys,' I wonder...?"

Vagabond and Wrekker answer simultaneously.

"We are, of course!"

"I honestly don't even know anymore."

Wrekker gives his fellow Dude a quizzical look.  Vagabond half-shrugs.

"You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

"Oh, how wonderful!  We've got ourselves an enlightened one, fellas!"

The black ninjas laugh on cue until The Widdler orders them to be silent.  Wrekker turns to Vagabond.

"But we're the good guys.  Right?"

"Are we though?  I mean, think about it.  You TPed the SACC Campus, I hired actors to impersonate other people, and an innocent referee got hoed down.  Plus, can we really claim to be the good guys when our next set of opponents are literally superheroes?  Something tells me we've been toeing a pretty thin line, bud."

The white ninjas are in position now, awaiting their next order.

"Then I guess we've gotta pick a side, yeah?"

"Easier said than done.  All this time I've been telling myself I'm on the side of good, but I'm just not sure anymore.  Nobody ever wakes up and says 'hey, I'm gonna be a bad guy today.'  It's all about perspective."

"Actually, I wake up that way every day."

"Yeah, well, this has nothing to do with you, so..."

Vagabond dismisses The Widdler with a wave of his hand, still looking at Wrekker.  The villain does NOT appreciate being ignored, and looks to his men for validation.  What he finds is a barrage of arrows raining down from above, effectively eliminating all of them in one fell swoop.  Vagabond doesn't notice any of it, even as The Widdler starts to get hysterical at the sight of all the white ninjas in the stands and all the dead black ones at his feet.

"Damn you cursed superheroes!  This isn't over!"

An arrow pierces his left shoulder, mere inches from where his heart would be if he wasn't, you know, a heartless villain.

"You'll have to do better than that if you wanna kill The Widdler!"

"I don't find joy in hurting people for no reason, but we're in the business of beating people down.  I think that sends a bit of a mixed message."

"It's not like they're defenseless, man."

Two more arrows get plunged into The Widdler, one for each knee, and he shrieks like a banshee.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!"

"The more you look at things as being either good or evil, the blurrier the line gets.  I started off in wrestling because I love the sport, but I think I'm starting to love it a little less now that I'm in the Xtreme Wrestling Federation."

The Widdler, looking like Ace Ventura, grabs one of the arrows in his knees and tries to pull it out, but it won't come out.  Another arrow hits its mark, pinning his hand and knee together.

"Oh, for crying out loud!  COME ON!"  The Widdler throws up his good hand in frustration.  Another arrow gets delivered.  Now he's got one in his shoulder, one in one knee and two in the other, both hands skewered, and he looks like he doesn't know if he wants to fight, flee or faint.  Half hunched over and limping, he starts moving around in circles looking for somewhere to go, but the white ninjas have him surrounded and they're closing in.

"But it's not the XWF's fault, it's my own.  I think I'm part of the problem."

"Go on, I'm listening."

Behind them, the white ninjas now have The Widdler strapped to a stretcher as they back in an ambulance to load him into.  It looks like the same ambulance A.B. and B.T. got stuffed into on Anarchy, but how can that be?  Then again, a lot of ambulances look the same, so...

"Country music was great until the likes of Keith Urban and Taylor Swift came in and started making 'pop country,' or whatever it's called.  Don't get me wrong, they both have a few good songs, but it's just not country anymore.  You know?"

"Sure, sure.  Times are changing."

Vagabond and Wrekker finally turn away from each other to see what's going on.  The white ninjas seem to have everything under control, so Vagabond continues.

"Well, that's what's happening to wrestling; cheaters and attention-seekers as far as the eye can see, and things like honor and integrity no longer factor in the way they use to.  Nowadays, everyone expects a trophy just for playing.  Don't even get me started on political correctness."

"How is any of that your fault?"

"I haven't exactly been the poster child of honesty since coming to the XWF."

"Never too late to start.  The fact that you feel this way tells me you ARE an honest person."

Vagabond watches The Widdler struggle to free himself while the white ninjas load the stretcher into the ambulance.  One such ninja approaches The Buff Dudes.

"On behalf of The Hero's Guild, we'd like to extend our gratitude for the assist."

The white ninja shakes hands with Vagabond and then Wrekker, who almost crushes his hand by mistake. The ninja offers Vagabond a small business card once he has feeling in his fingers again.  It's blank except for the H.G. insignia embossed on the front.

"If you ever need our assistance, just set that aflame and we'll be there for you in your time of need."

"Uh, sure.  Thanks.  Look, when all of this began, those, uh, 'other guys' ... said your people were looking for us?"

"A miscommunication, I'm afraid.  Evil never rests.  Misinformation and misdirection are their bread and butter.  You're free to go."

"But how do we leave?  We don't even know how we got here."

The white ninja nods his head understandingly.

"Well, that's easy.  All you gotta do is wake up."

"You mean we're dreaming?"

"Uh... yeah.  Yeah, you're dreaming.  Both of you.  Dreaming."

The ninja looks--and sounds--as though he knows more than he's letting on, but...

"Is this my subconscious telling me I should help The Atomic Bat and The Blue Tango in their fight for justice against the likes of Sidney Grey and Gina?  Against the T.H.U.G.s and all the rest of the 'entitled' and nefarious?"

"Uh, yeah.  That would be a mighty fine gesture, should you choose to, uh, offer your help to the Heroes Guild.  Now just close your eyes and count down from 10.  You'll be home before you know it.  And, once again, thank you for your assistance in this matter."

"You're welcome, I guess," Vagabond says, closing his eyes.  "Okay, so... 10... 9... 8..."

"~It's the fi-nal count-down!~"  Wrekker randomly starts singing.

Vagabond opens his eyes when he hears music start to play.  He isn't expecting to see the pre-dawn's early light when he does.  He finds himself lying on his back, sleeping bag and pillow beneath him, with his phone alarm going off beside his head.  He hits the snooze button.

"Man, I gotta stop eating so much before going to sleep."

He rolls over on to his side, his eyelids fluttering when a small white rectangle catches his eye.  It can't be!  Vagabond grabs the business card.  Oh, it's just the pizza guy's.  He flicks it away like he's dealing poker, closes his eyes, and tries to go back to sleep.  The card floats through the air and lands a little ways away, upside down.  A glimmering H.G. reflecting the first rays of the sun..........


Dun-dun-dahhh!
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The Blue Tango (03-26-2023), Theo Pryce (03-26-2023), Thunder Knuckles™ (03-25-2023)




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