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Jim "the Jim" Jimson · (01-13-2023)

Our story starts with the man in the myth, but definitely not the legend, Jim "The Jim" Jimson!! He looks over to his side, and sees none other than the second-best kiwi to enter the XWF!! Its Kieran King in a bed with Jimson???

Looks like they are in the Kierans humble abode, Jim gets up and begins to leave as quiet as a mouse.. the ol' get out before you wake up routine.. except this time, Kieran has no idea what he just did..

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???: Look whos back baby!! The one! The only! Jim Jimsonerson, out of ashes! Like an overweight chicken, I rise!! This time it's gonna reeeal different! We're gonna have titles! We're gonna have blackjack and hookers and-

Jim Jimson: Jimsonerson what are you doing?

Jimsonerson: Whats it look like? I'm doing the promo!

Jim Jimson: What the fuck! You can't do the promo, I put on the wig! I did the deed with Kieran, you can't just take the promo without doing any of the hard work!

Jimsonerson: Yeah.. Jimsonerson says with shame I'll.. I'll let you take it.. oh. By the way, happy birthday dude!

Jim Jimson: Aww thank you :D I hope your assimilation is not too painful

Jim raises his arm all in one robotic motion, then charges towards Jimsonerson, he stares blankly back at Jimson accepting his fate, Jim jams his finger into the neck, they claw under the skin, pushing deeper till he reaches a vein.. Jimsonerson lets out a ghastly croak as the last bits of oxygen leave his lungs. Jimsonersons nails begin to fall out, his skin starts to flake and turn into a new undiscovered colour of grey as the tiny bit of colour in his sunlight-avoiding skin is drained away.

Jimson rips his fingers from Jimsonersons neck, his body collapses to the ground like a husk, while Jim stands "tall" .... I guess he's now slightly less pale?

Jim Jimson: YES I FEEL IT!! THE POWER FLOWS THROUGH ME AND ME ALONE!!! A few small hairs grow above Jim's bald head are there now too?

Jim Jimson: You know.. they say that if you wanna beat the man, you gotta get the man inside of you! And frankly, that's exactly what I did!! Kieran King, you thought that you fucked my mum? Nah, mate! That was just me in a wig, It was me, Kieran! It was me all along Kieran! That's right! When you whispered into my ear that you wanted to "make this a tradition" you were whispering to me! Those deep dark secrets you told "my mum" through tears after you finished? You told me! Yea that's right! I now know ALL about how you think that Whales shouldn't be considered mammals!!

Jim Jimson: I went to your birthday specifically so I could get close and find the best moment to switch into my disguise! I don't have a mum! We Jimsons hatch from eggs that manifest into existence whenever we need more blood for the dolphin war!

Jim Jimson: I may not be able to "win matches" but now that you fucked me that means I got a deep DEEP knowledge of every crevasse of your hot body and with that, I'm going to ride my way to victory by.... ah shit, how does that help me win the match. I kinda just got shagged...

Jimson takes a seat... he starts to ponder exactly why he spent the past 6-months planning how to get Kieran King to fuck him so he would have better odds at winning a multi-man opening match on his birthday... why did he think that would help him? Was he just gay for Kieran??

Jim Jimson: Okay.... so I licked the gunk out of Theo's REDACTED so he'd combine Savage & Warfare into one show so that I'd get the match on a Friday in 2023... Then I implanted myself subconsciously into Kieran's head that he wouldn't find it odd that someone who he considers such a dogshit loser is somehow involved in his daily life.. and then I paid off half of the bar to say they shagged "my mum" so that Kieran would also try shagging "my mum" on his birthday... but how does that help me win. I'm sure there was a reason for it all... right?

Jim slowly begins to realise that he's wasted the past 6 months, burning bridges, building new ones knowing that they'd fall, and not to mention the unspeakable list of asks he committed to gain favours from the people with power.. all for a reason he can't even remember anymore. Suddenly a lightbulb pops into existence above Jim's head and flickers on!

Jim Jimson: How is that lightbulb floating in mid-air?

The lightbulb decides to start following the laws of gravity and falls onto Jim's head shattering upon hitting his "skull"

Jim Jimson: Of course, I remember now!!

Jims tears off a button from his shirt and throws it at the wall, it sticks to it and a hologram appears, displaying a muscular black man

Jim Jon Un: Jimson, what is the update? Did you get Kieran, that dolphin scum to fuck you before the opening multi-man bout?

Jim Jimson: Yes, he's in the opener AND he fucked me everything went perfectly! He is certainly a dolphin with the right sourced tuna we will be able to break him mentally just as planned and embarrass the dolphins on the grand stage once again, commander, oh wise and legitimate leader of Korea!

Jim Jon Un: When you throw the tuna at him during the match he will go into shock, giving you the chance to lock a rollup, with your deep DEEP knowledge of every crevasse of his hot body you will be able to find the optimal pinning maneuver to trap him tightly against the ground with your HMW expertise, solider.

Jim Jimson: Yes! Everything has gone perfectly!! This battle royal will go perfectly for us!!

Jims body abruptly goes pale, losing all of the newly-gained colour in his body, as his heart sinks, literally, as he realises a crucial flaw in his plan

Jim Jimson: Over. The. Top. Battle. Royal. Over. The. Top. Battle. Royal.

Jim Jon Un: I was curious, why have we only focused on Kieran King during this multi-man opener.. it is an open battle royal. Anyone could join it, right? Why have we not planned anyone else in the match? I believe that Michael Graves is in the match already

Jim Jimson: Graves? Oh phew, he joined, that guy's a total jobber and that's coming from me... WAIT WHAT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN OTHERS CAN JOIN??? I thought that Multi-man meant that there were gonna be 2 people in the match, you know, multiple men!! I've been fooled!

Jim drops to his knees before falling over, the last parts of his hair turn grey and fall out from the shock of realising that a multi-man match involves multiple men in a match, even though he has been a part of approximately hundreds of them throughout his career. Jim starts melting like the witch from wizard of oz as his plan to humiliate to dolphins crumbles apart before him hours before the start of Weekend Warfare on his birthday no less. He feels like a weak small and pathetic man. As he is.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode I'm the birthday boy!! :D
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