"Good Time" Stevie McKeown
- vs -
"The" Jessica Anderson
Referee: Mr. Referee
Unknown Soldier
- vs -
Elijah Martin
Referee: Chaz Bobo
SARAH LACKLAN PLUMP PIGEON TOURNAMENT - S BLOCK
???
VITA VALENTEEN
BIG MONEY
GENERIC HEEL
RUBY
TOMMY WISH
???
N/A
X
VITA VALENTEEN
X
N/A
X
X
BIG MONEY
N/A
X
GENERIC HEEL
X
N/A
RUBY
X
N/A
X
TOMMY WISH
X
N/A
EACH SHOW WILL HAVE MATCHES FROM EACH BLOCK UNTIL ALL PAIRINGS HAVE BEEN MADE. TALLIES WILL BE UPDATED IN THE GRID AS WE ADVANCE.
FOR THIS SHOW:
VITA VALENTEEN - vs - TOMMY WISH
BIG MONEY OSWALD - vs - ???
SARAH LACKLAN PLUMP PIGEON TOURNAMENT - L BLOCK
LORD RAAB
CENTURION
JASON CASHE
HGH
BOOTS LICHTER
DOLLY WATERS
LORD RAAB
N/A
CENTURION
X
N/A
JASON CASHE
X
N/A
X
X
HGH
X
N/A
X
BOOTS LICHTER
X
N/A
X
DOLLY WATERS
X
N/A
EACH SHOW WILL HAVE MATCHES FROM EACH BLOCK UNTIL ALL PAIRINGS HAVE BEEN MADE. TALLIES WILL BE UPDATED IN THE GRID AS WE ADVANCE.
FOR THIS SHOW:
BOOTS LICHTER - vs - LORD RAAB
HGH - vs - CENTURION
Ruby & The Generic Heel
- vs -
Jason Cashe & Dolly Waters Leftovers Random Tag!
The four remaining Plumpies (participants in the PP tournament, according to Sarah) must team up and defend their block's honor!
Referee: MARTY
FOR THE ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP
"La Reina" Daniela Raye-Weathers
- vs - Latina Submission Machina
Referee: Ari Silverstein
Guess what happens?
You got it!
PYYYYYYROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Might as well call us the Black Eyed Peas because we got that BOOM BOOM POW!
Red white and blue fireworks scream through the air as Anarchy hits the airwaves. CamBot drones fly all over the place and zoom in on fans’ signs.
I KNOW WHO UNKNOWN SOLDIER IS!
LSM IS LA LESBIANA
WHERE DID BARNEY GO?
SARAH LACKLAN HAS NICE SHOES
The bots then swirl around and find Vinnie Lane seated at his announce booth next to his broadcast partner Bama T., and his little doggie Sassafras.
Vinnie Lane: “FOLKS! Welcome to Anarchy!!! We are LIVE in Miami Florida, and… uh… wait, isn’t Sarah going to interrupt me now?”
Vinnie looks at the ramp expectantly but nothing happens.
Bama: “I bet she’s gettin’ jiggy with that sexy wife of hers!”
Vinnie Lane: “Gross. But possible! Anyway, if I get to do this part myself then tonight is AWESOME! Bama, we have an amazing show tonight. The Anarchy Title is on the line in our main event, we’re getting four matches for the Pigeon Tourney on the record, and a sweet leftovers mix-match tag!”
Bama: “Yessir! Plus we got us a debut! I hear that’s ready roll… RIGHT NOW!”
Vinnie Lane: “It sure is! Let’s get to the ring!”
"Good Time" Stevie McKeown
- vs -
"The" Jessica Anderson
Referee: Mr. Referee
Jessica Anderson was already in the ring during the intro, as she waited for her opponent.
Vinnie Lane: “I’ve never actually seen Mizz Anderson in action, Bama, but I’m really looking forward to it!!”
Bama: “She could be a champion in the making, boss, you never know!”
Stevie McKeown comes out to the ring, with the fans cheering him on, as he flexes his muscles to the people on the ramp and raises his arms up to pump himself up. Then he slides into the ring, and he goes to the top ropes to taunt, then he gets to the middle of it and scratches as the theme fades off.
Vinnie Lane: “Every time Stevie McKeown is in the house it’s a GOOD TIME!”
Bama: “Some folks just have a beautiful soul, Vinnie… Steve right here is one of them people!”
DING! DING! DING!!!
Once the bell rung, Stevie and Jessica shook hands as Mr. Referee accepted that gesture. Then they get to their corners, and they feel one another as they circle around one another. Then they lock up, and try to overpower one another until Steive gets her on the ropes. He broke it off, and backed off, and Jessica tries to get her footing back on the mat.
Then they circle around one another some more, and the lock up again, this time Stevie locks in a Headlock, then she transitions it into a Hammerlock, then with a free arm he does a Snapmare on her and locks in a chinlock, then she gets on her feet and Jawbreak him. Then she hits a Spinning Heel Kick on Stevie, which stumbles him, and she runs to the ropes and hits a Dropkick on Stieve, and goes for the cover, which he kicks out of.
Stevie then goes for an Arm Wrench on Jessica, and keeps on wrenching it until he does a Lucha type of reversal, and she chops his knees with her arm. Then she charges to the ropes, and connects with a Springboard Moonsault on Stevie. Then she tried to grab his legs, but he pushed her off him. Then he gets on his feet, and he punches her in the face, and he does once more, then he follows it up with a Old School Atomic Drop, which makes her bounce out of the ring.
Vinnie Lane: “Wow, what an impressive start for our new up start Stevie with that Atomic Drop, reminds me of the good ol days when that move would pop a crowd, just like in here tonight!”
Bama: “Very true Vinnie, I think that with this young man coming into this company, he will set this brand on fire.”
Stevie then does a lap around the ring like if he won the world series, until Jessica get back into the ring, and he stops his pre celebration, and he smirks at her. Then she tries to punch him in the gut, and she gets him to the solar plexus, and she goes for a Standing Shiranui on Stevie, but he manages to get her mid air and hits a clean Back Body Drop on Jessica. Then he does some stomps on her, and taunts the crowd.
Then the camera cuts to the stage of the arena, and the fans see Tommy coming down to the ring in his tye dye shirt and black shorts with glasses on his face, walking around the ring. Stevie takes notice, and he tells him to beat it, and Tommy keeps on walking around the ring until he sees Jessica in the ring. He tries to get in, but Mr. Referee stops him.
Vinnie Lane: “What the heck is Tommy doing here in the opening match? He isn’t even supposed to be here…oh wait a darn minute he’s…bribing Mr. Referee!?!?!”
Bama: “I mean, with what you or the company is paying him, i’d look the other way as well against this man.”
Tommy then hands the ref about 400 dollars in Andrew Jackson's image, and looks the other way as he enters the ring. Then Stevie looked confused as Tommy was jumping for joy over Jessica. Then Tommy lifts up Jessica to her feet, and he Irish Whips her to the ropes and he signals Stevie to hit his Spinning Spinebuster, which he does.
Tommy steps to the apron, and cheers on Stevie, who then ignores him and beams his eyes on Jessica who was rising on her feet slowly. He then hits her with a Hot Shot off the ropes, and then he nails her with a Powerslam. He then works in a Side Headlock, then with the chants of Jessica’s name, he tries to get on her feet, and she elbow’s him repeatedly, and breaks his hold. She then comes back to life with a series of punches and kicks on Stevie, and even hitting a Dropkick on him, she then goes to the top rope and she does a Flying Nothing, as Stevie boots her in the face.
Stevie then hits her with a Discus Punch, and does once more to her. He then nails her with a extra Powerslam, and he looks at Tommy who cheers him on. Stevie then confronts Tommy, and he tells him to beat it, even to the point of almost shoving him off the arpon. Tommy kept his cool while Stevie was giving him a hard time. Jessica uses this as a distraction as she rolls him up..
Vinnie Lane: “Will this upset become reality over this newcomer with Tommy interrupting this match up?”
Bama: “I bet you top dollar it will b–”
1!
KICKOUT BY STEVIE!!!
Tommy then taunts Jessica, with him trying to get a kiss from her. She then rebuffs him, and he curses her out which she retaliates by slapping him. As he ref tried to defuse the situation between them, Stevie then manages to lock Jessica with a…..
NIGHT NIGHT TIME!
Vinnie Lane: “WILL JESSICA PASSOUT OR BREAK OUT OF– ohh…”
Bama: “...she’s DONE!”
Winner by Submission - Stevie McKeown
After the bell had rung, and Stevie had his hand raised, Tommy went into the ring to celebrate but Stevie wasn’t having that and left the ring. Then he looked at Jessica on the mat, and he started to shout at her “VITA! VITA! I KNOW WHAT YOUR FEET SMELL LIKE FISH PITA!” and he took off her left shoe and socks and then locked in a Fetish Lock on her exposed foot, and inhaled her soles in the process.
Vinnie Lane:“OH MY GOD, TOMMY IS LOSING HIS FREAKING MIND THINKING THAT ITS VITA… ITS JESSICA YOU CREEPY BASTARD! GET SECUIRTY HERE BEFORE HE DOES ANYHTING STUPID!”
Bama:“I don’t think Tommy cares about Vinnie, he’s just waiting to get his hands on Vita, well I do think that Jessica kinda looks like Vita though.”
Vinnie Lane:“Hush up Bama, you don't know a thing between a local talent and a vampire!”
He locked it in tightly enough, that she was either laughing or crying at the pain with how he’s playing with her barefoot, then security comes to the ring, and Tommy flees out of the ring into the crowd, as the next segment airs.
Charlie Nickles and Money Oswald sit across from each other at a grimey table in a poorly lit backroom of the Hardrock Stadium. The TV championship hangs over Charlie’s shoulder as a cigarette hangs out of his lip. Marlboro red, from the look of it. Oswald is dressed up in a fancy black suit, complete with a tie and all. He’s trying to wave the cigarette smoke away from his expensive clothing as the two bastards play a quick game of poker on the table.
Charlie shuffles the cards while keeping the cig in his mouth, grinning like a wolf at Oswald, who clearly does not prefer the smoke.
Oswald: What are you even doing here tonight, Charlie? You almost never come to Anarchy, except to bother me.
Charlie: Well you’ll never believe it, Oswald, but the reason I’m here tonight has nothing to do with you.
Oswald: Uh huh…
Charlie starts dealing out the cards to himself and Oswald. It looks like he’s pretty obviously cheating, but Oswald is distracted by the story that’s about to be woven.
Charlie: You see, I checked out the card for this week’s Anarchy online, and I saw something pretty darn interesting.
Nickles finishes dealing the hand. The camera switches perspective twice quickly, tho show what each man has for cards. Charlie has a pair of Aces; Oswald has a mismatched three and nine.
Charlie: I saw you were matched up ag-
Oswald: So you ARE here because of me! You’re always showing up on Anarchy to ask me for advice or a favor. No more, Charlie! Just use the BOB credit cards like everyone else!
Oswald throws a modest wager into the center of the table. Charlie returns the favor before putting his pair of aces down. He shakes his head from side to side while he unloads the river, cigarette still in mouth, bouncing between his lips every time he speaks.
Charlie: I’m not here for you, egomaniac! IT’S YOUR OPPONENT! Question mark question mark question mark. There’s no way that’s a real birth name.
Oswald: Obviously.
The river is revealed to contain a seven of spades, a king of hearts, and one of the ace’s that was supposedly shuffled into Charlie’s hand.
Charlie: So what does that make it? IT MAKES IT AN ALIAS, OSWALD! He wants to hide all the time, so it could very well be him! So I’m here to confront him! He stood in my shadow on Warfare, refusing to face my wrath head-on, and I haven’t seen heads or tails of the pussycat since! That prick is making it impossible to accept the very challenge he laid out, it’s a classic bitch move. So if he came to Anarchy thinking he’d get a win over a BOB member, he’s shit out of luck- just like you are with this hand!
Charlie goes all-in and smirks as Oswald begrudgingly folds. Charlie mucks his hand, never having to show the cards. Then he grabs all the cards again and begins reshuffling the entire deck.
Oswald: We all know who my opponent is already. It’s-
Charlie: GOTTA BE ALIAS! He’s not going to know what hit him when I come over the barricade with a trusty 2-by-4 and knock his lights out! Or maybe I should just let you whoop his ass fair and square, then I’ll come down the entrance ramp to gloat! Either way we’ll make a complete mockery of him when he shows his face around here!
Charlie starts dealing out the next hand before stopping to spit his cigarette butt on the ground. Meanwhile, Oswald is waving clouds of smoke out of his face.
Oswald: You won’t even be able to see his face through all this smoke. Jesus, Nickles. Also, when is it going to be my turn to shuffle anyways?
Charlie: Never, because you don’t do it right!
Oswald: We should just get that weirdo you have locked up in our cellar to shuffle for us. He’s hung out with enough pro wrestlers by now to know how cards work!
Charlie: Nah brotha-man. I have bigger plans for our little tweeter bird.
Charlie turns to the side and gives a sly wink to the camera before the segment fades out.
Big Money Oswald
- vs -
“Venom” Xavier Lux
XWF Anarchy is back again from commercial break, and we’re brought immediately to the ring where Big Money Oswald’s music is dying down before the booing Miami crowd. Big Money is standing in the center of the ring, his arms folded, a look of disgust on his face.
Vinnie Lane: "We welcome you all back to XWF Anarchy, for what we hope will be some more killer S-Block action in the Sarah Lacklan Plumpest Pigeon Tournament."
Bama: "Yeah, baby, but look on the face of Big Money Oswald."
Vinnie Lane: "He looks like he’s smelling something unsavory.."
Bama: "Injustice, baby! The former Anarchy Champion has made it clear that he feels cheated by Sarah Lacklan against Vita Valenteen."
Vinnie Lane: "Well, we’re about to find out if Big Money is in the mood to participate, but I don’t have high hopes."
Bama: "HERE COMES THE QUESTION MARKS, BABY!"
The lights in the building start to flicker, matching the opening riffs and drums of Disturbed's 'The Infection'. After the intro, a brief pyro explosion goes off in the entrance and as lyrics of the song begin, Xavier Lux steps out from behind the smoke left by the pyro.
He stands there sporting his finest black and green gear, looking around at the XWF crowd most of whom boo him loudly after his recent actions. He shakes his head in disappointment and instead focuses on those that do cheer loudly, and even try to fight the boos with a brief “Venom! Venom!” chant. He smirks before making his way down the ramp, keeping his focus on the ring. Once he gets to ringside, he hops on the apron, wiping his boots showing his respect to the canvas where he is about to practice his craft.
He then gets inside and makes his way to the corner, climbs to the second turnbuckle and again just looks around at the crowd who is now giving him a mix reaction. He acknowledges a fan here and there who is showing him support before hopping down from the ring; he checks in with the ref and then gets ready for the match as his music dies down.
The referee calls for the bell.
Lux begins crouching, and circling around the monstrous Oswald who remains unmoved in the center of the ring, his arms folded. Lux stamps his feet around, waving his hands, trying to get Oswald to engage, but still the big man won't budge.
Lux looks at the ref, then out at the fans, holding his hands out and shrugging his shoulders. The fans begin to boo loudly, having paid good money to see a wrestling match. They start pelting the ring with trash, and even as a dirty diaper smacks Ozzy in the side of the head he stands still in the center of the ring, arms folded.
Venom Lux does what he can to swat away some of the trash, but he’s getting frustrated now. He runs at Ozzy and dropkicks him in the chest with all of his might. The fans roar with approval, but continue throwing garbage. Ozzy falls back into the corner, and Lux charges toward him for an uppercut - - but he’s forced to stop just short.
Bama: "Big Money Oswald is leaving the ring, Vinnie!"
Vinnie Lane: "That’s pretty weak dude."
Lux stands in the center of the ring now, watching as Oswald walks up the ramp while the ref counts.
1!
2!!
3!!!
4!!!!
5!!!!!!
Realizing that Oswald is serious about not participating in the match, Lux goes and stands in the corner of the ring, shaking his head while the ref counts Oswald out.
6!!!!!!
7!!!!!!!
8!!!!!!!!
9!!!!!!!!!!
10!!!!!!!!!!
Winner by Count Out - “Venom” Xavier Lux
Vinnie Lane: “Safe to say this is NOT how Lux wanted to make his Anarchy debut!”
Bama: “Ain't what these fans wanted neither Vinnie but it looks like you got you a disgruntled employee!”
Vinnie Lane: “Yeah, well, we'll deal with Big Butthurt Ozzy later on. Let's just get on with the show. Cripes.”
Bama: We are back live from THE HARD ROCK STADIUM IN MIAMI, FLORIDA!
Vinnie Lane: Dang Dude! No need to to SCREAM IT, but we are back in front of a sold out crowd that has been more lit than a blunt here tonight.
Bama: Well of course they are, Anarachy is giving them all their moneys worth tonight and we got alot more to deliver tonight……
Just then No One Will Survive by CFO$ plays over the speakers as the fans erupt to the sound of Bam Millers theme music a motorcycle is heard as it rolls on stage with Bam Miller on it. He points around to all the fans before riding down the ramp and riding around the ring. He parks his bike and high fives a fan in the front row, then gets a Miller Lite beer tossed to him. He walks up the Steele steps, and walks slowly into the middle of the ring. He opens the can up and as soon as the can touches his lips pyro goes off behind him. As the pyro stops Bam Miller walks over and request a microphone.
Bam Miller: Well it feels fucking good to be back in an XWF ring!!!!
TH fans cheer for Bam Miller but he doesnt give them back the same reaction instead his smiles turns to an evil grin.
Bam Miller: But alot of things have changed for the better of me but not so much for you leaches in the audience. You see I looked intot he mirror and realized you people are aprt of the reason ic an not become the best version of myself, you people act like youve had my back but inr reality you were no where to be found when people would verbally abuse me about being left in a dumpster do you know what kind of impact that has on a man ? Ofcoutrse you dont because you dont walk in my shoes but soon you will get a glimpse into my damage world. Its not all fun and jokes, there is pain and suffering in this world and Im going to let eveyoen feel it starting with Elijah Martin!!!!
Bama: This Bam Miller is a real piece of work.
Vinnie Lane: He's definitely killing the vibe out here dude.
Bam Miller paces for a moment with a grin on his face.
Bam Miller: Now last Anarchy I said I had a couple of Dream MatcheS I wanted to knock off my list and Elijah Martin congratulations your the first one up and I saw you when you said ok? You see Martin ok isnt a good enough answer for me I need to make yourself more clear for me, I know we both are in the CCPE but I just need to really know if your ass is ready to go to Miller Time?
The lights on the entrance way go dark as "Blueprint 2" by Jay-Z begins... as the song reaches the 21-second mark and the beat drops, an explosion is heard and the stage lighting comes back up, revealing Elijah Martin standing at the top of the entrance way. After about ten seconds of standing still to take in the crowd in the arena, Martin casually makes his way to the ring, yelling some random things at the crowd on the way.
He walks around to the hard cam side of the ring and hops onto the apron towards the end of the first verse of the song. When the song transitions into the chorus with the beat drop at the 1:25 mark, Martin raises both arms in the air… but he stops short of doing his usual yelling of "I'M THE KING, MOTHAFUCKAS!" After a couple of seconds taking in the boos, Martin steps into the ring and pulls a microphone out of his pocket as we stand nose to nose with Bam Miller.
Both men stare intensely at each other while the crowd anxiously awaits to see who makes the first move or speaks the first word. The crowd starts chanting back and forth between “Fuck You Miller” and “Fuck You Martin,” causing both men to look around and laugh for a few moments.
Elijah Martin: Man, you disgusting assholes are SO FUCKING FICKLE!!
The crowd comes together with a chorus of boos, only making Elijah laugh some more, before he returns his attention to Miller.
Elijah Martin: Listen Bam, I ain’t gonna waste our time any longer than we want to in front of these pathetic Scarface wannabe pricks, so I’ll say this: you’re on… and I’m gonna make you regret every second of it!
Martin drops the microphone to the mat and walks around Miller to roll out of the ring. Martin is back stepping up the entrance ramp, jawing and forth with Miller, who has since turned around to face him as he leaves. Martin finally turns around and finishes walking thru the curtain, as Miller just leans against the ropes and laughs.
We open with an oddly sensual shot of the Anarchy champion Latina Submission Machina. The camera is focused on the belt hanging around her waist, but mostly it’s focused on her backside as she does downward facing dog yoga atop a red, white, and green wrestling mat. Soft mariachi music plays from a speaker set up a few feet away from the stretching champion.
That’s when the camera slowly zooms out and we see Cage Coleman checking out LSM's backside. He debates with himself for a moment, unsure how Trump would feel about his attraction to her. That’s when LSM suddenly notices Cage Coleman checking her out. She hops up to her feet and rushes over to confront the alleged deviant.
“¡Oye! ¡Qué estás haciendo, enfermo! Get out of here!”
"You think I WANT to be here, Chica?"
LSM looks around her personal locker room, then back to Cage Coleman who is still standing in the doorway to the hall.
“Uh…yeah!”
Coleman chuckles.
"I mean, even I can admit that THAT'S an ass……… but it's not the reason I'm here."
“You’re an ass!”
LSM grabs the door and starts shutting it in Cage Coleman’s face, only for him to stop her by placing a firm hand on the door.
"I was doing a little research, trying to make sure our Anarchy Champion was a legal citizen of……… XWF, so to speak; and what I discovered surprised me more than finding out you actually DO have your green card!"
"What, did you find out I’m into senioritas?”
LSM rolls her eyes.
"I don't even know what that is, some kind of Mexican food…….. oh, sorry, Spanish food?"
Coleman matches the Anarchy Champion's eye roll with one of his own before continuing.
"No, I was on a certain website called ancestry.com and, what I found, could change your's AND another member of the rosters' life forever."
LSM squints through the paint on her face as she stares down Cage Coleman. LSM peeks her head out of the locker room and looks around to ensure they are the only ones in the hallway.
Then she addresses Cage Coleman in a quiet voice.
“What…what do you want from me?!”
Cage gives her a menacing grin.
"It's not about what I want from you.............. it's about what I want from THEM."
LSM looks from side-to-side in the hall again before quickly and quietly ushering Cage Coleman into her locker room. The door to her locker room closes on the camera, allowing it no further access into the private life of the Anarchy champion.
Vita Valenteen
- vs -
Tommy Wish
As Vita Valenteen comes out, it cannot help but be noticed that she is barefoot, and there are some very visible footprints left as she walks through the stage.
Vinnie Lane: "Um, dude, what’s up with Vita’s feet? She should be really going for a pedicure!"
Bama: “Even Tommy Wish wouldn’t be into that…"
The lights start flickering in the arena, and we see smoke blowing out from the stage, and we see Tommy coming out in a light jacket with the hoodie on his head. He then comes out, and he does some shadow boxing on the stage. Then he walks down to the ramp, and he looks at the fans and gives them all a fist bump as he's walking down. Then he slides into the ring, and stands in the middle of the ring poses to the crowd as his theme fades off.
But far from being repulsed at Vita’s dirty feet, Tommy Wish’s grin widens, and there is now a weird glint in his eyes.
Vinnie Lane: "Oh, my God! Is he really into that!?”
Bama: “Hey, I don’t judge you and Roxy’s kinks."
DING DING DING!!!
The bell rings and both wrestlers lock up! Tommy takes advantage of his greater size and lifts Vita up for a Suplex! He attempts to follow up with an armbar, but Vita goes for a small package before Tommy can get down!
1!
2!!
Kickout!
Vinnie Lane: "Great reversal by Vita!”
Bama: “But no way the match was going to end this early!"
Vita attempts to regain the initiative and begins to punish Tommy with some serious knife edge chops! Tommy is staggered back and Vita runs past him to the ropes! She comes close to bring him down for a Bulldog - NO! Counter elbow and a vicious uppercut by Tommy Wish! Vita Valenteen is rocked and Tommy makes the best of his newfound opening, bringing Vita down with a huge piledriver!
1!
2!!
Kickout!!!
Vinnie Lane: "Vita again staying alive!”
Bama: “Isn’t she a vampire? That means she’s undead, right?"
A lustful look on his face, Tommy grabs Vita’s ankle and prepares to place the Fetish Loc- NO! Vita rolls over her own axis and pushes Tommy with all her strength! Tommy flies back and Vita stands up! She breaks into a run and charges into the rising Tommy Wish, catching him square in the jaw with a high knee! Tommy drops like he’s been hit by traffic, and Vita goes for the cover!
1!
2!!
ANOTHER Kickout!
Vinnie Lane: "Vita almost had him!”
Bama: “Should have pinned him with his feet, he would have stayed down!"
Vita isn’t done! She forces Tommy Wish to his feet and Irish whips him to the turnbuckle! Tommy slumps in the corner and Vita lifts up her dirty, grimy right leg for the crowd!
Vinnie Lane: "Is she going to do what I think she’s going to do!”
Bama: “Don’t get any ideas now, Lane."
Vita approaches Tommy Rich and plants her foot on his face, pushing him against the turnbuckle!
Bama: “Tommy Wish is now looking like the happiest man in the world - wait!"
TOMMY WISH HAS JUST BIT VITA’S TOES! Vita recoils back and Tommy Wish gets up, licking his lips. He begins to stagger towards Vita Valenteen, but Vita brings him down with a Basement Dropkick!
1!
2!!
Tommy rolls his shoulder up!
Vinnie Lane: "Is it just me, or is the ref counting the pins slowly?”
Bama: “Look at the man’s face, he can barely stand the swampfoot stench."
The referee is, indeed, retching as he gets down to slap the mat for the third time before Tommy kicks out! Vita has decided to put an end to this! She makes it to the apron behind the ropes and prepares to make Tommy Eat Defeat. Tommy rises once more and Vita leaps… BUT TOMMY CATCHES HER MID-FLIGHT, AND BRINGS HER DOWN WITH A THUNDEROUS POWERSLAM!!!
Vinnie Lane: "WHOA! Great reversal by Tommy Wish!”
Bama: “He might just have the match right here!"
Grinning maniacally now, Tommy hooks Vita’s leg, and licks on her toes as the referee looks on in disgust.
1!
2!!
KICK OUT!!!
Vinnie Lane: "Vita Valenteen will not die!”
Bama: “Of course not, she’s a vampire!"
Tommy Wish is beside himself, but soon gets up and goes for the Fetish lock again. He’s about to lock it in, but Vita is once again struggling! She crawls towards the bottom rope, Tommy tries to pull her back, but Vita drags herself… AND SHE MAKES IT!!!
Vinnie Lane: "Great fighting spirit by Vita!”
Bama: “But Tommy Wish isn’t going to let her go!"
Tommy Wish puts pressure on Vita’s ankle, despite the referee’s warning to break the hold! But Tommy will pay no mind, as he’s too busy running his tongue through Vita’s feet! The official turns green at the gills! He's suddenly slumped in the corner hurling into a barf baggie that obviously are always at each corner for just such a possibility.
Vita and Tommy both stop fighting and just tend to the official, but Vita getting closer just makes him retch more.
Vinnie Lane: "I don’t think that Bobo can hold out much longer…”
Bobo starts waving off the match!
Bama: “And there it is! Oh my God…"
DING! DING! DING!!!
NO CONTEST
Vinnie Lane: "I can't believe it... I've seen wrestlers not be able to continue, but the official???"
Bama: “That's what happens when you pay people stay at home JOE BIDEN!"
Vinnie Lane: "What?"
Bama: “Nothin' man, just tired of all these dang gas prices... let's move on."
Unknown Soldier
- vs -
Elijah Martin
Referee: Chaz Bobo
XWF Anarchy returns from commercial break and we get a quick camera scan of the ecstatic Miami crowd before we’re brought back to our esteemed commentary team:
Vinnie Lane: "Welcome back! We’ve got plenty of fantastic action on deck, and this next contest is no exception."
Bama: "Dang, baby, you ain't wrong! We got the KING, his royal highness, the former Anarchy Champion Elijah Martin, going against the Demon Dicked Defiler, the Midnight Murder Machine, the Epitome of Evil, and some more abhorent alliteration aliases, THE Unknown Soldier, baby!"
The lights on the entrance way go dark as "Blueprint 2" by Jay-Z begins... as the song reaches the 21-second mark and the beat drops, an explosion is heard and the stage lighting comes back up, revealing Elijah Martin standing at the top of the entrance way. After about ten seconds of standing still to take in the crowd in the arena, Martin casually makes his way to the ring, yelling some random things at the crowd on the way.
He walks around to the hard cam side of the ring and hops onto the apron towards the end of the first verse of the song. When the song transitions into the chorus with the beat drop at the 1:25 mark, Martin raises both arms in the air and yells "I'M THE KING, MOTHAFUCKAS!" After a couple of seconds taking in the mix of cheers and boos, Martin steps into the ring and just paces around a couple of times before stopping at his corner and taking an ass bump to sit against the bottom turnbuckle.
Vinnie Lane: "King Elijah has been on a recent string of losses. He’s looking to right the ship here tonight."
Bama: "Vinnie, baby, you KNOW the King can’t be kept down for long. He’s signed to CCP-EEEEEEE, baby!"
Vinnie Lane: "Getting back to his winning ways will be no small feat tonight as he squares up against an XWF Legend, a former Universal Champion, Unknown Soldier."
"Hail Satan" by Crucifyre blares over the Xtron system"
Unknown Soldier prays to SATAN! in the middle of the ring while a red pentagram traces him from above in the rafters. The red disco lights tracing the pentagram around Soldier continues to encircle him constantly in a counterclockwise motion. While standing in the center of this pentagram of glowing lights, he kneels and touches both his shoulders and forehead as a sign of the Unholy trinity. In the name of the Liar, the Sinner, and the great father and lord of all that is Evil!
Vinnie Lane: "Wait a second, Bama. Whos this dude coming down the ramp?"
A disfigured, slouched over man with his right eyeball hanging out of his socket, limps and drags a leg down the ramp towards Soldier.
Bama: "If I didn’t know any better, baby, I’d say that’s TVs Jon Taffer! America's top-flight bar-ologist from the hit show Bar Rescue baby!"
Vinnie Lane: "Dude. I think you're right. He looks awful though. Like he’s been electrocuted"
Taffer drags his way ringside, and stands in Soldier’s corner where he begins to scold the baby-faced Chaz Bobo
Hey ref! You look like ! ! , I could do MY job hailing SATAN! And your job sucking ten times over at the same time, and be better than YOU.
Bama: "I don’t know if this is a strategy, but it looks like Chaz Bobo is a little intimidated, baby!"
Vinnie Lane: "Bobo is a solid dude, he’ll call this match right down the middle."
Struggling to pull his eyes away from Soldier’s raging erection, Bobo turns and calls for the bell.
ELIJAH MARTIN EXPLODES FROM THE CORNER!
He snatches the unexpected Soldier up by the boner, and begins pummeling the former Universal Champion with punches to the face, chops to the chest, before lifting Soldier to his shoulders and slamming him down with a somoan drop!
CHAAAAZ, HEY CHAZ! HE’S CHEATING YOU BLIND LOOSE LIPPED !
Martin begins stomping Soldier on the head, on the chest, the arm, and now he starts stomping on the raging erection! Bobo looks over to a seething Jon Taffer who is accusing him of letting a low blow slide, and turns back to King Elijah.
“Martin, this is a warning” he says, pulling Elijah away from Soldier and backing him into the corner.
Bama: "DANG BABY! Soldier and Jon Taffer got Chaz Bobo shook!"
Vinnie Lane: "It does seem a little suspect, man. But rules are the rules. Elijah has been striking Soldier in the gentiles, even if Soldier’s is massive and unavoidable"
Elijah protests with Bobo back to the corner, and doesn’t spot Unknown Soldier who has jumped to his feet, onto the top turnbuckle and began running across the top rope like a circus performer.
Soldier leaps from the middle of the rope for a springboard splash, crushing Elijah and barely avoiding Bobo who moved out of the way just in time.
Soldier grabs Martin by the legs and drags him out of the corner while Taffer laughs from the outside. Once he has Martin drug just far enough away from the ropes, he climbs the nearest turnbuckle and leaps off, twisting in the air with a beautiful corkscrew elbow that buries right into Martin’s heart.
Soldier makes the cover
1!
2!!
Kick Out by Martin!!!
Hey Chaz! Where’d they teach you how to count? A school for sloths?! 1! 2!! 3!!! It’s real easy !
Soldier lifts Martin back up to his feet by his ears and shoves him to the corner, as the big man falls back, Soldier runs at the opposite corner, stepping up on the second rope turning around and sprinting back at Martin now
Bama: "The agile Soldier getting some real speed here, baby!"
Vinnie Lane: "WHOA DUDE!"
Soldier folds the wobbly Martin up with a devastating spear and goes for the cover again.
1!
2!!
ANOTHER KICKOUT!!!
BULL! BULL! BULL!
Jon Taffer climbs up onto the apron, struggling while dragging his mangled leg behind him. Chaz Bobo walks over to meet Taffer, in a very gentle, non confrontational manner- just trying to simply calm the Igor-esque TV star down.
But Taffer is getting heated, yelling and swearing more. Soldier walks over to see what’s going on
Bama: "LOOK OUT, BABY!"
Elijah Martin rushes in with a running big boot that kicks across the side of Soldier’s face and knocks Taffer from the apron to the floor. Martin wastes no time picking Soldier back up, he whips the satan spawn into the ropes and on the rebound catches him with a brutal pop up power bomb. Martin goes for the cover
1!
2!!
NO!
A strong kick out from Soldier who is far from done fighting. As Martin stands from his cover, he is noticeably having issues with his right eye.
Bama: "I think the King got caught in the eye with something when he lifted Soldier for that powerbomb!"
Vinnie Lane: "You’ve got to be careful when wrestling Unknown Soldier, he has a growth down below that could be considered a forieg object."
Bama: "Foreign object is right! My mans got some junk straight out of Zimbabwe, baby!"
Bobo is checking on Martin who can’t open his eye, asking the former Anarchy Champion if he’s okay to continue the match. But now Soldier is up! He charges at Martin again, but the former champ shows great instincts, catching Soldier in the gut with a knee. This bends Soldier over, and Martin hooks the arms!
Vinnie Lane: "The Prologue! That marks the beginning dude."
Martin drops Soldier head first to the canvas with his trademark butterfly DDT. He goes for the cover… But Chaz Bobo, he’s being distracted by Jon Taffer who has struggled his way onto the apron again. Elijah is furious! He runs at Taffer again with the big boot, only this time he has it scouted! He pulls Bobo in front of him and Martin’s big boot nearly takes the young ref’s head off of his shoulders. Elijah can’t believe it. He immediately goes down to try and help the ref back up, but Unknown Soldier! He blasts Martin in the back with a running shotgun dropkick, backflipping off of the big man. Elijah falls forward- RIGHT INTO A GLASS BEAKER FROM JON TAFFER!
The glass shatters everywhere, busting Martin open. Soldier, who landed on his feet after the dropkick runs to the turnbuckle and makes a perch on the top while Martin falls on his back, twitching in the middle of the ring.
Hey Chaz! Look at this mess in the ring! Get up and clean this mess up before you KILL someone you sucking !
The words of encouragement from Jon Taffer get Bobo to start stirring, just in time for a bleeding Elijah Martin to find his feet. Martin turns and Soldier leaps off the top rope!
Vinnie Lane: "The Dark Star!"
Soldier goes to pin Elijah Martin and just then, Jon Taffer hops up onto the apron and gets Soldier's attention. Taffer is making a sign with his hands like he has money in his fingers, just like the incredibly talented Johnny Manziel used to do with the Cleveland Browns.
Soldier sees Taffer and gets visibly annoyed. He then pulls Martin on top of himself!?!?!
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winner by Pinfall - Elijah Martin
Bama: "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!?!"
Vinnie Lane: "I have ZERO idea dude... throughout this match, Jon Taffer was working in Soldier's favor. And now he just looks like he told him to take a dive?"
Bama: "I think the Bar Rescue guy musta had Soldier hypnotized or somethin' Vinnie! That signal he gave him changed everything!"
Vinnie Lane: "You watch too much TV dude. I think Soldier just bet against the underdog and cashed in!"
Cage Coleman exits into the hallway from the very same door we saw him enter earlier in the show. His face looks solemn, like he just had a true heart-to-heart conversation with someone. He holds the ancestry.com papers in his hands before balling them up and tossing them into the trash. Unbeknownst to Coleman, there was someone already ruffling through the can.
Hey asshole, there’s someone in here! I’m looking for ALIAS!
Charlie Nickles crawls out of the trashcan while rubbing the back of his head, as if the balled up papers that hit him really did a number to him. When Charlie finally gets out of the can he sees Cage Coleman standing there looking shocked.
Shit, but I guess you’ll do! I owe you something!
Charlie rushes to his feet, charging Coleman with a raised right hand. Charlie swings a haymaker, but Coleman sees it coming and steps away from the blow.
Get back here, I owe you this!
I always knew you were a trash wrestler!
Choke on some more low hanging fruit, why doncha’!
Charlie reaches out towards a nearby food cart in the middle of the hallway and grabs a pair of mangos. He chucks the first one at Cage Coleman’s head, and Cage ducks it. Charlie decides to throw the second mango at Cage’s nutsack, and that one hits its target. Coleman groans loudly as he grabs his groin.
Quit clowning around and take this asswhooping like a man!
Nickles walks towards Coleman slowly and confidently, making mocking gestures at him the entire way. Coleman continues to hold his groin, but he moves one hand off of his crotch and onto a nearby metal tube laying against the wall.
Buckle up, buddy, because it’s going to be a long drop!
Charlie reaches out and places his arms beneath and around Coleman’s shoulder blades, trying to position him for a double arm DDT. Before Charlie can execute the move, however, Cage Coleman slams the metal tube down onto Charlie’s foot, forcing him to release his hold!
Cage Coleman pops his head up before swinging back with the metal tube and cracking Charlie across the face with it. The Nickleman is forced to take a few woozy steps back, but he somehow remains standing. Charlie brings his hand up to his forehead and can feel that it is split open. Charlie pulls his hand down and looks at the blood on his fingertips with a sick smile.
Coleman charges forward to smack Charlie with the metal tube again. Charlie looks up and grins, ready to eat the blow and bleed some more.
It is at this exact time that the XWF security team intervenes, grabbing each wrestler from behind and restraining them forcefully. Coleman drops his impromptu weapon as he is pulled backward, while Charlie just bleeds on the security guards while cackling chaotically.
You may have spilled the first blood, Heath Ledger, but THE NICKLEMAN shall draw the last blood! Hahahaha!
The security team drags Charlie and Coleman away from each other as the two continue to make eye contact. Coleman repeatedly tries to escape the guards to get back at Charlie, but The Nickleman is still laughing hysterically while dripping a bloody trail onto the hallway floor.
Centurion
- vs -
HGH
HGH walks out to the ring amidst a sea of boos as his music plays.
Vinnie Lane: "HGH looks ready to go, Bama! I think he wants to avenge his previous loss to Centurion, but it’s going to be hard to do!"
Bama: "These fans are haters, Vinnie! I think HGH is going to shock everyone tonight!!
Centurion walks to the ring amidst a chorus of cheers. He has a pretty obvious limp, and some kinesio tape is visible coming up from his hip across his waist.
Vinnie Lane: "Neither wrestler is doing much theatrics on the entrance ramp: I think they just want to get to the action!"
Bama: "Centurion doesn’t know what he wants, he can’t decide if he’s gay or if he’s in love with Ruby!”
Vinnie Lane: "Wait, what?”
Bama: "You heard me!”
Vinnie Lane: "Sometimes dude, I wish I didn’t.”
DING! DING! DING!!!
Without any further ado the match gets started and HGH is the first to go on the attack. Harmon charges towards the much smaller Centurion, trying to corner him into a turnbuckle. The wise veteran quickly moves around the ring, refusing to allow HGH any opportunity to corner or grapple him. HGH continues to chase and lunge after Centurion, but he just can’t catch the dodgy fellow.
As Centurion nimbly avoids another charge he lashes out at Harmon with a beautiful combination of body shots. Centurion sidesteps HGH and backpedals slightly, putting some more space between himself and his reach-advantaged opponent. Centurion holds his hands up in a boxing pose, clearly alluding to his last match with Harmon. This clearly pisses HGH off.
Vinnie Lane: "Centurion might be getting a bit cocky here tonight! He beat HGH once in a boxing match, but a wrestling match is a whole nother animal, dude!”
Bama: "Cocky! Just like I said earlier!”
HGH charges at Centurion and attempts to hit him with a clothesline out of hell. Predictably, Centurion ducks under the clothesline before bouncing off the ropes and charging back towards Harmon. Centurion leaves his feet as he attempts a BLOODY SYMPHONY (Busaiku Flying Knee). HGH, however, just places his hands into the air and bats Centurion down to the mat to disrupt the attempted flying knee. Cent hits the mat awkwardly on his hip. Centurion rolls to the side as he grips his hip, clearly having landed on it wrong.
Vinnie Lane: "I think Centurion might have just thrown out his hip!”
Bama: "This is exactly the big break Harmon needs to win this one!”
Vinnie Lane: “We will see about that, Bama! This isn’t the first time Centurion’s been injured in a fight!”
HGH senses his opponents vulnerability and wastes no time before diving on Centurion. Harmon leaps onto Centurion and immediately begins hammering away at his opponent’s skull. Centurion tries to sway his head back and forth to create a moving target, but it’s not helping at all. HGH’s fists are landing like planes on a runway time after time. The referee cringes as they watch the action unfold.
Vinnie Lane: "This is not a good place for Centurion to be! Harmon might literally be twice his size!”
Bama: "Harmon is AT LEAST twice his size!”
Centurion is clearly doing everything he can to squirm out from under HGH, but it looks like nothing is taking. It isn’t until HGH throws a particularly wild punch that Centurion literally catches a break. Centurion brings his arms up before locking them around HGH’s arm as it begins its descent. Centurion is able to twist his body just enough so that he can lock in a kimura armbar on HGH. As Centurion holds onto that arm for dear life HGH begins writhing and screaming in pain.
Vinnie Lane: "What a veteran move!”
Bama: "It’s a cowardly move, Vinnie! Centurion should have sat there and ate those punches like a man!”
Vinnie Lane: "Hey Bama, let’s do a little TikTok challenge right now.”
Bama: "Huh?”
Vinnie Lane: "Tell me you were never a good wrestler, without telling me you were never a good wrestler.”
Bama: "I don’t have to tell you shit!”
Vinnie Lane: "That’s what I thought.”
The referee asks HGH if he wants to quit, which causes HGH to scream profanities. As Centurion keeps the armbar locked in, HGH begins crawling over towards the side of the ring. Eventually HGH is able to reach the ropes and force the referee to call a break. Centurion and HGH untwined their bodies before being ushered into separate corners by the referee. Then, the referee signals that the match is back on.
Centurion suffers from a case of deja vu as HGH charges right back out of the corner. HGH swings out wildly with another clothesline, and once again Centurion ducks under it. Centurion sprints to the ropes again, but this time he slows down and begins clutching his hip as soon as he bounces off of them.
Bama: "It looks like Centurion aggravated one of his nagging injuries!”
Vinnie Lane: "He’s going to need to be clever to win this one!”
Centurion unwittingly walks right into HGH’s SPINE BUSTER while clutching his injured hip. Centurion is flattened to the mat and HGH quickly goes for the cover.
1!
KICKOUT!
Vinnie Lane: "Centurion kicks out at ONE! He isn’t going down that easily, dude!”
HGH pounds the mat in frustration and begins screaming while accusing the referee of incompetence. The referee points out that the count wasn’t even close but HGH doesn’t seem to agree. While HGH stands in front of the referee with a pointed finger, Centurion rolls him up with a schoolboy pin!
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!
Bama: "I think Centurion was cheating! I think I saw him holding onto Harmon’s tights!”
Vinnie Lane: "No way, dude! You’re making stuff up!”
HGH rolls out of Centurion’s grip just in the knick of time! As both men rise to their feet HGH is looking completely shocked. Centurion, in contrast, has a determined stare. Centurion sprints towards Harmon with a noticeable limp before leaving his feet and clocking HGH’s jaw with a running dropkick. Both men fall to the mat roughly. HGH rolls out of the ring while clutching his face with his hands. Meanwhile Centurion rolls around inside the ring while holding onto his injured hip, which he just landed on again.
Vinnie Lane: "Centurion needs to be careful here! He can’t overextend himself!”
Bama: "He probably has a broken hip! This match should just be called off right now, Centurion’s in no shape to compete!”
Vinnie Lane: "I’ve seen him fight through worse!”
Centurion rises back to his feet with the assistance of the ropes before rubbing his hip and unintentionally looking towards the camera with a pained expression. The referee begins counting HGH out as Harmon rises to his feet before getting distracted by booing fans in the front row. As the referee’s count increases HGH wastes precious seconds arguing with some nobody in the stands who dared to insult his physique. Centurion eyes HGH up and down as a lightbulb begins to go off inside of his head. Centurion rolls his head around his shoulders, as if preparing for something big.
Vinnie Lane: "I don’t know what Centurion has in mind here, but he better be careful!”
Bama: "I think he wants to go for glory, Vinnie!”
Centurion runs across the ring before crouching down and leaping over the top rope. Centurion comes flying down on HGH, who turns back towards the ring just in time to eat a BLOODY SYMPHONY to the face! Centurion’s knee seems to knock Harmon out cold as he collapses to the floor in a cold sweat!
Vinnie Lane: "A flying knee from over the top rope! Centurion really can do it all!”
Bama: "I think Centurion might have hurt himself on that one, Vinnie!”
As the crowd goes apeshit Centurion himself lays on the ground next to HGH, clutching his hip and grimacing. While Harmon looks to be completely without his facilities, Centurion is very much aware of the fact that he has to get back into the ring as the referee begins the count out.
1!
2!
Centurion clearly looks panicked as he tries to stand up and just can’t do it. He feels a shooting pain in the bone of his hip that seems completely adverse to any movement.
Vinnie Lane: "We can’t have the match end in a double count out!”
Bama: “Then someone needs to get back into the ring!”
3!
Centurion grabs the ringside barricade and tries pulling himself up to his feet with it. His face betrays his pain, but Centurion pretty quickly gets up to his feet while leaning on the barrier. Harmon is only now just starting to open his eyes again as he lays flat on his back.
4!
Centurion takes a step away from the ringside barrier and immediately collapses to the floor as soon as his injured hip is expected to take any weight at all. Harmon starts twitching his fingers before rolling onto his stomach.
5!
Harmon and Centurion both push themselves up to their hands and knees, and are now staring into each other’s eyes. HGH spits in Centurion’s face. Then HGH slaps Centurion’s wrists out from beneath him, forcing him to fall back on his stomach.
Vinnie Lane: "Those are dirty tactics from HGH! He should be ashamed!
Bama: "Harmon’s just doing everything it takes to win, Vinnie!”
6!
Harmon crawls towards the ringside apron while Centurion tries to push himself back up to his hands and knees.
7!
Harmon begins using the ringside apron to pull himself up to a standing position.
8!
Centurion tries to step up, only to find himself hampered by the nagging pain in his hip. An exhausted HGH is trying to pull himself onto the ringside apron so he can roll under the bottom rope, but his sweaty hands are having a hard time hanging onto anything.
Vinnie Lane: "Both these men are on the verge of being counted out!”
Bama: "The referee should stop counting then!!”
Vinnie Lane: "I don’t think his contract lets him do that, dude!”
9!
HGH finally manages to pull himself onto the apron and under the bottom rope. As soon as HGH rolls into the ring he just lays there, completely exhausted from the fight. Centurion, meanwhile, makes a desperate attempt to fight through the pain and lunge towards the ring.
Centurion grabs the apron and quickly follows after HGH…..
10!!!!!
But he’s a split-second too late. The referee calls for the bell as a dejected Centurion slides into the ring behind Harmon Grayson Hays.
Winner by Count Out - HGH
Vinnie Lane: "What a win for HGH over a true legend! I think Cent's hip kept him from moving fast enough to break the count... not a strong victory but a victory nonetheless!”
Bama: "Vinnie a W is a W! That's another pigeon on the board for HGH! And another setback for Centurion!”
Vinnie Lane: "Something tells me Centy is gonna come back stronger, I'm not worried. This schedule is just CRUSHING him right now!”
Bama: "The human body has limits!”
Backstage, we see Centurion stepping out of the arena and into the loading dock. Immediately, his eyes widen as he sees the flashing lights of a police car parked right next to the door. He looks around, confused, then angered as he spots his daughter, Nellie, and his future daughter in law, Erin, leaning up against the cop car in handcuffs.
Centurion: What the fuck?!
One police officer stands directly next to the two ladies while a second police officer speaks on the radio in front of the car. Standing in front of him, looking over some items that are placed on the hood of the car, are O. Bay T-Law and Bartholomew Lichter. Centurion runs up to the cop standing next to Nellie and begins screaming at him.
Centurion: What the fuck is going on here?!
The other cop stops speaking into his radio and turns to face Centurion.
Cop: Are you Andy Cortinovis?
Centurion: Depends. You going to tell me what this is all about?
Cop: During a routine search, we discovered that your daughter and her...friend...were in possession of drugs and drug paraphernalia.
The cop points to the hood of the car, where a small bag of weed, an even smaller bag of cocaine, and two roach clips are placed. Lichter and T-Law, meanwhile, stand with their arms crossed, looking at the drugs.
Centurion: Routine search? You "randomly" decided to search two women who were here for work? Or did you get a tip?
Cop: All of the details will be in the police report.
Centurion: Yeah, well make sure you add this to that report...
In one quick motion, Centurion sprints around the car and tackles T-Law to the ground. Lichter and the two police officers immediately jump onto Centurion in an attempt to restrain him. The two cops pulls Centurion off the ground and pin his arms behind his back as Lichter pulls T-Law off the concrete.
T-Law: That's assault of a police officer!
Centurion: You're not even a real cop, you prick!
The commotion seems to have caught the attention of the XWF security and officials, who begin to spill out of the arena. Some of them grab Centurion and hold him back before the cops are able to arrest him.
Cop: We're taking these two to the station! You better not leave the state of Florida. We're not done with you yet.
Centurion: Tell DeSantis he can suck my dick!
The two cops place Nellie and Erin into the cop car. T-Law and Lichter, meanwhile, stand next to one of the cops, with Lichter pointing at Centurion.
Lichter: I do not feel safe here! This man is threatening my life! Either take me with you or arrest him!
The cop leans over and speaks into his radio.
Cop: This is Car 413, requesting backup at Hard Rock Stadium.
Centurion: Tell them to bring the DA and a checkbook, too, because the lawsuit I'm going to file will be MASSIVE!
The XWF crew successfully gets Centurion to turn around from the police as the chaos continues.
Lord Raab
- vs -
Boots Lichter
Boots Lichter, flanked by his partner O. Bay T-Law and manager Father Jefferson Cheney, pop out of the back waving huge American and MAGA flags. Since this is in Florida, they get a big face pop from the crowd.
Halfway through his entrance, he then tries to flex on the camera, but his suit jacket was not showing anything, so he shooed away the camera and climbed into the ring. He simply stands there, as he waits for his opponent.
Vinnie Lane: “I guess Karen Lichter successfully weaponized the police against Centurion… these guys make me sad, dude. Why would anyone...”
Vinnie looks over at Bama, whose dog Sassafras is now wearing a tiny red Trump hat.
Bama: “What?”
Monster by Skillet plays over the sound system as Lord Raab comes out through the curtain wearing his green and black wrestling trousers with his nickname The Green Disease German Monster on the front of them with Monster Energy logos on the side of his trousers with black gloves on both of his hands and wears a black and green mask and ignores the fans as he goes up the stairs before going in-between the ropes and crouches down in the corner moving backwards and forwards, rubbing his hands and moving his neck around while looking at his opponent with anger in his eyes while waiting for the match to start.
DING! DING! DING!!!
As the bell rang, Boots was begging and pleading for Raab not to hurt him, as Raab lunged for him he got an Eye rake from Boots. He keeps on eye-raking Raab, until Raab grabs his wrist, and he twists it. Then he does an Indian Burn on Boots' arm, who withers in pain, then Raab he does it some more, and he gives him a Stiff Repeated Headbutts. Then Boots goes to the corner, and Raab charges and hits a Clothesline, then he beams him to the other corner and repeats the move until Boots fell on the mat and rolls out to the floor. Raab then taunts the crowd, stomps his feet and follows Boots to the outside. Boots manages to get on his feet, and runs around the ring, then he rolls back in.
As Raab rolls back into the ring, Boots then stomps on him for good measure. Then he pulls out his belt, and he strangles Raab with it, to a crowd of boos in the arena. Then the ref stops him, and Boots acts confused about what he did.
Vinnie Lane: “Man, Boots knows how to be confused about the rules in the ring. Let’s see how long his time will be on top of Raab!”
Bama: “I don’t know if he will be able to withstand any punishment, Vinnie.”
Raab quickly gets to his feet, and Boots manages to “duck” a clothesline from Raab by stumbling on his feet to the ropes. Then Raab locks his arms on the top rope, and he rips his tie off his shirt and rips his dress shirt open and gives him a Chop to his exposed chest. He does the chop again, and Boots is kneeling on the floor in pain. Raab then grabs his head, and he does a blatant chokehold on Boots, and he manages to break it up by four.
Raab then pulls his arm up, and opens his palm, then he slowly pulls back each of his fingers. He then starts to bite his hand, until the ref stops him, then he tries to go for an Armbar but Boots manages to quickly get himself to the bottom rope. Raab ignored the call, and locked it in, then the ref counted up to four. Raab then confronts the ref, and it leads into a shouting match, which causes Boots to go outside the ring.
Boots then see’s Obey T-Law coming from the crowd with something in his hand, and he gives it to him, Boots comes back into the ring and he manages to use a taser on Raab, which stuns him for a minute and he goes for the cover..
Vinnie Lane: “Oh man, Boots might have the law on his side tonight! Look what he did to that monster folks, this is why CERTAIN officers are bad seeds!”
Bama: “Well not all cops are bad Vinny, just this one who reps MAGA harder than anyone else in the company.”
1!
2!!
KICKOUT BY LORD RAAB!
Boots had an “Oh Shit” look on his face, as Raab does his own Undertaker sit-up, and he grabs Boots by the throat, and both men get on their feet. As Boots was pleading for his life, Obey T-Law gets into the ring, and he uses his nightstick on Raab on his back. Raab then turned around, and looked at T-Law with a death glare as he snarls at him, then Boots then low blows Raab, and both men start stomping on him with a crowd of boos in the arena.
Raab then manages to get on his feet with sheer monster force, and Boots and T-Law backed up from him. He screams at them in German, and he hits a series of clotheslines on both men, then he gives T-Law a European Uppercut, and dishes out a Boxing Haymaker to the side of his lung. As Raab was grabbing T-Law by the neck to hit a DDT out of nowhere, Boots hits…
THIS IS NOT A SUPERKICK ON RAAB AND COVERS HIM!
1!
2!!
KICKOUT BY RAAB! AGAIN!
Vinnie Lane: “Even with blatant interference of Obey T-Law, Raab is a monster who will stop at nothing to administer some pain to his opponents.”
Bama: “You got that right Vinny, I wouldn’t dare to bring a whole army against Raab in his state of mind!”
Boots lifts up Raab, and both men beam him to the ropes, and he reverses their attempts with a Flying Clothesline on both of them. He stomps on Boots, and he looks at T-Law, and grabs him by the throat and he lifts him up and hits The Chokeinator to the floor. Then he looks at Boots, and he lifts him up and hits an Old School Piledriver on the mat.
Then he goes to the corner, and waits for Boots to get on his feet, as he got on his feet, he kicks him in the gut and hits…
KILLERBUSTER ON BOOTS…
Then Raab wasn’t finished, and he manages to deadlift Boots on his feet and hits ANOTHER KILLERBUSTER ON BOOTS!
Vinnie Lane: “Oh my gosh, i can’t believe this monster Raab would hit him twice with his finisher, I guess it was personal with Boot’s interference. Let’s see how this match will turn out.”
Bama: “My guess is that it might sway toward Raab, who knows? I have a gut feeling this match will be FAR from over.”
Raab goes for a cover!
1!
2!!
CHENEY YANKS JOHN X OUT OF THE RING!!!
John X is dumbfounded on the floor and gets in Cheney's face, pointing at the XWF logo on his referee shirt, but Cheney just plays dumb.
Bama: “What's he saying Vinnie???”
Vinnie Lane: “Ugh... Cheney is claiming he 'does not recall' pulling the ref out of the ring!”
Bama: "Well what if he really doesn't! You cain't prove someone remembers something or not!”
Vinnie Lane: “Dude we have GOT to get out of Florida...”
The ref gives up on Cheney and heads back into the ring... but an irate Lord Raab grabs him and throws him to the mat! Raab is PISSED that his count didn't complete!
John X calls for the bell!
Winner by Disqualification - Boots Lichter
Vinnie Lane: “Well this is a travesty... Team MAGA blatantly cheats and LORD RAAB ends up getting DQed?!”
Bama: “You cain't just go whippin' on the zebras all willy nilly, Vinnie! What Jefferson Cheney allegedly did was legitimate political discourse, not violence like Maxine Waters calls for!”
Vinnie Lane: “I can't with you right now, dude...”
Ruby & The Generic Heel
- vs -
Jason Cashe & Dolly Waters Leftovers Random Tag!
The four remaining Plumpies (participants in the PP tournament, according to Sarah) must team up and defend their block's honor!
Referee: MARTY
The stadium spotlights rush up toward the ceiling and Waters appears under the XTron. She marches to the beat of Ode To Joy, the crowd roaring, her gaze set squarely on the squared circle. She climbs through the ropes and takes the center of the ring. Raising a single fist into the air.
The hymn-like hum vibrates through the area before Lauren Hill soundfully brings in the chorus. Jason Cashe comes out from the back with Josslynn Spencer holding his hand. His eyes are covered by sunglasses. Looking around the arena at the live audience, his eyes stay hidden behind the shades. Taking a long drag off an air joint, Cashe howls up into the sky, a few fans howl with him. Josslynn gives him a 'good game' slap to the butt and they head down to the ring.
Tig: From Houston, Tejas by way of Decatur, Georgia.. A truly Troubled One they call DiOGee.. Jaaaassoooon! CAAAASHE!!
Stopping as the aisle turns to ringside, Cashe drags a foot creating an imaginary line. This is the line where when passed, the talking stops. Giving Josslynn a kiss, she heads around the ring as Cashe steps into a jog, leaping up on the apron onto his left knee. He stands, ducking under the top rope to enter the ring. Taking off the sunglasses as he enters, he rushes across the ring and launches them deep into the crowd. Growling a roar to the live audience, showing he was ready to scrap.
Some lame-as-FLAME pussy guitar plays across the P.A. as the lights go dark and the Vinniefred EVEYLN Lane Tron flairs to life. And...damnit it...the crowd sings along as green and yellow strobe lights fly all around, looking for the Hero of the People, as words appear on the Tron
Crowd: DA-DAT DAHHHHH! DA-DAT DAHHHHHHH!
The lights continue to search for her as the song kicks into gear until...in a crescendo of lame...the Kaisers get to the money shot:
“Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby!!”
In an explosion of light, your favorite mixture of banana and lime froyo BURSTS from the stage and high into the air before landing in a 3-point stance. She stands up, her arms at her waist, her chin above the horizon, as the fans throw yellow and green streamers at her in a cascade of color.
Vinnie Lane: "Who’s that jumpin’ out the sky? RU-BE-WHY O’DEARE-IO!"
Ruby spins in a circle, creating a tornado of streamers, until each and every one is held up by her whirlwind of goody-two-shoes. She then gently and politely hands all of the streamers to a stagehand before making her way down the aisle, taking forEVER due to her insistence in stopping to give a high-five to EVERY kid who wants one. Which IS every kid. Good LORD this is taking forever.
“baaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
Two rows of scantically clad women line the sides of the aisle, each more slutty than the last, raising their arms as they sing in unison.
Out from the curtain walks the Generic Heel, clad in a generic blue robe, with two more smokin’ hawt skanks on his arms.
Michael Buffer: “...hailing from Parts Unknown…”
The Great GH saunters down the aisle, taking a moment to give winks underneath his mask at his choir of skanks as he passes, causing them to moan and groan within their song.
Michael Buffer: “...and weighing in at a trim, fit, lean two hundred and forty pounds…”
GH the Great stops for a moment so that he can swivel his hips. The skanks on his arms hold their free hands to their mouths and giggle while looking at one another.
Michael Buffer: “...with a career spanning over 27 years…with nearly 50 recognized World Championships…and a staggering record of uncountable victories and ZERO losses…”
As he and his entourage approach the ring, several members of the choir…while still singing…rush forward to create a set of steps with their bodies.
Michael Buffer: “...and now with a wrestling training school which is churning out future legends, people who owe everything to this great man, who recognize that they have learned all of their knowledge and sharpened their skills from his forge, small-time-but-future-hall-of-famers like Johnny Bonecrusher…”
He has to pause halfway up the human stairs to catch his breath, but GH eventually makes it into the ring.
Michael Buffer: “...he is the Master of the Piledriver…the inventor of the Body Slam…he is….THE GENERIIIIIIIIIIC-”
GH sticks his rear backwards.
Michael Buffer: “-HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL!”
GH thrusts his crotch forward as fireworks go off, ticker tape explodes front the turnbuckle, and the crowd chants as one:
Crowd: YOU ARE OUR GOD *clap clap clap-clap-clap*
Crowd: YOU ARE OUR GOD *clap clap clap-clap-clap*
Crowd: YOU ARE OUR GOD *clap clap clap-clap-clap*
Crowd: YOU ARE OUR GOD *clap clap clap-clap-clap*
Anarchy has to go through two commercial breaks, but eventually the fervor dies down.
Vinnie Lane: “Dude! Time to see who can earn some tubular honor for their block!"
Bama: "This match is gonna be insane, sweetheart!"
Indeed, it was. As if in a direct answer to Mr. Bama…or perhaps because of inspiration for his ever-so-cute puppy with him at the commentary table…the match WAS insane. It began as many tag matches do, with both teams talking to one another about strategy. The pairing of Dolly and Cashe was surprisingly cohesive, giving how different they are. Turns out that adventures at the mall are indeed able to throw all your cares away so that everyone can have fun, just as Ms Sparkles told us all those years ago in Canada. Ken won’t get that reference, but I assume others will. And are laughing their asses off. Unfortunately, the team of Ruby and GH do not seem to be on the same page, as their opponents are. This might have something to do with rule changes that someone was unaware of, changes that some other person absolutely had enough time and opportunity to inform them of. Though to be fair, between the two masks, it was kinda hard to tell the whats and hows of their planning.
Either way, the match started with Ruby and Dolly squaring off. Ruby is quick and agile despite her shockingly advanced years (she is WAY older than you’d think at first) but Dolly has been able to turn her severed/reattached/broken/robotic leg into an advantage throughout the Plump Pigeon Tournament. There’s a bunch of rolling, and flipping, and diving, and all sorts of limbs and stuff that looks flashy. At some point, they do that “counter everything until we stand away from each other and nod in respect” thing and the crowd applauds. Cashe also applauds Dolly, but GH doesn’t applaud Ruby. He’s kinda dickish.
Another roundabout between Dolly “Trust me, you do NOT want to know what happened on that compound” Waters and Ruby “Trust me, you do NOT want to know what I have to do to get Centy ‘up’” BeDouchey had more flips and dives and other “work rate” things that have all the sizzle without the steak but make for really cool gifs. At some point, Dolly has Ruby in an armlock and pulls her over to her corner and tags in Cashe, who, despite being someone well known for lots and lots of punches and other roughneck styles, takes over on the armbar in a show of teamwork. A pull down on the arm hard enough to jolt Ruby is followed by a whip that takes her to the mat. Cashe holds onto the arm and makes a quick tag to Dolly, who vaults over the top with a leg drop onto Ruby’s exposed arm. Vinnie and Bama talk about being surprised by that, but then they get REALLY surprised when Dolly makes a quick tag and the two pick up and drop Ruby with a double clothesline.
And that’s when the aforementioned insanity occurred.
Thanks no doubt due to the bonding which occurred over food court sammiches (this narrator’s favorite is getting a Charlie’s Sub, which is the best shot of getting an “authentic” Philly out in California, tbh) and maybe a smoothie or two (do they still have Orange Julius?), the team of Waters and Cashe used EVERY tag team, tandem, double, and duo maneuver you can imagine to poor Ruby. Double Clotheslines. Double Dropkicks. Double Arm Drags. Cashe put Ruby on his shoulders and Dolly come off the top with a clothesline for the Doomsday Device. Cashe draped Ruby over his knee and Dolly came off Bret’s Rope with a knee for the Demolition Decapitation. We got that kinda-sorta tag move that’s more lazy than anything where Cashe gave Ruby a running powerslam and Dolly come off the top with a splash. We saw double superkicks, double DDTs, double suplexes (though GH would correct you and say that it’s “sue-play”), and double body slams. We got assisted piledrivers, assisted splashes, even that spinning heel kick/sweep combo. It was, to be fair, a complete and utter 2-on-1 handicap slaughter.
But then it finally happened.
It’s been…what…20 minutes? 25? Of Dolly and Cashe just whoopin’ Ruby’s pale, scrawny, barely-there behind? Yeah, about there. After 20-25 minutes of the SICKEST series of tandem moves, of failed attempt after failed attempt to make the tag, Ruby FINALLY does it. THE end was coming because Cashe was about to drive her down with the SAD so hard that she was going to pop right up and then BLAMO she’d then be nailed by one of Dolly’s many, many tributes to Sarah in her Running Waters for, like, THE most killer finishing sequence of all time, but the O’Dearo was able to spin away right as Cashe pulled her upward. And as Ruby limply leaped toward her corner, looking all the world like a wet noodle who found itself in the Sprite color mixing vat (because lemon and lime, right?), Dolly could only stop her momentum enough to keep her knee down and just run into Cashe instead of driving it into him. In the ensuing confusion, Ruby’s hand fell to the mat just as Generic Heel reached out and got the tag.
And, hooo boy, it was a HOT one.
The crowd goes NUTS as GH stands on the apron.
Cashe and Dolly, once realizing their situation, begin to shake with an uncontrollable fear.
GH stands on the apron and soaks in the wild, unabashed cheering from the crowd. He’s REALLY milking this moment. Hey, it’s been 25 minutes of edging, ya know?
He SLOWLY moves his bulk between he ropes and enters the ring.
Cashe and Dolly are now holding themselves, trying to stop their shaking. They fail.
GH reaches into his tights. Slowly.
He slowly pulls his hand out and is now holding a pair of Generic Knucks.
Marty begs and pleads with him to put away the weapon, but, honestly, what’s Marty going to do? He’s not as brave as Chaz in the face of the villainous Money Oswald, after all. #ThankYouChaz #GetWellSoon #MoneyIsAPunkAssBitch.
Cashe and Dolly continue to cower and shake in fear as GH slowly puts the knucks onto his hand. Behind him, Ruby finally starts to get to her feet, encouraged by the magnificence of her partner’s overwhelmingly powerful aura.
GH raises his knuckled-fist to the crowd, and they pop ever louder!
Dolly and Cashe join Marty in begging and pleading. Ruby gets to her feet.
GH turns and blasts her in the head.
Because of course he does.
As Ruby goes down faster than Kenzi Grey at the annual New Englander Albino Appreciation Convention, Marty has no choice but to ring for the bell. Honestly, if you didn’t expect the team of Generic Heel and Ruby to end up as anything different, that’s probably on you at this point.
Winners by…um…DQ? I think? Dolly Waters & Jason Cashe
Vinnie Lane: “Well…that was something?"
Bama: "Dang, baby! I’m gettin’ word that, according to Generic Heel’s contract, ‘a loss occurring due to turning on his partner’ doesn’t count against his record!"
Vinnie Lane: “....why do I let Sarah do things? Okay…let’s…let’s just go to something else…"
Jason Cashe: "Dolly Waters and Jason Cashe! Wooooo! That was fun!"
Hollering the last part of his statement. Jason Cashe was fresh off the thrill of his Tag Match with Dolly Waters. The night was almost over and all that was left for him was to find Josslynn and get a shower. After coming from the ring, him and Dolly went their separate ways but Cashe was still riding the high of the bout.
Jason Cashe: "We no doubt got more ratings than a CW Sitcom and when we team, it's without question See W!"
His play on words and their last name initials just showed how hype he still was that he got to team with Dolly. Passing a few closed doors as he strolled down the hallway, one of the doors opened after he passed.
"Hey, I'm Elijah.."
The whispered voice was immediately recognized and spun Cashe around to see the face it came from. The second he places eyes on Elijah Martin, a steel chair comes down over Cashe's head. Laid over him like a broken hat as he slumps back and crumbles to the hallway floor. Standing over Cashe, Elijah Martin begins to speak but his words are cut short.
Elijah Martin: "You will regr–"
Theo Pryce: "Hey!"
As the partial owner of XWF and Cashe's Representative races into the picture with a chair of his own, Elijah takes off. Tossing his chair to the ground, Theo kneels down and checks on Cashe, his eyes moving to the hallway to make sure Elijah wasn't coming back.
Theo Pryce: "He'll get his! He's on borrowed time and should cherish his minutes down to the second.."
Grunting as Cashe shoves the chair off from around his head. He sits up with a trickle of blood rolling from somewhere. A blurry gaze to his vision as Theo helps him get to his feet.
Jason Cashe: "That tickled.. Ugh.. You see me and Dolly out there tho? Shit was nice right?"
FOR THE ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP
"La Reina" Daniela Raye-Weathers
- vs - Latina Submission Machina
Referee: Ari Silverstein
Vinnie Lane: “Bammer I don’t know about you, dude, but I am freakin’ STOKED for the main event! Just last Anarchy we saw these guys team up, and now they’re facing off for the Anarchy Championship!"
Bama: "We got us a gen-yoo-wine telenovela right here on the A! Two spicy latinas going toe to toe for the gold!"
Vinnie Lane: “That was vaguely racist, Bama, but ‘vaguely’ is an improvement from you so I’ll take it!"
Daniela Raye-Weathers bursts out from the back with a big smile to cheers from the crowd.
She races to the ring with a look of eagerness on her face, making belt gestures towards her waist. La Reina gets to the ring and poses for the crowd, which keeps giving her a great reaction.
Vinnie Lane: “La Reina is here! Daniela Raye-Weathers has been on fire since joining Anarchy, Bama, and now she’s right here in front of a friendly Miami crowd making her run at the title! This would be a storybook win for her!
Bama: "Yeah but stories are just stories until they come true, Vinnie! She’s got to make her story come to life before she celebrates!"
Vinnie looks puzzled at Bama’s analogy but stays silent.
As soon as LSM's theme music hits the speakers the crowd starts cheering for their favorita luchadora. As the bass bumps through the arena the crowd chants along to the music. A spectacle of green and red pyrotechnics shoot up twenty five feet from the entrance platform. A complimentary arrangement of pyro shoots up through the four turnbuckles of the ring.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Who's this?
Latina Submission Machina pops out onto the entrance ramp alongside an additional burst of pyrotechnic fireworks. The crowd pops hard for the 24/7 freestyle champion as she holds the belt up high over her head.
Mach-ina Mach-ina!
The masked luchadora bounces around just outside the tunnel for a moment before flinging the championship belt over her shoulder. She flings her red hair to the side as she starts walking down the ramp. She gives out a few high fives and exchanges a few courtesies with some of the front-row fans on her way down to the ring. The crowd begins to clap along to the beat of the theme music as LSM nears the squared circle.
Latina Submission Machina slides beneath the ropes to great applause from the crowd. LSM hands her championship belt over to the referee for safekeeping before she starts pumping up the crowd to cheer louder. Moments later Latina Submission Machina quickly breaks away and starts running the ropes of the ring, testing out the squared circle and getting a feel for it's qualities. Content with its fitness, the luchadora grabs a hold of the ropes and comes to a controlled halt. She turns to the referee and tells them she's ready to go. The luchadora heads to the corner as instructed and begins reveling in the applause of her fans.
Vinnie Lane: “And here’s the reigning and defending two time champ now! Latina Submission Machina has been a top name on the Anarchy brand for months on end, Bama. What’s crazy is I don’t think she’s hit her ceiling yet… and she’s the champion!
Bama: "Well the record is three title reigns by Ruby… but if LSM wants to be a three timer she’s got to lose it at least once more first!"
Ari Silverstein holds the belt high over his head and then calls for the match to begin.
DING! DING! DING!!!
LSM and La Reina shake hands to start things off, a rare gesture of respect nowadays. They lock up and each tries to find some leverage. La Machina wins off the bat, her experience coming to the forefront as she works La Reina into the ropes, then backs up into a monkey flip!
La Reina pounds the mat and charges LSM again but eats an armdrag for her hurry. LSM kips up… and so does La Reina!
Daniela surprises LSM with a running enzuigiri. LSM is sent spinning into a corner where La Reina meets her with a stinger splash! LSM has the wind ripped from her lungs and La Reina capitalizes with a bulldog! She makes a cover!
1!
2!!
Shoulder up from LSM!
Vinnie Lane: “La Reina with an attempt at shocking the world right there! Sometimes going for a pin early pays off though…”
Bama: "Not this time!"
LSM escapes the cover and hits a leg sweep when La Reina tries to follow up. The champion then jumps high into the air and lands with a huge senton across the chest of the challenger. Seeing La Reina gasping for air, LSM then hits the ropes and executes a nice somersaulting legdrop before holding onto a leg for a cover of her own.
1!
2!!
Kickout!
Vinnie Lane: “LSM knew that wasn’t going to end the match, I think she just wanted to show that she could go for pinfalls too!
Bama: "I agree Vinnie… that was a MESSAGE!"
Machina holds onto La Reina and pulls her to her feet before hooking her leg and swinging her over in a vicious fisherman’s suplex. She then hops to her feet and climbs to the second rope before coming down with a forearm drop to La Reina’s forehead. La Reina staggers to her feet and LSM is on her with a heartbeat, sending her back down to the canvas with a side Russian leg sweep.
LSM takes some time to play to the crowd, getting a good response from the Latinx community in the crowd. La Reina gets back to her feet and LSM decides to take her down again with an imanari roll, but La Reina steps away and avoids the trap.
LSM gets back up but halfway while only on one knee La Reina grabs her around the head and drills her down with Ra’s Call, the snap spinning neckbreaker! La Reina with a lateral press!
1!
2!!
Kickout by LSM!
La Reina grits her teeth and goes back to the drawing board, hitting the ropes to build up a head of steam… SPEAR FROM LSM!
The spear sends La Reina back right into referee Ari Silverstein like a slingshot, and the official goes down hard…
Vinnie Lane: “Oh no! Ari is down! It looked like he and Daniela hit skulls there!”
Bama: "We need a new official down here Vinnie, I can hear Silverstein snoring from here!"
LSM ground and pounds La Reina for a few seconds but the challenger squirms toward the ropes and manages to thrust her hips and toss LSM off of her and out through the ropes to the floor.
La Reina then takes a deep breath and stands up, then slingshots over the top in a somersault plancha, flattening both champion and challenger!
John X runs down the ramp and slides into the ring just as La Reina manages to roll LSM back in under the bottom rope. LaReina scales the corner ropes and turns, dropping a big beautiful moonsault right onto LSM! She covers and John X makes the count!
1!
2!!
LSM powers out!
Vinnie Lane: “At least we have an official again… that was a close count, Bama!”
Bama: "It sure was! I thought that was it!"
La Reina looks deflated as she checks with the ref to make sure it was only a two count. Deciding to go for broke, La Reina pulls LSM up and scoops her up onto her shoulders, setting her up for Osiris’ Judgment!
LSM wriggles free and lands behind La Reina, then grabs her into a German suplex! She points her toes into a bridge, and John X drops to the mat!
1!
Vinnie Lane: “Wait! Look Bama! Ari Silverstein is awake, and he just noticed that LSM’s own shoulders are on the mat”!
1!
Bama: "Holy crap, we got two referees making two pinfalls!"
2!!
2!!
3!!! 3!!!
DING! DING! DING!!!
John X holds up the arm of Latina Submission Machina… but Ari Silverstein pulls it back down! He holds up Daniela Raye-Weathers’ arm instead!
Bama: "What the crap do we do?!"
The two referees go back and forth, bickering. They each keep raising the arm of LSM and then the arm of La Reina. Ari Silverstein attempts to hand the Anarchy Title to La Reina, but John X stops him and takes it away.
Vinnie Lane: “Hold on… I think I need to handle this.
Vinnie gets up from his announce booth and goes into the ring. He brings the two referees aside and they have a little pow wow with both telling their side. Vinnie is seen nodding and making some strange facial expressions while he tries to figure out what to do.
Finally, the referees both toss their hands up in frustration as Vinnie steps between LSM and La Reina with the Anarchy Championship in his hands and asks for a mic.
Vinnie Lane: “Okay folks, we have a sticky situation here… now, as everyone saw, La Reina’s shoulders were pinned for the count of three!”
The crowd goes wild and LSM holds her hands up over her head, grabbing at the belt in Vinnie’s hands, but he doesn’t let go.
Vinnie Lane: “BUT! The shoulders of Latina Submission Machina were ALSO down on the mat for the count of three at the same time!”
Now La Reina holds her hands up and grabs at the title… but again, Vinnie won’t release it.
Vinnie Lane: “This has been a crazy show with a lot of strange endings, but we’ve got another one for you… because this match, unfortunately, is a DRAW!”
Boos from the crowd. “We Want Refunds!” followed by that rhythmic clap everyone knows start echoing in the arena.
Vinnie Lane: “I’ll make sure everyone here gets a free soda pop at the concession stand! No worries! Now, as you know, the title can’t change hands on a draw… so STILL your Anarchy Champion is Latina Submission Machina! But we WILL be seeing a rematch at LEAP OF FAITH!”
LSM takes her belt and skedaddles, and La Reina looks let down… but she also seems excited for the big spotlight match on PPV!
Vinnie goes back to his booth.
Vinnie Lane: “Well dude that was a wild show! Did we even get one normal ending? I don’t think we did… ”
Bama: "Oh we are gonna get some letters in the mail for sure after this one."
Vinnie Lane: “Yup. Can’t wait! But we are all out of time, everyone! Thank you so much for joining us, and we will see you NEXT TIME!!!”
The camera fades out, and another Anarchy is in the books!
SPECIAL THANKS:
Centurion
Charlie Nickles
Raion Kido
Sarah Lacklan
Jason Cashe
Dolly Waters
Tommy Wish
Bam Miller
The following 6 users Like "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane's post:6 users Like "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane's post Charlie Nickles (05-13-2022), Dolly Waters (05-16-2022), Marf (05-14-2022), Mr. Oz (05-13-2022), Tommy Wish (05-13-2022), Unknown Soldier (05-13-2022)
![[-]](https://xwf99.com/images/portal2/collapse.gif)
The following 6 users Like "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane's post:
![](HTTPS://i.imgur.com/PagksUn.png")
![[Image: gR8affl.png]](https://i.imgur.com/gR8affl.png)
! ![[Image: dR5ZguS.png]](https://i.imgur.com/dR5ZguS.png)
