Crisis in the parking lot

I was devastated by my loss at Savage. I dropped down to my knees and cried to the heavens like a banshee. I had hoped that my debut would end with my arms raised, but instead my arms were pinned to the mat for the impending 3-count. The moment I woke up to hear Kido's music, I was P### OFF to see myself getting beaten by my own d### finisher over instant replay on god-#### f####  X-Tron. It was the ultimate form of humiliation. I didn't just disappoint my mentor in Calgary, I also disappointed my father and grandmother. Those thoughts about my father brought tears to my eyes as I ran away from the ring. I think a couple of the boys in the gorilla position tried to wish me well but I wasn't having any part of it.

"Good match, bro!"

M Jr.: "EAT MY ASS, A####LE!!" 

(Mentor from Calgary: You always have to give back to the lcoker room, you know...")

I cried out in agony as I ran away with my arms flapping in the wind. As I passed by all of my coworkers, I picked up the box of donuts that I brought in as a show of goodwill and threw it at one of the producers. My camera crew apologized and followed me as I stormed into the parking garage to throw my tantrum. I couldn't believe that I had embarrassed myself even further. I was going against every piece of advice that my mentor in Calgary taught me when it came to sportsmanship.

I ran to my car, but I was more devastated to discover that I lost the keys to the Mustang that my father gifted me for my 16th birthday. Another failure! I ran away, almost getting struck by another car in the process. The driver blasted their car horn, causing me to fall flat on my butt in embarrassment. I honest wished the driver had just run me over, until I saw the pale white foot in high heels step out of the car. I was awestruck by her beauty and power.


I didn't believe that such a beauty was authorized to be in the grubby wrestler parking area. I addressed her, choking up in the process.

M Jr.: "Ma'am, are you lost? The girlfriend parking is on the other side of the arena. I'm John Madison Jr. Please don't watch tonight's show. Are you doing anything this weekend? Never mind, I'm a dang loser. Why would you want to go out with a guy like me?"

I broke down in tears on the hood of this mysterious angel's car. If my father could see me right now, he would probably say something like, "GROW SOME BALLS AND F### THAT B###, YOU F#### PUSSY!" Even my mentor from the prestigious school in Calgary would probably stretch me in the middle of the parking lot if he saw the state I was in. I felt like a disappointment to everyone.

Then a felt a gentle hand touch my shoulder.

AV: "Look, I'll be your tag team partner on the next show if you get off my car and pull yourself together."

M Jr.: "You work here?"

AV: "Uh yeah, obvs, ."

M Jr.: "You want to be my partner? Like, platonic partners at first."

AV: "Yeah, I don't have any plans that day so why not? Just don't get any weird ideas or I'll overbake your buns. I mean it!"

M Jr.: "No, never. I'm a gentleman and our relationship can be platonic. I can be a sexy, platonic boyfriend who can throw a textbook Northern Light's Suplex. I will not think about sex or the texture of your skin, either."

AV: "Ew. John, stop. It's really weird when you say it like that."

M Jr.: "I'm sorry, let's start over. Angie, can you take me to a hotel? I'm locked out of my car."

AV: "I would, but I'm kind of afraid you'll be puking all over the seats of my Rivian."

M Jr.: "But I'm locked out of my car and it has all my things inside it!"

AV: "Ow em gee. That's not good, I'll admit. But not to worry, new friend! I've got an idea that is positively amazeballz!."

I watched in horror as the woman of my dreams swung her purse into the window of my car and then kicked me in my chest.

M Jr.: "You can't do that! S####- Excuse my language-"

AV: "I just did, Sweetiemadz! Sorry for the damages, but you hgave insurance right? If you don't, I highly recommend itr. In any casde, it beats sitting out here in the cold, or lying on the hoods of other people's cars, wouldn't you say?"

My jaw hit the ground as I watched her walk away. Did she just call me her sweetie? I hope that my camera team caught that. I was still pretty upset about the damage to my car, but it might be worth it if it meant the start of a beautiful relationship with me and Angie. "Angie" I wondered if I could call her that.

M Jr.: "Hey, so do you go by 'Angie'? Can I get your number?"

AV: "I'm on Twitter... @Angie_VaughnBMR. Follow me!"

http://twitter.com/Angie_VaughnBMR (please follow us)



Visiting Day

M Jr.: "Hey dad..."

M Sr.: "SON!"

M Jr.: "DAD!"

M Sr.: "SON!!!!"

M Jr.: "Well, I imagine that right now you aren't too happy with me. I FAILED!"

M Sr.: "You still haven't brough my d**** so no, I'm going to remain pissed until you deliver on your promise!"

M Jr.: "No! Dang it, dad. I'm talking about my match."

M Sr.: "Ohhh."

M Jr.: "Did you watch it?"

M Sr.: "You f### lost, didnt you son?"

M Jr.: "Dad, I lost."

M Sr.: "You worthless t### Son, didn't you graduate from that prestigious school in Calgary? How the f### did you just lose? How much money did I pay into that f### program?!"

M Jr.: "Well, this guy name Kido kind of hit me with my own finisher."

M Sr.: "ARE YOU SHITTING ME? What's your finisher again? I'm about to get a refund from your so calld 'prestigious' wrestling school in 'Canada' "

M Jr.: "He beat me with a figure four leg lock...."

M Sr.: "YOU TAPPED OUT OF YOUR OWN FINISH ON YOUR DEBUT?! YOU PIECE OF S###!"

M Jr.: "No... I got pinned."

M Sr.: "Wait a minute, you got pinned by your own SUBMISSION hold which is a figure four leglock?"

M Jr.: "Look, it was very painful. Kido had that sucker locked in tight. My mentor from the prestigious wrestling school in Calgary didn't prepare me for this."

M Sr.: "Son, I don't think I've ever seen a man get pinned by the figure four leg lock before. Haha! That's a first!"

M Jr.: "What do you mean? I'm sure it's happened. It happened in my match... "

M Sr.: "AHAHAHAHA!"

M Jr.: "Why are you laughing, dad? I didn't come here to be mocked..."

My father began telling his prison buddies about the result of my match.

M Sr.: "This m***** got pinned by his own finishing SUBMISSION!"

My face turned red as my father made a mockery of my failure in the ring. I thought he would be more supportive of my efforts.

M Jr.: "Look, I tried my best, dad. You can't fault me for that!"

M Sr.: "Ok, ok, but son, you have to retire that move now."

M Jr.: "Retire it? What do you mean? It's my finishing move that my mentor from the prestigious school in Calgary passed down to me!"

M Sr.: "Not going to lie to ya, son. Your mentor in Calgary is probably pissing all over his waffles in disgust right now."

M Jr.: "GODDAMN IT! He's not!"

I cup both hands over my mouth and apologize to my camera crew.

M Jr.: "Ok, let's drop the subject of me losing to my own finishing hold by pinfall. Onto better things. This week I have a tag team match with Angelica Vaugn against Vita Valenteen and Dolly Waters."

M Sr.: "I mean, it makes sense to put you in the women's division seeing as how you fight like a b####! HAHA!"

M Jr.: "DAD! It's not a women's division!"

M Sr.: "You're right. It's that jobber Dolly Waters, who I am familiar with, which makes it a LITTLE GIRL'S DIVISION! Ahhhhahaha!"

M Jr.: "She's not a jobber dad! She beat Bobby Bourbon and Thunder Knuckles! Two very big men! What do you have to say about that?"

M Sr.: "Hah, 'men' huh? Is that what they are? More like two very big jobbers. Good lord, what the f### happened to that company? They can't find two grown a## men to beat up two little girls? I guess not since they're sending you in there with another little girl as your tag team partner."

The entire visitor center began to laugh at me and my father's insult to my manhood.

M Jr.: "Dad, I came here to get your advice..."

M Sr.: "You chicks should go get your f### toenails painted before the match. Go purse shopping together. How's that for a strategy?"

M Jr.: "I will not! Well, I'll take Angie if she wants to because I support my teammate and I think she's a wonderful lady."

M Sr.: "Wait, are you two going out?"

M Jr.: "Well... No, we're just platonic friends at the moment but she sees potential in me."

M Sr.: "Son, I can't believe you're going to let that piece of a## just slip by you. What does she look like?"

M Jr.: "Piece of what? Look, dad. You can sit here and talk trash to me all you want, but please leave my teammate out of it. A) She's not a piece of meat. B) She isn't here to defend herself, and quite frankly, I find it rude that you suggest such a thing when Angie has been a supportive partner to me. She consoled me when I was in need and helped me break into my car."

M Sr.: "WHAT?! That b#### didn't! That car has been in my family for years! Son, you better get an estimate and make that c### pay!"

M Jr.: "You know what? I'm done here. You can't just talk about Angie like that!"

M Sr.: "LIKE HELL I WON'T! You can't just let that woman put her little cock snatchers on my precious Mustang! That car is more important than your life, damnit!

M J.: "Bye dad."



Sliding into the DM's

My tag team partner and love of my life, Angie Vaughn decided that the best way for us to stay in contact was over Twitter so I decided to send her a message. Quite frankly I was surprised to find out that she was still using Twitter since it meant giving money to Elon Musk who was opposed to censoring hate speech and treated his employees like cattle.

I made a Twitter account strictly for communicating with Angie and began to write her.

Dear Angie:

It's John. We met in the parking lot where we agreed to be tag team partners and then you smashed my window with your purse. Speaking of the window, I have a repair bill that I'm happy to split with you. Any amount that you can help me out with would be great! If you can't then I understand but I hope that you'll at least apologize and maybe give me a kiss on the cheek.

Bahhh! So I deleted the last part about the kiss. I didn't want to give off any creepy vibes to my partner, and I made sure to tell my camera team to delete that part of the movie. I continued with my DM.

So, I thought we could start by sharing our interests. My interests include drawing (cartoon), playing with LEGO, and rock collecting. I have a father who's currently serving time for armed robbery of multiple Taco Bell locations, and I learned how to wrestle at the prestigious wrestling school in Calgary. I hope that I can learn more about you as we spend more time together. What do you like to do for fun?

I sent her my first DM and I eagerly waited for her reply. Two hours passed and it never came. I tried to go to sleep but I couldn't help wondering if I said the wrong thing. The next morning, I woke up and ran to my laptop, eager to read her reply, but she hadn't responded. I figured that I might as well send her another message, only this time I would address the direction of our relationship as a tag team couple. I began to write.

Dear Angie:

It's John again. I just wanted to give you some ideas for our tag team. If we're going to be a serious tag team, I think we need a team name. What do you think about these names?

Mad Baybay's
Team Angi-son

I'm not very good at this but maybe you have some ideas you would like to share?

Also, I was wondering if it would be possible for me to come out to the ring with you during your entrance. I saw a clip of your entrance and I have to say, it's one of the best. I can do some research on some sexy poses so that we look good together. We should probably have matching outfits as well. I'll get with the company seamstress and see what she can do.

I know this is getting lengthy, but I also thought I would bring up our opponents, Dolly Waters and Vita Valenteen.

Dolly Waters is a beautiful, young Kentucky girl who is easily overpowered by larger opponents, except for Robbie Bourbon and Thunder Knuckles. Her tag team partner is Vita Valenteen from who's from Canada (homeland of my mentor) and beautiful as well. They both seem to be standup competitors that fight with honor. I know that if I was 5'2" 120 lbs, I would be tempted to bite, claw, and rip off my 300-pound opponent's testicles, but instead they won with an uppercut and a German suplex. Are these even women? How is 5'2" 136-pound Vita Valenteen able to wrap her arms around the girth of a man the size of Bobby Bourbon? I find the whole situation to be bizarre. It's one thing for a small girl to deadlift a mountain of weight at the gym, it's another to throw a man across the ring like a sack of poo.

I'm not sure how we should approach this, Angelica. I know that you have a cape and that you showed heroism back in the parking garage, so I hope you can help me out with this one.