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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » March Madness V 2023 RP Board
Peter Vaughn Eats Corn the Long Way
Author Message
Noah Jackson Offline
Very Serious Wrestler



XWF FanBase:
Hardly anyone to be honest

(booed by most fans; hurts people even when not supposed to; often angry and shitty)


#1
03-17-2023, 08:24 AM

Peter Vaughn Eats Corn the Long Way
AKA: A Spanner in the Works



"Pete here really fucked up my plans, had some solid shit against Kido all locked up in me noggin' and then that cheap cunt just has to go and ruin it!"

"Or so I thought..."

"Ya see, I don't know much about Vaughn not gonna lie but some cunt nicknamed The Mechanic and whose whole deal was cleaning toilets never truly piqued my interest. But, taking a glance at his shit has opened my eyes to just how dull the shit cunt truly is, as dull as the shit stain he beat if not even more so!"

"This cunt, this backed-up garbage dispenser of a human being sucking up shit and spewing it back out relies on some of the MOST rookie trash I have ever seen. If you cunts told me that this cancer on the English language was a Uni champ at one point I'd call you a fuckin' liar."

"First promo against Kido, we get such gems as "Ray-O-Sunshine", "Kid" and my personal favourite, "Lie-on"... WOW! Top-tier stuff, cunt! Now I know how you got thrashed by Charlie Nickles when he hit you with "Peter Fraud". Bet that shit opened up your third-fuckin'-eye! Fuck, cunt, if I throw out callin' ya "Vaughngina" is that enough to shake your confidence and get me an easy win? How about "Stinky Pete?" Throw in a Toy Story reference for ya since apparently, I'm beating up children this tourney."

"FUCK ME!"

"Lie-on!? JESUS!"

"Then you carry on this train of dumb fuck by bringing up Theo protects Kido..."

"Cunt, you're with Page!? You fuckin' dumb? The cunt who needs to involve himself with every CCPE cunt no matter how much his lackeys want to try and make it on their own? The cunt who came ringside almost every match before he got bored and stayed over in WGWF wankin' himself off. I don't know how you felt when you grabbed a handful "Lie-on's" tights tryna figure out why he thinks his shit smells of roses and got that win. Were you happy you barely skated by? Or did you think, fuck, my whole argument is just ruined now that Theo didn't save the day?"

"Theo protects his boys... Jesus, cunt, SAGA is barely a stable it's only this pay-per-view where we finally get to see the cunts play ball with one another. What about your relationship with Johnathon Barrows, cunt? The cunt who got in your ear and turned you from some sloppy cunt moppin' your own blood off the canvas to someone who could actually do damage sometimes... SAGA is protected? Maybe, cunt but you're in the same sinking boat ya dense fuck."

"All this shit just shows me how little attention you pay. You can go fuck knows where and get yaself a medal but when you come here, back to my house, cunt, you're stumbling and reaching for vines that ain't fuckin' there. The one thing you could hold merit on when you went against Kido was how you beat Caedus which happened... When? And what have ya done since?"

"Like the other cunts I have beaten, you have fuckin' meandered, you've skirted the line and tried to stay afloat."

"You beat Calyspo, a cunt who has fucked you up before and is a fuckin' joke."

"You beat Goth, a cunt who is nothing and has continued to be nothing."

"You beat a crumbling "Lie-on"... Barely by cheating."

"You've gotten it easy for too fuckin' long, cunt, and it's my duty to show you how THE hardest worker in the XWF rolls and treat you like the shit cunts I've beaten before me."

"I ruined Jenny's mental so hard she threw away her chance at the crown. The Xtreme Champion at the time, number 2 in the company, the girl on a hot streak before Cashe helped me out by opening up a wound and FUCKING MY CHANCES! I killed her confidence and I continued on."

"Gravy, a girl who I destroyed so hard I made him revert genders."

"Thaddeus Duke... Fresh-faced, returning on the warpath, back with his boy Theo and becoming the secret weapon in SAGA! ... Bullied him into submission, he couldn't even force himself to get out a second promo and I beat him handily..."



And before you say anything, yeah, I know about Noah Jackson, and there's no way in HELL that Theo lets his new golden boy fall to such a goofball. Nah, he'll rig it for Thad, just as he'll probably try to rig it for you, over your own objections.


That "Golden Boy"... I ruined that cunt. He hasn't said a single fuckin' word since; he hasn't shown his face in XWF for a hot minute and he isn't even on this show!"

"THAT! Is what I do, cunt! I'm the one who takes things down and tears them apart piece by piece, you're a jobber with an ego. Seein' the future isn't for ya, cunt, I'm Nostracuntus here and I'm tellin' ya how things are gonna go down between us two."

"You're gonna barely hold it together, you'll keep throwing out these shit promos until the time comes when I skate down to the ring and knock you on your fuckin' ass before I move past you and forget about ya while I take my crown."

"It pisses me off how successful you've been in the past, it truly fuckin' does because it shows what the masses want. They want Maccas, they want barely passable slop, they want what's bad for them with a big name attached. People want the Vaughns, Kidos and Dukes and it's dumb as fuck because when someone comes in who actually has drive, passion and fuckin' talent like me handsome self people get scared and turn them the fuck away because I said naughty words and tell the fuckin' truth. I create something that isn't cunt walks into local sports arena and mentions local sports team and nothing happens!"

"You ruined me chances of dismantling Kido, cunt, so I'm gonna have to destroy his non-union American equivalent instead."




As I sit in me car, the engine idling as I stare at the house to me side tryna work up the courage of leavin' it and knockin' on the door. I find my heart beating out of me chest. The piercing ring in me ears tryna do a Scanners on me skull. I cut the engine and jump out the car, not out of my own free will but more like the pressure inside was gonna crush me. My palms slap the roof on the Skyline and I stand there leaning on it as I try to stop my heart from exploding.

I spin around and force one foot in front of the other as I wipe the sweat off my brow and, after what feels like an eternity, get to the red door and knock.

I take a step back, fixin' me hair and composing meself into a smiling cunt...

...

I knock again.

...

And again...

I sigh to meself before givin' up and turnin' around before the lock opens up and the shocked expression of me dad meets mine. There's a beat where nothin' is said before I let out a wide smile.


"G'day, cunt!"

"Noah?" He steps out a bit lookin' around and closin' the door against his back, leavin' it slightly open. "W-what are you doing here?"

"Ah, was in the area, cunt." I say with a shrug. "Thought I'd pop by."

He looks me up and down with a raised eyebrow.

"Really wished you called first."

"I would have but ya been ghostin' me, got worried, cunt."

"Oh right, yeah. My phone got stolen a while back, forgot to give you my new number..."

"... Yeah..."

My confidence crumbles when it clicks that the unknown number that's been texting me hasn't been me dad. I kick a foot with me hands in my pockets as dad looks at me with his arms folded.

"Well, while I'm here you wanna grab a beer? Catch up a bit?"

He hesitates briefly.

"I can't sorry, kid, it's date night tonight."

"Ah no wuckas, maybe another time?"

He nods slowly thinkin' to himself.

"Yeah... Maybe."

I slump a bit, my back hittin' the beams on the porch.

"Right on... Oh! Guess whose in the March Madness Final Four!"

He shrugs.

"Me, cunt!"

I say with a huge smirk. He nods with an 'oh'.

"Haven't been keeping up with XWF to be honest."

"Well, I'm at the end of the road, cunt! ... You're not proud or anything? ... "

"Who else is in it?"

"Me, Peter Vaughn, Sidney Grey and Ned Kaye."

"Kaye made it!?" He scoffs. "Damn, how shallow is the talent pool since I left?"

I nod quietly as he laughs to himself.

"And if you've reached it must be easy pickings right? Man, if I was there I'd... Nevermind."

I clear my throat as his words sting a little, dad stopping short noticing my expression.

"Congrats, I guess, you win that crown though and I'd be impressed."

"Really?" I perk up a little. "Impressed enough to come back? Me and you clubbin' baby seals like the good ol' days?"

He pushes his head to the side.

"We'll see..."

A smile is stuck on me face as I nod.

"Sick, cunt! I'll make ya proud dad, you'll see!"

"Yeah... Cool... Anyway, I gotta go back in, catch you later."

He pats me arm with a brief smile before entering back into the house.

"Oh I need ya new number!"

"I'll text it to you!"

His voice disappears behind the door and I stand there for a minute in silence before walking back to my car. Swinging the door open and sitting down and gripping the steering wheel. I turn to the passenger's seat expecting to see a bald-headed, spooky cunt staring back at me with his smug grin but nothing. I look down at the wheel and tap my fingers across it before diggin' me hand into my jeans and grabbin' my phone and begin to call Jax before another text hits.

:: Almost there, cunt, almost time for the XWF to bend over ::

I stare at the text with a raised eyebrow at the unknown number before frantically typing back.

:: CUNT! Who eevn is this? Y r u fcukin with me??????? ::

I stare at the phone waiting for a response...

:: Be patient, just trust the process. We get you that crown, I'll show up and we'll run the company. ::

I roll me eyes with a groan and sink in me chair, rubbin' me temples at how infuriating this shit has become.

:: eat shit cunt ::

I throw my phone onto the backseat behind me and power the engine to life before speeding down the road.

I feel confused... Torn... Annoyed... I'm at my peak right now and still can't get the respect I've earned from the one person in my life I give a real shit about.

I don't know where this path is gonna take me.

All I know is I'm gonna take every ounce of frustration down on every shit cunt at March Madness.




"Sidney Grey and Ned Kaye."

"A cunt who I've slapped so much before he's basically my pocket punching bag and a chick who is really good at recapping matches and not much else."

"What a Final Four! Fuck me! Me and Vaughn-o on one side, me kicking the shit out of him while he does flippy shit and tries to bore me to tears with his generic promos and on the other side we got two cunts who are gonna put out the worse shit they have in years because Grey can only call Ned boring because she goes for the obvious shit and Kaye struggling to get a hit on Grey because the cunt didn't prepare enough."

"Plus we're gonna see Ned's "ol' reliable" here because as we all know when Ned is backed up against a wall he pulls out the gimmicks! Video game shit! Movie shit! James Bond motif shit! All while we listen to fuckin' Radiohead for the hundredth fuckin' time... Hey, it worked once, right Ned? Because you're not fuckin' good enough to use your words, you can't rely on that shit to carry a promo, nah, cunt, you gotta get deep and throw out party tricks like the fuckin' clown you are."

"Ned is okay... He is a fine wrestler... The pinnacle of mediocrity. Someone who has done a lot but doesn't have much to show for it. Someone who digs in deep to prove himself to the big boys only to fall short."

"EVERY."

"SINGLE."

"TIME."

"But he has the Thaddeus Duke syndrome, where he thinks he is more important than he really is, where he thinks his shit matters! Coming to the Final Four on the easiest road out of all of us and is gonna shit out a re-used gimmick in the hopes we take pity on the cunt and hand him the win."

"Fuck that, I'm tired of this cunt thinkin' he's somethin'."

"I'm gonna show the cunt he is nothin'."

"... Or I would if Sidney over here wasn't gonna do that for me. Because no matter how much I want to bash the undying amoeba that is the Lacklan-Grey clan, Sid's good, cunt. She does shit I haven't seen many people do and is creative as fuck in the ring. I'll admit that, that cunt has impressed me!"

"Not half bad for a cunt who looks like Skeletor and hangs around with aliens in her spare time. Fuck, I thought I had a monopoly on the Saturday Morning Cartoon shit."

"But me and Sid do have something in common other than the fact that we have to deal with Sar's autistic screeching from time to time. Good ol' parental issues! My dad is a cunt and Sid is a cunt! It's all very poetic if you think about it."

"While I'm tyna prove that I can be top of this shit heap so my dad will finally show me a bit of respect, Sid is tryna get that crown for... Something! Prove she can finally have the career she wanted or tryna prove to her kid that she's good... Which doesn't make sense but oh well."

"Acting like the deadbeat hitting us with "Well, I'm here now." Like that matters... As a child who grew up without a dad, I feel kinda personal about all this."

"Yeah, Sid, you wanted a career, I get it, cunt, I truly do. No one wants a parasitic leech ruining ya fake tits. But sometimes ya gotta make sacrifices, cunt, sometimes wrestling barefoot and having a plethora of gimmick matches can wait, ya know! Shit, maybe if you spent more time bein' a better mum instead of wasting your time on being a part-timer that could have been a difference-maker when we fight."

"Instead of the vapid cunt you've become with a bunch of pent-up rage building where your ovaries used to be, we could have seen a more collected cunt with good workin' relationships helpin' her out instead of draggin' her down. A cunt who could win, instead of a cunt who will get distracted and fumble the fuckin' bag..."

"Then again who am I to talk?"


I let out a small chuckle.

"All I know is it's gonna be real fuckin' cathartic when I break the back of ya skull open and win this thing."

"Peter Vaughn is the driest piece of shit I've had the displeasure to meet and it's gonna mean a lot when I flush him down the toilet he's cleaned for me."

"Ned Kaye can keep his gimmicky shit and flowery lines, I'll rip those flowers from him and put them on his fuckin' grave."

"Sidney Grey can cry in the shower about how she's a fuck-up, I'm gonna make her regret coming here when this bastard child makes her wish she got an abortion and never had to face me."

"People wanna say I'm a goofball, that I hit one note, that people can sus me out. I'm tellin' every single hack cunt in this company, you have no idea who you're fuckin' with. I'm the croc in the water waiting for you dozy cunts to lean in to get comfortable and give out that weak shit you're all so well known for and I'm gonna snap out and tear your fuckin' limbs off!"

"I am goin' to dismantle every single fuckin' one of ya! Leave you broken, bloody and defeated and I'm gonna take your husk and destroy the evidence that you were even something here! I have something to prove! And you lousy, boring fucks are gonna help me pave my legacy!"

"I'm Noah fuckin' Jackson, cunts! I'm the greatest wrestler to ever grace the ring, THE hardest worker in the XWF, the sickest cunt you've ever met and I am walking out of Texas with that crown and the reign of King Cunt will begin and I promise, it will be the best thing to happen to any of you miserable fucks."

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FORMER:
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[Image: l6KRzu8.png]

W | L | D
226 | 11 | 81

Star of the Month (August 2019)
1/3 Star of the Month (January 2020) with Fuzz and our Subaru
RP of the Month (November 2019) with Big Disappointment
Holder of the most wins in the XWF (Mostly house shows)
Holder of the most draws in XWF (All on Anarchy)
Winner of Sickest Cunt of the Year 2020
Winner of Greatest Wrestler who ever lived 2022
Holder of the world's rarest pog collection (Valued at $200)
Owner of Ned Kaye's cat that Ned named Deepthroat for some weird reason
Voted most feared man by Centurion (Twice!)
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