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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Snow Job RP Boards 2023
Green Gravy pt2
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(Gravy_Xtreme_5000) Offline
EOL15072023



XWF FanBase:
Mixed

(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)


#1
01-28-2023, 11:25 AM


Who the fuck cares, USA!!!



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Some dive that Micheal sought out. 



Inside: Rough and tough bikers? 



Bad ass brawlers?



A secret clan of ninja's in the midst of a hit on some local goat farmer fucker, who did not take kindly to Barney and Gravy's intrusion?



No, nothing like that. [Image: saddest.png]



Just a few sad looking old men drowning their sorrows in booze. 



Regardless, it would seem that Lady Gravy is balls deep in her plan to test Barney's capabilities in the ring.


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"Hey fuck it, right!?" Gravy raises her glass to Barn! "TO BOB!"

Gravy's sudden and character breaking toast to the stable that kicked her to the curb like yesterday's trash stuns Barney, but only for a second! They cling glasses and send the mind altering fluids down the hatch!

"Listen, Barn..." Gravy begins with a bloodshot and glassy look in her eyes. "I ain't ever said this to anyone and meant it..." She hesitates as a drunken memory springs to the foreground. "Well, other than my wife, but she was imaginary, so it doesn't count. Barn..." More hesitation from Gravy who, even drunk, struggles to be anything other than an ass. "I... um.. I loo-uh"

"I love you too, Micheal. Just like I love all of my BOB brethren."

Gravy's skin crawled. Hearing it seemed harder than saying it. 

"What!? That ain't even what I was trying to say!" She lies. We all know it, but her hesitation to clarify comes from the couple that just strolled in.

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 "Would you look at that!? How does a disgusting tub of lard like that score a bitch as fine as her!?"

"He's giving her something that she needs. Probably money. Sucks for him. I've been down that rabbit hole myself and the other end of the tunnel isn't pretty."

"You one of them "Captain Sav-A-Ho" types, Barn-O?"

"Hey, sugar!" The woman calls out to the young female working the bar. "If you think that you can find time in your busy day to come on over here and take our orders, it would be much appreciated."

Southern and sweet were the words coming out of her mouth, but still, they carried a certain considending tone.

"WOW! What a cunt!" Gravy exclaimed as she nudged Barney.

Of course, the couple heard her and the women seemed deeply offended as she egged the guy she was with on to stand up for her honor, but he doesn't seem eager to get involved.

"I wonder if all Southern Belles are loud-mouthed leeching cunts?" Gravy asks Barney before looking back at the lady and asking herself. "Hey, lady! Just curious; How many fuckers like him have you used up and left for dead already, huh!?"

It's at this time that Barney decides to add to the conversation in the most innocent way.

"Twenty or thirty tops. She's not that pretty, but looks to be getting a little long in the tooth."

"Desperate, Barn! That's what she is! Just like my Valentine of 2017, Dolly Waters! Long in the tooth!? Talk about it! It's been five years since that fateful night! Five years since we danced the dance of lovers, and five years since the name Dolly Waters being advertised for an XWF event garnered anything more than a groan from the audience or the fucking boys!"

"It happens, right!? Careers come unrailed all the fucking time. TRUST ME, I KNOW, the difference between most people and Dolly Waters is, it usually doesn't take 47 fucking attempts and counting at making a comeback to still be struggling to get it right. Lacklan's lackey!? Sensitive Dolly? Driven Dolly? Midnight Doll? Mental Abuser!? WHO THE FUCK EVEN ARE YOU LITTLE GIRL!?!"

"Say what you will about us, we know who we are! Barney Green is "The Daddy of Violence" and if you don't know why, you'll damn sure find out first hand come Snow Job! Me!? I'm whoever the fuck I wanna be whenever I want to be them! Why!? Because unlike you, Dolly, or your partner Charlie, who like you hides behind masks to keep hidden from the world your true selves; cowards! Well, Green Gravy ain't no cowards! Tell'em Barn!"

Barney, who is in a drunken stupor, looks around curiously.

"Tell who!?"

Gravy hammers another one home before she throws her arm over Barney's shoulder and points out the secret hidden camera behind the bar.

It's tiny!

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"Well, he is right. We aren't afraid to show the world who we really are."

"Damn right Barn, faults and all! Why is that, would you say!?"

"Because we don't give a fuck?"

"Fuckin-A, Barn! Because we don't give a fuck! We don't give a fuck if we win. We don't give a fuck if we lose. We don't give a fuck if we get hurt, and most especially, we don't give a fuck if we hurt you! If any of our performances have ever inspired you to think of us as clowns, then good! That just means we gain an advantage when you put little stock into what we CAN and WILL do inside of that ring!"

The sudden realization hit's Barney!

"Wait, am I in the match?"

Gravy smirks and pounds back another one!

I've never been the greatest at continuity, Barn. Figure the time spent trying to remember shit was better served practicing my eyeball scooping. Maybe? I don't know... Didn't we come here to perform a test?"

"I came here to get the swelling in my foot to go down."

It's then that a couple of new patrons enter bar.

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"Look at them, Barn! Tell me; why does a couple of bitches like that, get involved with a scene like this?"

"They're easy girls looking for love?"

"NO! Far from it! You ain't getting into those panties without the Jaws of Life, Barn-O! The only reason girls like that come to places like this is to make fun of the locals and feel superior! Seen it a million times! In their own habitat, they ain't nothin special. Just another set of pretty faces in a sea of'em! Here though, here they might as well be descended fucking angels in comparison, huh!?"

The two women take a seat in the far corner and almost immediately begin to giggle amongst themselves.

"Do you think they're she-males?"

"No Barn, they're something worse!"


DUN-DUN-DUUUN!


"Aren't you a she male?"


DUN-DUN-DUUUN!!!


"No, Barn! I'm a woman, and they're just a couple of capitalizing conceited cunts! They saw the same thing I saw Barn! Weak ass tacky glue champions! For fucks sake! One of them was just champion for like a week with Vita Valenteen! Where's Vita now!? Riding the fumes of that fancy vampirism "gimmick" right into the depths of Madness!"

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"OH SHIT! THAT'S WHERE I'M GOING TO BE, IF I DON'T TURN THIS LOSING STREAK AROUND!"

"So we do care if we win, then?"

"Do we care what people think? Fuck no! Do we care if I lose and get trapped on Madness as an exclusive? Fuck yes! Now come on Barn! We gotta make sure that you're up to snuff, or else I ain't gonna have no choice but to yank Cadryn's dusty ass out of retirement for the upmteenth time!"

Barney is still unaware of whatever test Micheal has in store for him, but he follows Micheal as she approaches the table where the redneck couple sit. The woman has a sour expression, but looks away as Gravy walks up.

"I just wanna let you know that I think you dipshits are perfect for each other. Bloodsucking leech and and a Goddamned parasite. Maybe y'all do us all a favor and kill each other off yourselves! Real desperation on display there hooking up with this scuz bucket, darlin. It's not a good look, and while that fancy gold might feel nice now." Gravy glances at the engagement ring on her finger. "We both know the toll your wicked deeds will take."

Nothing from this woman. She isn't so loud mouthed now. Gravy turns to the guy next, but he's already had enough and jumps to his feet.

"Excuse me Mister, but I'm going to have to ask you to apologize or step outside!"

Gravy laughs in the guys face before looking back to Barn. "Can you believe this guy!? He just fucking misgendered me!"

The look on the guys face says it all. "I did what now!?"

Gravy's answer comes in the form of fist to the bridge of the nose!

"MISGENDERED! I'm a fucking woman you hillbilly piece of shit, and I can already tell that your manhood doesn't measure up to my womanhood!" The girlfriend rushes to his aid as Gravy grabs her junk and cups! "YEEEEEAH! Suck it!"

The two snooty girls watching on from their corner, giggle quietly the whole while.

Gravy and Barney share a silent nod to one another. Today, they're done being laughed at without repercussions. They close in, stalking the two girls with clenched fist smashing into their open palms. The girls slump into their seats.

They know they're about to be boned by the biggest boneheads in the XWF.


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”Shit Barn, news travels fast as fuck around here!” Gravy says as the two Xtreme wrestlers stroll out of the back door of the police station like they belong there.

”Makes sense. You put a lot of people in the hospital last night.”

Gravy stops dead in her tracks. ”No Barn, WE put a lot of people in the hospital! Holy shit! I didn’t know that you could be so brutal!”

”Are you talking about that woman trying to body shame me while I was already breaking her boyfriend's legs?”

”Well, yeah!” Gravy resumes the lead in their quest to make it to Wisconsin in time.

”That wasn’t the first spleen that I’ve ruptured, and it won’t be the last. Besides, you did some pretty gruesome stuff to those girls.”

Gravy feigns modesty as she waves Barney off. ”It’s easy hurting fuckers when they can’t see.

”Where does that mist that you spit come from, anyway?”

Gravy sizes Barney up. ”You don’t want to know.”

”Ah, well, anyway. I bet that woman wishes that she never saw that leaked nude of me to try and make fun now.”

Gravy walks up to a police cruiser and checks the door. It’s open! ”I’m betting that was already the case long before you whooped her ass, Barn. Now get in!”

Barney hesitates. ”Um, are you sure that’s a good idea? We’re already escaping prison, maybe something more inconspicuous would be a better idea?”

Gravy waves off Barney’s concerns. “Pffft, don’t worry about the charges. I learned long ago that the XWF has a fucking superb legal team that always works hard to clean up my messes and divert as much bad press as possible. By Monday, all of the rags reporting on this will be writing retractions. Especially now that I’m an impressed minority!”

Barney shakes his head, likely trying to excise the stupid that Micheal just put in it. ”I think that you mean oppressed. He says as he opens the passenger door.

”No Barn, I know what the fuck I mean!” Gravy slides into the driver seat and gets to work hot wiring this bitch.

VA-ROOOOOOM!!!

Gravy cracks a smirk as she side eyes Barney. ”Impressed, because ever since I came out, everyone stopped being such cunts to me. You know why?”

Barney has nothing. "Why?”

”Because now that I’m my true self…”

Gravy drops this bitch into gear and peels out of the station drawing, obviously, tons of attention to their escape!

”People are FINALLY realizing how fucking awesome WE ARE!”

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"Equals!?! Angie Vaughn and Sarah Lacklan!?"

"Yes. She made a whole big thing about feeling inferior but came to the conclusion that they are in fact equals."

"Well, no shit!? Huh, I knew Angie was no joke... But equal to the woman who claims to rightfully still be our Universal champion, which I may point out, if true; would mean that she is the longest reigning champion in this company's like, entire history... And they're equals?"

"Apparently."

"Well if that don't just prove the Goddamned facts!?"

"They're the snooty bitches?"

"They're the snooty bitches! As if we didn't already know! Weak ass champions winning the titles with weakass shinanigans! Presumably primed to choke challengers! Perfect time for a couple of snooty bitches to waltz in on the rebound and take little risk for big reward while laughing at the competition!"

"The only problem with that is they didn't count on us."

"Oh, they counted, alright! They just forgot to carry the 1 and divide by 2! We ain't got the track record, and they all bright enough to see that Barn. They know we dangerous too! Even if they may be shy to admit such facts publicly. I've laid fingers on nearly all of'em, they know what's up! Even still, all that math adds up some good ass odds that this Sarah Lackan, former, current, possibly forever Universal champion and her sister who totally made her name for herself; which isn't even me being snarky, she's done a shit ton here since joining the XWF. Wins over numerous top names and one of the featured faces of Savage as the show took off in popularity at the expense of the formerly flagship show, Warfare!" *DEEP BREATH* "So, I don't really even understand WHY she was having such a breakdown at the sight of her sister... BUT! I figure mental instability like that can ONLY prove to our advantage."

"And speaking of advantages. Tables, ladders and chairs!"

"OH MY!"

"My specialty, you mean! They don't call me "The Daddy of Violence" for nothing. I've carved my reputation into the bodies of anyone that has dared to stand across from me. I've put my body through hell in order to put them through worse, and at Snow Job, I'm going to drink the pain away and do it again!"

"Carry the one! Barney Green is fired up! "The Green Machine" is primed, lubed and ready to rock!"

“Ready to rock! You wanna talk shop? I have no problem busting heads! I'm always ready and willing for a fight. I was World Champion. No matter how much people like to discredit it now. I climbed that mountain. Some fat guy from Boston, but that fat guy is as legit as they come! You wanna knock intelligence? I’ve lived and seen more of this world than about 96% of the population.”

"Holy shit!"

“The true "Daddy of Violence" ready to bring it at Snow Job. I have had so many light tubes and glass panels broken over my body that it doesn’t even affect me anymore. The blood I've spilled. It doesn’t slow me down when that essence of life flows out. If anything, It slows down time for me and allows me to be more effective.”

"That's the booze, Barn!"

"Whatever it is, I know that I never needed to fly off the top rope to make an impact and still don't. Strict brute force. Fight with your fists. I am not afraid to hit a girl. How's that for equality? Listening to Angie Vaughn talk makes me wish I was deaf instead of blind in one eye. Lacklan has never never intimidated me either. Facing a man who has nothing left to lose in life should be scary for her.”

"And facing TWO ought to be a damned nightmare!"

“Yes it should, because the "Daddy Of Violence" is going to drink the Nectar of the Gods and unleash the beast! The tag belts are coming home to Green Gravy. Graves may hate the name but its all good! I haven’t slept in like 4 days waiting for this moment. This is our moment!”

"Fuckin'A right it is! Ain't no shine coming from the top going to distract us from them belts! Tick Tok, you hear that Barn!?"

“Indeed I do! Time is coming for you, Nickel man. You may be the most hated man in XWF but that's only cause Micheal turned over a new leaf when she began hormone therapy! It means nothing once that bell rings. I remember the panes of glass we went through. Fighting you is like fighting my smelly twin, but that's alright. I just gotta hold my breath and survive. Your change is only good for wishing!”

"When you wish upon a star, wish for a partner less subpar!"

“HEEEEEELLLLOOOOOOOOOO, DOOOLLY!"

"WE'RE GONNA STOMP YOUR TEETH IN!"

"Ha! Gotta love that reference right there. Louis Armstrong! The man must be rolling in his grave right now, and I might be the only one who gets the reference, but fuck it. Ms. Waters, I have watched you grow into such a fierce competitor."

"No you haven't!"

"Okay, fine, I haven't. But, I am gonna be the one who puts and end to whatever rise you planned on making with Charlies Nickels under your thumb!”

"Her rise ain't been shit! Same ole, same ole! Find someone moderity over that's stupid enough to buy into the dream of Dolly. Leech until death! Goodbye Charlie!"

“Throw me another White Claw! Coming into Green Bay, Wisconsin. Gonna be one hell of a fight. I’m calling my shot and we, Team X-Treme, The X-Treme Alliance, Call us whatever so long as it's X-Treme OR Green Gravy!"

"NOT GREEN GRAVY!"

"Whatever you call us, WE are walking out of Snow Job with the Tag Team Championships! Gonna burn this bitch down to the ground!"

"OH HELL YEEEAAAAH!!!!"

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