Please Login or Register to get full access to the forums.

Lost Password?
Current time: 03-28-2024, 02:45 AM (time should display as Pacific time zone; please contact Admin if it appears to be wrong)                                                                


X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » XWF War Games 2022
The Meat Clown Adventures: SUCCESS!
Author Message
Jenny Myst Offline
The Queen of X-Treme



XWF FanBase:
Very random

(heel alignment but liked by many; has earned respect despite breaking the rules often)


#1
07-30-2022, 06:52 PM

[Image: 37P3Ta6.png]

[Image: f9ySaRN.png]

It was a cool morning. Not cold, but there was a slight chill in the air. The sky was an ugly gray, and the wind caused the flags to tap dance on their metal platforms, seemingly synchronized. In unison. Together. It was a quiet morning around the city, for the most part, with the occasional headlight turning into a taillight over the freeway, and groups of pigeons landing on the yellow lines to pick up any miscellaneous scraps.

Off in the distance was a sustained roar. Faint, but audible to anyone who may have been on their morning stroll. Or at a coffee shop, with a muffin and an open laptop. Despite being miles away, the faint roar rushed over the landscape of the city like waves crashing into the beach from miles away.

The faint roar was that resembling a battle-field from older, simpler times. Nondescript yelling in a constant stream, and the occasional sound of something heavy tumbling to the earth below.

The closer you got, the louder it got. The sustained roar cutting through the crisp air like a laser beam, penetrating the inner ear lobes with an annoying hum.


This was the morning of January 6th, 2021.


A closer look could see a mass of people, many of which were wearing MAGA hats. Many others donned orange colored snow caps with masks over their faces and dark colored tops. Some donned kevlar and other bullet repelling gear. They were yelling as they pushed forward, running into a battle that wasn’t theirs to fight with abhorrence in their eyes and repugnance dripping from their saliva laden lips.

Screaming like banshees as they overtook the gates.


Fucking savages.

And yet, in the general chaos, one man stood calm. As the incensed mob attempted to climb the marble steps hollering their insane slogans, he gazed at them from the top of a landing.

“STOP THE STEAL! STOP THE STEAL!”

“That is enough.”

The rabble comes to a halt, recoiling as if they’d been just hit, though it is impossible to determine whether it was the booming voice, or the light of the gleaming golden armor the man is wearing reflecting back into their eyes. Almost as if the very light of the sun was stored within.

“What!? Who are you?!”

As their sight clears, they see the young golden knight - a wild mane of hair flapping in the wind, a snarling mouth of peeled back teeth, and a cold, contemptuous look in his eyes.

“Raion Kido, Gold Saint of Leo. And you shall take not one step further!”

The savages stare at him, then at each other, but the young Saint of Athena remains still, unmoving before the rabble.

“Stand aside or get smashed aside! Power to the people!”

“Will you come!? Then face the Lion’s fangs!”

Letting out a wild roar like a predator on the savannah, the horde charges in…
“LIGHTNING PLASMA!”

Almost in the blink of an eye, five rioters are knocked down the steps. The few that remain standing look at the sprawled bodies of their comrades, then back at the Lion, who lets out a feral roar. Many turn tail like the dogs they are, but the leader of the mob, screaming in desperation, makes one final charge…

“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”

“LIGHTNING BOLT!”

… before the Lion stops him cold with his heart punch. The downed protester can only look up at Raion as he approaches his prone body…

“Worms belong in the dirt.”

… and stomps him on the head.

“HIIII-YAHH!” Jenny hits a flying karate chop, knocking one of the proud boys back. Another charges, his tobacco and Monster energy fueled battle cry resonating in her ear drums. She flips him over her shoulder and kicks him in the back. “BOO YAH!”

She stands over one of the proud boys whose entire face is now broken, mangled into a mushy paste. "Hey Rai, these power rangers suits are super cool!"

"They aren't power rang---"he back kicks another, sending him tumbling down the Capital steps.

Angie and Elijah are fighting off a horde a few feet away. Elijah has already stuck one handheld flag pole up an asshole, and was using the body on the end of the makeshift mallet handle to pound another.

The Vaughnemous One, known now as the Saintess of Andromeda, clad in her pink and green outfit, was whipping her chains around. However, every so often, she stopped and tried to pacify the crowd.

”Might I humbly request that each and every one of you makes their way to the exit in a calm and orderly fashion, yet at a brisk and decisive pace? Plox and thankies!”

Instead, someone attempted to egg her for her trouble. Angelica was too quick and stopped the egg from hitting her face, but it burst open on her hand, and sent egg yolk and white dripping down to the floor.

”Wow, rude! If you do not comply, I shall be forced to resort to further violence!”

A volley of rotten tomatoes followed.

”Fine! ROLLING DEFENSE!”

She twirled the chains around her, creating a nigh impenetrable barrier. The tomatoes were sliced and diced, landing on the floor with a splash, like an unsavory passata. She followed it up immediately with another attack.

”NEBULA CHAIN!”

Her chains sprung from her Andromeda cloth, wrapping themselves around a pair of assailants. With a swift tug, she bashed their heads together and they fell unconsciously to the ground.


”I sers do wish this could’ve been avoided, but I’m afraid you forced my hand! NEBULA STREAM!”

Tapping into her inner Cosmo, she unleashed a stream of the Andromeda Cosmos that paralyzed a whole slew of adversaries. One man clad as a Viking shaman fell right in front of her feet. She punt kicked him right on the temple.

”And a #VAUGHNEMOUS for good measure!”

Angelica looked around to see how the others were doing…

For my part, I’m not going to mince words. In the time it took for the Meat Clowns to get their respective jobs done, cohesively, as the team we are supposed to be, the rest of the members in the other teams are either worried about their own selves, their first round opponents at best, or a single one they may eventually meet - which, almost all of the time, is I. What exactly are you hoping to achieve? Where is your dedication? Some of you are making your return for this very event, and you cannot even be bothered to do the job for which you’ve been brought! What is the meaning of War Games with warriors that will not make war!?

The entire nature of this event is for the XWF wrestlers to prove their worth at their side of anyone regardless of the team to which they have been drafted, and many of you have failed utterly, while the Meat Clowns have not. Our Captain, the Television Champion, brought to her team the cream of the crop of the XWF, and this was even before I won the title I now hold. With her she brought Angelica Vaughn for her time to shine, and a former Anarchy Champion that seeks his rebirth.

Every single thing we have done and said is geared towards a single purpose - to prove that the Meat Clowns are the one team that shall take this event whole. I go against my fellow Trilogy members, and though I acknowledge that fact, I treated them exactly as the adversaries they are for our first round. I’ve treated Bobby Bourbon like the King of the XWF he has failed to be, and Page like the returning veteran that sought me by name, and Dolly Waters and Thaddeus Duke like the worthy people I have faced. Because I, for one, mean for this performance of the Meat Clowns, as well as my own, to be exemplary.

I expect the same from everyone else around me and everyone else in front, and one more time, I don’t say this because of the title I have won, but rather, because it is my duty, and it has always been. I come to this event to be the hand that brings victory to my team, and the least that I expect is all of you to do your own. Unfortunately, most of you have failed, and for that, the Lion shall make certain you know what happens when he’s coming to make a point, something of which, I’m sure by now, everyone should be aware, but alas, it falls to me to demonstrate once again.

For I am Raion Kido, Gold Saint of Leo, and for this event, a member of the Meat Clowns Inc. LLC. With me stand the woman that captured the Television Title, the man whose renaissance shall set the world aflame, and one of the names in the future of the XWF. And together, we shall make War Games, and the rest of you all, burn.

Exactly like the cosmos that everyone holds within.


[Image: sukDEM7.png]

The San Antonio Community College was a-buzzing, but not in the usual way. School was out for Summer, but the campus was still being used for off duty activities. One such activity was a day-long festival, with appearances by unknown country bands that couldn’t even make it onto Spotify… but it was a big thing for the Community. Especially because its celebrity student Angelica Vaughn was in attendance, accompanied by Elijah Martin and Jenny Myst as they prepped for War Games. With confidence befitting their status, they strolled through the halls. They were, however, soon interrupted by Angelica’s own personal cheer squad of the Kappa Alpha Tau sorority. They jumped in front of the trio and started waving their pom-poms around.

“ANGIE ANGIE WE CAN’T TELL!
WHAT OUR CAMPUS JUST BEFELL!
SOMEONE’S POOPED JUST EVERYWHERE!
COULD IT BE JUST TRUTH OR DARE!?”


Angelica raised her eyebrows. This was concerning.

”Guys, slow down! What are you saying?”

“SOMEONE’S HAD A LOT TO EAT
SAVE US PLEASE OH CLOWNS OF MEAT
LUMPS OF POOP ARE UPON US!
IT’S A TRUE POOPING MEN-ACE!”


And as the trio looked around, they saw that they’d yelled truthfully. They gasped as they saw the scene throughout the corridors. Someone had done their very best to leave excrement literally everywhere, which would surely turn the entire festival into a stinker. All three of them shook their heads and clenched their noses.

Behind them, of course, followed the Lion, his golden armor the object of curiosity and admiration by the people around campus. Many of them approached him, almost like in a mob. Nobody seemed to mind the state of the hallways, suddenly.



Behind them, of course, followed the Lion, his golden armor the object of curiosity and admiration by the people around campus. Many of them approached him, almost like in a mob.

“Dude, nice cosplay! Where do I get something like that?”

“Boy, you look downright precious!”

Raion raises a hand, eyes closed, and draws a deep sigh.

“This is the Gold Cloth of Leo, one of the Twelve Gold Cloths of Ath… well, never mind. I’ll tell you later, there’s a job we must do!”

“See you later, handsome!”

“...”

At that last comment, the Lion looks as if he’d just seen Hades himself materialize on Earth, right before his very eyes. It is the voice of Jenny Myst that breaks him out of his stupor.

“Raion! Stop picking up college chicks and get focused!”

“But I wasn’t…! I’m here, and I got my weapon ready!”

Carrying it so that it rests over his shoulder, the Lion is carrying a rather long toilet brush - something that strikes odd among his usual regalia.

“Why are you carrying a toilet brush? What about your cosmos?”

“Do you know how difficult it is to keep my Gold Cloth in pristine condition? I’m not getting my armor or my cape soiled if we come across the… aftermath, of the author of these nefarious deeds!”

”Not to worry, Raion! Meat Clowns! Let’s all unleash our Cosmos! It’ll burn like never before. With our combined might we can track this Pooping Menace down, even across dimensions and timelines!”

All four of them put the palms of their hands together and spoke together in unison, their Cosmoses flaring up and their attires changing to complete gold, much to the amazement of the surrounding students, one of which even stopped reading his copy of Word Up! Magazine.

“MEAT CLOWN MISFIT MANAGEMENT!”

And the combined might of their Cosmos ripped through the fabric of space, time and logic itself… teleporting the nefarious dung-dumper right in front of them. He was an unremarkable figure, other than his nakedness, shame and desperation. He stared up at the quartet of War Games-bound Saints.

“P-p-please,” he begged, not knowing what just happened and what otherworldly force had just ripped him from his secret hiding place in one of the vents next to the biology section of the campus library. “I don’t know what came over me! I swear, I won’t do it again!”

“Busted, scum!”

“We have you now, filth!”

”I sentence you to a lifetime of obligatory adult diapers!”

”And may you never again soil these once pristine halls! You just unleashed enough excrement to fertilize an entire field of crops!”

“You should use your powers for good!”

“And clean yourself AND this place up!”

Raion handed him the toilet brush, which he hesitantly accepted.

In the end, it was one more mystery solved, one more delinquent off the streets and outside these halls. Now THAT was teamwork!


”So ummm, it’s finally happening isn’t it? War Games… I haven’t exactly done a good job at being all hero-like, but after I totes yet unintentionally messed up poor Rubes’ heroic mission, she gave me a little red book. Don’t worry, it’s not a communist manifest or anything… It’s called ‘The Art of War’. She told me to study it profusely, as it would undoubtedly help me in my career as it has helped her. So I started reading, and one thing stuck with me… ‘If you know the enemy, and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.’ If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.’

And, like, it’s true! I’ve heard tons of yapping about how Raion will have to ‘carry’ us. How we’re all worthless and they’re so much better and how Jenny ‘picked the wrong Vaughn’, or ‘should’ve taken the real Lacklan’. That tells me you know neither yourself or your enemy, because it’s based on absolutely nothing! Just shouting catchphrases into a black hole will not carry you to victory. Not taking anything away from Raion, but he is just one piece of our jigsaw, and you won’t be able to solve us if you keep focusing just the center or the edges.

You will watch our Cosmos burn, and you will witness our arrival. Meat Clowns will win War Games, one way or the other. Because we’re the best team. Because we know ourselves. Because we know YOU! Because the Meat Clown army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks! It’s going to be #Vaughnemous!”


[Image: OsTf8nX.png]

"No! Stop! You monster!" the woman screamed as the pistol was shoved into her face and her purse was taken. Brooklyn Bridge, broad day light. Criminals are ballsy these days! Pegasus lands a few feet from the man, but notices that Phoenix was already there. The man didn't make it 100 feet before he was grabbed by the back of the shirt and hoisted off his feet.

"Now now, young man… what do we have here? The last I checked, that purse DOES NOT go well with your outfit! There are 2 choices - you give the purse back and walk away, or I pound you within an inch of your life and I will be the one handing the purse back to her".

"Fuck you!"

"Alright, have it your way."

Rising Phoenix Wings!!!

Wings shot out of his back, accompanied by a fireball, that blew the criminal off the bridge! He watched as his body tumbled to the water below.

Walking back over to the woman, who was distressed but also in awe of what just took place in front of her eyes, he handed her the purse.


"There you go, young lady - next time, try a swift kick in the nuts for starters"

Jenny smiled. Elijah actually did a nice thing for once! Maybe there was a heart in there after all. Maybe Elijah learned something about being genuine. About working with others in a way that is productive and towards the greater good!

Naturally, the main focus for me has been The Notorious Alliance, as they are the first team we will be colliding with - but what about the remaining teams? We start with Viewer Desecration Advised, who is captained by Latina Submission Machina, who couldn’t lead others out of a wet paper bag, let alone War Games. And let’s be perfectly blunt, we are looking at the weakest and least well rounded group of talent on paper with this group. I mean Mercy, Unknown Soldier and Tommy Wish-O… is that supposed to bring the fear of God in anyone?! That’s like saying you have a bunch of Olympic caliber athletes running the hundred-yard dash against someone who is shaped more like a bowling ball than a human being… one of these things is clearly not like the others.

That brings me to War Masters… Dolly apparently wants to have her own war with Them No Good Bastards, while Mastermind apparently made a deal with the devil to get the horseshoe stuck up his ass to win the Anarchy Title in the Elimination Chamber not too long ago. I might be a little preoccupied by War Games and Trilogy going forward the next two months, but mark my words Mastermind… I will be coming for my little baby afterwards and become a two-time Anarchy Champion. The other two members of War Masters are a pair of CCP Enterprises clients that don’t exactly see eye to eye with me - Peter Vaughn and Thaddeus Duke. On the one hand, Peter seems to have at least kinda sorta come around to at least tolerate me after being in a tag match together recently. But with Thaddeus Duke, it’s very apparent that I don’t like him and he don’t like me… things between us going beyond “just business” and if we both make the Survivors Match at the end of the night, I look forward to busting that sucker’s head wide open and making him bleed all over Switzerland.

And finally, there’s the Super Mario wannabe jerkoffs from War Games World Record Speedrun… cute but dumb as fuck. When I first looked at this team, I laughed and asked myself if Meat Clowns really needed to worry about these poor suckers. But shockingly, they seem like the most unified force not named Meat Clowns. Calypso sounds more like a fruity drink than any kind of intimidating wrestler that I should be concerned with, Game Girl should spend more time building her Twitch following than trying to make anything of her XWF career. And finally, North Korean War Criminal… you want to cast a pall over the XWF as a direct representation of that communist dictatorship and have no laws against nuclear arms testing and force everyone to produce goods for the sake of the government and everybody will just live poor happily ever after… that’s not MY XWF and that’s not going to prevail against Meat Clowns Inc LLC! We believe in freedom of choice, and our choice is to kick your ass all over the War Games cage!


[Image: yllDOUP.png]

The girl cowered in the corner. The house smelled of sweat and whiskey. It sounded of a static TV and a little girls tears. She had her face buried in her knees, her sneakered feet together. A teddy bear sat next to her on the floor, leaned into her as if was trying to hug the pain away.

She jumped as she heard the footsteps on the stairs. She hadn't cleaned her room, she hadn't done her homework. All she had done was cry.

The door opened and she flinched. Through her knees she could see the end of the belt that hung down from his closed fist.


"NONE OF THIS IS DONE! WHAT DID I TELL YOU WOULD HAPPEN IF NONE OF THIS WAS DONE!" He burped whiskey, and stumbled a bit. He took a wobbly step towards her. There was an opening, he had left the door open! If she could run past him, she could make it. She could run until she couldn't run anymore. She picked up her head, looking at her survival through tear filled eyes and what she saw made her gasp.

LEO, PHOENIX, ANDROMEDA.

LEO was holding another in his hand. He beckons her with his hand, calling out for her to join their Saintly Order.......

Jenny woke up in a cold sweat. It had been a dream, all of it a dream. All the adventures, the cloths, the successes.......


"You're gonna be late for War Games, you gotta catch a plane to New York."

She sat up, looking at Ash's smiling face at the end of the bed.

"I had a dream."

""Good. Now get your ass up and get moving or you'll be late. Tell me all about Switzerland when you get there."

They say dreams predicted the future. The flight, the meeting up, War Games.......

Victory.

She smiled.


"One thing I learned throughout this whole thing, is that you gotta have faith in your teammates, despite any differences you may have. You have to rely on them to get the job done, you don't really have a choice. Teams like Sudden Death are a grease fire, and it seems like it happens every year. Replacements, teams crumbling internally, favorites getting knocked off because they can't put their ego's aside *cough Thaddeus Duke cough*. There are a lot of competitors that you don't get to see regularly, and some that you have had long-lasting feuds with. Some of them you respect, others you wish would have a date with oncoming traffic and a nice Pinot noir. I guess you can't like everybody, amirite? I have found that a majority of this roster detests me with every fiber of their beings. I find it to be an advantage, honestly. Guys like Bobby Bourbon get so worked up, they make mistakes. They puke out a promo filled with obscenities and creative insults, but never have any substance. Never really touch home, don't even round third. I won't waste much time on Bobby right now, as I plan on running his nuts over a cheese grater on Savage in two weeks, but let me just say while I am here, I have your number Bobby. I have your number and you know it.

Guys in this match like Jason Cashe, who we face first, hate me. They hate the fact that I have conquered the deep end when they are still dipping their toes on the stairs. Don't forget your water wings, Jay. You haven't even begun to explore the pool yet. You may have a footprint in other companies but to rehash the old cliché everyone likes to use, you haven't even laced up your boots here yet. There is something about this place, as fucked up as it can be. Some of the best talent in the world, and some of the biggest assholes to walk the earth. Usually, those two things go hand-in-hand. Some of the worst hatred I have seen, and some of the deepest love. Apparently, people can come back from the dead here, too! Hi Maddy! Still got the taste of three straight L's in your mouth? Dentists recommend ACT over Listerine. Helps with enamel, and you need strong teeth to be able to talk as much as you do! I noticed that for the first time ever you had very little to say about me. One Flew Over The Coocoo's Nest is a GREAT movie! Academy Award Winner 1976! I think, just maybe, you were trying to compliment me? Awh, Maddy! I'm blushing! Deep down you truly do love me, Maddy!

I am going to love reducing your monster to rubble, and embarrassing you one more time in front of the world.

Crazy, I used to look up to you so much. Hell, you even mentored me once, didn't ya? You even wanted to go out of your way to show me the ropes, saw something in me? Or was it to make me let my guard down so you could stab me in the kidney's and take my Bombshell Title? Or was it you saw yourself living in Engy's shadow and me breaking away from Chaos's, and you felt jealousy raging through your loins somethin' fierce! I would bet it still is. Difference is now, you respect me. Come on Maddy, say it, say you respect me! Nobody will think any differently of you than they already do. We already think you're the poster child of anti-feminist incel rage. What is one little check mark in the Jenny Myst support column? You need to make more friends, but you're so standoffish! You will die alone but something tells me you're ok with that.

I shouldn't talk this way, really. I am making such good progress. That's not something all of these teams can say! Mastermind drafting a team that hates him because he thought he was smarter than a 5th grader when he is the one left eating the crayons in the corner by himself. He drafted Dolly Waters because he felt bad for the fact that she's more of an afterthought in the Main Event picture than Barney Green and his world title win 2 decades ago. I mean hey, it was cool when it happened....only problem is, for Dolly, it never has. Poor thing. Being that mediocre for so long has to be hard on her! I wish I could just give her a big hug!.......but then she'll be out of active competition for another 6 months and all we will hear about is how her physical therapy is coming along but she promises to be back to being a nobody again soon!

Feel Bad. Poor thing.

Dolly's biggest problem is she went from the little engine that could to the little engine with the breaks cut. She has no direction, she is just rolling aimlessly towards whatever is going to step up and stop her forward motion, and then she is going to sit there, useless and broken, until someone comes and cleans up the mess. The fix her up nice and well and put her back into commission and......rinse and repeat. Dolly is the revolving door of dismay, and eventually, one day, there won't be any more of her to put back together, and Humpty Dumpty will have taken her final fall.

When that happens though, maybe she can sit in the trash heap with Ring Master and Mac Bane. It's always good to make new friends!

She probably blames me for Chris Chaos setting her father on fire all those years ago, just like Thaddeus still blames him for his War Games loss.

Thaddeus can't be happy unless the spotlight is on him. He can't be happy unless he is front and center, and everyone is sucking his dick (especially the male roster). He spends more time on telling us a story nobody cares about and how he is the savior of the universe than he does going out and proving it. We came together as a unit, kicked the shit out of some proud boys, solved the mystery of the pooping menace, and stopped a mugging on the Brooklyn Bridge! We did it for the greater good. What has Thaddeus done lately that hasn't directly benefitted him?

Even his retirement was a spectacle! Like DISNEY PRESENTS: THADDEUS DUKE: A FEEL GOOD STORY. All he needed was the ambiguously gendered dancers, a few fuzzy characters, some theme music and a few fireworks. He is almost as delusional as Peter Vaughn.

Nice promo bro, but you'd be a terrible poker player. Lose your ass at blackjack. Be the Universal Champ for less than two months---err....yeah. All of your chips are being pushed to the middle that Raion will be the lone survivor eh? Your team will be lucky to even make it past round one, and you're going against a bunch of gamer nerds and some green card holding blowhard who hasn't won a single match of merit since he broke your team captains arm and took his title.

I can't even with these people. Can't.

Peter, if you're so goshdarn confident, why not put that pretty Supercontinental Title on the line some time? I'd love to give [formerly named Goldi] a new friend to play with! But you won't, because you duck challengers more than Robbie Bourbon ducks anything that won't get him over.

There I go again!

I should stop while I am ahead.

Let me just finish with saying that is has been an honor to work with Raion, Angie and Elijah. We have taken four people from completely different backgrounds with completely different personalities and we have come together as a cohesive unit to be a force that even a Jedi would be afraid of! We are going to shock the world, win war games, and when we do you'll all get an invoice!

Meat Clown tee's for everyone!

I need sizes as well as a payment of $25 a piece.

Oh you thought they'd be free? You had your chance!

I mean, for real, how cute are these?!"


[Image: 3kggoSi.jpg]

[Image: GxjjAcs.gif] 
 3x
[Image: 53vkwmL.png]
FORMER, 1x AND LONGEST REIGNING (101 Days)
[Image: eRm3OdS.png]
FOREVER AND ALWAYS
[Image: lJ5ayVc.png]
2x
[Image: Jdsm6ZU.png]
2x XWF Bombshell Champion
3x XWF X-Treme Champion
3x XWF Television Champion
X- Title Briefcase Holder
War Games Captain 
Sex, Metal, Barbie, CHAOS
Edit Hate Post Like Post
[-] The following 6 users Like Jenny Myst's post:
Angelica Vaughn (07-31-2022), Ash Q (07-31-2022), Dolly Waters (07-31-2022), Raion Kido (07-30-2022), The Blue Tango (07-30-2022), Theo Pryce (08-01-2022)




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)