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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » Pay Per View Boards » Bad Medicine RP Boards 2022
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(Gravy_Xtreme_5000) Offline
Rude Dude With Attitude!

XWF FanBase:
Hardcore, psycho fans

(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)

11-19-2022, 07:08 PM

[Image: Gravyis-Slime.png]

"What in the Hell are you doing dressed like THAT!?"

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"Shut up!" Gravy says as he blast past himself. "I ain't got time for your shit today! I'm about to re-submit my LFL application!"

Sure enough, there is a confused photographer on hand and ready to snap some glamourous shots of our hero!

"Uh... Are you talking to me?"

Gravy cut a fierce glare in his direction.


Young Gravy approached his much realer and much much older counterpart.

"Why in the fuck are you trying to join the LFL!? YOU HAVE A SHOT AT THE UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!"

Gravy calmly picked up the small nerf football that would serve as a prop in his publicity shots and struck a pose as the photographer snapped away.

"Because, only a fucking dummy would put all of his eggs in one basket. I kill Mark Flynn, he's done! A Nothing! If I lose, I'm still a football superstar! Besides, I think I'd make a hell of a tackle in the LFL, look how big we are!"

"That's stupid! It's a fucking women's league!"

"Yeah, and when these pictures get out to the public and national media gets ahold of the story, imagine all of the adversity I'll face from dudes calling me shit like and !"

The photographer ignored Gravy and continued to snap away. Young Gravy on the other hand became overcome with excitement!

"Oh, fuck! You're still playing your angle!"

"Damn right! I've already got such a fucking head start on Flynn that it ain't even funny! He's got the belt and he's been killing it, and all of the jobbers for months! He has to have used up pretty much all of that decade of adversity he's been optimally riding, but me? I've been stockpiling that shit so I can flip every bit of of it right back into Mark Flynn's stupid fucking face! I lost to Finn Kuhn for Christ's sake, AND on the last damned Savage heading into Bad Medicine! You don't get much shittier than that, and trust me, me; I've heard about it all week! You should check our DM's! It's fine though! Let him think us weak, foolish, and meager! It's all part of MY optimal path! Did you see fuck head's face at Savage!? Even with that "L" on the books, dude was straight tripping at the power coursing through us as we fell on our bum and drew embarrassing and adverse laughter from the crowd! I'm a fucking clown, right? Some people find clowns funny. Others know better and fear them. Flynn thinks he knows me, but he just borrowed my body! Dude couldn't last a day in my mind, or my life!"

"Our mind!" Young Gravy corrects!

"Shut up, dummy! You're just a figment of my imagination! Every move we make comes from me, not you!"

"Okay Mr. Graves" Said the shaky photographer who seemed very unsettled by this dude arguing with himself. "I think that I have everything I need."

"Okay, first of all! It's Miss, or better yet, Lady!" Gravy fired back, but the photographer ignored him as he hurriedly packed his things. Gravy turned his attention back to Young Gravy, who was the only "living person" willing to carry on a conversation with him. 

"Alright, now that the sexy photos are in the bag, we just need some more of that ADVERSITY to push us into the next phase of my plan!"

Young Gravy cocked that eyebrow so hard.

"Um, what are you planning?"

"We share a brain, yeah!? What's the matter? Realizing you ain't knowing nothing I ain't letting ya know? Don't fret baby me, I'm just looking for a simple night out on the town..."

Later that night!

[Image: Bikerbar.jpg]

"Oh yeah, what now, Mark Flynn!? Gravy looking sexy in all the wrong places and you just gotta be staining your trainers seeing Gravy seeing Gravy looking like this in the company of people like that!"

Gravy thumbed toward the bar with a  cheesy grin. "We both know what happens when I walk into that bar! No way a bunch of redneck bikers going to be progressive enough to allow ole Gravy to have a good time, right? Probably some horror movies that follow this exact plot considering how absolute my fucking demise seems to be standing outside the place. Likely going to find me in a ditch somewhere come morning, but you know as well as I do that if this place serves home to an actual gang and not some weekend rider bullshit like what you probably partake in, then I'm about to get my ass beat right down The Optimal Path faster than you can shill a shoddy and unproven program!"

"But Gravy gonna peel back the fucking curtain, reveal the secrets, and modify this shit into a product that, unlike The Optimal Path, I would be confident in putting a guarantee on!"

Graves awkwardly speaks out of the side of his mouth in an effort to throw his voice. "Oh man, you just opened yourself up to the Tommy Boy defense!"

"Bullshit defense! The Guarantee Fairy isn't hopped up on glue, we are! Why you think we're crazy enough to pine after a biker beating in out quest to scat the Universe!?"

"Don't mention scat! That's begging for a GM to fuck you, bro!"

"SO!? What else is new!? Flynn talks about some conspiracy shit holding him down for a decade. Maybe he just was an unfocused bundle of fuck like us!? Maybe he found the right man at the right time with the right circumstances, and hey, what do ya know unexpected champion!"

"Whoa! Unexpected champion!? Are you insinuating that Mark Flynn... Sucks!?"

Gravy's eyes bulge out of the socket from the sheer shock at that accusation. 

"No-Fucking-Way! The guy has worked his ass off since returning. Racking up endless wins in both singles and tag action. I can't shit on that and call the guy a hack. I can argue that the tag division is easier than Anarchy; where you have like one legitimate challenger who's about to hold that shit for a 4th reign." Gravy deadpanned the camera before continuing. "You all know it's true! Just like you know that any credibility the tag division had was all but lost post Flynn and War Criminal, uh... dropping the belts. Yeah, we'll call it that instead of undeniably exposing just how pathetic that division was, is, and forever will be! You couldn't be beaten? Good job! Nobody since has been able to win! The Bastard's shit the bed. The Dolls shit the bed. I will not be surprised in the slightest with JMJ and Angel-baby Vaughn continue the tradition of ball dropping piss poor performances and a couple of Raven's fly away with those titles next!"

"So he does suck!?"

"I didn't say that! I just said he ain't really saying much when speaking on that Tag team bullshit, and even if he could, half of what got him there is laying face down in an unmarked grave for making his entire nation look like fucking dummies by trusting Flynn, who was literally twisting his fucking evil mustache before shocking the shit out of absolutely nobody except NK, of course!"

The bar fell silent and all eyes turned to Gravy. A huge biker stepped into Gravy's path, blocking his entry to the establishment.

"Didn't anybody tell you this is the private club of the Satan's Helpers?"

"Nobody hipped me to that, dude. No problem though, how do I sign up?"

The huge biker leans in extremely close to Gravy. "You don't memberships are closed!"

"Ah, well, that's a shame, because I ain't leaving till I become a Satan's Helper!"

A few more bikers stand up and join their huge friend in his efforts to remove Gravy from the premises. Gravy refused to go quietly however, and puffed his chest as he pressed back against the forceful ejection. Alas, it was to no avail and moments later Lady Gravy came flying through the front entrance where he crashed and burned onto the pavement outside!

"YOU FUCKING BIGOT ASSHOLES!" Gravy screamed as he scrambled back to his feet. "It takes some real big dick energy to manhandle a lady!"

The huge biker seemed annoyed by that and turned back to face Gravy. "Whatever the Hell you are, it sure ain't a lady!"

Gravy was instantly triggered, though initially that only showed via a nervous twitch in his eye and a pair of increasingly shaky hands. "How-" Gravy hauled off and kicked the bike closest to him! "-fucking-dare you!"

That bike crashed into the one next to it and so on and so forth until an entire row of ten or more bikes now laid on their sides. The bikers looked on in shock and horror at the wreckage as Gravy stood fearless in the face of adversity!

"Do something about it ya fucking pussies!"

There would be no big shoe dance to get Gravy out of this mess, and that was absolutely fine, because again, suffering adversity is key and if Gravy couldn't win the belt, he'd at least win the right to call Flynn on his optimal bullshit and maybe even open a class action lawsuit against his bullshitting ass.

But first!

[Image: hatecrime.jpg]

Approximately 24 hours worth of healing later and we find Gravy strolling out of a hospital looking nearly good as new.

That's when he caught the ad playing on a monitor in the waiting room to the ER.


vs -


Optimal Path Match for the XWF Universal Championship Match

Participants will need to ascend an Aggro-Crag like structure to reach the peak where the Universal Title rests.

"IT'S WORKING!!! All of this adversity that I'm shoveling down my throat is really paying off!"


"Of course, but not for you, for the peeps at home! See, this Optimal Path bullshit is pretty fucking complicated, and it's not like the guy selling the program is doing anything to help anyone understand just how this shit is supposed to work. All he keeps yammering about is how he took ten years of bullshit and turned it into a successful bid for the Universal Championship!"

"BUT HOW!?!"

"Never wanted to say, but I figured it out! It's all black magic, baby! You invite the bad shit to happen, then karma comes along to balance the books! Case in point, I eat shit everyday about being a, quote, shit wrestler! Mark Flynn has even gone into great detail over how my hands are not optimal for grappling and it shows every time I step into the ring! Can't wait for my brand evaluation to reaffirm my shittiness with that career lowlight loss to Finn Kuhn last Savage; something that I fully expect Flynn to lock onto with a deep dive of how little value Finn has in the XWF, as if we need reminding, and how I'm even lower that that on the totem pole of credible challengers for this belt. Never mind the fact that I nearly knocked off him and Kiddo in a matter of days. We need to gloss over that and just focus on the fact that I failed."

"Fine by me! Because now, thanks to adversity, I don't even need to be a good wrestler to win! Break Flynn's neck and outrun him on an obstacle course to become the next Uni champ? Seems a bit lame, but lame or not, it's hard to argue that it's easier to cripple a man and out run him than it is to pin or submit. Some fuckers have pride. Flynn has pride. I'll give him credit. He's too crazy to quit. Submission's aren't really my thing anyway, so obviously that wouldn't be the optimal path. Good thing it's stricken from the match! Pinfalls? Not impossible, but fuckers like to put up a fight till they just can't. It's work. Much more work than the super obtainable goal laid out before me today, and that spells bad news for the guy who's supposed to be the best wrestler in the world according to that championship that's on the line!"

"Don't tell Barney I said this, but holy shit is Adversity so much more effective at revitalizing a career than BarnCoin! Of course, Crypto IS dead now, so that's not really a surprise to anyone, is it?"

"Hey, there's that from last night!"

"No way! That freak was pulp!"

"Oh shit, speaking of adversity, here comes some more now!"

The two bikers began to stomp towards Gravy from across the street!

"Hey, I get this whole eating shit so karma carries us to victory angle, but do you really think another beating by them dirtbags is going to do anything to help us in the long run?"

As they continued towards Gravy, one biker produced a lead pipe, seemingly out of thin air. The other did the same with a five foot length of chain that he began to wrap around his fist and forearm.

"Well... No, not particularly, but what would you have me do? I can't kick their asses, that'll fuck my adversity play, and I can't run cause I ain't a bitch."

Young Gravy leans into Graves ear and whispers: "You think dressing like that causes adversity? What happens when fearless Micheal Graves turns tail and runs from a couple of fat fucks that smell like hotdog water and piss?"

The gears were turning inside of Gravy's noggin as evident by the audible creaking and whining coming from Gravy's ears. Hey, he doesn't use his head much. "Holy shit, you're right!"

The bikers weren't far off, their eyes locked with Gravy's. "AHHH! HELP! HELP! THESE MEN MEAN ME HARM! HELP! HELP!"

Gravy flailed his arms and screamed at the top of his lungs. The commotion drew tons of attention and proved enough to stall the bikers and allow Gravy the opportunity to slip away in the confusion. Further on down the road, Gravy threw out his thumb and caught the attention of a tractor-trailer. Gravy ran up to the passenger door and swung it open.

"Where ya headed?"

"This sassy gal has a date in Kansas City. Think you can help a girl out."

[Image: q97xlt4wmyy61.png]

"The name's Marge. Climb on in..."

Gravy does, and we fade into: To Be Continued! 

[Image: TXA.png]
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[-] The following 3 users Like (Gravy_Xtreme_5000)'s post:
Doctor Louis D'Ville (11-25-2022), Mark Flynn (11-19-2022), Theo Pryce (11-27-2022)

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