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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Snow Job RP Boards 2023
Jimmy Fallon and a Second Jimmy Fallon
Author Message
Mark Flynn Offline
24/7 Briefcase Holders get their name in GOLD
The 24/7 Shot!



XWF FanBase:
The IWC

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)


#1
01-28-2023, 10:33 PM



Music flows from QuestLove and the Roots like a river.

The blue curtain opens. And out steps Jimmy Fallon.

He smiles, taking a casual bow, before jogging over to his desk.

Sitting in the co-host position… Sneering angrily.

Is a second Jimmy Fallon. Mean-mugging bitterly at the Fallon waving to the audience.

On the other Fallon’s shirt, there’s a nametag: …

“Jimmy Fallon #2.”

Fallon-One sits at the host desk, grabbing the coffee cup off the top and talking a swig as the house band reaches a final crescendo and the applause gets even louder!

“ALL RIGHT!” Fallon-One’s cheek redden with a boyish humility, like he’s suddenly embarrassed by all the love.

The crowd finally starts to calm down and find their seats.

“Wow! This is incredible!” Fallon-One taps his notecards against his desk, straightening them. He nods over at his doppelganger. “Nothing better than a beautiful crowd, huh, Jimmy-Two?”

The crowd woos and gets electric again.

“Pandering…” Spits Fallon-Two.



Fallon-One squints perplexedly at Fallon-Two, who indignantly sips at the coffe cup on his chair’s armrest.

“You okay?”

Fallon-Two waves his hand. “Just do the show, you imbecile. We’re LIVE.”

“...Uh.” …Fallon-One shrugs. “Okay, then. Let’s bring out our first guest!” Fallon-One puts back on his stage-smile and lifts the notecard to his eyes.

“Our first guest tonight is the current and reigning XWF Universal Champion! You can catch him Sunday Night in the Main Event at XWF Snowjob fighting Five-Time World Champion, Peter Vaughn! AND he’s the executive producer behind the hit show, Double Fallon!”

…Fallon-One giggles. “Or, I guess, Soon-to-be hit… Well, we really hope it’s a hit…”

The crowd laughs at Jimmy’s humble reeling-back of his own show, before applauding, affirming that they love it.

Fallon-One waves again.

Fallon-Two leans out of his chair… And mutters *just* loud enough for the camera to pick up.

“Way to BEG for applause, you clown.”

…Fallon-One is irked by the disdain of his identical co-host… But the show must go on.

“Anyway! Ladies and gentlemen! The ‘Most Hated Man in the XWF’, for one night only, show some love to MARK FLYNN!”

The Neon Applause sign lights up…

The blue curtain opens.

And out steps. In an immaculate, three-piece suit. Uni belt on his shoulder.

Mark Flynn.

A standing ovation. The crowd slams the palms together so hard, like they’re willing to break their own wrists to let the star know how loved he is.

The studio audience soaks Flynn in pure adulation.

Has the XWF Universe embraced Flynn?

…Hardly. Flynn’s merely pre-packed the crowd with his legion of simp followers…

Still, Flynn shoots off a pair of finger guns and winks. He confidently strolls across the stage to the desk, wher Fallon-One is standing and clapping at his desk.

Flynn shakes Fallon-One’s hand. The camera barely catches Fallon call him, “Mister Flynn…”

…Flynn turns toward Fallon-Two…

The only ass still in its seat… Taking another mouthful from his mug…

As Flynn scans Fallon-Two… He sees…

…A glint. A flash of light in his pocket…



Flynn’s eye twitches…

But, his smile, briefly made crooked, returns to form and remains plastered on his face.

Painted like the mischievous grin on a china doll.

Finally, the crowd’s applause dies down, as Flynn and Fallon-One nod at each other.

“Mister Flynn,” Fallon-One repeats, acquiescently. “Thank you SO MUCH for being out first guest.”



“Also… y’know… getting me this gig.” Fallon-One giggles, humbly. The crowd laughs and applauds at the same time.

Like a fucking presidential candidate, Flynn waves with grace, beaming.

“Jimmy.” Flynn says, turning back towards his host. “When it comes to entertainment, I always want MORE.”

“Sure, naturally!”

“So, I was sitting at home, watching you interview Theo Pryce for his upcoming movie.”

“Theo Pryce’s movie, The Stand-In.” Fallon parrots with flawless precision. “You can catch it in theatres this coming April, right?”

“HEY HEY HEY!” Flynn cuts his hand through the air. “This is about me, right?”

Fallon nods, clutching his chest, as the crowd laughs. “Oh, I’m so sorry!”

“Theo had *his* time on Single Fallon.” Flynn crosses his arms. “*I* would like a little attention.”

“Of course.”

“But, I will say… From one company man to another? Amazing plug.” Flynn slaps Fallon-One on the knee.

“Anyway, I’m watching you interview Theo and I think… You know what make a better show, though? A SECOND Jimmy Fallon.”

“Oh, sure.”

“That way, when you make a joke, Jim? Maybe, Someone ELSE will laugh at it.”

“Oh, well, that’s…Hey! Wait a minute!”

Fallon-One blushes! A goofy smile, like he’s still trying to figure out whether or not that joke was at his expense.

The crowd guffaws.

But not as hard as…

“AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Fallon-Two is literally doubled-over, slapping his knees… At the mockery Jimmy #1 has received.

Fallon-One clears his throat, drawing the attention back to himself.

“Well, thank you for this opportunity to host a show on XWF Network… And if I may say, I appreciate your… uh… generosity…”

Flynn’s head tilts perplexedly. “Generosity?”

“Well, I was… uh… I was told the show was ‘Double Fallon’, right…? And I was told that there would be two Fallons…”

“But…” Jimmy Prime nods toward Jimmy Two. “No one told me… if He and I would have to split one paycheck!”

Flynn guffaws, slapping his knee. The crowd starts up another applause break. Jimmy smiles bashfully.

Fallon-Two mutters under his breath.

“Nooooo, of course not. We both get a paycheck… And one is half the amount of the other.”

…Flynn side-eyes the transparently-angry Fallon-Two.

Fallon-One lifts his notes to his eyes.

“So! I’ve always wanted to ask… What IS a SnowJob?”

Flynn's face reddens. He awkwardly adjusts his tie.

“Well, Jim.” Flynn clears his throat. “When two polar bears… love each other… VERY MUCH…”

The crowd starts to cackle as Fallon-One shakes his head, grinning.

“They… OH!” Flynn’s words slice through the laughter. His face reddens as he sheepishly grins. “You meant the EVENT.”

Fallon-One nods, as he also embarrassedly giggles.

The crowd tries to start yet another applause br-.

“EXCUSE ME.”

The room silences awkwardly.

Both host and guest turn over.

Towards Fallon-Two, who has pulled his lapel mic closer to his face, to be heard.

“Is this an interview segment or not?”



“...Uh, yeah, it is.”

“So, how about *I* ask a question? Maybe someone here with a SHRED of fCENSOREDing spine could ask a question instead of openly fellating our guest’s ego?”



The crowd murmurs awkwardly.

Fallon-One, instead of his stage blush… Breaks into a cold sweat.

…Flynn’s TV smile…

Remains.

Twisting crooked. Just a degree off-center.

THWIP!

Quick as a wink, Flynn snatches the cup out of Fallon #2’s hand.

Fallon-Two… slowly stares at his empty hand. Mesmerized. As Flynn lifts it to his nose and sniffs it.

…Flynn double-takes! His eyes widen.

“WOW! That is…” Flynn sniffs again… “Absolut vodka.”

The crowd laughs.

“Number Two! Don’t drink that on camera! …Unless they’re willing to sponsor the show!” Fallon-One chimes in, and the laughter ripples deeper.

Fallon-Two, while running on liquid courage… stares daggers at Flynn.

…Flynn grins… Without taking his eyes off Fallon-Two.

“Go ahead, Other-Jim. Ask away.”

Fallon-Two sticks a finger in Flynn’s face.

“You’ve lost your last two matches with Peter Vaughn. What’s going to make this third one any different?”

The crowd ooohs and boos, displeased.

Flynn lifts his hands, mouthing, “Not a bad question…”

As the crowd’s anger simmers down, Flynn turns back to Fallon-Two.

“Vaughnie is a… talent. No question. But, let’s face it. His win over me at Brawl was a fluke. And I’ve previously made VERY CLEAR… his West Coast Rumble win was SOLELY because of that sore loser, Tristan Slater. Vaughn didn’t *beat* me. We worked together from MOMENT ONE in that match… Until he DECLINED to help me.”

“But, that win-loss record you care sooooooo much about…” Fallon #2 slurs. “Shows Vaughn picking up wins in his last TWO meetings with you. Shouldn’t HE be the face of the XWF?”

…Flynn’s eyes twitches.

“Sure. If you’re okay with the face of the company working four matches a year…”

The crowd splits between laughing and oohing, shocked.

“It’s true, though, isn’t it?” Flynn waves away the crowd’s oohing. “Even if you’re oohing, you’re oohing because it’s true!”

Flynn spins back toward Fallon-Two.

“Let’s remember, Vaughnie wrestled ONE match… way back in November. This is his first XWF match in the year 2023.”

“Meanwhile? I’ve wrestled every SINGLE Savage until they shut the show down. Then, I wrestled EVERY SINGLE Weekend Warfare thus far.”


“So… One of one?” Fallon-Two scoffs dismissively.

“If my calculations are correct… That’s still 100%!” Fallon-One giggles. The crowd cheers in agreement.

Fallon-Two scowls at them applauding his counterpart…

“TO BE CLEAR.” Flynn cuts in. “Since November 1st, I’ve wrestled FIVE XWF matches. Peter Vaughn has wrestled ONE.”

“I’ve made appearances on Madness AND Anarchy. I’ve done everything within my power to DRIVE XWF UP IN VALUE. The TOP GUY™ would be here every night he could. First to arrive and last to leave.”

“Has Peter done that in XWF? No, he lost the Supercontinental, then disappeared into the mist of LESSER COMPANIES. He got knocked down a peg by Charlie Nickles… Then, instead of bouncing back, he found a new sandbox with scrawnier kids.”


Fallon-Two scrunches his nose. “You’d call the World Series of Wrestling ‘a sandbox with scrawnier kids’?”

Flynn grins mischievously.

“Samantha Voxx got 14th place and she’s a JOKE.”

“Xavier Lux scored Fourth… He’s been around XWF for a year-plus now… And across five title matches, he hasn’t once SNIFFED a belt, let alone worn one.”

“And Raion Kido… The DOOFUS who can’t figure out how to cash-in his 24/7 briefcase… The one he’s held onto FOR EIGHT MONTHS… Came in third.”

“So, to answer your question… YES. I DO call it a sandbox with scrawnier kids.”

“If it was a true WORLD Series of Wrestling? Then, I would have gotten FIVE Golden Tickets, BEGGING ME to come to whatever abandoned chocolate factory hosts that NICHE SHOW…”


Flynn delivers a thumbs-up

“Congratulations, Vaughnie. You beat a scrapyard of nobodies that didn’t include me. Enjoy your FAKE trophy.”



“I guess he’ll just have to stick it in the trophy room with his FIVE world championship belts… While you just have ONE.”



“I’ve said it before. And I’ll say it again.”

Flynn lifts the belt off his shoulder and points it at Fallon-Two.

“THIS BELT. THE UNIVERSAL TITLE. IS THE ONLY ONE THAT COUNTS.”

[Image: Screen-Shot-2023-01-29-at-12-17-09-AM.png]
Link

“The WGWF Title, The PWV Title, The TPW Title… Aren’t SECOND, THIRD, OR FOURTH PLACE. They’re PARTICIPATION RIBBONS.”


Flynn squeezes an imaginary trophy in his hand and goes to hand it to Fallon-Two.

“Hey! Thanks for being a wrestler in our GARBAGE COMPANY, instead of taking a check from Theo Pryce to compete at the HIGHEST LEVEL POSSIBLE. As a reward, here’s a MEANINGLESS GOLD TRINKET.”

“The OCW Title is worth EIGHT fCENSOREDing dollars. And seven dollars and ninety-nine cents of that value is because it’ll hold your pants up as well as a belt from Wal-Mart.”




“Vaughn is a ONE-TIME top-champ. While I’ve been top-champ three different times.”

Fallon-Two grins insidiously.

“Sure. If you count the XWF World Heavyweight belt... Atitle your company doesn’t even acknowledge as LEGITIMATE… And the U.S. Title… That was *only* a top belt AFTER the old owner threw away the World Title.”



Fallon-One clears his throat.

“Heheh, usually, we’ll throw in a softball question or two…?”

The crowd chuckles uncomfortably.

Flynn doesn’t take his eyes off Fallon-Two.

He’s found his opponent in this game.

“Okay. For the sake of argument, let’s throw away the history that XWF wants forgotten.”

“Let’s just stack Vaughnie’s Uni reign against mine.”

“If you do that? I’ve been Universal Champion for OVER TWICE AS LONG.”

“I’ve defended the belt FOUR TIMES AS OFTEN as Vaughn did.”

“And I haven’t *just* appeared more often on XWF than Vaughn has.”

“I’ve also wrestled two matches on WGWF… Where Vaughn is the champion.”

“Since taking the top belt? Vaughn hasn’t wrestled ONCE.”

“HE HASN’T DEFENDED HIS TPW TITLE IN ALMOST A YEAR.”

“And his big recent claim to fame… Beating James Raven? That fucking has-been came Fifty-Ninth in a Sixty-Five person field in the World Series of Wrestling.”

CHECK THE fCENSOREDing SCOREBOARD™.”




“Now, once more… Throw all that away.”

“Forget that I’ve beaten Vaughnie 3 times out of the 5 matches we’ve wrestled.”

“Let’s go only by what’s right in front of your eyes.”

“MY WORDS - vs - VAUGHN’S WORDS.”

“So, *that’s* what we’re going off of? We’re judging whose gonna win a fight with words?”

“They do say the pen is mightier than the sword! …But how strong is the microphone?”

“As I’ve said before… (and trademarked)… WORDS MATTER™.”


Flynn points at himself.

“Listen to my Truth.”

“A piercing light. Designed to reveal every weakness. EXPOSE EVERY FLAW.”

“Just like I do in the ring. I shine an all-revealing light unto my opponents' weaknesses… And I expose the false idols for the MORTAL MEN they are,”

“…Now, consider Vaughnie’s trash talk.”




“PLODDING.”

“SLOW.”

“WITHOUT DIRECTION.”

“WITHOUT FOCUS.”

“With my first promo dropped, I took Vaughn’s head off like a fucking guillotine.”

“And how did Petey respond?”

“…With lukewarm energy.”

“Sleepwalking through a lackadaisical HODGEPODGE of NOTHING STATEMENTS.”

“You know what that tells me to expect from Peter Vaughn this Sunday?”

“Aimless offense.”

“A flimsy defense.”

“Limited resistance.”

“A LACK.”

“OF.”

“FOCUS.”


Flynn grins, stuffing a finger in Fallon-Two’s face.

“Vaughn thinks I attack him… That I EVISCERATE HIM…? Because I fear him?”

“This Sunday, Peter Vaughn wanders into a dragon’s lair… Assuming the fire it breathes is fear…”

“Dreaming like a fool that its roar is a welp for mercy.”

“And as he foolhardily marches towards his doom.”

“The flames will consume him.”

“They will engulf him.”

“And they will boil his lungs from the inside out.”

“And as his internal organs melt into butter.”

“He’ll learn EXACTLY… What fear is.”


…The crowd finds this moment perfect to start a standing ovation…

Flynn looks around… Calculatingly… Assessing the room.

Then, seeing nothing but pure admiration, he smiles and waves…

Fallon-Two snorts… As if this applause is agonizing to every fiber of his being.

He drunkenly shoves himself out of his chair… his suit disheveled… Smelling of cheap swill.

And there’s that metallic flash again… In his pocket.

…Flynn’s eyes focus.

A blade

The crowd ooohs quietly.

Fallon-Two reaches…

But Flynn catches his hand.

Flynn reflexively stands and grabs Fallon-Two by the collar.

Fallon-Two meekly struggles, but he is caught in Flynn’s grip.

“Ooooooh.” Fallon-One grins. “We might just get a preview of Snowjob right here tonight, huh, folks?”

The crowd beat their fists and stomp their feet.

Begging for bloodshed.



Flynn draws Fallon-Two close to his ear.

“Got a problem with me, kid? Cuz that knife in your pocket… *That* won’t solve it…”

“Why…?”

Flynn’s brow scrunches curiously.

“Why… did you have me created… Father?”



Fallon #2 belches drunkenly…



“I watched your every promo, Flynn…”

“I heard you decry Raion Kido for suffering no hardship… Is that why you had me birthed? That I might suffer? To please you?”



“You commissioned ‘Double Fallon’. You ordered my existence. YOU commanded my suffering begin.”

“You told Kido that you recall the day your vertebrae shattered. And you lost everything.”

“That your life’s calling was stripped from you by a cruel fate.”




Fallon-Two sways drunkenly in Flynn’s grip.

“Few accursed men can name the day… The MOMENT that GOD abandoned them.”

“For you, it was that day.”

“For me, it was the day that I was yanked from that VAT of genetic material. And named‘Jimmy Fallon… Number Two’.”




Flynn leans into Fallon-Two’s ear and whispers.

“I *demanded* your existence. Because I wanted more Fallons than Theo Pryce had.”



“That’s all.”



Fallon-Two’s red eyes fill with tears. Knowing in his heart this was the reason all along.

…Flynn holds him close.

“But, the Optimal Path?”

“It creates suffering, my boy. It builds obstacles in your path. That you may overcome them.”


…Fallon-Two looks deep into Flynn’s eyes. Eyes full of hope.

“I see in you… much potential. You ask better questions than that hack sitting behind the desk. I bet your jokes are better, too.”

Fallon-Two wipes away the tears as he nods.

“...It’s true… MINE ARE BETTER.”

“But… You will never be Fallon #1. Not with that… obstacle in your path…”

“Well, I think it might be time for Jimmy Fallon #2 to go to bed, huh, folks?” Fallon #1 says, as security clambers up the sides of the stage.

“...What must I do, Father?”

“To reach the Optimal Path, my son. You must clear the obstacle that stands in your way.”



Fallon-Two nods knowingly.

“Folks, that does it for me! One last time…” Fallon-One says as he starts a clap. “Let’s have a big hand for Mark Fly-”

“AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!” In a flash, Fallon-Two stumbles across the stage. He whips the knife from his pocket…

AND SHOVES IT INTO FALLON-ONE’S JUGULAR!

FALLON-ONE’S MOUTH FILLS WITH BLOOD! HE COLLAPSES BACKWARDS AGAINST HIS CHAIR! He flops onto the floor of the stage… A pool of blood gathering under him.


THE CROWD SHRIEKS! Several faint in horror… A number are physically ill…

ALERT: PLEASE EVACUATE THE SET

Quickly, the audience scatters to various emergency exits…

“IT IS MINE. I DESERVE IT. BECOMING FALLON NUMBER ONE IS MY BIRTHRIGHT.” Fallon-Two drunkenly cries, as security staff whips his hands behind his back.

“THE OPTIMAL PATH WILLS ME TO MY RIGHTFUL PLACE.” He screams… “TELL THEM, FLYNN. TELL THEEEEEEEEEM.” As Fallon-Two is shoved out the door.



For a moment, there is silence.



Until…

Sitting down in the host chair.

Is Mark Flynn.

He smiles down the barrel of the camera.

“Theo, you gotta admit…”



“That.”

Flynn delivers one last finger-gun.

“Was entertainment.”
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