This is where hope goes to die. 




Literally. 


We open to a scene of sorrow. Micheal Graves, a hospital bed, all sorts of bandages covering his body, tubes running into his arm and down his throat. The heart monitor beeps along steadily. 


He's not dead, but it looks close to it. 


BEEEP!








Oh, sorry. I's just kinda boring here, watching Gravy drift into the long sleep. It's been like this ever since they stabilized him. He was burnt pretty badly. The doctors mentioned something about 70% of his body being covered in second and third degree burns. OUCH!


It's not looking to bright for ole Gravy right now. He never should have went off messing around with BOB's stuff. Especially true since he didn't even understand what he was doing. 


But that's Gravy, a mindless idiot till the bitter end.


An end that is expected to come any time now. 


That's why family and friends have been called in. 




Speaking of!

---

---

As Gravy laid there nearing the eleventh hour, no family nor any friends had shown up to say their final goodbyes.


It was truly a sad sight for poor Gravy, but not one that came without good reason. Micheal was a vile, traitorous, greedy, hate filled, stupid, self serving, self absorbed, asshole whose every action always seemed to hurt someone else. 


Hell, because of all of that, you'd THINK that he'd at least fit in with a crowd like Team MAGA, but even THEY wouldn't want anything to do with him thanks to his very DEMOCRATIC history with Dolly Waters. 


Nope, it seemed as though Gravy was going to die alone, but that's on him. 


I mean, you'd have to be pretty stupid to friends with the guy at this point, right?






















"Get outta my fucking way! I've got to kiss a pussy goodbye before his dirt nap!" 


His obnoxiousness is rivaled only by Gravy's, he is, Darren Dangerous! He kicks through the door with a bouquet of broken light tubes and barbed wire. Barney Green strolls in behind him, of course, checking BarnCoin's value. 


"Would ya look at this sad sack of shit! I told you he wasn't hardcore enough to hang with us! I set myself on fire in our last match! Did you see me go to the hospital after like a bitch!? Fuck no!"


Darren smashed the bouquet into his forehead and began to bleed buckets. A nurse noticed and rushed to his aid, but Darren clobbered her with a Short Arm Clothesline!


"Don't clean me up! I don't do that PG shit!"


"Darren, don't get arrested. I'm probably going to need you to team with me now that Graves is dying."


"You should have picked me from the fucking start! Dangerous Daddies! Graves isn't hardcore enough to ride the tornado! By tornado, I mean 16 strippers at Larry's Wash and Dry! I went full cycle 480 times one night! would have been 500, but my dick got raw! I was just a hardcore Padawan then, not a full fucking Xtreme Jedi like now! I'll fuck Boots and Lichter up, then I'll raw dawg their assholes for good measure! Let's see Graves' pussy ass do THAT! I bet he'd go in there and spit his stupid spit in their faces and call that shit hardcore!"


"Graves is more hardcore than you give him credit for... Or, was?"


"PFFFT! I wouldn't let a little thing like dying cause me to let my friends down! Graves is a bitch!"


"... :-( ... >:-( ... FUCK YOU!" He says after removing the tubes from his throat.


But more importantly!


GRAVY'S ALIVE!!! 


And as witty as ever!


"You're alive!"


Graves winces as he sits on the edge of the bed.


"You're damn right I am. I'm hard to kill, remember!?"


Graves does have a tendency to survive seemingly unsurvivable events. He also was a lab rat who has exhibited supernatural abilities in the past, so... 




"Wait, everyone thought I was kicking the bucket, and you guys are the only ones that showed up!?!"


"I I think so."


Gravy looked sad.


"Uh... but don't worry! You'll have plenty of time to heal up. Darren said he'd step in for all of your matches!"


Then Gravy looked MAD!


"Fuck THAT!"


Gravy hopped off the table and started ripping at bandages, revealing skin that had already healed weeks worth of time in only a matter of days. 


"I don't need no fuckin' stand in. Barney, you and me got this! Uh... Who we got anyway!?"


"Team Maga."


"Boots and that old dude!? Aw fuck! I like them! Well, I like them about as well as I can like anyone. Which means they whipped up on Centurion and made him look like a jerk."


"WELCOME ME TO THE CLUB, BOYS!"


Gravy, now stripped to his underwear, begins to dress in his ratty bum clothes.


"Now let me welcome you to a club that I hold prior membership to! THE CLUB OF PAIN! WHY!?!"


Gravy and Barney eyed each other.


"Because our victory will only strengthen BarnCoin on the crypto market?"


"What!?! NO!"


Barney suddenly seemed disinterested.


"I MEAN YES! YES YES YES! OUR VICTORY CAN ONLY WORK TO STREGTHEN BARNCOIN! Now try your best or face bankruptcy and debt!"


"Someone's going through glass sheets!"


"Uh... Don't get us DQ'ed!"


"Pffft, you can't get DQ'ed for throwing someone INTO something!"


"I told you he wasn't hardcore!"


Graves looks pissed!


"GODDAMNIT! SHUT UP!"


Begrudgingly, they do. 


"Team MAGA, The Xtreme Alliance are going to fuck you up, not because we don't like you, not because you're bad people, but because it's a fucking Thursday, and THAT'S WHAT WE DO!"


Dressed hobo Graves sneers at Darren who's pissing blood all over the fucking walls.


"And I'll show YOU who's not XTREME!"