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(Gravy_Xtreme_5000) · (01-11-2023)

"Gravy's Epic Return Promo" is the Micheal Graves mega blockbuster promo that see's Micheal once again rise from the ashes of defeat to meet the challenge of "Jim Jimson's Birthday Open Battle Royale" by showing the world that when it comes to disappointing; he will never disappoint.

It starts off with some nameless narrator voicing off about some shit that we don't care about. Mostly excuses explaining away his continued in ring failures on his newfound womanhood.

Oh yeah, Micheal's a woman. If you're wondering what the fuck is going on, don't worry. This promo does little to explain any of this.

Anyway, once nameless McDickCheese is done spitting excuses, this promo opens to Barney Green and Darren Dangerous wandering down a dark alley. No really, wondering almost aimlessly as they half heartedly search their surroundings.

Oh, I guess they are looking for Micheal Graves. Apparently he's been missing ever since Bad Medicine when all of his bad juju came together to pile on a little more. I guess Micheal expected a different result and has been having trouble coping ever since.

Worry not though, with The Dangerous Daddies on the case I'm sure we'll learn the whereabouts of ole Gravy in no time!

Well, I guess looking under random rubbish in the streets wasn't getting them anywhere, and we're now on what looks to be the sandy beaches of, I don't know.... Oh look, there's Gilligan and Skipper. It's an island for sure.

The odder thing here is that Gilligan is standing over an open fire roasting The Skipper. The oddest thing is that they are both fictional characters from a decades old television show, but this is a Gravy promo, so never apply logic!

Anyway, The Dangerous Daddies get the low down on why Gilligan is roasting the Skipper. Apparently ole Gilligan had grown tired of The Skipper always judging and critiquing him. Gilligan explains how Skipper recently pushed him into doing something that he didn't think that he was ready for, and it ended up hurting him.

Gilligan continues that The Skipper will never put him in dangerous situations again, and smothers him in BBQ sauce.

They all share some BBQ Skipper as Barney explains his and Darren's quest to find Gravy. They ask Gilligan if he has seen anyone matching Gravy's description, but he hasn't seen anyone, except for Skipper and Mary Ann. Darren asks about Ginger as he strokes his bloody boner.

"Deader than The Skip" replies Gilligan as Darren's boner intensifies.

It's here they split up, because splitting up when you're on an island with a murderous TV personality is always a great idea.

Barney and Gilligan head off to search for Mary Ann while Darren sets off on a quest to get his dick dusty.

Next, we get a series of clips that show Gilligan and Barney traversing the harsh island terrain. Mixed in are a few shots of Darren being super horny and rubbing his pulsating bloody bone on every rock and tree that crosses his path.

Eventually Barney and Gilligan stop in a clearing to take a break. Barney is covered in enough sweat to flood the island and collapses on a fallen tree that subs as a bench.

Gilligan scolds Barney on his cardio before quizzing him on the person that they are searching for. Barney tells Gilligan how Gravy is the toughest S.O.B. he knows, and how he admires Gravy's willingness to charge headstrong into battle no matter the odds and his willingness to do and say whatever is on his mind without a care in the world for what the public or his peers might think of him. Barney says that the XWF sorely needs men like him active and on the roster, otherwise it isn't the XWF.

Gilligan asks Barney, what of he and Darren? Do they not carry the mantle of Xtreme?

"Of course!" Barney responds, but explains that he and Darren aren't strong enough to carry the banner on their own. Barney's bones are barely held together with bubble gum and and double sided tacky tape, and Darren's mind...

It's here that we shift to another part of the island where we a full screen of bare white man ass while we're subjected to the torture of watching Darren Dangerous fuck some small animal skull he found in the woods.

He keeps calling it Ginger and telling it to take all of his meat stick!

Thankfully, we cut back to Barney and Gilligan just in time for Gilligan to acknowledge that he sees Barn's point, but points out that there are guys like Mark Flynn in the XWF who carry the banner of Xtreme pretty fucking well and questions again what would make this Gravy so special?

Barney points out that while Mark Flynn may be crazy like Gravy, and he may be willing to take things to the Xtreme like Gravy, there is one thing that still separates Gravy from men like Flynn.

Pausing for dramatic effect sends Gilligan off the deep end and he screams at Barney to get to his point!

As off the rails as Flynn seems to be, he's driven by pride and ego.

"And what? This Gravy guy doesn't have any pride in himself?"

"No!" Barney corrects him. "His is just unearned." He says with a confident grin.

Gilligan's pretty confused by the concept that false bravado could somehow be a good thing and honestly, so am I, but Barney explains again in great detail how with Gravy already being thoroughly convinced that he's the greatest thing walking frees him of the shackles that normally offer some semblance of control for the more unruly members of the roster, and that freedom is what makes him so damned entertaining.

Okay, so basically what Barney is saying is that since Gravy already thinks he's great, he can't be controlled with title shots and stuff like most could. I'm not going to lie, I get what Barney is trying to say here, but I don't know if I'm really buying it.

Regardless, it seemed to spark something in Gilligan and he's now 100% motivated to help Barney find Gravy.

We catch back up to Darren who is laying in the grass next to his cum filled animal skull and smoking a cigarette.

Back to Barney (thank God!) as we see that him and Gilligan have come across some sort of camp, but something bad has happened here and blood is pretty much everywhere. Gilligan doesn't seem to really mind and walks right through the carnage towards cave on the other side. Barney stops dead in his tracks, however, and wonders aloud if it's safe for them to continue.

Gilligan looks at the bloody mess and dead bodies and explains that it's nothing to be concerned about, Mary Ann must have gotten hungry is all. Barney is confused and a little scared by this revelation, but Gilligan explains how Mary Ann is a vampire now, but not to worry because all of her scenes had been cut for run time.

Still concerned, Barney continues to question Gilligan. This infuriates him and he goes off on Barney. "I'm going to need you to stop being a bitch and be blissfully ignorant like me if you want to find your Gravy."

Okay, weird, but Barney seems sold, so our quest is back on!

They head into the cave as it grows darker and darker. Apparently neither of these imbeciles thought to bring a torch or a flashlight?

Whatever!

Eventually they go deeper into the cave where something is giving off a green glow.

Gilligan turns to Barney and cautions him to stay behind. He explains that the next part is dangerous, and it's best for him to do it alone.

Okaaay, I'm not really sure what's going on here, but Barney heeds the warning and stays behind as Gilligan slowly descends down into the cave and towards the source of the light.

Suddenly a piercing alarm cuts through the air.

Gravy awakens in a hotel bed, dozens of Estradiol pills lay spilled in the bed all around her.

"Ugh, first day of training for my big return." She says as she slides her feet out of bed. "I hate battle royals almost as much as I hate open invite matches."

Gravy stands up, her female dick at full attention behind her tented pink panties. Micheal stretches with a wakeful yank before scratching her hairy ass.

"But I do like shitting on people's good time, and ain't no day better to ruin that a birthday!"

Suddenly there is a knock at the door and Gravy answers it only to find Darren Dangerous with an arm full of baby animal skulls. He's begging Gravy to watch the kids so he can go get hammered and fuck an entire strip club, but Gravy declines, telling him he has a match to train for instead before slamming the door in Darren's face.

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