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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Snow Job RP Boards 2023
TRANSitional Partners pt.1
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(Gravy_Xtreme_5000) Offline
EOL15072023



XWF FanBase:
Mixed

(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)


#1
01-19-2023, 11:00 AM

There's a new team on the block! Gravy and ??? 

Okay, we'll get to that later!

For the time being, enjoy this CHEAP POoP!

[Image: Gator-Dancing.gif]

Damn it Todd...


We open on a tight shot of an illuminated cell phone screen just as the final strokes of the following message are typed and sent: "Hey Theo, if ain't nobody biting on them tag titles, I'm sure that I can dig up a partner."

Unbeknownst to Gravy, looking over her shoulder is none other than XWF Hardcore icon, Barney Green! "The Tag Team Championships, huh? Well, I wish that you would have spoken with me prior to asking Theo for the shot, but at the same time, I would be lying if I didn't admit that the call of the ring is my Syren's song. Well, that and Tranny dick."

Gravy's teeth clench as a low sigh escapes through them. "You know what? Fuck it, right? My knees may be shot, my back may be in shambles, and I may be nothing more than a shell of the man that I used to be, but you only live once, right?"

"No!" Gravy shouts as she finally turns to face Barney.

"Okay, fair enough, but we can't all be secret government super soldiers like you Micheal! Some of us really do only live once!"

Gravy only looks more annoyed by Barn's misinterpretation of her words!

"No, numbskull! I mean we're not teaming up! No offense Barn-O, but I ain't trying to waste this opportunity if they give it to me. I already fell short going after the Universal championship."

"Twice, actually." Barney interjects to Gravy's disdain.

"Yes, twice. Thank you for that! Point is, I'm dropping down the card faster than a Kiwi champion on a third string brand. If I don't turn this shit around fast, I might find myself back in the unemployment line, or worse... A Madness exclusive talent!!!"

Gravy turns white, then gray, then blue. She then takes a breath!

"I see. No wonder you're reluctant to team up with me, you don't want to drag me down with you!"

Gravy isn't sure if she should grimace or roll her eyes, so she awkwardly does both at the same time.

"Don't worry about that Micheal. My career has seen the highest highs as I traveled the world as its champion, and the lowest of lows as I traveled it picking up other people's trash. There is nothing that my reputation can not survive. That includes teaming up with you, the most universally hated man in the XWF!"

Gravy cocks her hips in a feminine lean as a single eyebrow raises to the sky. ”Excuse me? Perhaps you haven’t noticed, not that I see how that’s even possible when I have all of this on display!” Gravy smashes her bra strapped moobs together to create some hairy cleavage. ”But I’m a she, not a he!”

Barney concentrates really hard on Gravy's tits as he struggles to figure out what exactly she is trying to tell him.

”You’re a woman?”

”Yes.”

”But you used to be a man?”

”Well, uh? I guess the proper thing to say would be that I was trapped in a man’s body, but yeah…”

The gears get rolling in Barney’s head. ”Have… Are… Ummm…. Post or Pre?”

Gravy seems confused by Barney’s query. ”Post or pre what?”

”You know…” Barney glances at Gravy’s crotch before resuming eye contact. ”Are you still packing heat?”

”WHAT!? FUCKING UNCOOL BARN! Do you see me going around asking people about their genitals!?”

”Yes.”

Gravy with that grimace again. Barney called her on that bullshit! ”Okay, fine, but you oughta know better! It’s just cringe and honestly, if I didn’t know you better, I would assume that question to be very phobic!”

”I was just thinking that maybe we could fool around as part of our team building exercises if you had all of the right parts.”

Gravy’s face goes green at the thought! ”WE ARE NOT TEAMING!!!”

Gravy storms into her bedroom; ”AND I’M A LESBIAN!” and slams the door behind her. Barney stands there for a second before shrugging it off and beginning to pack for the big road trip ahead.







[Image: MOSHED-2023-1-19-8-43-54.gif]







The adventure continues as we see Barney Green, dressed in a green plaid suit and wearing his glasses, driving the van and we see Michael Graves sitting next to him in ratty combat boots and a faded sundress. Green takes his first swig of White Claw as “Into The Fire” starts blaring from the cassette deck. The 80’s never died apparently for Green even though it's now 2023.

"Fuck yeah! I LOVE THIS SONG!" Gravy throws up the devil horns as she bangs her head with the beat. "INTO THE FIE-YA! I'M BUUURNING!" Barney joins in making this shiz a deut as our heroes have a rocking good time!

As the songs fades away Gravy begins to *gasp* feel bad for turning down Barney's services as a partner. He's a good dude after all. Loyal as fuck and always willing to lend a hand. He just has disadvantages that he can't overcome. Not his fault. It just is what it is. 

“Hey man, no hard feelings over Snow Job?"

Barn takes another swig of White Claw. "No, it's all good. I understand you not wanting to team with me. Some days I can hardly climb out of bed thanks to my decades of hardcore wrestling and a hardcore life." Barney takes another swig before making eye contact with Gravy. "That won't change the fact that I'll always be here if you need me."

Great! That just made Gravy feel worse! Time to change the subject!

"Let me tell ya, Barn-o, that Optimum Path program is the biggest pile of bullshit I’ve ever seen! Turns out, all that bad Juju doesn’t eventually even out on its own. Karma’s a fucking lie, and if you want to get a job done, your just going to have to get your fucking hands dirty, huh?”

“Or hire someone else to get their hands dirty for you.” Barney says as he tucks away a newspaper with a headline about “Joshua Stephens” being indicted over the Barn Coin scandal.

“What? You think I need to pay someone else to do this shit for me?”

Barney nervously shrugs.

“I mean, one of your opponents did just beat you in the battle royale at Weekend Warfare.”

The returning Sarah Lacklan. Former Universal Champion. Former Anarchy Champion. Former lots of things that neither Gravy nor Barney have any knowledge of or give a shit about. WCLG or some shit like that. Doesn't matter in Gravy's world. What does matter is that this wound is fresh and still hurts pretty fucking bad.

“SAVAGE…”

Now Barn feels bad for hurting his friend with such a savage burn.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to kick you while you're down. That was a tough loss.”

Gravy tilts her head to the side.

“What the Hell, man!? I was talking about the damned show name. Weekend Warfare sucks! Should have stayed Savage! Why give the loser brand a fucking consolation prize by changing the damn name of the show? Warfare sucked and nobody watched! It's a boneheaded move and a constant reminder that I don't want to watch that shit! That is, until I remember that it's REALLY just Savage, but with a bunch of RE-"

Barney quickly interjects! "REALLY nice people running the show! Come on Gravy, you need to start minding your language! There are some things that you just can't say on television anymore."

Gravy rolls her eyes THIS much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whatever! I don't give a shit about those SJW's or that loss! Not like I made any part of that return easy on her! Not like that sad excuse for a follow up match!”

“Heh, that's not how Heather made it sound. She said that Sarah's performance in the battle royale was, and I quote; "Another dominant showing from Sarah Lacklan."

Gravy glares at Barney, likely weighing her options of kicking Barn’s ass out of a moving vehicle and driving all the way to Texas herself!  

“What?”

“Heathers a dumb bitch, Barn, that’s why she sits while we run! I had my way with Sarah every single time we crossed paths! Everything she had to throw my way, I had an answer for it! Hell, I still taste the gnarly bitterness that was her blood, and truth be told, I really don’t see what all the hubbub is about! Other than a golden stroke of luck there at the end, all I saw at Savage was a weak bitch! Reminds me of Dolly Waters, actually. Big talk, big record, next big thing, then one run in with Gravy later, and she ain't nothing of a sniveling coward that runs the second that she realizes that she's over her head! This Sarah Lacklan ain't shit else but another body to play with!” 

Graves sucks at her teeth as she gnaws on Barney’s passing suggestion from before.

“Now, you’re going to sit there, in my van, and tell me that the best idea you got, is to hire someone to do my shit for me?”

“I was just saying that in som…”

“Fuck you Barney Green! You think so little of me that you think I need thugs and underlings to get shit done!? This isn't BOB Barn-O! I couldn't afford a criminal empire if I wanted one, and I don't because that BOB shit was all bitchmade! Why you think they're all gone!?”

"Well, Charlie's still.."

"Charlie ain't BOB, and neither is whatever that shit is that the Bastard's are doing over in Other Company that they Wrestle for now! BOB is dead Barn, and good riddance, do you understand!?"

“No, but it sounds like you’re working some stuff out, soooo…. Go on.”

“I ain’t working shit out, cept for maybe the cobwebs clouding up that thinking box of yours! This is fighting Barn, not baseball! This shit we do, it ain’t even gotta be athletic! You can’t do a 720 plancha from a 20ft ladder? No problem, pick the ladder up and smash someone with it instead! You can’t match a catch-as-catch-can wrestler move for move? Then stop their bullshit dead in its tracks with a well placed fist to the face! There’s an answer for everything and everyone Barn-O. Stats don’t mean shit, and the successes of yesterday don’t promise shit for tomorrow, just like yesterday’s failures can be erased by today’s victory!”

“In other words, ain’t none of them cunts I'm facing at Snow Job got shit to be afraid of, ESPECIALLY once we make it to Texas to pick up my tag partner, Cadryn Tiberius! So, tell me Barn, knowing that, why in the Holy Hell would I ever need to pay someone else for the honor of beating that Albino bitch and her stupid ugly country bumpkin sister redder than the cyst that's been swelling between my taint and asshole for the last few years!?”

Barney raises his index finger to make a point, but Gravy cuts him off before he can utter a single word.

“Why would I pay someone to shove their fist up Angie’s tight little asshole and puppet her around the ring like she’s the third member of my team!?”

That one causes Barney to reevaluate the woman next to him, but Gravy isn’t done!

“Why would I pay someone to stomp Dolly Waters into her umpteenth retirement!?”

Barney speaks up. “W…”

But Gravy speaks over him. “Why in the fuck would I ever even consider paying a single Goddamned dime for someone ELSE to recreate the cheese grater scene from the new Evil Dead Rise trailer with Charlie Nickles shriveled up pecker standing in for that one bitches thigh? Huh Barney, WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!?!”

There is a short silence between them before Barney relents.

“You’re right. I remember the oath I took when I joined BoB years ago. I’d stay loyal to my friends and never turn my back on a fellow brethren so I'm here for you, if not as a partner, as a friend."

Mushy shit causes Gravy's eyes to roll and her instinct to push people away kicks in. “You know, back in BOB you were nothing but a joke that I tolerated because, honestly? It was entertaining watching you walk around like a simple minded spokesperson for a bunch of slimy criminals and not even realizing how bad these bad guys really were. It wasn't until you started lining my pockets with all that valuable BarnCoin that I realized you could be a cool dude, but damn man... Newsflash! We were the bad ones! Like really bad! That group was pushing all sorts of hate propaganda in an effort to turn the wrestling fan against the product. I don't think that people realize just how deep all that shit ran even to this day. You sure never seemed to catch on, pal!”

“No, I knew y'all were evil assholes, but I was tired of running solo and wanted a group where I felt accepted. You guys gave me a chance when not many people would have, and none of you were unwelcoming. Hell, the fact that I'm still bouncing around in the XWF today is owed to all you guys. Even after we went our separate ways. I managed to hang around and make some money off BarnCoin. Without you guys, I think I would have probably drank myself to death by now.”

Aw damn, that made Gravy feel something again, which of course makes her angry!

You don't owe them dick weeds or me anything! Well, maybe me. Definitely me, but those other guys!? Fuck'em! They only used you Barn! I wasn't the only one pointing and laughing at you!"

"Actually, yes you were."

"With love Barn-O! Always with Love!"

"Like I said. None of you were unwelcoming, and besides you always calling me that slur helped me to avoid a very nasty lawsuit from Leopold D. Morgan by fighting him in an actual match in court. No Joke on that. Judge Jerry Springer found a loophole in the law protecting me from liability. Not my fault.”

Proving her listening and comprehension skills are unmatched by anyone to have ever walked the face of the Earth...

"So, how'd you escape prison? No wait, let me guess, by exercising your white privileges, right!?"

Barney doesn't even skip a beat, despite having just explained this seconds ago! "Actually, my lawyer found an obscure law protecting the handicapped from..."

"BULLSHIT! IT'S CAUSE YOU'RE WHITE! Ain't ya read the news, man!? Us white guys get away with murder all the time!"

Barney smirks. "In your case, that's actually true..."

A car speeds up in the right hand lane and forces its way into our lane. Barney slams the brakes to avoid an accident, but he spills his last White Claw all over himself in the process!

“SON OF A BITCH! Fuckin’ Moron! I just dropped my booze everywhere! Well, There is only one way to settle this, now!”

Barney quickly gains on the car and whips the empty can of White Claw at the drivers window. The driver flips him off in response!

“You wanna go, Motherfucker?”

"Fuck yeah! Whip his fucking ass Barn-O!"

Barney whips the van in front of them and forces them to the side of the road. Barney gets out of the van and we see the other driver get out of their car.

“We gonna do this or what? I’m running on White Claw at this point and can go no problem!”

Barney quickly approaches the driver as Gravy begins recording on her cell phone. Barney nails the dude with a right hook and then he proceeds to slam his head through the drivers window!

“Victory forever! Never fuck with me when I'm drunk, asshole!”

Barney picks the driver up who is now bloodied and nails them with a Green Awakening onto the asphalt. Barney proceeds to get back into the van and start her back up. 

“Proof I can be an evil man still. Shouldn’t have pissed me off especially when I have been drinking White Claw.”

Barney proceeds to open another White Claw and start drinking it.

"I thought that was your last?"

Barney finishes the can off and tosses it in the back. "Last in that pack. Onward, to TEXAS!" Barney pulls back onto the highway as the gears in Gravy's head begin to turn.

"Barn, the only reason that I didn't want to team with you was because of your handicaps, but if... If we can..." Bare with us folks, these gears turn slowly. 

"If we can what!?"

"Change of plans Barn! There's no need to rush to Texas, right!? Cadryn isn't going anywhere, hasn't in years, in fact!"

"You're the boss, boss. I'm just here to get you to your destination."

"Sure, sure... Maybe we call it an early day? Find a good hotel. Something five star. Room service. You're paying, yeah? I'm a little short on any accommodations that aren't, ya know... The van."

"Sure, I'm doing well from my time promoting and selling BarnCoin. I have no problem with covering some expenses for a friend."

"GREAT! Then we definitely need a five star room with all the extras, and after we get checked in, maybe we head out and find us a nice dive to get to know the locals?"

"That works for me. My ankle is throbbing from working the pedals anyway." Barney says as he pounds away another White Claw to fight the pain.

"High Tolerance, huh? Well, we can work around that if I'm right..."

"Right about what? What are you planning Micheal?"

But Gravy doesn't answer before we fade to...

[Image: tumblr-cdaeb27bd08755a2f45f7c7892417293-...32-400.gif]

[Image: MOSHED-2023-6-19-16-15-56.gif]
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