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Chris Page · (12-06-2022)

Well if this just isn’t a kick in the pants nothing is. Hello XWF, did you miss me? I’m sure there are those happy while there are also those that are salty because now the level of competition has officially increased versus decreasing. Alas, I am here now, and we can begin rebuilding this federation that has fallen so hard from grace. Bad Medicine was just the start of what will be a very long and painful road this federation will go through while I’m on my way back to the top while lowering my standards and practices to get it all done. At Bad Medicine, the Trilogy was taken out to pasture and put to death because it’s not like Kiddo, Cashe, or Kaye have remotely made the faction mean anything in a landscape that would have been very easy to make yourselves mean the World. It’s not my fault that these kids are playing grown-up games without having a clue they’re outmatched and outgunned. One day they’ll figure it out.

So why am I here?

I’ve made no qualms when my intentions are relatively simple; the XWF Universal Championship. I could easily step out into the forefront and call out Mark Flynn, but I’m not a greedy man. He holds the gold under a CCPE contract, so what sense would that make? The simple answer is none, which is why I’ll use this time while Mark is steering the ship to leverage myself positioning for the moment the unthinkable happens and someone lifts that strap I’ll be right there to slap you back into reality while taking the top prize in the process. The first step in that direction comes to us in the form of Buster Gloves.

Howdy Buster, are you ready to play with livestock? Wait, this isn't Kentucky.

Because here we are; two marquee professional wrestlers that could put on a fucking classic in-ring war that is reduced to stupid gimmicks revolving around a fake holiday that is built on a foundation of lies and fairytales. It’s crazy to think we raise our children not to lie, and yet we lie to them by selling the notion a jolly fat man rides around on a sleigh with flying reindeer. Hypocrisy at its finest, right? I’m not going to pretend that you are a scrub because I’ve seen what you can do while under a WGWF contract.

… but what I will ask you is this.

Am I on your list?

_________________

Saturday

12/3/22

Santa’s Village

Ft: Candice Wolf-Page

Fading in through the eyes of binoculars we many of the sites and attractions as the lens pan from left to right before locking in on a stable of sorts as we hear the voice of Chris Page as he states.

CHRIS PAGE: Found it!

The binoculars lower as we Chris with his hair pulled back into a ponytail while Christmas Music plays in the background.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: You still haven’t told me why we are here? I thought you hated Christmas.

She happens to be right. There isn’t anything worse than a holiday placated on a throne of lies surrounding a fictitious little prick that flies around the world in one night, luring children in with this false sense of security. Hell, if the fucker rode around in a van he’d be a pedophile at best BUT because we’re conditioned to bring our children up in these lies it’s all okay. Kinda reminds me of the wrestling business to a degree when people get up in arms over the placement of words. Christmas is the epitome of a corporate holiday, and this park is proof positive of that fact, and taking into consideration that the XWF willingly booked a program here speaks volumes on the powers that be than it does anything else.

CHRIS PAGE: Reconnaissance.

Chris responds as he gets up off a wooden bench. Candice, confused by Chris’s response then asks.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: I am so confused by all of this.

CHRIS PAGE: You won’t be in a few minutes, I assure you. Follow me.

Chris and Candice make their way through a slew of families with kids that run from attraction to attraction with no care in the world… until Chris intentionally cags one of the snot-nosed kids on the sly sending him toppling head over foot while garnering a chuckle in the process while Candice rolls her eyes with the shenanigans of it all.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Well, that wasn’t nice.

Chris pivots his attention toward Candice as he responds.

CHRIS PAGE: I was never on the nice list.

The two approaches a stable with a display name that reads “Reindeer Petting Zoo”. The attraction is filled with little shits and their parents. The screaming, the excitement in the air yet Chris merely shakes his head.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: What now?!

Chris points at the signage.

CHRIS PAGE: The lies continue amongst this fictitious holiday as we are calling Caribou as Reindeer, pfft. When is the last time you EVER saw a Caribou fly?

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Ummm never.

CHRIS PAGE: Exactly my point! I’ll have you know that on Saturday Night I have to compete in this stable with these godforsaken Caribou against a dude that I have zero issues with.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Wait what?

CHRIS PAGE: Yeah, talk about drawing some ratings.

Without hesitation Candice then states.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: This has to be an XWF program.

Chris laughs slightly under his breath while nodding his head in approval.

CHRIS PAGE: Forrest Gump said it best… Stupid is as stupid does, and this is bordering on being remedial at best.

I wonder how Buster feels being thrown into a stable of Caribou while having to contest ourselves in an “instant classic” instead of catering to the false gimmicks of a fake holiday? With SO MANY options THIS is the best the higher-ups could muster up. That well of creativity is running a little thin, huh? Nonetheless, the object is simple for us, win.

CHRIS PAGE: How hard would it be to have them close this down and get the little monsters out of here for five or ten minutes?

Chris asks as he walks up to the opening.

[Image: e21704f65f710f7fb32a56f749ae97a5.jpg]

An employee is there to greet him only he gets the left palm of Chris's hand thrown up before Chris asks.

CHRIS PAGE: Do you want to make a grand?

The man nods as Chris lowers his hand revealing a younger face of “Joe” per the nametag.

CHRIS PAGE: All you have to do is get everyone out so that my lovely wife and I can have a private experience with these Caribou.

JOE: These are reinde…

Chris cuts him off.

CHRIS PAGE: Does it look like I give a flying fuck what you want to call them? Do you want to make this easy money or not? It’s pretty simple.

Buster likes to refer to CCPE as a den of snakes, and while I have no real issues with Mr. Gloves; to be frank, I enjoy the dedication he has to the craft… but it was destined for our paths to eventually cross just like Jason Cashe will soon find himself on the backside of another “L” by my hands. What makes us snakes, Buster? Is it the fact that CCPE can do anywhere and lay a body count like no one else? Are we snakes because we did not only tell you how good we are but we back it up? Regardless of your rhythm of reason CCPE stands atop the wrestling industry and has for over a year.

Jealousy is an ugly look on anyone.

It’s not our fault that YOU don’t have the goods to exceed past that midcard level while most of us pass that by in year one of taking up this profession.

CHRIS PAGE: If you have to think that hard about it don’t worry about it, I’m sure your counterpart at the other entrance will take less.

Chris turns to walk back over to Candice who stands with her arms crossed wondering what the fuck is even going on.

JOE: Wait!

An evil smirk graces the face of Chris as he slowly turns around with the smirk disappearing from his face as he faces Joe. Joe turns and enters the building. Several seconds pass before we start to see patrons of Santa’s Village start filing out from the stable. Chris pivots around to Candice who is several feet away as he reaches out with his right hand.

CHRIS PAGE: How about a more intimate setting?

She simply shakes her head as she reaches out taking the hand of Chris. They begin to walk toward the entrance of the stable where Joe now stands guard.

JOE: It’s all yours.

Chris and Candice enter the stable where on the right and left sides we see nine Caribou all with their names above each stall. Dancer, Blitzen, Dancer, etcetera. The stench of livestock invades your nostrils mixed with the hay underneath your feet.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: You have to wrestle here?

CHRIS PAGE: Sadly, yes. All the more reason to try and get a lay of the land.

Even if it’s ridiculous I won’t be walking into this blind. If these Caribou are going to be roaming the stable while we are doing battle; not only will they be out and about but if we can somehow garner superhuman strength we can use them as weapons! I often wonder if you could weaponize Caribou.

CHRIS PAGE: Not only get the lay of the land but maybe make a few friends in the process.

Chris walks up to the stall marked RUDOLPH, only the Caribou doesn’t have a red nose.

CHRIS PAGE: What a joke.

Chris mutters under his breath as he reaches into his pocket procuring a clear sandwich bag which takes Candice’s attention.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: What’s that?

CHRIS PAGE: Sugar cubes. I figure if I’m going to be surrounded by these posers the least I can do is try to make friends with them now.

Chris reaches into the bag taking out a sugar cube. He holds it in the palm of his right hand allowing Rudolph to lick it out of his hand. Candice walks up and Chris offers to let her take a couple. She reaches in and does just that before walking to the next stable.

CHRIS PAGE: That’s right fella, eat it up.

Chris and Candice feed all the Caribou several sugar cubes before Page drops the empty bag on the floor of the stable.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: That wasn’t just sugar cubes, was it?

Chris giggles under his breath before answering.

CHRIS PAGE: Okay so I might have added some THC to it. I mean if they’re going to pimp out the Caribou they might as well get a good buzz, right?

Candice and Chris walk back out of the stable where Page reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out a white envelope and presses it against Joe’s chest.

CHRIS PAGE: Don’t spend it all in one place.

Joe opens the envelope before hollering back out at Chris.

JOE: THIS IS JUST A DOLLAR?!?!?

Chris turns around and yells back.

CHRIS PAGE: SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN NAUGHTY! YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID NO! SANTA’S VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!

Chris flips Joe the middle finger before turning around and wrapping his arm around the waist of his lovely bride.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: You are such a prick.

With sheer sarcasm, Chris responds.

CHRIS PAGE: One of the many reasons why you love me.

I’m not going to allow shitty booking to stand in the way of my in-ring return in singles action. Instead, I’m going to utilize my surroundings and make Buster my bitch. When you talk about the upper echelon of CCPE it’s pretty safe to say that the buck stops with me, and while this isn’t a personal affair, while the entire concept of this battle sucks a Caribou dick it won’t stop me from making friends with them so that when we step into this stable on Saturday Night only one of us is going to be unfamiliar. Animals can be a very dangerous thing, but I’m an apex predator that has a taste for blood.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: Hey!

Candice yanks on Chris’s arm stopping him in midstep while yanking him back.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: We have to go inside.

The two look at a storefront window in Santa’s Village. The camera pans back to reveal…

The smell of freshly baked Christmas treats fills the air as it draws Candice and Chris toward the front doors. Chris opens the door for Candice who enters followed by Page.

CHRIS PAGE: Talk about missing the boat with this booking decision. Could you imagine how much fun I could have had to add THC to the ingredients here!?!? We could have gotten the entire park high as fuck to the degree that perhaps Christmas was truly real.

Instead we’re going to play the hand we’re dealt. The XWF has done nothing but takes a nose dive in the year that I’ve been gone. Just a handful of REAL stars orbit this solar system while the rest of you have better odds at hitting the lottery than you do at being marquee players in our industry. It’s a sad state of affairs anytime Ned Kaye holds a strap and a sadder day when Gravy is a headlining attraction on a major Pay-Per-View. My road back to the Universal Title starts here, at Santa’s Village, and against you… Buster. You’ve made some waves over the last year or so but those waves are going to crash down upon you in the form of Chris Page. You’re about to find out why I am one of the premiere talents in our industry, you’re about to find out why I’ve toured every prominent organization while leaving a trail of broken egos in my wake, and now you’re about to truly find out that the last thing I am is a nice guy… especially around this time of the year. Your crusade, while cute and all isn’t going to land you anywhere but picking up the pieces of your broken dreams. There is another crew running around here that thought they would beat us, and we all saw how miserable the Trilogy has failed. You can talk about what you want to do until your heart is content… but then the bell rings, and it’s just you versus me. How the fuck do you think that’s going to pan out when I eat guys like you for a goddamn snack because you aren’t worth the entire meal.[/i]

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: I guess there is always next year?

Candice states while looking over the various types of fudge.

CHRIS PAGE: Highly unlikely.

Chris turns and leaves Candice to get some candy. He walks back out the front doors of the Candy Shoppe before cutting his attention back over to the stable. It’s there out of the corner of his eye he sees the impossible.

[Image: tumblr_nh6x01WvuI1ta4f2po1_r2_500.gifv]

Candice emerges from the Shoppe empty-handed when she happens upon Chris who is white as a ghost.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: I changed my mind… hey, what’s the matter?

CHRIS PAGE: The Caribou flew…

His eyes are intently on the sky where they have now disappeared into the distance.

CANDICE WOLF-PAGE: How high are you?

CHRIS PAGE: Good question.

_________________

[i]Mr. Gloves, this is where you and I part ways my dear lad. This is your one shot at stepping to the plate against one of the best of the best. I don’t have to run around and tout my accomplishments, I’m a battle-tested badass that is looking at you to make my next example out of. I can care less about the stupid stipulation, I can give two sideways fucks about anything revolving around this other than your impending demise. You’ve got a hard-on for CCPE, I havethe blue chew to cram down your throat to keep it there. The ball is now in your court. You can use that list provided by James Raven for toilet paper because you’re going to be running to the closest unemployment line the moment I’m done exposing you for the second-rate hack you’ve shown yourself to be.[/i]

[i]Don’t worry though, don’t you fret.[/i]

[i]I’m sure in someone’s eyes you’re doing the Lord’s work.[/i]

[i]… but even God Almighty takes a back seat to Chris Page.[/i]

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