A Bump In the Road
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"We don't lose ourselves in parenthood. We find parts of ourselves we never knew existed."
-L.R. Knost
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~Leaving the rental car at the side of the road, Jay Omega led his wives Tasha and Evelyn into the hills he wasn't quite generous enough to call mountains. Many men would have spent the evening berating themselves after getting bumped out of a prestigious tournament so close to the end, but Jay wasn't like many men; Sidney Grey had proven herself the better competitor that night. And if she had resorted to shady tactics, well, that just proved she was smart enough to create opportunities if she couldn't find one to take advantage of; as a warrior, Omega could respect that mindset, even if it wasn't one he subscribed to.

  Jay realized the women were no longer keeping pace with him, and turned to see what the hold up was, discovering Tasha supporting herself on Evelyn with one arm and clutching her stomach with the other. Immediately concerned, Omega moved toward his wives, only to have Tasha wave him off.

  "Be at ease, my heart," the exiled alien princess said, sounding a touch sickly, "I'm sure it's simply dinner disagreeing with me."

  "I dunno, you've had steak before and this didn't happen," replied Jay, clearly unconvinced, "You should get checked out in the medbay when we get back to the Khybaris."

  "I hardly think that's necessary," Tasha said, a note of irritation creeping in alongside her nauseated tone, "It's only an upset stomach, and it will pass soon enou–"

  The rest of the word came out as an elongated moan, accompanied by a spray of vomit Omega deftly sidestepped. Once Tasha righted herself and wiped her mouth with Jay's provided handkerchief, she allowed her husband to slip her other arm around his shoulders and help guide her toward their waiting transport, even though she felt perfectly capable of walking. It was a short journey from the road to the shallow valley where they had landed in the Starlight Lost, and by the time Tasha was gently eased into a seat aboard the small ship, the effects of nausea had completely evaporated.~

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~Despite Tasha's insistence that she felt fine, Omega had accompanied her to the medbay upon returning to their starship. Now the exotically beautiful woman who had captured The Omega Man's heart reclined impatiently on a scanning bed while Erin conducted a series of non-invasive probes and tests. Just as Tasha began to fidget, the table powered down and Erin gave her the go-ahead to sit up.

  "I must preface what I am about to say with the statement that I was originally designed for combat," began the digital sophont, "And my medical knowledge is typically filtered through an algorithm meant to identify exploitable physiological weaknesses–"

  "We get it, Erin," Jay interrupted, "You're a murder machine, not a doctor droid. Can you just tell us what's wrong, please?"

  "Comparing the scans to archived Darrikaan medical databases, there are two possible diagnoses; either Tasha is infected with a Darrikaan parasite called a krecha burrower," the artificial intelligence said with perfect clinical detachment, causing Omega and Tasha to exchange worried glances. Erin overrode one of the medical display screens to project an image of her face, which she turned to regard Tasha, "Or - and this is the far more likely scenario - you're pregnant."

  "Is that even possible?" Jay asked, his mind a tumultuous jumble of elation, a hint of fear, and a swiftly growing sense of wonder, "I mean, we're different species; is our DNA compatible enough, or is this going to be some kind of horrifying Thing That Should Not Be? Don't look at me like that, babe; you've never seen Species."

  "I cannot comment on the viability of the embryo," Erin replied apologetically, "I'm an expert on ending life, not creating it. I recommend seeking out someone more knowledgeable about Darrikaan biology."

  "But I'm an exile," Tasha said with bitter dismay, "My sister has ensured no one in the Empire would dare help me."

  "Records show there is a Darrikaan expatriate practicing medicine on Drovim," Erin said helpfully, "As he is no longer an Imperial citizen, he may be willing to provide medical care."

  "Worth a shot," Omega stated with a nod, "I'll head to the bridge and have Treepis-Tohn set a course. In the meantime, Tasha, you should rest."

  "I'm not suddenly made of crystal, James," the use of his birth name was a clear indication of Tasha's annoyance, "I have no intention of allowing you to treat me like an invalid just because I'm…"

  Tasha trailed off and placed both hands over her stomach, then looked at Jay with an expression of marvel as the news finally, fully, sank in for both of them.~

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"Confusion is a sign of intelligence; only fools are crystal clear."
-Haresh Sippy
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*Welcome back, True Believers! No more tournament fun for us, but that's cool; Los Hombre Omeguloso is an equal-opportunity ass kicker, and he don't need no kingly accolades to do what he does best. Which is kicking ass with equal opportunity, as previously mentioned; c'mon, man, keep up. Okay, let's get this rolling with the classic fade in; you're up, Boringface McStuffyPants!*

*We fade in on Jay Omega in a metallic room, kicked back in a comfortable-looking swivel chair, his feet up on the blinking console bank before him, and his hands behind his head.*

JAY OMEGA: Well, it sure has been a while, hasn't it, you lame excuse for a rapping clown? I'm a little surprised to find your sorry Juggalo ass here, but no matter; across all of time and space, ain't no reality in which Isaiah Chavis is a match for The Omega Man.

Female Voice(off screen): Sorry to interrupt, Jay, but you're not facing Isaiah Chavis; you're scheduled to compete against Isaiah King.

JAY OMEGA: Whoops! My bad! Good catch, Erin. I'mma do a little digging, and we'll take it back to one. Cut!

*The video freezes, and we clock wipe to an identical setting.*

JAY OMEGA: Okay, so this week I'm up against Kieran King, and after an exhaustive amount of research, I have determined–

ERIN(off screen): Apologies, but it's Isaiah King.

*Jay sits up in his chair and relaxes his arms, looking somewhere past the camera.*

JAY OMEGA: I don't suppose that's his brother?

ERIN(off screen): No.

*Omega rolls his eyes and tosses his head in annoyance.*

JAY OMEGA: Okay, I have to do more research. Cut!

*We clock wipe again, and when we return, Jay is now sitting with his feet on the deck, a vape pen in his left hand.*

JAY OMEGA: So, this week I'm facing Ethan King–

ERIN(off screen): Isaiah King.

JAY OMEGA: Fuck! Cut!

*Clock wipe!*

JAY OMEGA: So this week I'm up against Jimmy Fallon–

ERIN(off screen): King!

JAY OMEGA: Right, Jimmy King–

ERIN(off screen): Isaiah King!

JAY OMEGA: Oh for fuck's sake! Cut!

*Another clock wipe, and we come back to find a haggard looking Omega Man with the vape pen dangling loosely in his grasp.*

JAY OMEGA: Okay, I have finally compiled some information on Isaiah King, and I gotta tell ya, I feel like I've been at this all day. What take are we on?

ERIN(off screen): Take five.

JAY OMEGA: Don't mind if I do! All right, that's five, everybody; let's break for lunch and meet back here in an hour! Cut!

*Jay really loves these clock wipes, can you tell? Okay, so now we're back in what looks like the cockpit of a small spaceship; a theory supported by the starscape streaking past the giant window in front of Omega.*

JAY OMEGA: All jokes aside, Isaiah and I are actually a lot alike in some ways, and I ain't talking about both of us getting bumped out of the tournament by women. Or the fact that we both seem to choke when presented with a title opportunity. No, our greatest similarity is that we're not just professional wrestlers, we're fighters.

*Jay ducks his head in concession, waggles his right hand in a "so-so" gesture, and takes a hit from the vape pen in his left hand.*

JAY OMEGA: Maybe I'm a little better at it than he is, judging by the sorry state dude's been in these last couple of shows. Shit, the man looked like he'd been in a car wreck the week Dolly Waters knocked him out in the first round. Here's a little pro tip for ya, Isaiah: Don't get in the ring if you look like you fell down all the stairs, my dude, it's not gonna go well. Not that I need to tell you that, right? No one would have blamed you for giving Dolly a free pass into the next round, and chilling at home to recover. But you couldn't do that, could you, Isaiah? And I respect that drive, even while I mock you for the stupidity behind it.

*Omega hits the vape pen again, then stretches out and leans back in his seat, putting his feet up on the proverbial dashboard.*

JAY OMEGA: You picked it back up the next show, though, so good on ya. Rockin' up to the Alamodome with Vagabond, and even being the man to score the pinfall over…

*Jay taps at the screen of a smart device strapped to his left forearm and checks his notes.*

JAY OMEGA: Calypso and Barney Green? Like, the worthless cryptocoin guy? By which I mean his currency has no value; I'm not saying Barney Green is worthless. Although… Well anyways, Barney Green is not known for his killer instinct and massive string of victories, and I have never once met someone named Calypso who didn't suck out loud. Or Caliban, for that matter, but that's a different story. So this fantastic feat of tag team titillation does lose some points when you consider that it was comprised of four guys who couldn't even get past the likes of Dolly Waters, or Astra. And that brings us to here and now, where most people would go on an insult-filled diatribe.

*A dreamy smile crosses Jay's face; a flicker hinting at some internal joy,*

JAY OMEGA: I could go back and watch all your matches and promos, and give a detailed analysis of your grand claims and humiliating defeats - of which I'm sure there are many - but I ain't Mark Flynn. I could dump all that info into my hologym and build a training progr– actually, I can't do that; I'm not chilling in my usual digs, I'm flying solo in a little ship at the moment.

ERIN(off screen): You're not flying solo; I'm here. And I'm doing the flying.

JAY OMEGA: We share my brain; you're a part of me.

ERIN(off screen): Aw, that's sweet.

JAY OMEGA: No it's not, it's fuckin' creepy. Stop distracting me. Where was I?

ERIN(off screen): Discussing various strategies you're choosing not to utilize.

JAY OMEGA: Thanks. So yeah, I could sit here and run down Isaiah over the losses he's suffered. That's what most people would do. But instead, I will celebrate his warrior's soul.

*Omega makes a sweeping gesture with his free hand as he says this, and draws on the vape pen.*

JAY OMEGA: Since his arrival back in September, Isaiah King has been the textbook definition of the word "workhorse". Week after week he slogged his way through the under- to mid-card, every match bringing him one step closer to his goal of making King more than just a name. Would have worked out quite nicely if he'd won this King of the XWF tourney, but that wasn't in the cards for either of us. Instead, one of us gets the chance to drop the ball on yet another title opportunity, this one the third-tier title of the A show, the Television Championship.

*Jay sits up again and waggles his finger in admonishment at us.*

JAY OMEGA: Now, don't take my disparaging attitude toward the TeeVee title as a knock to any of the prodigious talent who have held the title previously; I don't mean any disrespect to the title or the division, I just don't give a skarcha's ass about it. What I do care about, is a good fight. It's why I'm not bent outta shape over losing to Sidney Grey, and it's why I'm looking forward to this match with Isaiah Chavis, I mean King. This is gonna be one of those scraps that pushes both men to the limits of their endurance, and no matter who stands tall with his hand raised at the end, he'll remember for the rest of his days that he had to walk through Hell to get there.

*Omega grins at the camera; not a pleasant, mirthful smile, more a feral baring of teeth touched with malicious glee.*

JAY OMEGA: I have no doubt you're a tough sumbitch, Isaiah, but I've fought my way through more than one literal Hell. On Sunday, March 26th, when the AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas is overtaken with March Madness, I shall call upon Isaiah King to proclaim thy warrior's soul, and face me with all the ferocity he can muster. I, too, will bring to bear the full extent of my might, and we will discover which one of us will break first. Not to be a dick, Isaiah, but my money's on you.

*Jay hits the vape pen and makes the universal "cut" motion; the scene then fades to black.*

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"I was going to make it simple, but complications felt good."
-Nitya Prakash
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~It had turned out to be easier arranging an appointment with Grand Surgeon Myrmyllrz'ayu'Sivaku, or Zayus, as he had introduced himself, than Jay had thought it would be. There had been the typical medical bureaucratic stonewalling at first, but thankfully Erin was very persistent. After finally getting through to the medical practitioner, he had turned out to be thrilled by the concept of a hybrid child. Tasha had been bustled into the examination room with a respectful haste, tests had been administered as gently as possible, and now the expecting triad were waiting for the test results to come back, with varying degrees of patience.

  Omega paced the length of the waiting room, trying to burn off some nervous energy. Tasha sat in one of the provided chairs, occasionally fidgeting with loose strands of her aquamarine crest of hair that refused to stay tucked behind her ear. Arms folded over her chest, Evelyn stood against the wall in the corner of the room, completely motionless, save for the shallow rise and fall of her breathing. The opening of the door to admit the Darrikaan doctor caused a flurry of motion; Jay, halfway across the room, scurried over unabashedly, while Tasha bolted to her feet, then visibly calmed herself. Evelyn remained motionless.

  "It pleases me to bring promising news," Zayus said with a warm smile, "According to the simulations, there is a very low probability of genetic rejection. I hesitate to say everything will be fine, as this is the first Darrikaan-Terran hybrid, but my projections indicate you should have no issue carrying the child until the shell forms."

  "Shell?" Omega asked in confusion, "What shell? What are you talking about?

  Zayus gave Jay a look of incomprehension, then turned to Tasha with a questioning expression.

  "I should think your mate would at least know about our people's birth cycle?" the doctor prompted, causing Tasha to duck her head in embarrassment.

  "It never came up," the exiled princess murmured, "We didn't think we'd be in this position."

  "It's been my experience that most young parents rarely do," Zayus said, not unkindly.

  "Hi, still don't know what's going on over here," Omega said with a small wave, redirecting the attention back to himself, "Could someone explain this bit about the shell, please?"

  Zayus cleared his throat, straightened his posture, and clasped his hands together at his waist.

  "I will assume you have at least a rudimentary awareness of our species' warrior culture, yes?" at Jay's impatient nod at the doctor's lecturing tone, Zayus continued, "We evolved alongside violence, and our reproduction reflects that; a Darrikaan woman only carries a child within her for the first third of gestation. After that, she births an egg which must be taken care of for the remainder of the gestation period. When the infant is fully formed, the egg should split on its own."

  "Oh." was all Omega said, secretly happy he wasn't going to have to deal with nine months of mood swings from a woman who could quite literally break him in half. That elation quickly fled, replaced by a sinking feeling as he heard Evelyn's sharp intake of breath.

  "Oh no," was all she managed, before emptying the contents of her stomach on the floor. Everyone turned to look at her in concern, only to find her with a surprised look on her face, "I am very sorry, that was unexpected. I don't feel ill, I just suddenly felt the urge to vomit."

  "Oh, fuck me running," The Omega Man said, clapping a hand to his forehead, "All right, let's get you back to the Khybaris, we'll have Erin check you out. But I'm already pretty sure I know what she's gonna say."

  Of course it would be just Jay's luck that both his wives were pregnant at the same time. And while he might have dodged a moody Darrikaan bullet, it was highly unlikely Evelyn would maintain her usual tight control over her emotions once the hormones really started flowing. Omega stopped himself with an internal shake; this was a time of joy, and he should be focusing on the positives. After losing Carol so long ago, Jay had given up hope of ever having a family of his own, but now he had been blessed with more family than most people got. All things considered, life was good.~