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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
BOBFit
Author Message
Thunder Knuckles™ Offline
A No Good Bastard



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
06-10-2022, 09:21 PM

BOBFit






TK has arrived early in Spokane, Washington. He’s standing outside of what looks like an old warehouse with Jimmy.

The fuck are we doing here, Jimmy? I don’t remember this being a BOB warehouse plus the next shipment isn’t coming for like a week. What gives?

The look Jimmy gives TK can only be described as puzzled.

You said to make sure you had a gym membership when we got here.

Yeah. I did.

Jimmy points to the old warehouse.

That’s it.

Looking over at the warehouse TK doesn’t look happy with his gym accommodations.

So, you got us the cheapest fucking building you could?

Jimmy shakes his head no.

No, dude, this is a CrossFit gym. It cost three hundred bucks for a membership. In all honesty, though, It was the fastest thing I could get. It’s not like I thought you were actually going to go work out.

For fucks sake, man, I’ve got Marf on Savage! A Bastard, a man of violence. I have to be fucking ready.


Walking toward the door TK looks back at Jimmy.

Well, are you coming?

TK grabs the handle on the door and pulls it open. Inside both, Jimmy and TK see two lesbians with short hair cuts sitting Indian style passing a medicine ball back and forth. TK looks over at Jimmy.

I fucking hate you.

Jimmy is shaking his head agreeing with TK.

Alright, let's find a bench press.

TK squints his eyes while scanning the room.

I don’t see a bench press, Thunder Knuckles.

Still looking TK grumbles.

It’s a fucking gym there has to be one here somewhere.

A man walks up to TK.

Bro, you CrossFit?

TK already looks annoyed.

Where’s the fucking bench press?

Bro, we don’t have any here. Follow me, I’ll show you what’s up.

The man starts walking away, but TK doesn’t budge.

Well, are you coming?


Yeah, Thunder Knuckles, are you going?

Jimmy says this with a smile on his face but receives a glare back from TK for his troubles.

Yeah, fuck it. Jimmy, go to the store and grab some damn beer. I’m going to need it after this shit, I’m sure.


TK starts following the man.

Do you see those boxes on the floor?

Uh-huh.

We can have you start out with those.

The boxes?

Yeah, bro-ski, you jump from the floor to the top of the boxes.

No.

Come on, bro-bro, it’s a heck of a workout.

TK shakes his head at the man.

Allllllright, let’s just head over here then.

As the man walks away, TK’s mood is shifting from bad to worse, not like Charlie, no metaphor here. The man stops and points to a sled with some weights on it, sitting on top of some astroturf.

Do you want to try pushing and pulling the sled? It really works your legs and abs.


Do I look like a goddamn football player?

Soccer is fun.

I said fucking football, not goddamn kickball. No, I don’t want to push weights from one damn end of the room to another. I’m a rassler, an Xtreme rassler at that!

Ah, okay, bro, I got you. I know exactly where we should have you go then.

About goddamn time, shit.

The man starts walking toward the other end of the room with TK following behind him. TK sees all the CrossFit soy boys using kettlebells and doing squats with no weights.

This is a fucking joke.

What was that, my man?

I said this is a fucking joke. Just look at these ass clowns.

TK points at a couple of dudes dripping sweat from their chins with zero weights on their barbells. The man doesn’t seem pleased by what TK is saying but presses forward to not start a confrontation.

Pfft. Pussies.

Here we are.

TK looks around and doesn’t see anything that would be considered gym equipment.

What the fuck is this?

That is a rope.

TK rolls his eyes.

No, shit, you want me to jump rope or something? It seems too thick for that, don’t you fucking think?

No… You grab both of those ropes and you shake them. It works out your muscles and-


Get fucked.

Bro, what’s your deal?

TK is pressed because he's not the one with a problem, these people are.

What do you mean, what’s my deal? You guys have no equipment, you jump on fucking boxes, shake ropes, and do squats with no weights. Why the goddamn Hell do you guys come here. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING BENCH PRESS!

So… You don’t CrossFit.

TK sneers at the man.

This isn’t CrossFit, Jesus did CrossFit and came back to life three days later. This is just a bunch of damn hipster fucks jerking each other off talking about being vegan.

That’s not true, bro! Larry-

The man points to Larry.

He’s not a vegan.

What?

The man looks super mad but unwilling to be too confrontational.

You don’t even have a damn treadmill.

Right, if you want to run you can do that surrounded by nature.

TK looks like he's about to blow his lid.

If you want to jump on boxes you go to a fucking shipyard. You lames are out here paying premium fucking rates to get fucked in the ass and are fed to believe you're changing the goddamn world fitness.

We are!

The man says with a whimper to his voice as he scampers away. TK's ADHD kicks in when he sees an exercise bike.

Oh, hey, an exercise bike.

A woman, who’s heard the commotion that just transpired, speaks up to the left of TK.

It’s a elliptical.

TK looks over at the woman and barks back at her.

It’s a fucking bike, cunt.


He walks over to the exercise bike and gets on it. He pulls out his cellphone and a set of wireless earbuds, he places the earbuds in his ears. After unlocking his phone and getting to his music TK starts playing Kenny Loggins’ hit Danger Zone. He stays on the exercise bike for about fifteen minutes before he realizes that a small group of dudes has gathered around him. TK presses pause on his sweet workout playlist. TK looks around and counts seven guys, he takes out one earbud.

If you’re looking to get your asses kicked then you’ve come to the right place. If not, I suggest you start hoping on some more boxes and fuck off.

Not a single man moves away. TK puts back in his ear bud and pressed play on his phone. The song Flowers by Moby starts playing as TK gets off the exercise bike. The first CrossFitter tests his luck by swinging a wild right hook that TK easily ducks. As TK straightens back up he straight kicks the first CrossFitter’s left knee cap, breaking his leg instantly. TK grabs the first CrossFitter by the back of his gym shorts and back of his plain white wife beater, swinging the CrossFitter into two others standing in waiting. Two more CrossFitters try to restrain TK’s arms but the first one is hip tossed too fast, the poor guy didn’t even have time to react. This is unfortunate for the second because TK kicks him square in the nuts. This sends the CrossFitter directly to the ground holding his jewels. The next three try to restrain TK but he’s quick to respond. TK grabs one of the men up into a Firemen’s Carry and starts spinning. The CrossFitter on TK's shoulders kicks one of the other three CrossFitters in the mouth busting the poor guy’s mouth open. The final member of this group takes a headbutt from the CrossFitter on TK's shoulders. With them eliminated from the equation, TK finishes off the CrossFitter on his shoulder with a Death Valley Driver. Getting to his feet he sees the last man. It’s the man from earlier that whimpered away. With the music still piping to his ears, he sees the man begging but that doesn’t stop TK. Nope, he takes off running towards him, jumping to the air for a Thes Press and starts whaling on the man. Left Hook, Right Hook, Left Hook, Right Hook, one of TK’s earbuds falls out. The man is crying, pleading, with TK.

We… We… We… Just never seen anyone use the elliptical before… Let alone for fifteen minutes.

TK dismounts the man, grabs his ankles, and delivers a devastating Thunder Strike. The entire gym has come to a screeching halt. All the patrons are looking at TK.

What? That guy took a swing at me.

The man who “took a swing at TK”, screaming in pain, shouts.

I was swatting a fly, bro. You broke my leg!


Well, if you didn’t do CrossFit and went to a real gym, maybe, you’d have enough goddamn muscle on your bones to stop shit like that from happening. Did you ever think of that? Plus, you learned a very valuable fucking lesson, you never sneak up on XWFs Xtreme Champion. I defend this mother fucker twenty-four seven.


Jimmy walks up to the chaos with a case of beer, that TK asks for, in hand. He is stunned by all the blood from the first CrossFitter’s leg, the bone is protruding from the skin.

Oh, my God, what happened?

This cunt took a swing at me and these other fucks were standing around. Oh, hey, you got the beer. Sweet.

TK opens the case, while still in Jimmy’s hand, grabs a beer, cracks it open, and takes a drink.

Are you ready to go, Jimmy? I think that was enough of a workout.

TK starts walking towards the door.

I should go to more fucking CrossFit gyms, Jimmy, this was genius!


Hey! Wait for me!

Once outside Jimmy looks at TK.

Where to now?

I’m pretty hungry how about he hit up some Burger King.

Sure, where do you want to go?

I’m thinking Triple King with extra bacon and cheese.


Are you sure? Right after a workout?

You’re right…

Jimmy nods his head.

Two Triple King with extra bacon and cheese.


The scene fades to black as they get into Jimmy’s grey Nissan Pathfinder.


[Image: Z1fuUky.png]





**PREACH**



TK and Jimmy are in line at Burger King’s drive-through. Currently, there are four cars ahead of them.

What's taking so goddamn long?


Patience is a virtue, Thunder Knuckles.


TK scoffs.

Patience is for fucking poor people. I have more goddamn training to do for Marf. You do know he just competed in the Leap of Faith match. I've never had the privilege to be in that match. They don't just give that spot to just anyone. Marf already fucked up that CCPE guy... What's his name?

Mac Bane.

Yeah, what-the-fuck-ever, people are on that dude's nuts like he's something special.


One of the cars in front of Jimmy and TK pulls forward. This allows Jimmy to move forward one car's length.

The only thing that matters right now is holding the Xtreme Championship. After that, I have some unfinished business to take care of, but that's not here, nor there.

Wow, I've never seen you so excited holding a championship belt.

The Xtreme Championship is my gateway, Jimmy. When I got your ass out of Lima bagging groceries you said the goal was the Universal Championship.

The second car in front of TK and Jimmy moves up the line. Which allows Jimmy to move forward one more car's length.

Wait... You remembered that?

Fuck yeah, I do! You said if I won the Universal Championship I'd be rolling in fucking XBUX! From that day forward, I never looked back!

Jimmy shakes his head with displeasure.

How didn't I see that coming?


It's because you're a damned idiot, Jimmy. Seriously though, this is defense number three! They threw me, my man, Marf. A Former Xtreme Champion, former two-time TV Champion, does any of this ring a goddamn bell, bro? I'm the current Xtreme Champion and a former two-time TV Champion. This guy is a lot more dangerous than people give him credit for! We share some of the same accolades and you know just how fucking dangerous I am! I'm not taking Marf lightly!

As TK finished his sentence the final car in front of the two men moves into position to order. Jimmy follows suit moving forward.

The brass in the back saw something they couldn't control, The Bastards. So, the easiest thing they could do to try and gain some control in this Xtreme situation they find themselves in with 'Ol Thunder Knuckles going for a briefcase, is to make us, BOB, fight each other for it. Little do they fucking know we already know what's going to happen. All the respect in the world to Marf but I'm bringing my A-Game. I expect him to do the goddamn same. We're going to go out to the ring on Savage and put on a HELL of a show. We might be starting the show but you better well guarantee that we're the main event! Sure, you'll still have to sit through some dog shit; like Ring Master versus Elijah Martin in the same junkyard, their careers are in. A triple threat match with three relative unknowns. Oh, wait, the next one is pretty good, that cute girl who wants to buy me drinks-


Adi Gold?

Yeah, that's her name, anyway, her versus Sarah Lackin's sister.


The final car in front of them finally pulls away. Jimmy rolls down his window to order as he pulls up.

Thanks for choosing Burger King. How can I help you?

TK leans over Jimmy to order before Jimmy had time to fuck it up.

Yeah, I want two Triple King Burgers, extra bacon, extra cheese, I also want some of those jalapeno popper bitches you got. Oh, and a Dr. Pepper, large.

TK pauses for a second and looks over at Jimmy.

Do you want anything?


Sure get me a-

Does that complete your order?

TK doesn't care what Jimmy wants he's going to order for him.

Nah, get me a chicken nugget kids meal for a girl.


Alright, your total is-

Just like any order speaker in the United States, it becomes a gargling mess before you can hear the total.

Just pull up to the second window.


Thanks, Thunder Knuckles.

Anytime, mother fucker.

Jimmy pulls the Nissan Pathfinder forward.

Isn't there a cage match after that?

Sure the fuck is Reggie versus Dolly. I'd hype that, but fuck me, if that's not a slaughter waiting to happen.

Yeah, Dolly should pull that one out.

Nah, I mean, Reggie gonna whoop on that girl's ass. Her motivation left with Thad. Then we go to what can only be called the final match of the night because Marf and yours truly, 'Ol Thunder Knuckles, stole the Main Event slot. Garry, with two fucking "r"'s, Rey-Rey Nelson versus Jenny L-O-L Myst.

She holds all the cards.


What does that even fucking mean?

Jimmy shrugs as he pulls up to the second window. Jimmy pays the Burger King employee for the food. The server hands over a greasy bag and a large Dr. Pepper.

Whatever.


TK waves off the notion that Jenny Myst holds anything, including, but not limited to the TV title.

The first match, the last match, doesn't fucking matter. Marf versus Thunder Knuckles IS the Main Event. If you think for a second that we're not going to come out on June 18th and show why WE are Bastards then you've got another goddamn thing coming. People WILL be talking about what transpires, mark my fucking words. After this match, a match I'm going to win, I'm going to sit back, and root for Marf as he challenges Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal, with Charlie for the Tag Team Championships. Speaking of being hungry... You know what has to happen before we eat right?


TK bows his head before he eats to pray. The Bastard fans at home bow their heads to pray along with TK.

O Bastardly Father, today, like all days, help me to live with hate. May it not be said that my faith is inconsistent, Your infinite power is unquestioned. Your boundless glory, grotesque greatness, gory grandeur, merciless majesty, and Your limitless ability are what keeps BOB on track. Keep us, oh, Bastardly Father, trusting in our pugilistic power. Help me pray accordingly as I fucking prey, even right now. O Batsardly Father, help me to realize my path to greatness. For You have anointed Bobby as the one true Grand High PooBOB of the XWF universe that has all authority and all power. You made it to where he sovereignly rules and reigns over all things XWF. Help me not to underestimate my opponents in my praying. As I pray for Marf too, as we serve each other in Your power.

TK with his eyes still closed looks up toward the Pathfinders ceiling, reaches up without hitting the top, and waves his hands channeling the power of the Bastardly Father.

We don't want to lead our lives subservient to the owner's power, but, yet, in our own strength, in our own ability. Forgive us, Bastardly Father, for we will entertain the masses on June 18th live from Spokane, Washington. Bastardly Father, help us to trust in You and your devious path. Give us and the XWF fans around the world greater faith in You, my Lord of retribution. You have the power to answer these prayers, so we pray that You do it in a way that displays our deplorable goals and wicked intent.

TK puts his arms down as he bows his head once again, never opening his eyes.

In your Bastardly name, I prey.

TK opens his eyes and raises his head, with a cocky smile on his face, he utters the words;

A-goddamn-men.





[Image: brofade.gif]
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[-] The following 7 users Like Thunder Knuckles™'s post:
Charlie Nickles (06-10-2022), Dolly Waters (06-10-2022), HGH (06-11-2022), Marf (06-11-2022), Mr. Oz (06-10-2022), Prof. Bobby Bourbon (06-10-2022), Theo Pryce (06-20-2022)




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