Adding more gold to the collection was an early Christmas present but will pale compared to stamping my ticket to Snow Job. Now, before I further educate you simps on why I am the best man for this task, I want to first talk about what will be our respective opponents. I had a chance to take a look at both the TV and Supercontinental Champion’s first promotional releases for what is supposed to be this groundbreaking unification battle of the Titans… yet not only do I feel dumber but that’s literally thirty minutes of my life I will never get back. How is it in the realm of possibility that either of these clowns is representing the XWF by carrying singles gold yet you guys allowed Lux to simply walk away? It’s an embarrassment to your own roster that these two jokes are paraded around like they mean something when the reality is they mean jack and shit to anything of merit. Can either of you two Muppets look me in the eye and tell me that either of you has carried that ball that you’ve been given to anything notable? When was the last time you heard anyone say… “Goddamn, that Ned Kaye tore the house down tonight.” or “Fuckin’ A, did you see what King did?”. Nah, ya don’t. As Champions it’s YOUR job to carry the brand or the division, it’s YOUR job to stand out and use your division as a stepping stone to the next level. When it comes to both of your runs as respective Championships can either of you say with a straight face that it will be remembered? I want you two boys to take center stage and MAKE me a believer, and with the spotlight firmly on you both to stand up and deliver, to show the world that YOU belong in the positions you’ve found yourselves in yet by the time I finished listening to both of you I can’t help but laugh at just how far the XWF has fallen. It’s a sad state of affairs with the drizzling shits you’ve delivered upon. No wonder the pencil pushers are craving someone, anyone to step up and take this division back to prominence. Who is better equipped to take nothing and turn it into something other than CCPE?

I’ll hopefully be seeing one of you in January but the more I see the more I think Rampage is going to be the way to go.

Sorry folks, I had to address the light work before pivoting into the further shredding of the hopes and dreams of at least two of my five opponents that gave a flying fuck about promoting this upcoming battle. Before we get going I wanted to take a moment to talk about myself for a moment. When you put the six of us involved side by side this is a no-brainer because I have more star power, more presence, a stacked resume that’s backable, and above all else where I stand taller than anyone else… I give a fuck. I can count on one hand how many times I have not shown up for an obligation, I can count on one hand how many times I’ve phoned in my performances, and there is NO DENYING that I’m a needle mover in our industry.

For fucks sake I’m a part of the Illuminati!

… If you believe what you hear.

I have fought and clawed for everything for the last thirty-plus years.

The downside is that all the success I’ve attained is just as equal to the enemies I’ve made as well; one of which is second in command right here in the Xtreme Wrestling Federation. Theo Pryce has made it his mission on more than one occasion to downplay me and what I did for HIS company. The fact is Mr. Pryce doesn’t want to see me succeed, again, here in the XWF waters which means I’m already walking back into the company fighting a losing battle. Do you see me letting that deter me from TRYING? It’s not complicated to put forth effort; maybe Vayden and LSM could learn something from watching me because this is exactly how you conduct business… YA SHOW UP. Why wouldn’t you put your faith in someone reliable, Theo? Show me you know what is best for business over your own personal ill will.

Calling LSM?

What happened to all the shit you were spitting on Twitter? This dumb cunt bragged about beating me when asked to produce proof the sound of crickets filled the air. Do you know why? Because it didn’t happen. Ask me if I am shocked that she has remained silent when it comes to putting her money where her mouth is. She had the opportunity to step up to the plate and back those bold words yet she would rather be a keyboard warrior than establish she is anything but the punchline. It’s ultimately my fault because you had me fooled into thinking that you MIGHT be worth my time, my bad for giving you too much credit. Lesson learned. I’ll give you the Matt Knox treatment by saying that regardless of how this shakes we are done. I’ll use my power from the seat at the table to see it be done.

Ya know… because I got that stroke.

You and Vayden are truly two peas in a pod.

I laughed my ass off because you both could have easily proven me wrong yet you managed to screw the pooch. Shocking.

___________________


Friday
12.23.22
Page Estate- Las Vegas, Nevada




The smell of some dank bud filled the kitchen and dining room of the Page Estate in Las Vegas, Nevada as the scene fades in to see Candice Wolf-Page with a blunt between her luscious lips as she walks across the tiled floor to the sliding glass door leading out to the pool deck. It’s there that she comes across Chris who is kicked back in the hot tub as the sun starts setting off in the distance giving us that perfect cast of the mountain ranges in the distance.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Christmas Eve is tomorrow night!

The excitement in her voice is that of a child eager for Santa to make an appearance while stepping down into the warm water of the hot tub as she takes a pull from the blunt. Chris reaches out taking her by the free hand and assisting her down into the sheer gloriousness.

CHRIS PAGE: Are we going down this rabbit hole again?

Chris winks at Candice. She passes him the blunt and exhales her smoke.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: I see what you did there.

Chris takes the blunt from Candice before she takes a seat in the hot tub. Chris takes a few tokes while inhaling.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: It’s our first Christmas as a married couple, aren’t you excited about it?

Chris blows out the smoke before carefully taking a seat next to his wife in the hot tub.

CHRIS PAGE: Every day is exciting, knowing that you’re my wife.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Classic evasion.

Chris simply shakes his head as he further explains.

CHRIS PAGE: Babe, Christmas isn’t a thing to me. It hasn’t been since I caught my Aunt laying out “Santa’s” presents when I was seven. The entire concept of the holiday is based on bullshit.

Chris takes a toke from the blunt and offers it back to Candice. She takes it from Chris while she states.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: But is it really though? Didn’t you just last week spot flying Reindeer at Santa’s Village and then again here in our backyard? How do you explain all the little miracles going on around you, I mean you did just win another title. That in itself is a miracle at your age, old man.

Chris responds with straight sarcasm exuding from his tone.

CHRIS PAGE: Bad drugs.

If anyone knows anything about me it’s how grounded I am when it comes to my own personal beliefs. For those that don’t know me that well perhaps now is the time to understand that I base my moves and actions on the real world and the burden of proof. I can give you plenty of reasons why this fat fuck who for all extensive purposes is a Pedo in training is fictitious yet can’t nobody give me any reasons or indications that jolly ole Saint Nick is real. It reminds me of the Elimination Chamber when you sit back and really look at the bigger picture. Everyone involved will plead their case as to why this is theirs to win, yet when you look deeper into the context of the narrative they are presenting you can poke just as many holes in it as you can with the million-dollar question of is Santa real or fake, well almost everyone.

I’m walking into the Chamber with a chip on my shoulder and vengeance to take.

CHRIS PAGE: Why are you so hard-pressed on this clearly undisputable fact that Santa is fake?

Candice takes another hit off the blunt as she looks across the hot tub at Chris, thinking to herself for a minute before exhaling the smoke.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Because Santa isn’t fake.

Chuckling under his break Chris responds.

CHRIS PAGE: If you want to die on that hill by all means go right ahead, or put your money where your mouth is and prove to me that Santa is real and I’ll shut the fuck up about it.

Candice moves around the hot tub and plants it next to Page. Candice hands Chris the now half-burned blunt and as he takes a pull from it she asks.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Are you suggesting a wager, of sorts?

Chris coughs out smoke at the notion of a legitimate wager on if Santa is real while looking into the eyes of his wife where he can see this is as serious as it gets.

CHRIS PAGE: Jesus Christ, babe, this would be a fool bet from your end of things.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: I want to prove you wrong.

CHRIS PAGE: Uh, but you won’t.

Chris takes another pull from the blunt.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: If you feel that strongly about it then make the wager with me.

Chris side-eye Candice as he responds.

CHRIS PAGE: If you are deadset on losing, sure. Name the stakes.

Candice then confirms.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Are you sure, I don’t want you to come crying when you lose and have to honor the bet.

The only people that will be crying come to the FINAL Warfare are the five simps that I am going to systematically dissect for the fucking world to see. I wish I could say this isn’t a two-horse race, but the writing is all over that wall. I’m the dude that just wiped that loss to Buster away by procuring straps elsewhere, I’m the guy that has the more goddamn motivation to crush all your nads, or in Vayden’s case, her cunt, and in LSM’s case I’m not so sure she’s not a drag queen. I mean, has anyone ever seen her actually go into the ladies' room? The point is I’m the man that can do what all of you have FAILED at.

Lead.

With only three big names on your roster; Vaughn, Flynn, and Kido, it’s not like the opportunity for all of you to raise your stocks hasn’t been in the equation for what, six months? And ya haven’t? Do you see the corner of complacency you’ve all just been painted into with just a few swipes of my brush? This is how easy you make it for me to open up your mouths and take a big ole steaming shit down your throats. You do it to yourselves. Sucks you aren’t trying to see it.

CHRIS PAGE: According to an LSM tweet that seems to be what I do, yet nobody can show me a public forum where I am doing any of that. It’s safe to say that I’m going to crush this bet like I’m going to crush those X-Dub minions. Name your terms.

Candice softly giggles under his breath.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Are you sure you want to do this?

Without hesitation Chris responds.

CHRIS PAGE: I won’t ask for the terms again.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Well okay then. If I can prove that Santa is real then you have to publicly admit that you are wrong about jolly ole Saint Nick.

CHRIS PAGE: That’s it?

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: You have to dress as Santa next year for the Christmas Tree lightings at all the Velvet Rabbit locations.

Chris rolls his eyes at his wife.

CHRIS PAGE: And WHEN I win you have to admit that Die Hard is a Christmas Movie.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: But it’s not.

CHRIS PAGE: Yeah, and Santa isn’t real.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: But you are wrong.

CHRIS PAGE: … so are you.

There is an awkward pause as the couple stands their respective ground.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: It’s a bet.

Candice stands up from the bench in the hot tub, the water runs down her body while she displays her two-piece bikini featuring Santa and Misses Claus. She reaches out to shake Chris’s hand causing Chris to stand up as they’re both waist-deep. Chris shakes Candice’s hand while he states.

CHRIS PAGE: It’s a bet.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: One you’re going to lose.

They release the handshake solidifying things.

CHRIS PAGE: I’ll take my chances.

Candice walks up the stairs of the hot tube to the pavers. She heads to a lounge chair nearby grabs one of two white towels, dries her face, and then wraps it around his upper body. She starts to head back inside whistling Jingle Bells as Chris shakes his head in disbelief before turning his back to his house where he peers out across the dark skies with the sun completely set. Off in the distance behind him, the light sound of bells jingling can be heard which causes Chris to turn back around to where he assumes Candice will be but there isn’t anyone there.

CHRIS PAGE: Candice??

Chris’s eyes quickly dart up above his house in the air like a flash of lightning darts the flying single reindeer!

CHRIS PAGE: The caribou!

The mother fucker is stalking me! DAMN YOU BUSTER!

___________________


I was expecting a raging hardon from Dick Powers yet he too came in soft as fuck which was once again, clearly predicted. Creatures of habit will be creatures of habit. You clearly didn’t give a fuck but at least you half-assed tried to be entertaining. I can’t seem to understand why you like LSM continue to be afforded opportunity after opportunity when you’ve established that your fucks given are at zero. You are just pubic hair better than the other two miserable excuses for professional wrestlers, at least Vinnie didn’t discover you at a donkey showdown in Tijuana. You sir, you have a long way to go in a short time to stamp that ticket to Snow Job, but what stands before you other than my fucks given on occupying that spot is the talent I carry with me and my ability to bring my best every night of the week regardless of the acronym is paying me for the night.

Eventually, you will enter that Chamber.

You will stand across the ring from me,

You are going to find out why I’ve conquered this federation before but more importantly EXACTLY why I am going to do it again. You rarely have someone gather multiple reigns on top in these waters. You should feel good about yourself for being one of the ones I’m going to step on to get there.

Is it me or is there an awful lot of deadweight trying to play with the big boys?

Let us talk about Mastermind.

Let’s talk about a guy that kicks his own ass over a loss on a program that nobody is going to remember in two months. Hey man, I thought you were a veteran of the game. Do you see me pissing and moaning about getting bested by Buster? You do understand that a loss to anyone doesn’t stop the world, right? Talk about it. Vent your frustrations. Move on. You allow this to creep in the back of your head causing seeds of doubt to be planted, and the last thing you want walking into a match of this magnitude is that doubt. The facts are when it comes to you is that you are the epitome of ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag compared to Finn let alone myself. You have constantly been overrated throughout your entire fucking career, and now you officially stand in my way. I will commend you for at least trying to elevate yourself to another level; you just failed with flying colors.

According to you since you’re in the 4th pod means you’re coming in last, and here I thought Elimination Chamber Matches had pods opening at random.

My bad, yet it is fitting that someone of your stature being a nobody in this or any federation would be graced with the ability to enter last. That position in the structure of this match is usually an advantage… if the person that holds it has fucking talent.

The cold hard truth when it comes to you is that you’re not even a “good hand”. You can only thrive on Thursday nights, which isn’t a bad thing, it’s just the same level LSM can manage to attain. You hope that this placement of yours is going to somehow lend you credibility to be a front runner to win, and in most cases that might be the case… but in most cases, a talented performer is walking in last while in this instance it’s just… you; the guy that is smart enough to point out the obvious that “Chronic” was billed on the marquee. Good job kiddo, here’s a cookie to reward you for the time and effort you spent pointing that out.

Jesus Christ, are we twelve?

Don’t answer that.

How dumb are you to think I hit a wall and walked away? Have you paid attention to ANYTHING that’s gone on outside of this bubble? Clearly not because the last thing I did was walk away. I left and conquered an industry, I created an Enterprise that represents some of the most elite talents in our business from your own Universal Champion with Championships from SIX organizations. Why the fuck am I having to explain this to you? To pretend to be a top guy you have to BE a top guy because this right here is amateur hour at best. You’re exposing your ignorance like so many others.

Hey guys…

Did you know I’m old?

Just making sure because for someone that CARES so much about his company he certainly doesn’t care enough to come up with anything clever or witty when it comes to dealing with yours truly. No wonder you’re such an easy punching bag that typically fails under brighter lights; need further proof? Tune in on Warfare and watch how he chokes on his fucking words when this washed-up relic puts his foot so far up Mastermind’s ass that he will be coughing my laces for a goddamn month.

If you couldn’t have fucked yourself when it comes to me, ya did.

Do you know how many people over the last two years have spat that same drivel about being on my last leg? Yet every major company has CALLED me to be on their biggest events in marquee spots INCLUDING the XWF shitshow that was War Games. So for a guy that is on his last leg, I also seem to be the guy they call upon because guys like you can’t carry my jock on your best day and my worse. I can’t help it that my name carries weight in our industry while most of the world has no idea who you are.

Fun Fact… if I’m old and run down then what are you? You’re three years behind me!

The answer to how dumb you are measuring right there at the Shortbus stop. Congratulations on being a fucking moron.


___________________

Saturday
December 24, 2023
Christmas Eve
Page-Wolf Estate, Las Vegas, Nevada
9:30PM


The scene fades in…









With the closing credits starting to play the lights come up inside the home theatre of American’s Couple where Chris and Candice are both rocking some PJ pants; naturally Candice’s featuring Kris Kringle and his bride while Chris is rocking red flannel bottoms with a matching top.

CHRIS PAGE: And that is exactly why you’re wrong. Die Hard is clearly a Christmas Movie.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Just because they’re playing Christmas music doesn’t make it a Christmas movie.

CHRIS PAGE: Wow. Just wow.

The two get out of their movie theatre-style chairs in the front of six rows. They exit their theatre which is on the first level of their estate and head down the main hall that empties into the kitchen

CHRIS PAGE: The fact that it takes place around Christmas, all the nuances and references to Christmas, an office Christmas Party, and the list goes on and on.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Doesn’t change it being an action flick.

Candice opens one of the upper cabinets pulling out a small white plate and setting it on the granite countertop.

CHRIS PAGE: I can’t help that you don’t want to see the obvious. I’m not going to blow sunshine up your ass, babe, but you’ve got about twenty-four or so hours to prove the notion of Santa Claus being real, or your stance on Die Hard changes forever.

She opens another cabinet taking out a small rocks-style glass.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Just keep telling yourself that, okay.

Candice opens the fridge pulls out some milk and sets it on the counter next to the glass.

CHRIS PAGE: And you keep telling yourself Santa is real.

She pours a glass of milk and puts the jug back in the fridge while making her way to a pantry. She opens the door grabbing a pack of chocolate chip cookies.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: He is.

CHRIS PAGE: Uh huh.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Just wait.

Chris watches Candice as she opens the cookies and puts some on the plate.

CHRIS PAGE: You can’t be serious.

Candice takes the plate and the glass of milk off the counter and puts them on the kitchen island’s bar top.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: What? Santa’s going to be hungry when he gets here.

CHRIS PAGE: Unbelievable.

The two drift off to sleep. Several hours pass before Chris is woken up by some mild commotion heard coming downstairs in the kitchen of the Page-Wolf estate. Chris looks over at the nightstand to a clock that gives the time 2:36 AM. Chris sits up in bed listening carefully when he hears some light noises.

CHRIS PAGE: Candice.

Chris whispers as he lightly nudges his wife.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Sleeping.

Some more minor noises are heard which causes him to get out of bed where he opens the drawer of the nightstand and retrieves a Glock. There is another, little louder noise heard coming from downstairs as we see Chris cock back the handle loading the chamber before getting out of bed. Chris carefully tiptoes around the foot of the bed while Candice turns over. Chris makes his way out into the hallway and starts to make his way down the spiral staircase to the first level of the estate. Heavy steps can be heard coming from the not too far distance. Chris slowly raises the Glock... but as he does this figure cuts around the corner walking into Page causing him to drop the weapon down to the tile floor.

The darkness hides the identity of the unknown figure but Page can spear him before rolling toward his firearm and snatching it, pointing it in the direction of a large shadow figure that is back up and coming toward Chris with something in his hand. Chris squeezes the trigger firing a shot into the kneecap of the intruder! We hear an older man’s voice scream out in pain as he hits the floor. The lights flip on from Candice who has on a robe.

She sees laying on the floor an older man with white hair in Santa’s suit and Chris seated with the Glock pointed at him on the floor.

CHRIS PAGE: Call the fucking cops!

Candice’s initial instinct is to try and help as Santa is bleeding all over the white tile floor while Chris is getting back up holding him at gunpoint.

CHRIS PAGE: Don’t fucking move.

... To be continued.




_________________




I’ve saved the second best, behind me of course, for last. Mr. Kuhn. It’s crystal clear to anyone paying attention that this Chamber starts and stops with us. Our passion, our desire, and our will to WANT to be the best already shine head and shoulders above the opposition. I’ve already stated how our road to victory in this battle is going to be the most tested. I do appreciate you bringing the WGWF into this, but let’s be fair I might be your boss but I don’t treat you like anything less but professional. You are a welcomed addition to the bigger picture that is in the process of being painted. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I am more interested in testing your skills for myself to see if the money is worth it. I can commend you for looking for a second chance, and you’re probably right when you say it’s been way too long since you’ve held onto some gold. This match WOULD be yours to win if you didn’t have to look across that ring and see me standing with open arms and bated breath to welcome you to try.

I want you to be at your best.

I want you to be primed and ready so that when I do defeat you to earn my slot at Snow Job I can say that I had the best version of Finn Kuhn but it just wasn’t quite good enough to best one of the greatest to lace a pair of boots. I do enjoy how you fed right into my narrative about NEEDING to win this. Much like the rest of the field, you do NEED this where as I WANT it. Is it going to kill my career if I come up short? Nope. Is it going to affect my bottom line? Nope. What about my legacy? Nah, we’re good there too… but can YOU say the same? I mean, it’s not every day the company finds itself in the state it’s in which might be why this is indeed a NOW or NEVER moment for you considering if you fail there might not be a next time for you depending on if the roster size spikes back up.

I’m not trying to throw shade more than speaking in facts.

If you think that defeating me somehow validates you to being a future Universal Champion then it begs to question just what the hell are you smoking?

You don’t need validation from anyone.

You just have to go out and do it by any means necessary.

Are you that kind of guy?

Because if you were you wouldn’t be seeking validation to that on my name. What I will say is that to a degree you and Mastermind have hit the nail on the head by determining that I am the true threat to either of your success when we are all locked inside that Chamber with nothing but space and opportunity separating us but unlike Mastermind, you didn’t make an off-handed compliment up front only to bury yourself under your own words… yet.

I hope, at least for your sake you don’t.

Stepping inside this Chamber isn’t about respecting each other's abilities or what we bring to the table, oh no. This is going to be an all-out bloodbath that I’m bringing my own loofa and shower shoes because I am prepared to pay the price for what it means to be the man that steps forward with either Rampage, the Queen, or a nerd that’s biggest claims to fame involve making cheesy computer games that have the graphics of the ’80s, sound from the ’90s, and prove beyond any shadow of a doubt that gaming and professional wrestling aren’t in his wheelhouse. I am the guy that is coming into this with A LOT to prove coming off Savage. I can speak at length about what I’ve been doing, how I’ve taken a profession by storm, but the truth of the matter is I am coming into this Final Wednesday Night Warfare; a program that’s linage predates my 2019 return, the linage of the program itself has seen all the GREATS compete in the confines of the ropes.

I have elected to stay away from Single’s titles since losing that Universal Title.

I’ve turned down chance after chance after chance because after winning that Uni there isn’t a World Title that would mean as much as holding the Uni meant to me. I appreciate Finn pointing out how my reign was legitimate, even if it might have been tongue-in-cheek. I took that strap and I skull fucked every opponent I stood in the ring with from Robert Main, The Nickleman/Demos/Charlie Dimes; yeah, he brought all three faces of the Nickelman only to get smacked and sent to the corner, to even John Black, R.L. Edgar, and several others show, after show, after show, after show. Truth be told if Briefcases weren’t a thing in the XWF I’d STILL have that strap around my waist. Yet this company hasn’t ever wanted to see ME succeed. Unlike the rest of you, I have ties going back to 2008 with this organization, I’ve been through three owners, and many different General Managers to becoming a GM myself. I was always good enough to do the grunt work but they knew then much as they know now that I am more than capable of running my own product and putting most others to shame.

Finn, we both have different motivations for driving our cars.

You want validation of belonging in the Universal Title Scene, and clearly winning the Supercontinental Television Championship is indeed a stepping stone, or should be unless your name is Ned. My motivation is to snatch this strap as a fuck you to the two peeps sitting at the head of the XWF table because the LAST person they want there is Chris FUCKING Page! You look at yourself in the mirror and start questioning yourself now, question if you are prepared to take yourself to deeper, darker places that you didn’t know existed? I want you to take a good long look at my career but more importantly how calculating, how dastardly I am. You THINK you know me but the truth is you haven’t gotten the first fucking clue.

You take all that and then sprinkle on the loss on the final Savage to your boy Buster.

Who has more motivation for success in this equation?

Mr. Kuhn, I almost love the fact that this Chamber is starting off with the two of us… but I feel in love with the fact it will be ending with us. It’s safe to say our opponents aren’t really opponents versus the fillers they have shown themselves to be. So let’s all cut the shit and get real with what is going to unfold. The entire XWF locker room, crowd, but more importantly management is going to be firmly behind you taking this one home… I know it, you know it, they know it because if you do you can easily be controlled or manipulated while I’m the guy that’s told them all to fuck off once and don’t have a problem in doing it again.

Lady luck isn’t enough, Finn.

You are playing in my world now. Everyone else should get used to it because the days of downgrading my abilities have come to an end.

- HALL OF LEGENDS 2019
- 2019 Heel of the Year
- 2019 Locker Room Leader of the Year
- 2019 Feud of the Year w. Robert Main (you’re welcome)
- Former


With Robert "The Omega" Main

XWF World Heavyweight Champion