---

VEGAS!


Micheal was looking to make a bet and turn his 5k payoff for Relentless (criminally underpaid there, Lane!) into enough to move out of Hobotown for good! The only problem was, he needed more capital to cover a bet with the guy he found. Why didn't Gravy go find another guy? Because he's a little dumb and a lot stubborn! 


Besides, he's raising the capital by making a porno! 




Oh shit, is that the poster? No way! 


Does Gravy know he's about to FINALLY bone that little redneck cunt he's been chasing for the last five years?














"You really thought that I was going to make a film with a twisted, pedophile, piece of shit, like you!?" Sleazeball said as he walked around the bed. "You really are some kind of moron!"


"Yeah, and you're dickless for attacking me from behind!" 


Sleazeball and henchmen neither one expected Gravy to be so lively after such a hard hit to the skull, and failed to react in shock as Gravy stabbed sleazeball in the dick with a butterknife (and a lot of force)! "AND NOW THAT'S LITERAL, FOR ATTACKING ME FROM BEHIND!"


"AHHH FUCK!" Sleazeball said as he hobbled back crunched over. "GET HIM!"


Listen, Gravy is tough as nails, but half as sharp. He didn't take the bat wielding goon into consideration when he quickly devised his plan of instant karma, and because of that, he found himself playing the most unfun game of PVP whack-a-mole ever. Hit after hit! Bones breaking! Then healing? Cut's busting open, only to reseal moments after? 


"Boss, something ain't right with this guy!" The goon was shook and the momentary distraction of relaying back to the sleazeball was all Gravy needed to mount an offence. He caught the bat in his palm and pushed up to his knee. "My turn!" The overwieght lacky looked as though he was seconds away from soiling himself!


(BANG!)


The gunshot echoed through the studio as the bullet passed through Gravy's head. 


"Let's see him get up from that! Now, get him in the trunk while I clean up!"


"Yes boss!"

---

---

"UGH! As if Dick's pussy ploy to keep the championship around his nancy boy waist wasn't bad enough, now I find out I'm not going to be fucking Dolly so hard she unexpectedly ages to 30? Why am I the way that I am? This shit right here! Ain't nothing ever go Gravy's way unless Gravy uses his own two hands to make it happen by force!"


"But Dick's stolen that option. Hell, I'm not even sure what happens if I get pinned. Can I kick out, or does Dick get the win for touching ME? How the fuck does this work and how fucking classic is it that Gravy is once again thrust into an UNWINNABLE SITUATION!"


"Y'all thought Gravy was just pissin' to piss when I called out the bullshit with the GM's here tryin' to keep Gravy down, but HERE WE ARE! Gravy has no path to victory. His balls are turning blue, and he's not even allowed to touch his Dick! Does anyone see any GM's rushing for clarification? I bet they don't even know the actual fucking rules to the match they're promoting, but it's whatever so long as helps them to keep a belt off of me! Well, this is fucking bullshit, and I'm sick of being bullshitted! ESPECIALLY by pantywaisted fucking nobodies that can't get the job done on their own! Mr. Movie Producer needs goons and guns, and Dick needs bullshit advantages that make you question who the bad guy is, the crazy asshole, or the wimpy jerk?"


"You know what, Dick, this is a really adverse situation that you've placed me in. I really must confess how much I do NOT enjoy being forced to solve a fucking puzzle box in order to beat you. Especially when me even making it to the event could be in question now that I got a fuckin' bullet in my head!"


"Whatever! Ain't none of that shit going to be enough to stop what comes next!"

---

---

We find ourselves somewhere on the outskirts of town.


Before us, a dark brick building with no identifying markings. 


We zoom ever closer, passing through the walls like magic and into the dark and lonely interior. It's some sort of mannequin factory, as there are life sized plastic women everywhere! 


Our shot settles atop a large pile of bodies where we find Gravy's lifeless corpse.




"Hey, Frankie! What's taking so long!?"


We pull back to reveal the bodies that make up Graves resting place are actually mannequins, and they are piled into some sort of giant vat. Walking the floors below, we see the fat bat carrying goon from before. He's calling out to someone unseen.


"I can't find the damned main switch! Why's this place laid out so damn confusingly, Louie!?" Called out a voice from the darkness.


"Hey, I dunno! It's not like I spend my weekends here! Just hurry up, will ya!?"


With a loud CLICK the interior came to life under the blindingly bright fluorescent lights. "Found it!" The unseen man yelled from across the building somewhere.


"Obviously... Ya fucking putz. JUST HURRY UP AND BACK HERE!" Yelled a frustrated Louie. 


"Yeah, yeah! You're going to have to give me a minute! This place is a fucking labyrinth!"


Indeed, the place was a mess with desks, shelves, and heavy equipment strung out and stacked everywhere. Ity looked as though this place had been shut down years ago and used for storage ever since.


"You're a fucking labyrinth, Frankie! Just move your ass!"


Suddenly an arm fell from the vat and bounced right behind Louie causing him to nearly have a heart attack! "Holy shit!" He exclaimed as he drew his gun on the inanimate object. 


"YOU GOOD, LOUIE!?"


Louie dropped his guard and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. "Yeah, I'm good! An arm fell out of the vat's all!"


Frankie's voice was drawing closer as he asked. "You don't think he's up there moving around, do ya?"


Louie scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous! The boss shot him in the fucking eye! Nothing's moving after that!" Louie said as Frankie finally made it back. "Hey, good, you're back! Now mulch the body so we can get outta here!"


"Yeah, yeah, I'm on it!" Frankie said as he began flipping switches and powering up the machinery.



BuuUUUuuu UUuuRrrrRRrrrRRrRRr uUUuuUuUUUuUumm


The machine came to life and the mountain of mannequins began to shake and lower into the vat, while shredded plastic chunks blow out of an exhaust on the other end.


"Shouldn't we be concerned about the mess?" Asked Frankie as he watched the plastic dip below the top of the vat.


"Relax" Louie said. "The boss doesn't own the place, we're just borrowing it for the night."


It doesn't take long for the contents of the vat to run dry, but curiously no blood ever sprayed out with the plastic.


"Something ain't right." Louie said as he drew his firearm. "Go up there and take a look."


"Me!?" Frankie scoffed. "Why don't YOU go an look!?"


"Fine, you fucking pussy!" Louie snapped. "I'll go look! Keep an eye out!"


Louie headed up the thin metal stairwell towards the top of the vat. He moved slow and cautiously, unsure what he might find at the top. Graves had been shot in the eye point blank. There was no way he was still alive, was there?


With that question lingering on his mind, Louie cautiously peered over the top of the vat, only to find it empty, sans a few stray mannequin chunks that got lodged in the crevasses of the machine.


"He ain't up here! Hey, are you sure he didn't spray out and we missed it!?"


There was no response.


"Frankie!?"


Louie now found himself descending the stairs with the same caution and fear of the unknown that he had climbed them with earlier.


"LOUIE!"


Louie jumped in fear as Frankie popped out from seemingly nowhere; his arms full of, drugs?


"WHAT THE FUCK, FRANKIE!" Louie swatted at Frankies head! "What the fuck were you thinking?! I could've shot you, you fucking moron, eh!? Say, what's that in your arms?"


"Drugs, Louie! There's a of ton of coke just over there!"


"So?"


"So? So we're rich! We can offload this crap for a couple of mil easy!"


"Yeah!? And what happens when the owner comes looking for that product, huh? You don't think a couple of nobodies suddenly in procession of a mountain of cocaine won't draw the kind of attention we ain't looking for? Besides, we don't deal in that shit. Put that shit back!"


"Come on Louie, let's just take a little. Nobody's gonna miss it!" Frankie pleaded, but Louie had already made up his mind and there was no changing it. "I said put it back!"


"Fine!"


Frankie grumbled to himself as he took the coke back to where he had found it.


"This is such a wasted opportunity!" Frankie said to himself as he haphazardly threw the drugs back where he had found them.


Suddenly something strong grabbed him by the nap of the neck! Before he could yell out for Louie, a hand chopped into his throat causing him to cough and gasp for air! Before poor Frankie even had a chance to process the fact that he couldn't breath, he found his face smashing repeatedly into a wooden tallboy, before finally.




Gravy leaned against the tallboy, wild eyed and out of breath.


"FRANKIE, EVERYTHING GOOD!?" Louie called out from not too far away. "FRANKIE!?"


You know, believe it or not, Gravy had been clean for a while now. It was one of the few things that he could really be proud of, you know, if anyone gave a fuck about him enough to care. They don't, you don't. It's fine, Gravy don't need ya. Never did. 


Right now however, there is something that Gravy DOES need. 


And fortunately for him, he's stumbled upon plenty of it! 




"Frankie?" Louie said and he turned the corner.


"No, I'm GRAVY!" He said as he shoved the shard of coke covered glass into Louie's eye!


"AHHHHHHHHHHH-" "NICE TO MEET YOU!" "-HHHHHHHHH!"


Gravy swatted the gun away!




And grabbed the back of Louie's head with both hands before driving it into his knee repeatedly until something gave way and Louie dropped dead!

---

---

"All I wanted was a taste of the good life."


"But everytime I fuicking try!"




"Did I place my bet? Fuck yeah, and I also flayed a "producer" while on a coke binge in Vegas! Don't worry about no cops. I took care of the bodies proper enough to ensure that little tourist line about anything that happens in Vegas staying there, holds true!"


"Or did I!?"




"I dunno man, they say I'm crazy. Maybe it was all a dream?"


Gravy's eyes widen as he swings a stolen brown plastic McDonalds tray full of coke in front of him.


"This cocaine sure is fucking real though!"


Gravy leans in to take a sniff before eyeballing the camera like a child getting caught in the cookie jar.


"Okay, I'll save this for later! Right now, I gotta talk about my two favorite subjects, Dick and pussy! Only problem is, the ones that I'm talking about tonight aren't the kind that make Gravy go numb in the toes, instead it's the kind that makes Gravy go red!"


"Dick Powers, you fucking lame-ass, pussy bitch! When I called you pulling a cowardly bitch move with the stipulation, I never could have guessed just how fucking far you'd take it! You really that afraid of ole Gravy, or you just trying to force the warlock outta me? I'm still a magic man, baby, and making a man cum, cry, bleed, and beg without laying a hand on them? Shit, I do that everytime I'm on TV!"


"You want to make this as hard as possible? Ha! Bravo! Is Gravy up for the challenge? You bet you fucking bottom dollar I am! See Dick, I ain't mad at your bullshit! Hell, I ain't even mad at Huey and Louie, and they straight up tried to kill me."


"You know why?"


"Because I realize now that my bullshit existence and all the fucking downs that have hammered me into the ground my entire Goddamned life have been building to this, building to NOW, building to you, Dick Powers, and the power I'll gain when I strip you of that hardly earned Television championship and ride it for as long as it takes to make it to get to the top!"


"All this time, I've been on the optimum path, and I didn't even fucking know it, but I know now; and in turn I know that all that bad shit in my life is about to reverse karma and blow up in your smug fucking face!"


"I can't touch you? THAT'S Your play, right pussy!? Well fucking THANK YOU! You added even more ADVERSITY, thus improving my odds! OPTIMUM! On top of that! You've forced me to think outside of the box!"


"How do you kick a man's ass without touching him? HMMMM! A tough question to answer, for sure! A true paradox! Snap his neck? Need my hands! Suffocate him with a pillow? Well, I have to hold him down!"


"I spent a lot of time thinking about it, Dick! And you know what I realized?"


"Kicking ass without touching the other guy has already been figured out by someone far smarter than me or you, dummy!"




















A video feed of X-Men's Rogue, who can not make physical contact with another living being without stealing their life force; very much kicking ass without stealing any lifeforce.




"BOOM! DIDN'T "TOUCH" THEM ONCE! SEXY AND PRACTICAL! GRAVY GOT DICK BY THE BALLS NOW!"


"Only thing is, I didn't really have the capital to get my cosplay on proper after placing my bet. Oh, and incase you missed it earlier, I did place my fucking bet! I used my money, and what I was owed for that missed opportunity for a Dolly pussy pounding! That shit would have been a guaranteed number one best seller and Porno of the year nominee! "


"Hey, Dolly! You ever want to make some real cash, call me! Them idiots were going to pay me 50k to drill you into the dirt! Women probably make less, but fuck it, I'll share my cut with ya!"


"Anyway, 55k, ALL ON ME! Left me pretty strapped, but despite my current and very much temporary financial hardship, my ring gear might be low budget, but it still doesn't leave too much to the imagination!"



Suddenly Gravy disappears into a purple cloud of smoke only to reappear in his new gear!














"Awwwwwww, Gravy fuck up your stupid plan with his sexually charged technicality? We'll see, but don't count on that being Gravy's only play. Dick has tricks in the sack? Well Gravy has tricks in the ring, baby, and I can take all the beating I need to take in order to bring us to climax. Especially from an inexperienced pussy like you!"


"And believe me, Dick, I will bring us to climax."




"It'll be fun."




"I'm obviously excited by the prospect of Dick whacking me for a change!"


Again with the smoke! This time a green cloud engulfed Gravy, and as it faded, we were presented with that familiar scene from the future!


"I just hafta warn ya about one thing before our big moment together... I AM A SPITTER..."