:3 x Better: Let's talk some shit about some guys (and a bitch) who are slated to receive a thorough mauling at the hands of the returning Three Times Better Sid Feder. I'm not coming back to active competition in the XWF just to wrestle -- I'm coming in to solidify my spot as the #1 man in this company and from there the entire wrestling business.
Well if we're going to talk about the guys who are taking a back seat to Mr. Lethal Lotto we should probably talk about Brian Braxton. If he wins this match I will kill myself on the spot.
That takes care of him. I couldn't say that about a person unless I know they were pretty damn bad at their job as a wrestler.
Next up -- Jesse Diaz. I'll say one thing about Jesse; she's the type that makes me want to say: if she wins this match I will kill myself on the spot.
That's right I'll even go on to make the same declaration against Dean McGayvern! If that fucking talentless hack with a hard on for little boys and girls somehow wins this match, I will fucking kill myself that very instant! Shit, and that's the defending champion I'm talking about when I say that. How much must it hurt to be the guy who is champ but hear one of your challengers say he'll slit his own throat if you beat him? And it's coming from a guy who doesn't say this shit as hit regular schtick. It's not like you can backtrack through my shit and I tell everyone I face I'm going to kill myself if they win. I mean I may have said it once or twice to somebody who doesn't matter, but does anybody even remember? Obviously not since I won those matches and therefore no bloodshed of a fatal nature was had.
Well I'm saying it, Dean -- you fucking blow so god damn bad as European Champion that I guarantee you I will leave this Earth if you win this fucking match. I don't dare even try to exist in a world where a Dean McGayvern can win a match that a Sid Feder is in. That sounds like many layers past Hell and far into a nether realm of bizarre happenings, such as Alex Shawn and Chris Legend knowing how to utilize the English language for something other than a whoopee cushion.
So now the count is Three -- I've claimed that I'll take my own life if any one of those three people wins this match. Dean, Jesse and Brian.
Should I also make the same claim about John Austin and Nightmare? What do you think? Can anybody think of any good jokes off the top of their head if you combine the thought of suicide and massive exposure to Nightmare? Would I really be the only one killing myself if that somehow became the European Champion instead of Sid Feder? Let's take one out of left field here and ask -- does anybody know what the fuck was going on with this shit?
Quote:Nightmare is still stood atop the cliff face looking out to sea. He has stopped thinking about his failed mission to remove the evil king Madison from the throne. He will not accept this as a failure as he did not fail.
:3 x Better: That scene confused the shit out of me Three Times over! After that I just stopped replaying it and trying to understand it but it almost as if Nightmare is going out of his way to have his really lousy narrator contradict himself and state opposite facts of what Nightmare claims. Let's move on and listen to this shit; straight from Nightmare's mouth now, I guess..
Quote:The reason this is my time and not any of the others, no Sid Feder, not Jessie Diaz or John Austin is because I have already lived and walked through hell. I have been to hell and I have moved past it. This match is built for me and I will not fail again.
:3 x Better: But Nightmare -- did you know your crackpot narrator just claimed that you're not acknowledging it as a failure because it's not one? Yeah, it doesn't make much sense to me either now that I think of it but it's what I witnessed.
Nightmare? Why doesn't your narrator know you're as big of a failure as you know you are? If you're talking about not wanting to fail again, that's good! That's so good buddy, because it means you're not living in denial. Somebody didn't give your narrator the memo that you're capable of living in reality. His dumb as sat there and clear-as-day made a statement that you weren't taking it as a failure because you did not fail. What a pro!
So are we all starting to understand why I don't even need to make my suicide comment about this big fuckin' goof? The other's gave me nothing else to work with because they either didn't say jack shit or they spent most of their time badmouthing John Austin -- Eeeeasy! That's Jesse's way out; talk about John Austin. Well that was entertaining you waste of a man's spot in this match, but how about you get the fuck out and call us when you learn to pick up your game? That'll probably be the same damn time that you grow a set of nuts and a dick!
Which still, sadly enough, will be before John Austin grows a fuckin' set. Is there anybody here who hasn't heard this guy whine and moan about how he's going to get his ass sliced and diced at Leap Of Faith? This needs a lot more than whatever medications he is taking because he's about the biggest pussy I've ever met in my entire life.
Do you know what really pissed me off about one of his recent pussy ass stunts? I was watching some fuckin' promo of his and finally, we are led to believe there might be a chance that John Austin will shoot himself as a favor to all of us!
He pulls the trigger and . . . . nothing happens. Shit!
So then to make things worse, he fuckin' speaks! Yeah! I know, right? What the fuck!
Anyway, he says this horse crap-
Quote:You thought I was going to end my life? this ain't f*cking shock theater you dumbasses. I am not that lost child of the storm Sid Feder. Sid comes into our match as the top dog, if you want to be the best in this company, you have to defeat Sid Feder and I am going to do that at Leap of Faith. You see I have to go through four other people as well. A Seattle slut, Brian Braxton, a child molester and ...Nightmare. All these individuals are pieces of shit. They are the scum of this earth and they all should THANK Paul Heyman for letting them have the chance to rub elbows with Mr. Wrestling.
:3 x Better: Well I don't usually call myself Mr. Wrestling but thank you for realizing that you and everyone else should be thankful for the privilege of stepping into the ring with Three Times Better Sid Feder in his official return match! What else is that you just said though? Did you call the child molester a piece of shit and the scum of the Earth? Nightmare and Brian Braxton too, huh? I'm guessing the referee too, right? I mean not very many people can hope to measure up to John Austin's standards -- what?
John Austin? Can you run that by me again?
Oh? You don't know what I'm asking you for?
The reason you think you can call a child molester a piece of shit or the scum of the Earth. I think I missed what makes you any better than a child molester. What do you do again that makes you so great? I guess what you physically are doing might also depend on if you're taking your meds but the truth of the matter is no amount of medication will help you in your battle with Sid Feder. I'm a man who knows no wrong -- I'll do whatever it takes and go along with any fuckin' whim I have at any random time. If I'm in the ring beating your miserable ass and I see flashes of you with steel embedded into your face, then I'm going to grab those steel steps and crush you underneath them. Now just imagine all the possibilities that a mind like mine can see in a quick flash during a match of our magnitude. Hell In A Cell -- I'll let you use your imagination and try to prepare for the worst.
One day you're talking about how Sid Feder is crazy and is going to destroy you, which you rightfully should be thinking, but then the next time I hear you open your mouth you're talking down to child molesters and jobbers? What gives you the fucking right? Piss off with that shit!
I wish somebody in my own match gave me more to talk about but they're all pretty much just there for added amusement to the fans on my way to claiming the European Title. What the fuck else should I talk about during this free air time I've got? Well I suppose I could talk about John Madison because, as usual, he's had to try really hard to explain hand picked facts in a meticulous order in an effort to make himself look better than a Feder. I'm pretty sure the most recent time it was an attempt against my father because John still can't get over the fact that Mister Mystery not only beat him-
--but also is the reason John was able to go on to "win" the Gauntlet.
John Madison explains the story rather funny, as if something somewhere had failed to get accomplished on our part. Even though John mentioned how we branded him real nice with our name and that great phrase (the Feder's were here [[with an arrow pointing to his ass]]), he went on to explain the rest of the night as some kind of accomplishment on his part.
Yes! He did!
My father, along with Unknown Soldier and myself -- hell even Flo got involved! -- we all fucked Johnny up so bad after that Trio match that his entire body was incapable of feeling pain. Do you really think that some wrestling move being done to him by a participant in the Gauntlet was going to hurt him nearly as much as having fire blown in his face or being branded? He got sliced, roasted and squashed.
Oh, and from there he went on to do what again? If you ask King Madison he will tell you that he went on to defeat everyone in the entire Gauntlet. It's a cute tactic to overstate your success when you win something fairly; take John Madison for example and imagine for a moment that he'd won the Gauntlet fairly -- he actually defeated the people he encountered with his own wrestling ability or even his own cunning tricks. Imagine it.
It's not easy, is it? For those of you who watched the Gauntlet, you have a hard time holding back your laughter anytime John Madison dares to bring up its name. Unlike John, you remember it well. You sometimes will roll your eyes and turn to your little nephew or little cousin who goes "oooooh" as they listen to Johnny's comments because those comments do sound good when he says them, but as soon as you show your nephew the youtube video of John Madison's Gauntlet City highlights, they look back at everything John just tried to point out in his own favor and they'll laugh themselves into a coma.
Oh, dear King of the XWF -- please don't ever change your ways. For if you traded in your ability to make people confused about whether they'd rather laugh at you or upchuck their lunch, what would you have left? Not even the crown.
Not even the crown.
Because the moment you're no longer amusing to Shane , he'll stop having you play the King.
Oh shit! What was that? Did somebody say something? I could have sworn I heard somebody try to interrupt me while I was talking about our dear, worthless, bedpan of a king. Was that somebody from my match?
Oh holy shit!
Did somebody from my European Championship match finally have something to actually say? Something that actually holds weight and is worth note?
Who could it be?
You guys aren't going to believe this.
Which one of my opponents do you think I just caught something good from? I mean this shit is brand new -- just aired -- and I've got the scoop.
Come on guys.. which one of my opponents finally had something worth a damn to say?
Wait for it.
Wait for it..
Wait for it...
Wait for it....
Stop waiting for it.
Yes, I said stop waiting for it because there's not a damn one of them who said shit! At this point I'm just going to call it.
They KNOW better.
Not a god damn one of my opponents is going to dare open their mouth about me before our match, and that's a fact that nobody better try and prove wrong. Keep your mouth shut, Nightmare. Keep your pussy closed too, John Austin.
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, he'll stop having you play the King.
