TK walks into the Bath Middle School still a little bit drunk from the elementary school he just left. He walks into the cafeteria where the students are having lunch. He kicks on the boombox but this time it’s playing “Fuck Authority” by Pennywise all the students take notice. They didn’t know they had an assembly at lunch today.

What’s up, little Bastards!

The room cafeteria is quiet as a teacher approaches TK.

Sir, excuse me, Sir, what are you doing?

It’s okay, bitch, I’m here to tell the kids why they shouldn't do steroids.

The teacher looks confused.

Alright, you snot-nosed cunts. I'm Thunder Knuckles and Theo Pryce and Vinnie Lane set up this fucking shindig to teach you all a lesson.

You shouldn’t talk like that to the students… I don’t get paid enough for this… I'm going to go get the principal.

Sure, lady, do what you have to fucking do… Anyway, where was I?

A student, whos very perceptive and close to where TK is standing, gives a response.

Don't do steroids?

TK nods his head in approval.

Right, good looking out, kid. I know what you’re thinking. Thunder Knuckles we’ve totally seen you take steroids in the past. Why the change of heart? I haven't but you're kids! You have to at least be twenty-one before you even think about using steroids. I mean, shit, take Vita Valenteen. That bitch took steroids and now her growth has been stunted and she's stuck looking like a twelve-year-old boy!

TK point to one of the random girls in the cafeteria.

Do you want that shit?

The girl doesn't react.

Well, do you? Don't just look at me like a damn mongoloid.

The girl shakes her head no.

I didn’t fucking think so. Sure, steroids will make you good things like sports like boxing, rassling, and bodybuilding. Now, I have to take a minute to explain I don’t do steroids to get big and swoll. Nope, I only use steroids to get roid rage. The meaner you are the better, in my profession, professional rassling. Performance enhancing, for sure.

TK shakes his head trying to get himself back on track.

Listen, you can be like Ring Master. Get all swoll as fuck but be too big to do a goddamn thing in the ring.

Who’s Ring Master?

He’s my opponent at Leap of Faith LIVE from Dubia but I understand why you wouldn’t know him. Don’t worry, kid, I’m going to make him famous. He’ll be the SECOND defense of this.

TK holds up his Xtreme Championship for the students to see, he then tosses it to the floor.

You know, I never wanted this championship. It’s too much fucking work but since I got it I might as well be the best Xtreme Champion since…

TK pauses for a moment and looks like he's about to blow chunks.

Jim Caedus.

TK almost became too nauseous to finish what he was saying.

Kids, you don’t want to grow up and be like Caedus. If you learn anything today it should be that.

A student blurts out without being called.

What about not doing steroids?

TK smirks because that was a well-timed question by a kid who doesn't follow the rules.

I’d rather you do all the steroids than be like that fucking guy. HOWEVER, I’m here to tell you not to do steroids, so don’t.

A boy, wearing a TNGB t-shirt, in the cafeteria, raises his hand.

Nice shirt, Chuckle-fuck.

The boy seems super excited that TK called him a Chuckle-fuck.

You said you take steroids and you’re a champion. Why shouldn’t we take them?

Holy shit, kid, you’ll never be successful like ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles so don’t delusion yourself with that gar-bo. You’re sounding like Ring Master but here's some good reason NOT to take steroids. It can cause heart disease,-

Between words, TK reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small baggie of cocaine.

-cause liver damage,-

TK holds up the baggie and gives it a flick.

Lowers production of your natural testosterone by making your balls shrink, can’t have little Bastards for yourself,-

TK pulls a straw out of his back pocket and places it inside the baggie.

-and it’ll cause you to be balder than Vinnie Lane under his wig...

TK is doing his best Hoover Vacuum imitation by snorting a good deal of cocaine in front of the students.

FUCKING-A, THAT’S GOOD SHIT! I’m glad Amber Heard hooked me up with her coke dealer.

TK shakes his head because that is perhaps the best coke he’s had since War Games 2021.

Oh, umm, where was I, oh, and that’s just for you boys. It gets way worse for the girls. You get all that and-

TK puts the straw back into his back pocket, seals the baggie, and puts it back in this pocket.

Your voice will deepen, it’ll fuck up your face, grow facial hair like me, fuck up your periods, make your tits smaller, and Bobby says it’ll make you grow a dick!

All the students in attendance are in awe that a speaker came in and is acting like this.

So, yeah, don’t fucking do steroids. Any questions?

TK scans the cafeteria but no one raises their hand.

Come on, don’t be fucking shy and shit.

The principal of Bath Middle School has finally arrived in the cafeteria and he looks pissed.

HEY!

Who the fuck are you?

I’m principal Clark, who are you?

Shit, son, I’m the guest speaker the Board of Education sent to tell these disease bags not to do steroids.

The principal looks confused now.

The Board of Education didn’t say anything about a guest speaker.

Well, I suggest you fucking call them. Do you think I do this shit for fun? Hell, the fuck, no. I’m here to get PAID, bitch!

The principal pulls out his cell phone and begins dialing the superintendent.

While this shit stain figures out his life-

The students begin to laugh because they all want to call Mr. Clark a shit stain. The principal, however, doesn't look amused.

-we’ll continue. It can also cause mental illness, hence Jim Caedus, and why you shouldn’t be like him. There's also ass-ma-

A little girl in the cafeteria corrects TK.

Asthma?

Yeah, that's what Hell the I said, keep up. It can cause autoimmune diseases. Which doesn’t sound so bad because if you're autoimmune you can’t get fucking sick, It’s in the name, for Christ's sake. Then there's the fact it can cause sepsis. Whatever the fuck that is. I know it's fucking bad, though.

Mr. Clark hangs up his phone and looks mad as Hell.

You’re not supposed to be here!

TK quits giving his presentation and looks over at Mr. Clark.

Uh, yeah, I am.

You’re supposed to be at Lima West Middle School.

I didn’t go there? I went to Bath Middle. I told those shit-birds that I was only working at schools that I fucking went to.

What’s your name?

TK walks over to Mr. Clark, he begins to whisper what his name used to be before he had it legally changed to Thunder Knuckles. Mr. Clark’s eyes go wide as his look of anger intensifies.

You were expelled from this school and told to never return!

Bullshit, there has to be some sort of fucking statue of limitations for that shit, right?

THERE ISN’T A STATUTE OF LIMITATION FOR TERRORISM!

Oh, come the fuck on, just cause I blew up the gymnasium post nine eleven doesn’t make it terrorism.

YES, YES, IT DOES!

TK reaches into his pocket and pulls out a fob that looks like it’s for a set of car keys.

If I wasn’t supposed to be here then how could I do this?

TK presses the button on the fob… Nothing happens.


~~~~~~~


Meanwhile, some pyrotechnics that TK had Jimmy install in the gymnasium that he was supposed to go to goes off. A giant fireball explodes in Lima West Middle School’s gymnasium, causing the teachers and students to freak out, thinking a bomb went off.


~~~~~~


Well?

TK presses the button a couple more times. Still, nothing happens.


~~~~~~~


Meanwhile, at Lima West Middle School, the principal has pulled the fire alarm to evacuate the children.


~~~~~~


TK tosses the fob behind his back and shrugs.

Well… Shit… I guess I’m at the wrong goddamn school.


~~~~~~


Lima West Middle School the students are filing out of the building and the sounds of fire trucks in the distance can be heard.


~~~~~~


The principal with a stern glare.

Leave before I call the cops.

Shit, man, calm down. I’m fucking leaving.

TK addresses the kids one last time.

Don’t do goddamn steroids!

TK presses play on his boombox and the cool sound of “Fuck Authority” by Pennywise is blaring. The students all begin to clap, TK bows to adoring fans and picks up his Xtreme Championship. While the principal is trying to get TK to leave. The scene fades to black like every video eventually does.

The scene fades back to TK sitting in a lawn chair outside of his run-down trailer in Lima, Ohio. He's looking at the pictures in a Penthouse Magazine from April 1997.

I don't understand why they make the bitches piss in this magazine, like, why?

Jimmy walks up with a can of beer, sits in the lawn chair next to TK, and hands over the beer.

Did you see what Ring Master said?

TK is still looking at the outdated Penthouse Magazine, ignoring Jimmy. He still hasn't cracked open his beer.

Ring Master thinks he’s a true legend-

TK can be seen shaking his head in disbelief, face still buried in the nudie mag.

-and he’s not going to reveal everything.

TK knows Jimmy won't shut up until the camera crew goes away. He closes the porno magazine, cracks open his beer, and goes in.

I mean, he’s already told me he has a career-ending weapon called the Knuckle Buster. Which is singular and not plural so the guy is doomed.

TK rolls his eyes not believing that being a bond villain in 2022 is still something people try to do.

Not to mention the fact he said he was going to keep it simple. Which should be easy for this smooth-brained mother fucker. He thinks he’s going to control the match, not going to happen. Dictate what I do, by dictate he means, getting his ass beat from one side of the cage to the other. Leaving little piss puddles everywhere he goddamn lands. Sure, I can see that shit. Try to fucking cripple me, holy shit, that cock mite got me on that one. He’s going to try to fucking cripple me, Jimmy.

TK gives a seated yet truly inspiring jerking-off hand gesture, long, deep strokes.

Look, fuck wits, I promise when I whip your ass, I’ll leave just enough meat on your bones, so you can walk around and be a constant reminder to the roster that I, ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles, allowed your pathetic existence to continue.

The stoic look on TK’s face could be described as money, seeing as it’s the same as Benjamin Franklin’s face on the hundred dollar bill.

As far as pissing me off, A, you can’t handle that smoke, B, you don’t have the goddamn cheeks to piss me off.

TK reaches down to the ground to grab his Pit Vipers, puts on the awesome shades, and takes a drink of his beer.

For now, I’m just going to make you choke on your own words. You say you’re not the kind of guy who likes to start rumors, and shit, but you came out here and told the XWF fans around the world that ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles competes on the D brand Monday Night Madness. Shame on you, mother fucker, shame on you.

Jimmy cuts in as he sees TK take another drink of beer.

Don’t forget he called you intelligent.

TK glares at Jimmy while tipping back his can of Budweiser.

What the Hell are you trying to say, Jimmy?

TK looks serious as Hell and doesn't break his stare.

Nothing… I… He…

He, what?

Jimmy tries to change the topic as TK finishes his beer.

He said God has blessed him with talent.

Luckily for Jimmy, the topic change gets TK back on track.

The only fucking problem with that is basket weaving and telling corny jokes won’t get you far in a rassling ring. What do you want me to say, Jimmy? For real? Ring Master is certainly here to try to shock the world?

TK pauses for a moment but Jimmy is too smart at this point to answer.

Too goddamn bad the electric company in Dubai cut off all his power because this shit jar can’t catch a spark to save his goddamn life. Bring your secret weapon or whatever the fuck you think you have. I have a question for you though… How in the actual fuck, do you think you’re going to pin a guy who’s been practicing kicking out for four weeks and counting? Maul that over in that sixteen-milliliter skull of yours.

Trying to help TK, Jimmy cuts him off and corrects him.

Millimeter.

This proves to be a mistake. The smack came so quickly that Jimmy wasn’t able to react until it was far too late.

I’ve had enough of your shit! Go find something else to do other than bother me.

Jimmy, holding his face to not show the camera the obvious red mark left by TK’s hand, walks off camera.

With that fuck gone it's time to get down to business.

TK closes his eyes and begins bobbing his head back and forth, trying to find the beat.

Ring Master wants to throw out some false flags Trying to convince people he's got more in his bitch mags. He’s not a gunner or a stunner, he’s got fake swag. ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles is going to bust him up like Iron Mike, finish the fucker off with the Thunder Strike.

You can see that TK really felt that line.

May twenty-ninth, Ring Master is coming to the fight. Too bad he’s walking into the ring with a man full of spite. Once in that ring his blood will pour, much to the crowd's delight. He’s here to be a stepping stone in a legendary movement. It’s also crystal clear that he still needs some improvement. At least he’s got a front-row ticket to this Xtreme revolution. Ring Master isn’t ready for no days off, he’s still unproven. Whereas I’m battle-tested, serving up his execution.

Jimmy walks back up with another cold beer but TK is in the zone with his eyes closed.

This Xtreme Championship is mine and I’m working overtime and for me to allow you to win would be a damn crime. I win, you lose, but you'll get used to that. Everything you say is all cap and that’s a goddamn fact. While every joke you tell falls flat, just like anytime you step up to a Bastard in combat. TV, Xtreme, it's all the same thing. You’re losing at Leap of Faith and I’m taking home my bling.

Still seated, TK holds his hand out, and Jimmy places the beer in TK's hand.

There's a reason I’m dropping opponents every couple of weeks. For me rassling ain't a hobby, bitch I keep all the receipts. I pay taxes that double Ring Master’s salary. I could be flexing on him harder, but that's for the goddamn sheep. I’ll still bust him wide open, hit him so fast he’ll be frozen, for that briefcase I'm fucking devoted. I’ll struggle every day but won’t be broken, like a constant motion, I evolve to be the Bastard, chosen. He's about to find out this megastar is enormous, so big he doesn't know how to orbit, you'll see it at Leap of Faith with my performance.

Still holding his unopen beer, TK continues to bob his head to the music in his head.


Ring Master doesn’t got the goods, just look he had to call up Xavier Woods. He should have gotten Takashi 69, they’re from the same hood. Come one, come all, I’m just starting to ball. While Ring Master has a game plan, he’s trying to install. I’m not Rampage, Dolly, or R.L., If I show up he’s destined to fall. Management should have let him learn to crawl; Instead, they sent him in running into this brawl. He’s lucky we’re in a double cage. It'll be the only thing stopping me from kicking his ass from Dubai all the way to Nepal.

TK opens his eyes, cracks open the new beer, and downs it in one go. After TK finishes the beer, he crushes the can and tosses it at Jimmy's chest.

Go get me another one.

TK looks dead into the camera.

I’d say we’re not the same Ring Master, that much would be true, but we do have one thing in common.

TK pauses with a smile on his face. Just so Ring Master can think about the one thing they have in common.

Amber Heard. She hooked me up with her coke dealer and she taught you how to shit the bed.

TK stands up, folds his hand, places them in front of himself, and bows his head. All the Bastards around the world know what time it is.

O Bastardly Father, I ask that you would protect BOB and myself. I ask that you would increase our discernment to avoid allowing naysayers to enter our lives, that seek to destroy us from the inside out. I rebuke good nature, sheep, the false Space Jesus, hypocrites, Twitter thots, and any so-called contenders from attacking our livelihood and our titles. I thank you for surrounding us with your wicked demons to protect me and BOB from any attack that the enemy seeks to set against us. Bastardly Father, I thank you for removing friends, relationships, and family members from my life that are fueled by goodness. Bastardly Father give me strength to dispense with the opposition with unrighteousness, long-suffering, and unholy vengefulness. I also ask for the wisdom to know who is for BOB and who is against BOB. Bastardly Father, show me the opponents who have to suffer the longest and I will make it so. I trust your guidance, Bastardly Father, and I ask for help to keep my heart polluted and full of malice, for you.

TK raises his head from prayer like many times before.

A-goddamn-men.

The scene fades out as Jimmy hands TK another beer.