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CTN · (03-25-2023)

LACKLANLAND
Maine

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Lacklanland was an enigma; a compound on a sovereign swath of land on the far outskirts of Bangor and adjacent to the Penescbott River. The township had been founded by the late Jean-Paul Lacklan and built on a foundation of old-world religion and sport. The compound was a sprawling expanse of home-lined streets, a small town encased by a protective wall. The citizens of Lacklanland had been born and bred to value the prowess of their leader as he competed in ‘God’s Favorite Sport’ of professional wrestling and after his passing that tradition continued through his children, with Sidney Grey’s daughter now counted among them, through marriage…much to the Anarchy Champion’s displeasure.

Sid had managed to weasel her way back into Lacklanland and her daughter’s life through the careful manipulation of Angelica Vaughn, who only wanted to see the relationship between mother and daughter repaired. Sid wanted the same thing…but the past and her own prejudice would make things very hard.

“Can you stop here please?” Sid said, speaking to the driver that had picked her up and taken her to the compound. The car slowed to a stop outside the massive cathedral in the heart of Lacklanland…the same one where her daughter had married into this cult. “I’ll just be a few minutes.” The driver had reminded her that they would be late to the family gala at the Manor, but Sid smoothed things over with the lie that she only wanted to give a few blessings to the late Jean-Paul.

Sid frowned as she walked idly through the same pews in which she had sat over five years ago, biting her tongue bloody as she watched her daughter make the biggest mistake of her life…one that she had allowed to happen. She sat down heavily in virtually the same seat as her mind flashed back to the pageantry of that day and how it had blinded and rendered her powerless from being able to save her daughter from the religious cult of Jean-Paul Lacklan.

Sid had failed her daughter in that regard on that cold August day, but she would not commit Anarchy to so similar a fate this weekend.

Harmon Greyson Hays, you’ve been a tough one for me to figure out. Not like my other opponents on Anarchy. They all had their own firm conviction, their own direction, some sort of exploitable agenda. Gina Van Zyl wanted to humble me. Ruby wanted a memorable last match. Tommy Wish wanted to successfully defend the Anarchy Title…and to suck my toes. Atomic Bat and Blue Tango wanted an archvillain and a nemesis. What do you want Harmon?

You want the Anarchy Title. No surprise there. You SHOULD want the title, especially since I have elevated it to heights that no one else can lay claim to. I carried our banner through March Madness while everyone kept calling us ‘The B-Show.’ Yet, the Anarchy Champion will be on the grandest stage at March Madness V…and so will you…but only because I brought you here!

Yes Harmon, you earned your shot at the title, but let’s not kid ourselves, you took a long time to find your way to this point. You came to the XWF looking to forge your path out from under the protective shelter of wealth and privilege, but the first thing you did was to put on a b.O.b. shirt and pledge yourself to someone else’s cause.

Predictably, that ended badly for you and you shit the bed in your debut. I don’t know when you ditched b.O.b., probably as soon as you washed that bootleg shirt and it shrunk 5 sizes. Since then, it’s been peaks and mostly valleys for you until recently. You took down Lord Raab and Mastermind in a triple threat, you got one over on Gina thanks to Centurion, and then…most impressively you beat the undefeated Aphriya Adler. You found your stride, but I couldn’t help but wonder what had turned it around…and then I heard it.

It started as a quote from the Book of Revelation from you here, a mention from it there. You went off and found yourself religion Harmon! Now, you might think I’m gonna shit on you for that, but I assure you that I’m not. However, what I will do is caution you against mixing certain…interests. My daughter’s father-in-law was all about that fire and brimstone. Hell, just like you, he even found a way to tie that all into wrestling. It worked out pretty good for him…made him rich, old money like your old man, but it also made him fanatical, and it made his followers and his children assholes.

Harmon, Anarchy doesn’t need a fanatic droning on about the Seven Seals and the End of Days. Trust me, it certainly doesn’t need any more assholes. Anarchy already has what it needs, a woman who would be King who brings them to the actual Promised Land…the TRUE main event of the XWF’s biggest show, to date! Absolutely no one with common sense is going to stick around to watch Mark Flynn and Bobby Bourbon play fucking Mini-Golf unless they rig the course to explode like Caddyshack and kill the loser!

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Everyone is coming to see me become King of the XWF!

So, while your story has been compelling, this is where it ends. Not because you’re not good enough, because Lord knows, you’re good. You’re not winning because there is no way in hell that I’m going to let another two-bit charlatan spewing out scripture take one more goddamn thing from me! I may have lost a child to all of this shit…but I will not lose my title to it…or to you!

A short while later, Sid made her way back to the car. Hazarding one last look at where she’s last failed her daughter, while promising to never do so again.

The driver turned and asked, “To the Gala?”

“To the fucking Gala…”

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