Before the #CoolKids, there was Bad Moon Rising.

Before the Vaughnemous One, there was nobody. Just a clueless rookie chasing a madman’s dream.

Before the titles and accomplishments, there had been a school of hard knocks.

Before the stablemates and family, there had been teachers and mentors.

And Angelica was looking at the house of probably her most important one. When she’d never even heard of Sarah, Kenzi or Roxy. From when she was as green as grass.

---

With a loud thud, Angelica collapsed to the sparring mat, heaving and doubled over. She grabbed her midsection that seemed to be completely devoid of air. There was only pain.

She massaged it, as if trying to exorcise the demon that was stabbing her insides with a thousand knives. Slowly but surely, she regained her composure and was able to draw breath again.

”Being distracted like that will get you injured, Angelica. FOCUS! You were completely thrown off by my sidestep and opened your entire chest and mid-section up for a mule kick. Always anticipate and don’t get baited. Learn your opponent’s tendencies!”

Michael Kelly stood over her, his arms crossed. The look in his eyes was stern and calculated. He’d been teaching the rookie the ropes, and had done so in his trademark no-nonsense strong-style approach.

Angelica nodded. She knew better than to argue. And yet, in spite of the pain, in spite of the sweat dripping off her brow and her being in agony like never before, she didn’t have a sliver of regret. This was what she wanted, she was sure of it. This is what she’d risked everything for. It was never going to be easy, she knew that. And if pain was just weakness leaving the body, then she was becoming a whole lot stronger.

She got up, trying to ignore the jabs in her midriff and still trying to force air back into her lungs. She felt a bit dizzy, but that was to be expected.

”Learn tendencies… Got it. Don’t get baited.”

”Not an easy lesson to learn. The only way you can do that, is by being a student of the game. But you won’t win on brains alone.”

He took on a defensive stance, and motioned for Angelica to strike him.

”You’ve been practicing your kicks since the last session? Show me what you got!”

Angelica felt a bit of confidence return. She had been practicing those indeed and, according to herself, had made a ton of progress in a short time already. She took aim and landed a savate kick right on her mentor’s blocking forearms.

But rather than the praise she expected, Michael Kelly sighed.

”Angelica! You can do better than that. I’ve seen you kick! You have the lower body strength of a T-Rex, use it! AGAIN!”

Confused, Angelica took aim again and struck him as hard as she thought she was capable of. Yet the kick was easily blocked, and Michael shook his head.

”You’re scared of hurting me. And you know what happens when you’re scared to hurt someone? You end up not hurting them. And in this business, that’s about as far from the point as you can be.”

Although she knew better, Angelica felt slighted by that comment.

”I’m not scared! I’m trying!”

”No, you’re not. You’re differentiating between foe and ally, when the truth is that inside the ring there’s only the former. Forget who I am. Imagine I’m someone you hate. Someone you want to hurt. AGAIN!”

Angelica took a deep breath and geared up. She tried to forget that the man across from her was her friend and mentor. Instead, she saw his shape and likeness slowly morph into someone else.

A short, stout man. His face red with anger. His eyes always full of hate. His mouth ceaselessly spewing venom in her direction.

”You’re weak! You’re ugly! You’ll never amount to anything! Nobody will ever want you! You’re a failure! We should’ve abandoned you in a forest! Your blood is tainted! You’re no real daughter of mine!”

And as the specter of Richard Vaughn spewed insults at her, Angelica felt a surge of adrenaline, brought about by her fear and sadness turning into anger. She unleashed a kick. And another one. And another one. She put every fiber of her being into them, every shred of energy she had inside of her. By kicking, she drove back the darkness until it was no more.

When she finally stopped and regained her senses, she returned to reality. And she saw a grinning Michael Kelly clutching his forearm. He, too, was out of breath, and his upper body showed early bruising signs.

”Now that? That’s what I’m talking about, Angelica. How did it feel?”

”It felt… Good. Like I was pushing back against all the things that were trying to hurt me. And if I destroyed them before they could hurt me, then I would be safe. It felt… Rather amazeballs.”

”That’s good. That’s exactly how it’s supposed to feel. And it’s what’s best suited to your strengths. You have weapons, Angelica. You should use them. Destroy your opponent before they can destroy you. Don’t get caught in a war of attrition. Kick everybody back into oblivion. It won’t always be easy, and it won’t always be pretty. But if you want to unlock your true potential, you will use that natural born striking ability of yours to put your opponents in the dirt. Always remember: in between bells there are no allies. Only prey.”

Michael Kelly straightened his back. He took his defensive stance again.

”AGAIN!”

”Mind if I have a sip of water and a breather first?”

”Is that what you’re going to ask your opponent when they’ve got you on the ropes?”

”Errrr… no. Point well taken.”

”Then… Again. Until it comes as natural to you as breathing.”

---

Angelica thought back fondly of those days. They had been so instrumental in becoming who she was today, not just as a wrestler but as a person. Michael Kelly had taught her how to be professional. How to be disciplined. How to take your training seriously, and how to adapt a winner’s in-ring mindset. If not for his early lessons, she would’ve simply stumbled out of the gate and fell flat on her face before she could even get going. In a way, she owed him pretty much everything.

She pressed the doorbell and waited a few minutes. She was rather nervous. They hadn’t seen each other in quite some time and wasn’t certain how he’d react. In this business, people could often change in the blink of an eye, and from what she’d seen lately, her former mentor had gone off the rails a bit… to hear his co-workers speak at least.

When he opened the door, he still looked very much the same. His long black hair bound together neatly. His short beard immaculately groomed. And as always, his getup was high class, wearing a three-piece suit that cost more than any people’s yearly income. ‘Dress to impress’ had always been part of his motto, Angelica felt like. Therefore, she’d done her best to look presentable, wearing a fancy green Gucci dress and some of her more expensive shoes.

The stern look in his eyes didn’t disappear as he looked at her. Angelica was worried for a second, but then he cracked a smile that was ever so slight. Barely more than a tiny curl of the edges of his mouth.

”Angelica Vaughn. As I live and breathe.”

”Errrr, hi Uncle Mike!”

MK cringed slightly. Angelica had started calling him that not long into their mentorship, and to this day he wasn’t sure whether he appreciated it, or hated it with a passion.

”Come inside, kiddo.”

As Angelica stepped into the beautiful house, she looked around.

”Where’s Britt and the baby?”

Angelica hadn’t seen his wife and child for quite some time either. They’d always gotten along very well, and she regretted not spending more time with them these days. They took a seat on one of the sofas inside.

”Out into town… Now, to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?”

Angelica started fidgeting with the zipper on her purse. She was still rather nervous… or a bit embarrassed, rather.

”Well, I’m going to be honest with you. I haven’t been doing very well lately. Not mentally or anything, and physically I’m fine too, I guess. It’s just that I’ve been coming up short a bit. More than I’m used to. And I’m having a bit of trouble finding the right mindset… the one you hammered into me when I was just a rook. Remember?”

This time, Michael’s smile was more pronounced.

”How could I forget?”

”I don’t feel like I’ve been able to tap into it as well, lately. I’ve had some tough losses… against good opponents, obvs, but when it gets down to the nitty gritty, I just can’t get it done against the major players. And it’s starting to eat away at me, because you know I can’t settle for mediocrity.

Even now, I’m facing a guy who I’ve beaten before. Well, kinda. When I defeated The Celt and Savannah Knightley I took advantage of an advantageous situation. And there’s nothing wrong with that, because it’s what was needed to win. And I did. But I just know that people see that one recent victory as a bit of a fluke. Now I’m facing The Celt again, one on one, and I just know he’s probs angry at me for stealing a victory he felt he deserved. I’ve treated him very respectfully, which includes kicking his hiney as hard as I can obvs, but even he feels like… Like I don’t belong. And I’ve been trying to get my mindset back. To ‘flip a switch’ so to speak. And I can’t, and it’s costing me.”

Michael Kelly sighed, and shook his head. A reaction that surprised Angelica. She frowned, and waited for him to speak.

”Angelica… when will you learn?”

”Huh? Learn what?”

He got up and walked over to the window.

”Have you never wondered why I took you in, back in the day? Why I wanted to mentor you. *YOU*, a rookie with no experience, no claim to fame, not a penny to her name, and the naïveté of a six year old? It was because you had *IT*, Angelica. And *IT* is something that can’t be seen, can’t be explained… it can only be felt. There was only one problem. And it’s ALWAYS been the problem.”

He turned back around.

”I don’t understand?”

”Whenever you’ve failed, it was because you were trying to be someone else. When you first appeared, you were trying so, so hard to be the conniving heel, because that’s what you’d seen on TV, and that’s what you wanted to be. But that’s simply not who you are, Angelica. Your soul is kind and gentle, but it has gone through a lot. You were trying to be someone else… an avatar of an idea, rather than just being yourself. Getting you to be yourself was the biggest challenge in training you. Because that’s when you truly started to shine. You were the bubbly, enthusiastic, lovable, endearing kid. And when you needed to, you reached into the depths of your soul and channeled all of the pain and frustration of your childhood and channeled it into dominant victories. ‘Hurt them before they can hurt you’, remember?”

”But… what changed? Why can’t I flip that switch in my head anymore?”

”Because it was never that, Angelica. Don’t you get it? It was *YOU* who made you special. You never flipped a switch, because you tapped into yourself. You didn’t change who you were, you simply dug deeper.”

Angelica pondered his words. They made sense. She was trying to change her mindset, rather than just channeling her own feelings.

”But then why can’t I do that anymore?”

”That’s something only you know.”

Angelica thought back of that moment five years ago. The first time she had felt her inner rage spark and combust. Thinking back of the verbal abuse she had suffered for year after year had sent her into a fit… But she was older now. More mature. And while it still hurt, she was able to put it into perspective.
After all, she and her mother now lived together and had a great relationship. And her fake father, Richard Vaughn, had long since been off the radar. She couldn’t tap into it anymore, because it was gone.

”I… I guess I’ve forgiven everyone. Those who hurt me, I mean. I can no  longer be mad at them. No longer see them before me as I face someone.”

”Then I guess you better find a new purpose, Angelica. Because you can dominate. You have all the physical tools. You have the muscle memory. It’s all in your head.”

”You’re saying I’m too happy?”

”Maybe. Or maybe you just need a new reason to fight. A new reason other than ‘wanting to be the best’. Because newsflash, kiddo: everybody does.”

”Yes. You’re right! I don’t have to flip a switch. I have to be myself. And when things seem impossible, I have to look deeper. And fight like I can win!”

---

”Hi- hiii, my beloved Vaughnstars! It’s great to see all of you again! Although I guess, technically, how this works, YOU guys are seeing ME again, not the other way around. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

N-E-Ways, I just wanted to check in before I go and have my rematch with The Celt. Last time we faced off was in a triple threat and I won by pinning Savannah. And they say you learn a lot about people when they win, but you learn even more about them when they’ve suffered defeat.

Now, I don’t know The Celt all that well just yet. Last time was fun, trying to connect to him through the Highland Games! And I’m curious to see how he will react to all of it. There’s a saying in pro football: the best ability is availability. I respectfully disagree. Accountability is way more important. And I wonder if he will be the kind of person to hold himself accountable for a match that he lost, or if he will try and bury his loss under a mountain of excuses, the cringiest of which totes and abs is ‘I did not get pinned so I did not lose.’

Truth be told, I haven’t been at my very best as of late. But it’s time to change all of that. It’s time to look deeper and fight like I can win. And while there’s no real shame in losing to the likes of Bobby Bourbon or Raion Kido, the very fact both of them escaped by the skin of their teeth meant that I was close to beating them… I just couldn’t get the job done, either through self-inflicted mistakes, or by ultimately trying to be someone I am not.

But no more of that. I’ve learned that there’s only one right way to win for Angelica Vaughn, and that’s by being unabashedly ME. I guess that’s why I was always such a good team mate, and while I still am, especially with friends. Because around them, I never had to pretend I was someone or something that I wasn’t. I didn’t have to be the mean trash talker, didn’t have to be the cheating, sly in-ring mind-game playing tactician. I could always just be the nice kid, big smile, and kicks that hit with the force of a few proverbial megaton!

In the end, that could be my fuel. Rather than drawing strength from the traumas of the past, I have to draw strength from the positive connections I’ve made since. After all, isn’t love much more powerful than hate? Isn’t fighting FOR something much more powerful than fighting AGAINST something?

Hate can never beat love. And the moment I had forgiven those who’ve hurt me in the past, I was trying to draw from an empty well. And when I couldn’t, I tried changing who I was, because I was always taught to believe that *I* was never good enough in the first place.

But both of those things were so very wrong. I had a cross to bear, but I have cast it off. Just like I will cast off the Celtic Cross that I am meeting at Savage Saturday Night. Let’s see what Patrick Johns is truly made of. Whether he has deluded himself into thinking that he never lost, and that he will get one over on me. Or whether he’s honorable and will try and make amends for coming up short last time. I am truly hoping for the latter, because I saw your potential to do some good around here, last time. The XWF is in short supply of truly good guys these days… even if it has already improved drastically compared to days past. So I can’t wait to find out what side you’ll find yourself on, mister Celt. Just know that I won’t make it easy for you. I’ve felt stronger than I’ve felt in a long, long time, because I’ve realized something about myself.

I’ve realized that in order to be the best, I just have to be myself.”

-fin-