“I’m going to regret this…”

Hayley Halsey just laughs as she hangs out with a young lady, a few years younger than her, sits across from her at a table at Starbucks with a camera in hand. She turns it on to film and understandably, being in her presence makes her very nervous.

Hayley: Ashleigh, you do want to graduate from journalism school, right?

Ashleigh: Yeah…

Hayley: This is your big final! This is your big moment! You get to hang out with the biggest wrestling star in the WORLD for one day! You are a big wrestling fan right?

Ashleigh: Yeah, I am. Of course. Honestly, I am doing this project to determine how crazy you are an…

Hayley: I’M SORRY!?!?!

Ashleigh: I MEAN… how AMAZING you are and why you are the most misunderstood professional wrestler in the world. So like… let’s start with the basics, yeah?

Hayley: I’m not talking about my upbringing or any of that BORING SHIT! Let me run down how AMAZING I am, okay? It’s not just the fact that I am the NFW Perseverance Champion all while I am surviving being FUCKED IN THE ASS each and every week. It’s not the fact that I am overcoming CONSPIRACY after CONSPIRACY though that is epic as hell, it’s the fact that prior to me going mainstream I was the top ranked Independent wrestling prospect in the Northwest…

Ashleigh widens her eyes with surprise, causing Hayley to sigh.

Hayley: Oh COME ON! That shouldn’t be a surprise. See, that’s what the conspiracy wants to tell naive little bitches like you: that Hayley Halsey doesn’t know how to wrestle.

Ashleigh: Well, your antics…

Hayley: Hush, child! Greatness is talking! The conspiracy across all of professional wrestling is that I’m such a horrible wrestler. Well, if I am so horrible, how and why am I a champion, huh? How is it that in my first ten mainstream matches, I won TWO championships? Why is it that other companies are inviting me to be part of their flagship shows? Why is it that I was invited to be part of the Cannabis Cup huh? Answer all of those questions…

Ashleigh: Because… um… those companies know that people will pay to watch you get your ass kicked?

Hayley: HOW ABOUT I KICK YOUR ASS?!?!?!

Ashleigh gives off a nervous laugh…

Ashleigh: It was a joke, Hayley. Come on. I mean, it’s a fair point. But, uh… how do you do it? That’s the gist of my thesis that I am trying to put together for my final. How in the world you you live this… um… career… day after day… being the most hated wrestler in the world… in your book? Those that pay attention to you know the antics: the tweets that call for strip matches, the tweets about “the pole”, “fake Hayley”, getting arrested… a lot…, running away from fights, having these obsessive grudges against wrestlers like Griffin Hawkins and Cass Baumer… hating the Velvet Rabbit…

Hayley: It’s all AMAZING isn’t it!

Ashleigh sighs, clearly not enjoying the ego that Hayley is exuding at this point.

Hayley: Through all of that, I AM STILL HERE! Seriously! No wrestler in this business is more controversial than I am right now. Chrispy KFC Chris LOVES controversy! How in the world could he NOT invite me to this Cannabis Cup thing? AND NO DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT HE WAS ON CANNABIS WHEN HE INVITED ME OR I WILL MAKE SURE IT’S YOU ON THE VELVET RABBIT POLE, MISSY!!!!!!

Ashleigh is looking very uncomfortable as she jots down some notes. Unknown to Hayley, Ashleigh writes down some very negative words about her in her notepad including “narcissistic”, “egocentric”, “delusional” and “paranoid”.

Ashleigh: But… all the perception of you is that you are this paranoid, delusional narcissist who needs psychological help and who needs to be locked up for the continued sexual harassment of 5BW’s Cordelia Clark…

Hayley: Do you AGREE with this perception?

Ashleigh: Well… um… NO! NO I don’t!

Ashleigh laughs nervously through her lie while she jots down these notes.

Hayley: Good! Because they’re ALL LIES! You see, I am a CONSPIRACY VICTIM. I always have been! The wrestling world has wanted to FUCK ME ever since I won my second title in Cali…what’s their face? They were jealous of me so they made me defend that title week after week until they threw me in there against a violent, dangerous opponent that needed to be in a padded cell and then DUH, she WON and THEN they lifted the weekly defense rule! CON-SPIR-A-CY…

Ashleigh jots down “PSY-CHO-PATH” in her notebook.

Hayley: The wrestling world is out to get me and they will always be out to get me because they can’t stand the fact that I am a DIVINE BEING that brings the most UNIQUE form of entertainment to PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING that it sorely needs. I’M not the problem. Professional wrestling is!

Ashleigh: …yeah, I can see that…

Ashleigh writes down “hopeless” describing Hayley’s entire mindset.

Hayley: So, are you ready to INVADE THE VELVET RABBIT?

Ashleigh: WHAT?

Hayley: You heard me! We are going to CRASH THE VELVET RABBIT right here in town and we are going to RUIN FAKE HAYLEY! She stole my name you know…

Ashleigh: Uh huh… sure… let’s… go?

Hayley: Let’s detour through my hotel room first. I have to show you my GREATNESS up close and personal…

Ashleigh rolls her eyes as she turns off the camera for the time being…

Later…

Hayley and Ashleigh are in Hayley’s New York City hotel room. Ashleigh’s eyes widen with surprise as the hotel room is more or less decorated like a “Museum of Hayley” more or less. There are championship replicas of titles that Hayley has won in her career, but Ashleigh finds herself surprised when Hayley places her NFW Perseverance Championship over her shoulder.

Hayley: Now you know what being a champion feels like…

Ashleigh: Right. Sure… this is amazing though, I have to admit.

Hayley: Of course! There’s the moment I became a world champion for the first time in this stupid place named XHW… there’s when I became MWE Jr. Heavyweight Champion… there is Jason and I on our first date… and um… in that corner you can see all the gifts that he ever gave me. Have a look around, Ashleigh.

Ashleigh walks away from Hayley while Hayley goes to fix her hair in the mirror. Ashleigh then does a quick overview of what she has learned so far for the audience that is going to watch her journalism final when she presents it in front of her class.

Ashleigh: So… Hayley Halsey… UNIQUE individual… to say the least. The girl sure loves to brag about her accomplishments, she truly believes in her… well… UNIQUE PURPOSE to say the least and… I suppose I should be privileged to… get a first hand look of what this person is really like. Is Hayley truly the monster everyone says she is? Or is she misunderstood?

Ashleigh finds a picture of Hayley with her family… one with a broken frame and a letter that Hayley wrote to her family expressing how much she hates them all.

Ashleigh: As you can see here, we may have some evidence of childhood trauma that causes her to be the way that she is… if she hates her family so much that she wants her parents to burn to death and for her brothers to be eaten alive by Komodo dragons… um… WOW… and… there’s a mugshot from her two arrests… a Griffin Hawkins action figure with the head being gone… all the lawsuit affidavits for Hayley Fien, a 5BW wrestler that she feels is stealing her name.

Ashleigh pauses, ensuring that Hayley is too far away for her to hear.

Ashleigh: …this is NOT someone that’s a misunderstood victim folks. You are seeing this live, in the flesh. This girl… to say that she needs psychological help is a massive understatement. This girl needs to be in the padded room…

Ashleigh spots a closet door.

Ashleigh: Can we find out more here?

Ashleigh opens the door to the closet and turns on the lights, her jaw dropping at what she sees.

Ashleigh: HOLY FUCKING ALI LARTER IN OBSESSED, BATMAN!!!!!

Hayley hears her and runs right at her, but Ashleigh walks inside and locks herself in to prevent Hayley from getting her out. Hayley screams at her to open the door but Ashleigh records everything she sees.

Ashleigh: …there’s a WHOLE SHRINE TO CORDELIA CLARK IN HERE!!!!!

Ashleigh is stunned to see the closet littered with posters of 5BW’s Cordelia Clark…

Ashleigh: …you’re not mistaking her for Veronica Strader, your original round one opponent are you?

Hayley: FUCK YOU!!!! OPEN THE DOOR!!!!!

Ashleigh: My god…

She sees tons of folded papers on the wall. She opens and glances at a few.

Ashleigh: Jesus, there are LOVE LETTERS to this woman! She’s talking about how they’re meant to be together, how they are destined to get married and… OH MY GOODNESS… that is NOT school appropriate!

Ashleigh films the floor and sees photoshopped pictures where Cordelia’s face is blurred onto bikini and lingerie shoots clearly taken out of some old Playboy and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues. Throughout all of this, Hayley continues to bang and pound on the door.

Ashleigh: …forget the padded room, this girl needs electroshock therapy!

Ashleigh continues to be surprised seeing captions like “I LOVE YOU” and “STRIP FOR ME BABY” written on some of these pictures.

Ashleigh: This explains all the arrests…

She nervously goes back to the door of the closet, unlocking and opening the door. Hayley grabs her and throws her down to the floor.

Hayley: YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!! I SHOULD THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW!!!!!

Ashleigh: I mean… um… well…

Hayley: But I won’t…

Ashleigh: …oh?

Hayley: FAKE HAYLEY’S EXHIBITIONIST SHOW is starting in a half hour! It’s time to INVADE!!!!!!

Ashleigh: Oh god no….

Hayley drags Ashleigh back up to her feet and then grabs her by the arm and pulls her out of the hotel room…

At the Velvet Rabbit…

Hayley: THIS IS A PROTEST!!!!

Hayley is now surrounded by a bunch of booing fans that can’t stand the hell out of her. NYPD officers are standing by her side with GUNS in their pockets. Ashleigh is filming the hole thing.

Hayley: WE NEED TO STOP FAKE HAYLEY! WE NEED TO STOP THAT EXHIBITIONIST FROM RUINING MY NAME STRIPPING FOR ALL YOU BASTARDS!

Fan: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU CUNT!!!!

Hayley dodges a tomato being thrown right at her face.

Fans: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!

Hayley: YOU ALL WISH YOU COULD FUCK ME, YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!!! BUT, just like EVERYONE that wants to stop me at the Cannabis Cup, YOU’RE ALL GOING TO FAIL! YEAH, I AM GOING TO WIN THE CANNABIS CUP BECAUSE I AM FAR AND AWAY THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE ENTIRE TOURNAMENT! In FACT, did you know that Veronica Strader DROPPED OUT of this tournament because she FEARED ME? Paul Mantaur or whatever the fuck his name is should fear me too! Who even is that guy and why is he so special? Can someone name something that he’s done? Why should the GREATNESS OF HAYLEY FEAR this man? Unless of course… CHRISPY KFC CHRIS knows something that I don’t and HE’S TRYING TO FUCK ME TOO!

Fan: PAUL WAS IN FIGHT NYC YOU DUMB WHORE!!!!!

The crowd erupts with cheers at the mention of Fight! NYC! Some “FIGHT NYC” chants are heard in the crowd while Hayley becomes less than amused.

Hayley: OH YEAH…. FIGHT NYC! Now, I’m not going to pretend like I’ve never heard of the place or anything, because DUH, I have. They were only all over social media for what seems like sixever, ya know? It’s one of the local promotions here just like 5BW. OH YEAH, Paul was like… the “King of FIGHT” right? Interesting… very interesting. He seems to know Dane Preston very well and all of that. Well, I hate to break it to you pieces of shit right here in New York but… FIGHT NYC IS FUCKING DEAD!!!!!

Fans: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Hayley: PAUL, YOU REALLY MUST BE KING SHIT BECAUSE THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN BE KING OF ANYTHING IS OF THE “ANYTHING” IS FUCKING DEAD AND YOU KNOW WHY FIGHT NYC IS DEAD? Because FIGHT NYC was one of the most GARBAGE WRESTLING PROMOTIONS ON THE PLANET, THAT’S WHY! Of ALL of the promotions based in New York City, FIGHT WAS THE WORST! It had the most DISGUSTING WRESTLING I’VE EVER SEEN! Hell, it was obviously so poor that I COULD BY IT… maybe I SHOULD’VE bought FIGHT NYC and renamed it to HAYLEY HALSEY WRESTLING!!!!

Fan: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

A young college aged kid with glasses in his twenties jumps the line and charges at Hayley, but one of the NYPD officers immediately subdues him to the ground. The fan breaks away and makes a further charge at Hayley before the other NYPD officer pulls out a taser and stuns the fan, drawing boos from the audience. Trash begins to fly in Hayley’s direction while she just laughs through all of it.

Hayley: AW! What’s the matter? Can’t handle the truth? Because the truth is, the only reason why PAUL MANOWAR or however you pronounce his fucking last name was KING SHIT in a place like Fight NYC? I mean… look at the fucking roster that they had. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? I’ve heard of Dane Preston because DUH and that speaks to how STOOPID he is and why he’ll never be a champion in NFW because of his association with trash like that but what about everyone else? Shawn Warstein is a vessel of what? SUBSTANDARD WRESTLING>? OOOOOOOOH BUUUUURRRRRRN! Why is Sahara a “White Widow”? Because she sucked her husband’s dick to death HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Fan: GO AWAY!!!!!

Fan 2: GET HIT BY A BUS!!!!

Fan 3: JUMP OFF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING!

Fan 4: GET BEANED BY AN AROLDIS CHAPMAN FASTBALL YOU RAT FACED, COCKSUCKING WHORE!!!!!

Hayley just laughs maniacally as more and more trash is thrown at her. Hayley even has to dodge a New York style cheesecake, a baseball bat coming right at her face, and an actual live rat.

Hayley: ANYWAY, who else is on this roster? DAVE THE DINOSAUR? HOW FITTING! Because at the Cannabis Cup, I am going to be the ASTEROID THAT WIPES OUT THE DINOSAURS KNOWN AS WHAT IS LEFT OF FIGHT NYC LIKE PAUL MANWHOREY AND ANY OTHER FIGHT NYC PIECE OF SHIT I MAY COME ACROSS IN THIS TOURNAMENT! I mean… Fight NYC? You might as well call it FIGHT: JURASSIC PARK! James Raven… the GOAT? Dude… I know goat fucking is a thing but… DUDE! Anicka Swan… the “lass with the ass”... GET ON THE POLE BITCH! YOU DON’T BELONG IN WRESTLING!

OH MY GOD TRASHLYNN CASSIDY WAS ON THE ROSTER TOO?

That’s it! WORST WRESTLING PROMOTION EVER!!!!!

Fan 5: YOU KNOW CHRIS PAGE WAS ON THAT ROSTER TOO, RIGHT?

Hayley shrugs and gives the audience the finger.

Hayley: There was NOTHING SPECIAL about FIGHT NYC! Fight NYC was a roster full of basic bitches that never had a clue as to what real wrestling is all about and that’s the only reason why you were ever anything, Paul. In fact, I am going to just flat out say it. You are a HAYLEY HALSEY FAN! YEAH! You’re a FAN! You act similar to me because clearly I am your inspiration. I see the attitude that you’ve done in your FIGHT NYC promos, whenever I’ve had the unfortunate disdain to have to watch them for my case study and all of that, and I SEE SO MUCH OF ME! I’m SO FLATTERED that I inspire you, Paul! I KNEW I had fans! But see, people don’t want to admit that they are Hayley Halsey fans. YOU PEOPLE are secretly Hayley Halsey fans because you’re ALL HERE… to see ME… PROTEST the Velvet Rabbit across the street! You, and all of the STUPID PEOPLE in wrestling, NFW, 5BW, ZION Wrestling and so forth, you all “HATE ME” but you READ MY TWEETS, you take the time out of your day to call me names like “moron”, “idiot”, “slut”, among others, you buy your tickets HOPING someone like Cass Baumer or Griffin Hawkins kicks my ass, you take the time to tune into NFW Collision… which by the way needs to be named NFW CAR CRASH because it’s SUCH a shitshow… HOPING something bad happens to me and NEWSFLASH, the ONLY reason why NFW signed me last year was because I triggered a bunch of pussy ass bitches on their roster and they all went into Steven Brody’s office and BEGGED HIM TO SIGN ME so that they would have an opportunity to kick my ass and not only has NOBODY kicked my ass to the point where my career is over despite all the empty threats to my life I deal with EVERY DAY, I REIGN AS A CHAMPION THERE!

You’re ALL going to tune into night one of Vendetta tomorrow NOT because you want to watch XTRA SHIT versus UNPRETTY LITTLE SLOVENLY SLUTS for the tag team titles, NOT because you want to watch some DESERT DEATHMATCH featuring an OLD LADY THAT SHOULD BE ON THE POLE getting MASSACRED by her ex, NOT because you want to watch a DOWNSWING…. Oops… UPRISING Wrestling match… NOT because you want to watch a PAST HER PRIME GRANDMA in Cryciana Trashdoza be the WORST MOTHER EVER and have her ass beaten by Bridget Johnson in front of her entire STOOPID family, but because you want to watch FAKE HAYLEY TRY AND FAIL TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME! YOU WISH YOU HAD THE LEVEL OF HATE THAT I DO, PAUL! That’s my WHOLE POINT! I have SO MANY AMAZING FANS like these stupid people in front of me in their FIGHT NYC COLORS trying to act like that company actually mattered when it was nothing but a flash in the pan.

BY THE WAY 5BW YOU ARE WELCOME FOR PLUGGING YOUR SHOW! PAY ME MY MONEY MEAGAN…

…bitch…

ANYWAY… you got all this right, Ashleigh?

Ashleigh sighs and nods.

Hayley: What you are going up against Paul, is your IDOL for you have always wanted to be the most HATED PERSON IN WRESTLING but in comparison? You pale in comparison BOY! I am NOT THE DELUSIONAL ONE! YOU ARE THE DELUSIONAL ONES! YOU ARE A HAYLEY FAN! AND YOU ARE A HAYLEY FAN! AND YOU ARE A HAYLEY FAN… but the biggest FAN of mine is YOU, Paul. You’re going to know what it is like to face someone that is above your league for a change because facing a basic, boring, yawn-inducing BITCH like TRASHLYNN CASSIDY doesn’t get you very far. Sharing a roster with YAWN BORESTEIN doesn’t make you anyone. I’m so HATED and so NOTORIOUS that COMPANIES THAT I’VE NEVER WORKED FOR drop my name! And that’s on top of the fact that I am a VERY DAMN GOOD WRESTLER! You don’t have the BALLS to handle me… well… few men do let’s be honest… but you’re about to be overwhelmed by the ENIGMA that is the GIFT OF HAYLEY! You are going to be blessed with the most AMAZING experience of your life being inside of that ring with me and learning what a REAL QUEEN in this business is like! Maybe you should do what Veronica Strader did and run away, you know? It’s the only way that you are going to save your ego there, bitch boy! Because when this is all over, you WILL end up like FIGHT NYC…

DEAD, BURIED, IRRELEVANT!

Bitch, you walk around here acting like you’re Derek Jeter when you’re not even Gleybar Torres!

What’s going to happen when we face each other is that… like the NEW YORK RANGERS… you’re going to CHOKE ON SHIT! I don’t know what will be more broken… your ego… or Derek Jeter’s ankle in the playoffs a decade ago…

Fan 6: THAT’S IT!!! LET’S GET HER!!!!!

The group of fans move in on her, but the NYPD stands in front of Hayley, protecting her from harm. They threaten the fans by pulling out some mace, causing the crowd to groan and disperse.

Hayley: ALRIGHT! TIME TO INVADE THE VELVET RABBIT!

Hayley snickers as she sees the club across the street!

Hayley: YOUR ACT IS OVER FAKE HAYLEY! Paul, this is a message for you!!!! Watch how a REAL WRESTLER sends a REAL MESSAGE. Hayley runs across the entrance of the Velvet Rabbit while Ashleigh tries to follow her as fast as she can.

Two bouncers block her entry.

Hayley: COME OUT AND FIGHT ME, FAKE HAYLEY!!!!! YOUR STRIP ACT ENDS NOW!!!!! Move out of the way fatasses!

The bouncers don’t move. Hayley gets mad and kicks one of them in the kneecaps. He goes to the ground and the other bouncer grabs her and places her in a chokehold taking her down to the ground.

Hayley: Get off me!!!!

Hayley struggles to break free and the same NYPD that was protecting her from fans is now coming across the street. They get the bouncer to let go of her.

Hayley: Thank you…

One of the officers grabs her by the wrists and shove her against the wall.

Hayley: WHAT THE FUCK!??!?!

Ashleigh: I think you’re getting arrested…. AGAIN….

Hayley says nothing as handcuffs are placed on her.

Ashleigh: Kicking someone in the kneecaps will do that…

The bouncer recovers while Hayley gets dragged over to an NYPD car.

Hayley: NO!!!! YOU CAN’T ARREST ME! I’M HAYLEY HALSEY DAMN IT!

Cop: You assaulted a bouncer…

Hayley: IT WAS JUST A KICK!!!! PAUL!!!!! I WILL GET OUT OF JAIL AND WHEN I DO… YOU’RE FUCKED IN THE ASS!!!!

Cop: Get in the car…

Hayley: NO.

Cop: GET IN THE CAR…

Hayley: FUCK YOU!

The other cop opens the door and Hayley gets thrown in the back of the car. The door is slammed shut, the officers get in and they take her away all while Hayley is heard screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOO” over and over again as the police car goes into the night.

Ashleigh: …she’s SO taking that bail out of my paycheck for this project… what is WRONG with that woman? Jesus! That’s a whole new level of crazy I’ve never seen. I SO got to show this to the psych department back at school. I hope Paul Montauri kicks her ass… god the meltdown she’d have over that….

Ashleigh sighs as she turns off her camera and looks at the Velvet Rabbit. The bouncers step aside and let her in. She shrugs and enters the club, more or less relieved that she’s away from Hayley… for now…