Unknown Soldier:  "Fuck, I hate this thing!"

The most despicable man in the entire history of the XWF says while flinging an ouija board across a dark and desolate room.

Latina Submission Machina:  "Take it easy my super SATAN! loving friend, you'll resurrect the Ghost of XWF past some other way and in some other time."

Unknown Soldier:  "NO! It has to be now!  I need to find my full strength and remember what it was like to face that rat-nosed bastard known as Ghost Tank from way back in my past!"

Latina Submission Machina:  "And you think some magic and hocus pocus is going to solve that problem for you?"

Unknown Soldier:  "Uhhhh, yeah.  If some guy can go from the walking rendition of the grim reaper to becoming Richie Rich then just about anything is possible.  Now, let's hold hands again and get back to the demonic prayers."

Latina Submission Machina:  "I've had just about enough of this, we've done this now 666 times, and I'm not just saying that because it's one of your schticks, it has literally been 666 times now that we've done this."

Unknown Soldier:  "And you don't think that on exactly the 666th try that it will finally work?  Have you learned nothing since we became intermediate characters within each other's lives?"

Latina Submission Machina:  "Well, I guess you have a point there."

The two lock hands and form a circle once again around the Ouija board and start chanting some low growling noises that don't even really resemble what the two normally sound like.  Both of their silver inverted pentagram necklaces begin to glow and vibrate beneath their necks.

Unknown Soldier:  "Come forth, foul beast!  and bring to me that super special form of we know that you once were and forever will be!  Quit trying to hide behind a pile of money like your Scrooge McDuck or something you fucking sad excuse for human existence!"

Suddenly a tremor in the roof sends a shockwave down to the middle of the circle and parts like the Red Sea with an everlasting void of stars and darkness hovering just above their heads.  Anyone who's seen the movie Poltergeist knows exactly what we're describing here.  Suddenly a pair of severed heads come flopping down from the ceiling and fall between the two of them.

Latina Submission Machina:  "Dios Mio!  What the hell is this!"

Unknown Soldier:  "It's him!!!  We've finally found the Ghost of Ghost Tank!!!  He's dropped the severed heads of his wife and children that he just killed and skull fucked to death!!  YES IT"S HIM!!!!

Peering down from the paranormal hole in the ceiling is Jon Taffer's head, except he's in a Grim Reaper outfit and wearing a mask from Sloth in the Goonies movie.

Latina Submission Machina:  "Are you kidding me, Soldier?  That's fucking Jon Taffer in disguise you can't fool anyone!"

Unknown Soldier:  "Would I go to all this trouble of getting this spectacular sci-fi demonic portal in the ceiling to hire some two-bit reality television show actor to play the Ghost of Ghost Tank's past?"

Latina Submission Machina:  "I think you'd go to any lengths to make fun of him."

The demon dicked defiler pretends like he didn't hear what she just said and proceeds with the seance.  Rolling his eyes into the back of his head and screaming at the top of his lungs at Jon TafferThe Ghost of Ghost Tank's past.

Unknown Soldier:  "No matter how much you pretend to be somebody else Asswald, you'll still be that same sad disgrace of a dipshit since the day that I first met you.  Do you think you can pretend to be a changed man just because you shoved a pile of money up your ass and that's why you walk with a strut in your step nowadays?  You should be walking around with more of a limp from the brain hemorrhaging that must be taking place since you keep walking around here with amnesia all the time.  Explain to me how you murdered that wife and child of yours, skull fucked them, and now they're walking around with you still the same as if nothing ever happened.  I don't think a little bit of Elmer's glue can fix that problem that easily!  

This brings me to my next point, Asswald.  You would think that someone who suddenly came across a large sum of money would be bangin' some new hot chics instead of the same old dirty slut with that rotted-out vagina that he's been plowing for years on end.  How many times can you stick that gangly old tree stump you call a penis inside that wench before she blows out completely?  Besides, I would have thought when she pooped out that turd of a child you call your offspring that it would be like tossing a hot dog down a hallway at this point.  I may have disappeared, I may not be the man that I used to be.  But I sure as hell ain't pretending to be something that I'm not.  No matter how much money, fame, or fortune you may have come across since the last time we stepped in the ring together Asswald you're still that same guy with the cockamamie convoluted conversion of nonsensical narcissism that I've ever seen.  You keep humiliating yourself faster with your new gimmicks before you can even think up another one.  And we know that must not take very much time at all because the one you have now isn't even original.  The fact you expect people to believe any of your bullshit is beyond bat shit crazy, and this coming from a guy talking to a whirling vortex portal in the ceiling."

Soldier snaps his fingers and Jon Taffer comes falling through the ceiling and snaps his neck as he lands on the ground below.