The episode of the Buster Gloves show is brought to you by Applebees. Eat Good in Your Neighborhood.

XWF Relentless

Announcer: Finn sits back on the Armbar and applies the pressure. But Buster Gloves is hanging onto the wrist, blocking the submission! Finn cranks on it, but Buster will not relent! Finn brings his foot across Buster’s face, but is it enough to break the grip? Will it work?

Voice: "I QUIT!! I QUIT!!"

Announcer: He’s done it! Finn Kuhn is your winner!

Announcer: Wait... that voice sounded different... was that actually Buster? I'm not sure. But what an absolute monster of an opening match we just saw here to kick off Relentless - neither man has absolutely anything to be ashamed about here, regardless of what the record books say.

~~~

Saturday Night Savage

Buster Gloves: “Our match ended earlier than it was supposed to. And nobody likes a premature finish. But when we were battling out there for this XWF crowd, neither of us quit. Somebody said, “I quit”, but it wasn’t me. And it wasn’t you either. I’ve seen the tapes. Everyone has. And we all want to know, ‘who said the words?’ This crowd deserves to know. Who did this, Finn?!”

“You’re gonna use all of your resources to find out who stole it from us. You better, Finn. Because you can do things, you have connections that I will never have, and these people... they all want you to make things right. Find out who’s pulling the strings. You find the puppet master, and the both of us can make THEM say… ANY damn thing we want.”

“Oh… one more thing. I took the liberties of setting up another match between us. October 30th, at the Tara Fenix Charity Event in Waikiki, Hawaii, it’s Finn Kühn vs. Buster Gloves… Part II. What do you say? You wanna run with the Bull one more time?”

~~~

PALLET TOWN

Narrator: Buster Gloves is a professional wrestler from Las Vegas. He hasn’t always lived in Las Vegas, in fact he kind of hates the town. But pro-wrestling lives and dies there, so when Buster’s Florida beach house was flooded by a tropical storm, he knew it was time for him to leave his humble little beach house, his mid-level wrestling federation, and move on up.

Narrator: New Las Vegas resident, Buster Gloves, stands at the window of his brand-new apartment inside the Velvet Rabbit hotel and casino. Naked down to his boxer briefs and inspired by the bright lights of the desert city. It’s late and unbeknownst to his very hot and very flexible girlfriend Emily, he’s snuck in a couple drinks before bed. Is Buster a recovering alcoholic? No. Recovery is for the weak. He’s a fighting alcoholic who’s allowed to have a couple drinks every now and then, just as long as his girlfriend doesn’t hear about it. DON’T TELL HER! What she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her. The liquid courage fuels him like spinach to roided-out sailor man.

Buster: Now that I’ve broken the chains of Level Up Wrestling, I can finally become a world-famous pro-wrestler! They’ve been holding me back for so long. Never again.

Still in his underwear, Buster closes his eyes, spreads his arms, and visualizes the teeming masses of wrestling fans around the world, filling the streets of the City of Neon Lights.

Buster: I hereby declare to the wrestling gods, that I, Buster Gloves, The Bull of the North, The Bull God, will be a world champion. I will be THE NEW… XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!!! I….

Emily Simms: Buster! Who are you talking to?! Come to bed and warm up my feet! It's after midnight and you should be asleep by now.

But Buster couldn’t sleep. Ever since he signed a contract with his dream federation, the XWF, he’s had a hard time focusing on anything. He’s been neglecting his commitments to his kids, his girlfriend, and to his bookings. Hitting bottom a couple months ago forced his stable world of complacent mediocrity to be flipped upside down. In response, his approach to life has changed. It was either suicide or rebirth. He chose rebirth. So, when he hit bottom, he hit it hard and bounced high. His wrestling is no longer for the sake of other people. It’s for himself.

Buster: Sorry. I’m just worked up about my XWF match tomorrow -- I can't sleep.

Emily joins Buster in the living room of their modest apartment. She’s in a ripped Pepsi Blue crop top with the words “Bull Sh!t” written in white on it, glasses on her face, lacey white boy shorts on her bottom. Platinum blonde curls hang down her back as she puts a hand on his shoulder blade and leans her head onto him. Reflexively, he flinches and brings in his elbows, but lets her think it’s because he wants to wrap an arm around her.

Emily: I know the feeling. I was restless on the day I signed with Level Up too. I was tossing and turning. But I knew that if I didn't sleep, I wouldn't even have the strength and energy to BEGIN my journey.

Buster: You’re right. As usual. But I'm just too pumped up to sleep.

Emily: Well, if you can't sleep, let’s watch that welcome video they sent you again.

Emily picks up her oversized Pepsi Blue cell phone with a dangly kitten charm, clicks a couple buttons, turns it 90 degrees, and plays a generic video message sent to Buster from XWF General Manager, ‘Loverboy’ Vinnie Lane.

Vinnie Lane: Good evening XWFers. It’s our pleasure to welcome You, the newest class of athletes, to the XWF. Before you get started in the federation, you’re going to want to decide which division you’ll be working in. There are many to choose from, so choose wisely. Depending on your experience level, you may want to pursue the Anarchy, Television, Supercontinental, or X-treme divisions. Or if you’re one of our legendary athletes, maybe the big daddy of them all, the XWF Universal Championship, is the prize you’re looking for. The choice is yours. Which one shall you choose?

Emily lowers the phone and plants a kiss on his bowling-ball-shaped shoulder.

Emily: Let’s go to bed. I know just the thing that’ll help put you to sleep.

Buster: Alright, I'm coming. Just give me another couple minutes.

Emily: And brush your teeth. Promise?

Buster: Ok. I promise.

Later that night, Buster and Emily are fast asleep. The dreaming begins.

~~~

Buster finds himself in a heavenly trophy room filled with championship belts, rings, cups, medals, and other prizes. He’s lost. Overwhelmed by the choices. Afraid of making the wrong one. He runs his finger across a belt on a low shelf, easy to reach, and not quite as shiny as the others.

Buster: Chasing the TV Championship. That'd be really simple. It's perfect for beginners. I can see myself holding it. But is that one right for me? Should I choose you, TV Title Division? No. It’s a step down. Not that anything is beneath me at this point. A TV Title. A 24/7 championship. One half of a tag title. No, those are too cold for me.

Buster looks to the top shelf. A red and blue title with a gleaming face plate sits alone, like a shining beacon in a midnight storm.

Buster: How about a world title? The Universal Championship? Those in the know say that's the best way to go. They say it’s the top championship in all of wrestling. I could hold it one day. I could choose that division. No. It’s too soon. Too many legendary names in that division already. The world title is too hot for me.

Buster browses the many shelves for another title. A secondary titles? Sure, it used, but it’s functional. And very attainable.

Buster: I should be chasing a secondary championship. Sure, they are forgettable on your resume, but they are the most fulfilling championships you’ll ever hold. You get to be anything you want as a secondary champion. You control the destiny of that title. It’s an incredibly personal experience. One that the fans won’t remember, but the wrestler will. The Supercontinental Championship. The X-Treme Championship. I choose you! Choose it or lose it.

Emily: BUSTER! WAKE UP!

Buster: What?... Oh, no! What time is it?!

Buster looks at his phone. It’s past noon already.

Buster: Why didn’t you wake me up?!

Emily: I was asleep too! You kept me up late and you have these black-out curtains in here. Don’t blame this on me, it’s not MY fault!

Buster: I gotta go, like right now. I’m gonna miss my match if I’m not there in like an hour.

Emily: You still have plenty of time.

Buster: No, I don’t! I need to get cleared by medical. And I don’t have my ring gear. And I’m supposed to meet with Vinnie Lane before the show. I have a bunch of shit I need to do before doors open.

Emily: You’d better brush your teeth before you leave!

Buster: No time! Gotta run!

Buster runs out the door. Leaving his perfect girlfriend behind, in pursuit of his next big opportunity.

3 hours later…

A crowd has gathered inside the T-Mobile Arena for another episode of Saturday Night Savage. Wrestlers are greeting fans in the concourse of the arena, signing autographs and selling merch. A queue of Finn Kuhn fans blocks Buster’s way as he tries to make his way to his merch table where he was supposed to be over 45 minutes ago.

Finn Fans: Finn, Finn, he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can!

Buster wedges himself through the crowd, politely pushing them aside.

Buster: Oh, apologies!

Finn Fans: Hey!

Buster breaks through the crowd to bump into a table with Finn Kuhn sitting behind it. T-shirts and glossy photos stacked in front. It’s not the table he was looking for.

Finn: Hey, watch where you're going, Pal! Well, well, well. Buster Gloves. Better late than never, I guess. At least you get the chance to see my handsome face again.

Buster: Oh. Hello, Finneas.

Finn: That’s Mister Kuhn to you, Bub! Show some respect!

Buster: You... You’ve done this a bunch of times. Have you seen where my table is? I’m still figuring this out.

Finn: That's right. I’m the star here. Ain’t I folks?!

The Finn Fans cheer.

Finn Fanns:  Let's go, Finn! Let's go, Finn. Let’s go , Finn!

Finn: Thank you. Thank you. Who’s the next XWF Universal Champion folks? Is it Buster Gloves?

Finn Fans: Boo!!!

Finn: Is it, the Kaiser, Finn Kuhn?

Finn Fans: Yay!!!

Buster: I was just hoping you could give me some guidance Finn. We don’t have to be enemies.

Finn: Well, I hate to be THAT guy, but if you showed up on time, you would've already figured out that you’re in way over your head. Now, if you don’t mind. I have some fans to attend to.

Buster: Ugh, I'll show you Finn! Your day is coming.

~~~

Waiting at Buster’s merch table is his boss. A Mr. Loverboy Vincent Lane.

Vinnie Lane: So, you finally decided to show up after all?

Buster: Oh, Mr. Loverboy. Mr. Lane. I’m sorry. It’s been a… complicated day. I was wondering, what division am I wrestling in?

Vinnie Lane: Division?

Buster: Yes, I'm ready to make an impact.

Vinnie Lane: You look like you're ready for bed, not for wrestling.

Buster: Oh no, it’s my ring gear. It’s undergoing some last-minute alterations and I didn’t have a lot of time to put together another outfit this morning.

Vinnie tightens his lips and just nods like he’s heard this a hundred times before.

Buster: I thought about it a lot, but I finally decided to take a run at either the Supercontinental or X-treme Championships.

Vinnie Lane: That’s not how this works. You need to perform and prove that you deserve it more than the other wrestlers… who are always on time.

Buster: I know. I’m sorry. I’ll be honest with you. I DID oversleep. But I’m here now and I’m ready to go.

Vinnie Lane: Until you show me that you’re ready to act like a professional, I’m booking you in dog-shit curtain-jerker matches. Good like in your match tonight. Try to give the fans what they paid for. And thanks again for showing up. Get a couple wins and we can talk about the future.

Buster: Thank you, Mr. Lane. I promise. You won’t regret this.

Vinnie Lane: I’ll believe it when I see it.

~~~

Narrator: This is just the beginning of the amazing adventures of Buster and the XWF. Their journey is destined to be packed with non-stop action, laughs, tears, heart-pounding perils, and endless excitement. Together they'll encounter fantastic friends, evil enemies, and fight through match stipulations beyond your wildest imagination. And as his story unfolds, we'll unlock the magic and mystery of a most wondrous place: The incredible world of professional wrestling.

~~~

If you think you can jump right in the deep end of the pool and become the best swimmer, then you are in for a rude awakening. You need to get acclimated to the water. You need to test the depth of the waters. Do it wrong and you’ll break your neck.

Finn Kuhn is a great wrestler. He proved that at Back to Relentless. But I’m not in a class below him. We are equally matched, which is why we put on a wrestling display that stole the show. Don’t believe me? Look at the XWF Youtube Channel. The views for our match are higher than that of any of the others from that show.

Why is that? It’s because XWF fans are smarter than the average wrestling fan. They love performers. They appreciate art. They can recognize when two wrestlers are sincerely giving everything they have in a match. Which is why it was so difficult for our match to end the way it did. With a false, fake, and fraudulent voice quitting on my behalf. I can assure you that I did not tap out. I did not submit. It was not my voice on that tape. You can watch the match on Youtube yourself. And you can read the thousands of comments below that are on my side.

Vinnie Lane recognizes that I’m more than just a tourist. I want to be an XWF GUY. And that’s why he’s given me a chance to prove myself in an elimination match with some of the brightest names in the company. I mean come on, Raion-freaking-Kido. The guy is an absolute unit. And now I get a chance to mix it up with him.

You can look at it a couple different ways. It’s either an honor, to share the ring with one of the brightest stars in the business, OR… I’m a sacrificial lamb sent to get Raion back on the championship track. Vegas says that Raion wins. They say that I finish last. Maybe they’re right.

I know Raion’s work very well. How can you not? But I had to do some market research on the other two guys. No disrespect intended. I just don’t know them well. I’m kind of going through a ‘me’ phase right now where I watch more of my own game tape, than I’m concerned about others. I said I was going to start focusing on me, and that’s what I’m doing. I can only compare me to who I used to be. And the new me is harder than a cock in a hen house.

So, let’s see. Who else do we have here? The Celt and John Madison Jr. Where do I begin. Let’s start with The Celt. Is that a soft ‘C’ or a hard ‘C’. Or maybe it’s a ‘CH’ sound. My girlfriend tells me it’s a hard ‘C’. But Larry Bird tells me that it’s a soft ‘C’. Either way, the guy is a C-word. Take that for what it’s worth.

Today I learned that Celtic people are ALSO from Scotland. Huh. They aren’t just all leprechauns and potato eaters. Who knew? Anyway, this gigantic ginger bastard has all the size and talent in the world. He’s meaner than a barn cat and bigger than a grizzly bear. I think it’s probably best that I don’t piss him off too much before the match begins so let me just throw an offer out there to him. Mr. Celt with a rock hard ‘C’. Let’s be friends. I’ll help you. You help me. Nobody wants either one of us to win. So why not pool our resources. If we end up as the final 2 competitors, I’ll let you pin me clean. There’s no point in me getting wrestle-fucked to death by William Wallace and Grommit just to win some meaningless 4-way blood orgy. Raion Kido, for all the goodness and positivity he’s put into the cosmos, is the prize here. Let’s take his head and let the chips fall where they may. Deal?

So, what about Junior. I’m old enough to be that kid’s father. I have hairs on my ass older than him. Talented wrestler? Sure. Pretty face? Totally. But a guy that young, that raw, that unspoiled by the wrestling world and doesn’t stand a chance. I’m not even talking about myself here. There’s a very good chance I’m counting the lights and catching an early Uber home from the Arena, but I’d bet all my chips that Junior here ain’t gonna be the one raising his arm when the match is over.

The joy in wrestling, comes from the recognition of the crowd. That’s all I want. To be acknowledged. I want to be remembered by my battle buddies. My soldiers. My friends. I want the sacrifices in my life to mean something.

~~~